Journey 057: Labor Pains
Comedic fun, or 16th-century Chinese commentary on the yin and yang of abortion access?
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Transcript
Welcome to the Chinese Lore Podcast, where I retell classic Chinese stories in English. This is episode 57 of Journey to the West.
Last time, while crossing a river near the Kingdom of Women, San Zang and Zhu Bajie made the mistake of drinking some of the river’s water. Turns out that was the River of Motherhood, and its water made you pregnant, regardless of sex or gender. When we left them, San Zang and Bajie were both in severe labor pains, and we still hadn’t answered the question of how an infant would come out of a man.
San Zang, while moaning, asked the old woman at the tavern where they had stopped, “Ma’am, is there a doctor around here? My disciple can go buy a dose of abortion medicine and induce a miscarriage.”
“Even medicine would do you no good,” the old woman said. “But to the south of here, there is a Relieving Yang Mountain. On that mountain is a cave called the Broken-Child Cave. Inside the cave, there is a Miscarriage Spring. You must drink a sip of water from that spring in order to get rid of your pregnancy. But you can’t get to that water now. Some years back, a Daoist priest showed up, calling himself the Ruyi (2,4) Immortal. He turned that cave into his sanctuary and hoarded the water from the spring, refusing to give it out to anyone. If someone wants a sip of the water, they must give him presents, sheep, wine, fruits, and such. Only then would he grant them a bowl of water. But you guys are traveling monks, so where would you find all that money? Just face up to it and prepare to give birth.”
But Sun Wukong was delighted to hear that intel. He asked how far away the mountain was, and the old woman told him about 10 miles. Wukong told San Zang not to worry, and then instructed Sha Zeng, “Take good care of master. If these people act rudely toward master, pull out your old tricks and scare them a bit. I’m going to get that water.”
The old woman now took out a large jug and asked Wukong, “Take this with you and bring back some extra water so we have some on hand for emergencies.”
Wukong obliged her, took the jug, and flew off. The sight of him taking to the clouds brought the old woman to her knees as she kowtowed toward heaven and said, “Oh my god, that monk can fly!” She then told the other women in the tavern, and they all kowtowed to San Zang and treated him as if he were an arhat or bodhisattva. They then hurriedly prepare hot water and rice for him.
Meanwhile, Wukong arrived on the mountain and saw that it was an idyllic place. As he took in the sights, he noticed a manor on the shady back slope, and he heard the sound of dogs barking. He descended upon the manor and found it to be a pretty estate. He approached the door and saw an old Daoist sitting cross-legged on green grass.
Wukong put down the jug, went up and greeted the Daoist, who returned the greeting and asked what’s up.
“I am a monk sent by the Tang Kingdom in the East to go West to fetch scriptures,” Wukong said. “My master mistakenly drank from the River of Motherhood, and now he is suffering intolerable labor pains. We asked the locals, and they said that there was no cure for the pregnancy except the Miscarriage Spring on this mountain. So I have come to pay my respects to the Ruyi Immortal and ask for some spring water to save my master. I hope you can point me in the right direction.”
The old Daoist laughed, “This is Broken-Child Cave. It has been turned into the Gathering Immortals Temple. I am none other than Master Ruyi’s senior disciple. What’s your name? Let me announce you.”
“I am Sun Wukong, senior disciple of Master San Zang.”
“And where are your presents and wine?”
“We’re begging monks who were passing through, so we don’t have any presents.”
“You’re crazy,” the old Daoist laughed. “My master is guarding the spring. Its waters cannot be had for free. Go prepare your presents, and then I’ll announce you. Otherwise, dream on!”
“Connections are worth as much as an imperial edict,” Wukong said. “Just go relay my name, and he will no doubt do me a favor. Heck, he might even give me the whole spring.”
The old Daoist relented and went in to announce Wukong. He found his master, the Ruyi Immortal, strumming his zither. After he was done playing, the old Daoist told him, “Master, there’s a monk outside. He said he’s Sun Wukong, the senior disciple of the Tang monk San Zang. He’s asking for some spring water to save his master.”
Well, Sun Wukong’s name indeed evoked a reaction from Ruyi, but it wasn’t the one Wukong was hoping for. When Ruyi heard the name, he got angry, popped up, leaped off his couch, changed into his Daoist robes, grabbed a hook sceptor, and stomped outside the temple.
“Where is Sun Wukong?!” Ruyi barked.
Wukong turned and looked, and he saw a Daoist priest who wore a starry crown that shimmered with brilliant colors. He was clad in a red ritual robe woven with golden threads. Cloud-shoes embroidered like brocade adorned his feet, and a jeweled belt of exquisite workmanship encircled his waist. A pair of richly patterned stockings fit for treading the waves showed beneath his robe, revealing flashes of embroidered silk. In his hand he held a golden hook with a sharp, long shaft. His phoenix eyes gleamed brightly beneath fiercely upturned brows; his steel-like fangs were sharp, and his lips turned crimson. His beard streamed like blazing fire, while short reddish hair bristled about his temples.
Wukong now greeted the priest and introduced himself. Ruyi chuckled and asked, “Are you really Sun Wukong, or an imposter?”
“Sir, listen to you,” Wukong said. “As the saying goes, ‘A gentleman doesn’t change his name.’ I am indeed Wukong. How can there be any doubt about it?”
“Do you know me?” Ruyi asked.
“Since I joined the Buddhist school, I’ve been undertaking this long journey, and I’ve lost touch with friends from my younger days,” Wukong said. “I haven’t visited them. But when we asked around near the River of Motherhood, people told us about you, the Ruyi Immortal. That’s how I knew your name.”
“You do your traveling, while I do my cultivation. Why are you here to see me?”
“My master mistakenly drank the water from the River of Motherhood, and he is pregnant and in pain. So I have come to your divine residence to request a bowl of water from the Miscarriage Spring to save him.”
But Ruyi glowered and asked, “Is your master San Zang?”
“Exactly,” Wukong replied.
Ruyi now gnashed his teeth and asked, “Did you encounter a Sage Infant King?”
“Oh, that’s the nickname for Red Boy, the demon of Fire Cloud Cavern at Dead Pine Ravine. Why are you asking about him?”
“He’s my nephew! I am a brother of the Bull Demon King. Sometime back, my brother sent me a letter, telling me that my nephew was done in by a Sun Wukong, the senior disciple of San Zang. I was lamenting that I had no way of tracking you down to seek revenge, and yet you have come to my door. And you dare to ask for water?!”
Wukong put on a smile and said, “Sir, you’re mistaken. Your brother was my friend, and in my youth we were sworn brothers, too. I just didn’t know about your connection with him and didn’t pay my respects. Right now, your nephew is in a good place. He’s with the Bodhisattva Guanyin as the Page Sudhana. He’s better situated than I am. Why are you mad at me?”
“Damn monkey! Hold your tricky tongue! Is my nephew better off living carefree as his own king, or as someone else’s slave? You’re too rude! Take this!”
As he cursed, Ruyi swung his hook at Wukong. Wukong quickly parried the blow with his golden rod and said, “Sir, let’s dispense with the fighting words. Just give me some spring water and I’ll go.”
“Wretched ape! You really don’t know any better! If you can withstand three blows from me, then you can have some water. If not, I’ll turn you into meat paste to avenge my nephew!”
Well, Wukong was done being nice. He now cursed back, “You ignorant fool! I’ll teach you! You want to fight? Then take my rod!”
And so the two of them squared off in a vicious back-and-forth. After a dozen or so exchanges, Ruyi was no match for Wukong. While Wukong became more and more ferocious, his rod twirled like comets and kept aiming for Ruyi’s head. Ruyi was exhausted, so he turned and retreated.
Wukong didn’t bother chasing him, and instead entered his temple in search of the spring. Ruyi’s disciple had shut the door, but Wukong walked up with the jug in hand, kicked the door down, and stomped in. He saw Ruyi’s disciple leaning on the railing of the well. Wukong let out a roar and raised his rod to hit the guy, and the disciple fled to the back.
Wukong now found the bucket and was about to lower it into the well, but Ruyi suddenly appeared and tripped him up with his hook. Shaking off the fall and clambering to his feet, Wukong raised his rod to strike Ruyi, but Ruyi dodged the blow, raised his hook, and said, “Let’s see if you can fetch any water!”
“C’mon! C’mon! I’ll kill you, damn wretch!” Wukong cursed.
But instead of fighting him head on, Ruyi just kept pestering him and preventing him from fetching the water. Wukong now tried holding his rod in his left hand to fend off Ruyi while holding the bucket’s rope in his right hand to lower the bucket into the well. But Ruyi attacked again, and Wukong couldn’t keep him away with just one hand. Ruyi again tripped him up, and not only did Wukong fall on his face, he lost his grip on the rope, so the bucket fell into the well.
Wukong was ticked off. He got up and swung his rod hard at Ruyi, who again ran away. Wukong now turned back to the well, but he had no bucket, and he was afraid of Ruyi taking a cheap shot at him again.
“I need to get a helper,” Wukong thought to himself. So he took to the air and flew back to the village tavern where the pilgrims were waiting and called for his fellow disciple Sha Zeng. Inside the tavern, San Zang and Zhu Bajie were still moaning in pain nonstop. When they heard Wukong, they cheered up, and Sha Zeng rushed out to ask if Wukong had returned with the water.
When Wukong recounted what happened, San Zang started weeping and asking what they should do. Wukong said, “I came back to get Brother Sha to go with me back to that temple. While I fight that fiend, Sha Zeng can fetch the water to save you.”
“But if you two both go, who’s going to take care of the two of us who are ailing,” San Zang said.
The old woman at the tavern chimed in, “Sir, don’t worry. You don’t need your disciples here. We can take care of you. When you all first got here, we really were quite fond of you. It was only when we saw that Bodhisattva fly to and fro that we realized you’re an arhat. We would never dare to harm you.”
Wukong scoffed, “You all are women; who would you dare to harm?”
Umm, ok. I mean, these women are offering to take care of your ailing master, and you’re responding by hurling sexist stereotypes at them? But the old woman laughed and said, “Sir, it’s your good fortune to end up at our place. If you went elsewhere, you might not end up in one piece!”
“What do you mean?” Bajie asked while moaning.
“Everyone in our household is pretty old,” the woman explained, “so we no longer feel the desire, so we wouldn’t hurt you. But if you go somewhere else with younger women, they would never let you go. They would want to couple with you, and you refuse, they would kill you and cut off your flesh and stuff them in perfume bags.”
“Well, if that’s the case, I would come to no harm,” Bajie said. “These other guys are all fragrant, so they are good for turning into perfume bags. But I’m a stinky pig, and my flesh would be stinky even if you cut it off. So nothing would happen to me.”
Wukong chuckled and told him, “Quit running your mouth. Save some strength for when you go into labor.”
The old woman now told Wukong to hurry up and fetch the water. Wukong asked her for a bucket and a rope. She handed those items to Sha Zeng, who asked for a second rope, just in case the well was really deep. He and Wukong then set off.
Within an hour, they arrived back at the mountain. They descended outside the temple, and Wukong told Sha Zeng, take the bucket and rope, and hide while I go fight him. Once we’re in the thick of things, you go get the water and go.”
So Wukong gripped his rod, approached the door, and shouted, “Open up!” The guy at the door rushed inside to tell Ruyi that the monkey was back. Ruyi fumed, “That monkey is too rude! I’ve heard that he had some skills, but only today did I see it for myself. His rod is too much to handle.”
But his disciple said, “Master, his skills may be strong, but you’re not beneath him. You’re a match for him.”
“No, he won both fights last time.”
“He might’ve won, but that was just because of his fury in the moment. When he tried to fetch the water, you tripped him up twice. So aren’t you guys even? He had no choice but to leave before. He must have come back because his master’s pregnancy is too much to bear, so he had no choice but to try again. He’s likely resentful of his master, so you will beat him for sure.”
Ok, that’s one line of reasoning. And Ruyi bought it. He cheered up, grabbed his hook, and stomped out, shouting, “Wicked monkey! What are you doing back here again?!”
“I just want the water,” Wukong replied.
“That spring is mine! Even monarchs and ministers must come beg for it with presents, sheep, and wine, and then I might give them some. But you’re my enemy. How dare you come empty-handed?!”
“You really wouldn’t give me any?” Wukong pressed him.
“Hell no!”
“Damn wretch! Take this!” Wukong cursed as he swung his rod. The two now engaged in another fight, even more fierce than their previous showdowns. As they fought, they gradually moved to the bottom of the hill. Seeing this, Sha Zeng stormed into the temple. Ruyi’s disciple was guarding the well and barked at him, “Who the hell are you?! How dare you come fetch water?!”
Sha Zeng put down the bucket, took out his Buddhist staff, and came at the guy without a word. The disciple couldn’t get out of the way in time, and Sha Zeng broke his left arm, sending him sprawling on the ground, writhing in pain.
“I was going to kill you, damn wretch!” Sha Zeng cursed. “But you’re a person after all, so I’ll take pity on you and spare your life. Now let me get that water!”
The disciple scrambled to the back while crying out in pain. Sha Zeng then lowered the bucket into the well, filled it to the brim, left the temple, and took to the air. He then shouted in Wukong’s direction, “Brother, I’ve got the water. Spare him!”
Wukong heard him and used his rod to block Ruyi’s hook and said, “Listen up! I was going to kill all of you, but you haven’t broken any laws. Also, you’re connected to my brother the Bull Demon King. You tripped me up twice previously and kept me from getting the water, so I lured you away while my brother got the water. If I really used my skills, not only would you be dead, but even if there were several more of you, you would all be killed. But killing is not as good as showing mercy, so I’ll spare you and let you live for a few more years. If anyone comes to get water in the future, you must not stop them.”
But Ruyi refused to back down, and he took another swing at Wukong. But Wukong dodged the hook and charged at him. Ruyi stumbled to the ground. Wukong grabbed his hook, snapped it in two, and then snapped it into four pieces. He chucked the broken pieces to the ground and cursed, “Damn wretch! What are you gonna do now?!”
Ruyi was frightened and humiliated and could not speak. Wukong laughed at him, and then took off into the clouds. He caught up with Sha Zeng, and the two happily returned to the tavern. There, they saw Zhu Bajie leaning against the door and moaning while holding his belly.
“Hey dum-dum, when’s the baby coming?” Wukong teased him.
“Brother, stop making fun of me. Do you have the water?”
Wukong was going to tease him some more, but Sha Zeng came up and said, “Here’s the water!”
San Zang bowed despite his pain and thanked them. The old woman was also joyous at this success, and her family came out and paid their respects to Wukong. They then fetched a floral porcelain cup, filled it halfway with the spring water, and gave it to San Zang. They told him, “Drink it slow. You just need one sip to abort the pregnancy.”
Bajie cut in and said, “I don’t need a cup. I’m going to drink the whole bucket.”
But the old woman warned him, “Sir, if you drink that whole bucket, all your innards will dissolve!”
Scared straight, Bajie did not dare to act up and just drank half a cup as well. In the amount of time it takes to eat a meal, both San Zang and Bajie started feeling intense pain in their abdomen and heard their intestines gurgling.
Moments later, Bajie couldn’t help but relieve himself, and even San Zang needed to go find a quiet place to do the same. But Wukong said, “Master, don’t go out into the wind, or you might get a post-natal illness.”
Instead, the old woman brought over two chamberpots, and the two of them relieved themselves multiple times before the pain subsided, and their bellies gradually shrank as the clump of flesh and blood inside them dissolved.
Their host now made some plain congee for them. Zhu Bajie, however, asked for a hot bath first. Sha Zeng warned him, “Brother, you can’t take a bath. People who just gave birth could get sick if they come into contact with water.”
“Oh it’s not like I just gave birth!” Bajie said. “It was just a miscarriage, so what’s the problem with taking a bath? I need to wash myself clean.”
So the old woman heated up water for San Zang and Bajie. They cleaned up, and then San Zang ate a couple bowls of congee while Bajie chugged more than a dozen.
“Hey dum-dum! Not so many!” Wukong laughed. “Or your belly will look like a sandbag.”
“No, it’s fine. I’m not a sow, so no worries!”
The old woman’s family now started preparing rice, while she asked San Zang if she could have the rest of the spring water. Wukong asked Bajie, “Dum-dum, do you need any more water?”
“My stomach doesn’t hurt anymore. The pregnancy must be gone. Since I’m fine, why would I drink any more of the water?”
“Well, in that case,” Wukong said to the old woman, “you guys can have this water.”
The old woman thanked him and stored the rest of the water in a clay jar and buried it in the ground in the back of the house. She then told her family, “This jar of water is enough to pay for my funeral!”
Ah yes, the time-honored long-term financial planning approach of hoarding black-market abortion meds as a source of wealth. Anyway, her whole family was happy, and they treated the pilgrims to dinner. San Zang and company ate and then spent the night resting at the tavern.
The next morning, they thanked their host and resumed their journey. After about 10 miles, they arrived at the border of the Western Liang Kingdom. San Zang pointed and said, “Wukong, there’s a city up ahead, and it’s quite busy. That must be the Western Liang Kingdom of Women. You all must be careful and behave. Don’t act up and break our Buddhist school’s tenets.”
The three disciples obeyed, and they soon arrived at the main thoroughfare of the east gate of the city. They saw that everyone on the street was a woman. They all wore long skirts and short jackets, and their faces were powdered and their hair oiled. Everyone was busy doing business on the street when they suddenly noticed the four very male pilgrims. All the women started clapping and cheering, rejoicing, “Here come the studs! Here come the studs!”
The street was so packed with laughing women that San Zang couldn’t ride on. Zhu Bajie, meanwhile, shouted in panic, “I’m a gelded pig, gelded pig!”
Wukong told him, “Dum-dum, stop your nonsense. Just stick out your face.”
So Bajie stuck out his snout, shook his head, flapped his ears, and let out a shout. That sent the women scrambling and they backed off. While onlookers still packed the street, pointing and talking amongst themselves, they held back enough that Wukong was able to clear a path for the pilgrims to make their way through. They saw that the city’s houses were neatly laid out, and the shopfronts were grand and impressive. There were shops selling salt and rice, taverns and tea houses, multistory shops that sold everything, and towers and fine mansions with well-draped windows.
When the pilgrims turned a corner, they ran into a female official standing on the street, shouting, “Distant visitors, you cannot enter the city gates without permission. Please go to the government post station and register your names, so that I can report them to her majesty, and then you may pass.”
Hearing that, San Zang dismounted, and saw that the government building had a sign with the characters “Male-Welcoming Station” written on it.
“It’s just as our hosts told us,” San Zang said to Wukong. “There really is a Male-Welcoming Station.”
Sha Zeng now teased Bajie, “Hey brother, you should go to the Pregnancy-Revealing Spring and see if you see a double reflection.”
“Stop it!” Bajie shot back. “I already drank that Miscarriage Spring water and got rid of my pregnancy. So what’s the point?”
San Zang turned around and chided him, “Bajie, watch your words!”
They then greeted the female official, who led them into the station and offered them seats and tea. All the attendants wore their hair in bunches and donned skirts. As they served the pilgrims tea, the women flashed them smiles.
After tea, the official asked them where they were from, and Wukong replied, “We are sent by the emperor of the Tang Kingdom in the East, to head West to fetch scriptures. My master is the emperor’s imperial brother, named San Zang. I am his senior disciple Sun Wukong, and these are my junior fellow disciples, Zhu Bajie and Sha Zeng. Including our horse, there are five of us. We have a passport. You can examine it and let us pass.”
The official wrote down their names and then kowtowed and said, “Sirs, please pardon me. I’m the superintendent of this post station and did not recognize special guests from an elite kingdom. If I had, I would have gone out to welcome you.”
She then told the attendants to prepare refreshments and told the pilgrims, “Please rest here for a bit. Let me go inform my lord and get your passport stamped, so that you may continue West.”
While San Zang sat at the station, the superintendent tidied up her clothes and went into the palace. The gate official announced her, and the queen summoned her and asked what’s up. The superintendent told her that she had received an imperial brother of the Tang emperor and his three disciples, who were on their way to fetch scriptures and were looking to get their passport stamped.
When the queen heard this, she was filled with joy. She told her court officials, “Last night I dreamed of a golden screen shining with colors, and a jade mirror full of light. Those must be good omens of today’s joyous occasion.”
Her officials bowed and asked what she meant, and she explained, “This man from the East is the Tang emperor’s imperial brother. Ever since the beginning of time, our kingdom has passed through numerous generations of rulers, and we have never had a man in our country. We’re fortunate that the Tang emperor’s brother is here. He must have been sent by heaven. I shall use our kingdom’s wealth as the dowry to marry him and make him the king, and I’m willing to be his queen. We can then unite the male and female, and produce sons and grandsons to pass the throne to for all eternity. Doesn’t that make today a joyous occasion?”
Ok, timeout. So, let’s just call out this plot for being completely illogical, not to mention sexist as hell. So you have this kingdom that’s all women, and apparently has always been all women. And by all indications, they’ve been doing just fine with that. And yet their ruler’s immediate reaction upon hearing that a man has arrived in the kingdom is … hooray we finally have a man. Let’s have him rule us and sire more men to rule us for all eternity? Riiiight.
Well, get ready, because it just gets worse from here. To see how much worse, tune in to the next episode of the Chinese Lore Podcast. Thanks for listening!
Music in This Episode
- “Luỹ Tre Xanh Ngát Đầu Làng (Guzheng) – Vietnam BGM” by VPRODMUSIC_Asia_BGM
- “Ravines” by Elphnt (from YouTube audio library)