Journey 056: Rhino in Name Only
Sun Wukong discovers that his foe the Rhino King isn’t really a rhino at all.
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Transcript
Welcome to the Chinese Lore Podcast, where I retell classic Chinese stories in English. This is episode 56 of Journey to the West.
Last time, Sun Wukong and his reinforcements from heaven had no luck against the Rhino King, whose magic ring snatched away all their magical goodies. So Wukong sneaked into the demons’ lair a couple times to try to steal the ring. He had no luck with that, but he was able to cause a ton of havoc, start a fire that killed the majority of the demon lackeys, and retrieve the celestial army’s magic weapons. Once they got their weapons back, they all decided to go have a showdown against the Rhino King.
The Rhino King was pissed. He came out with his remaining lackeys and cursed Wukong, “You thieving, arsonist monkey! What skills do you have that you’d dare to disrespect me so?”
Wukong laughed and cursed back, “Damn demon! You want to know my skills? Well, listen closely and I’ll tell you.”
And then he launched into a little monologue singing his own praises and recapping basically all his former feats. When the Rhino King heard that, he pointed at Wukong and cursed again, “Turns out you’re a thief who would steal heaven! Stand still and taste my spear!”
So the two of them now went at it again, and the various celestial generals also joined the fight, hoisting their recently regained weapons. But the Rhino King chuckled, pulled out his magic ring, tossed it into the air, and shouted, “Strike!” And just like that, everybody’s weapons were snatched away once again. Sun Wukong and all the celestial generals found themselves empty-handed again.
The Rhino King returned to his cave in victory and told his lackeys, “Move some rocks to block the door. Rebuild our cave and renovate our quarters. Once everything is rebuilt, we will kill the Tang Monk and his two disciples as sacrifices, and everyone will get a piece.”
Meanwhile, the losing side slinked back to the mountain peak where they had holed up previously, and everybody was sulking at yet another defeat. Wukong saw this and forced himself to put a smile as he told the others, “Don’t worry. As the saying goes, ‘Victory and defeat are common in war.’ I’ve fought against him, and his skills are just so-so. It’s just that ring that’s a problem, and he used it to take away our weapons again. But don’t worry. Let me go look into his origins.”
Lotus boy Nezha, however, said, “You had previously gone to see the Jade Emperor and checked all the ranks of heaven, and could find no hint of his origins. Where will you go now?”
“I just remembered: There are no bounds to the powers of the Buddha,” Wukong said. “Let me go to the West to ask him to take a look at all four continents to see the origins of that demon and his ring. No matter what, I WILL capture him to avenge you all and let you all return to heaven in a good mood.”
The celestial forces told him to hurry, so Wukong flew to the West and landed on the Spirit Mountain, the abode of the Buddha.
The sacred peak rose in striking majesty, its layered ridges pure and beautiful. The summit of this immortal mountain seemed to touch the blue vault of heaven. Its primal energies flowed unimpeded across the vast reaches of Heaven and Earth, while its awe-inspiring power spread everywhere among the blossoming terraces. At times one could hear the long, resonant tones of bells and chimes; at others, the clear and radiant voices of scripture recitation. Beneath the green pines, female followers of Buddhism expounded the Dharma; among the emerald cypresses, arhats walked in meditation. White cranes, moved by devotion, flew toward Vulture Peak; blue birds lingered attentively beside quiet pavilions. Dark-furred monkeys appeared in pairs, bearing immortal fruits, while long-lived deer came two by two, presenting purple fungi of longevity. Hidden birds sang incessantly as though speaking their hearts aloud. Strange flowers blazed with colors whose names no one knew. Winding mountain ranges circled back upon themselves in endless layers, and ancient roads curved gently through the landscape, smooth at every turn.
As Wukong took in this divine sight, someone suddenly called out and asked him what he was doing there. It was the Venerable Bhiksuni, a Buddhist nun. When Wukong explained that he was there on business, she lectured him, “Then why don’t you go to the sacred temple and are instead here touring the mountain?”
“This is my first time setting foot on your divine realm, so I took the liberty,” Wukong explained.
Bhiksuni told him to follow her, and she led him to the Thunderclap Temple. There, the Eight Vajra Guardians, looking fierce and imposing, stood by the door and blocked his path. Bhiksuni told Wukong to wait while she announced him. Momentarily, she returned and said that the Buddha had grante him entrance.
So Wukong went in and bowed, and the Buddha asked, “Wukong, I had heard that Guanyin had rescued you from under the mountain and that you were protecting the Tang Monk on his pilgrimage here. Why have you come here alone?”
Wukong recounted his travails against the Rhino King and asked the Buddha to lend a hand, or an eye, to see where that demon came from so he could find a way to rescue San Zang. The Buddha took one look and knew all the answers. But he said to Wukong, “I know what that demon is, but I can’t tell you. You have a loose tongue. If you tell him that I told you, then instead of fighting you, he’s going to come here looking for trouble, and that’ll create hassles for me. But I’ll lend you something to help you capture him.”
He then told his 18 arhats to open up their treasure room and bring out 18 grains of golden sand. Wukong asked, umm, what am I supposed to do with these?
“Go to the cave and challenge that demon to battle,” the Buddha told him. “When he comes out, the arhats will release the sand, which will trap him and make him unable to move. Then you can beat him to your heart’s content.”
“Brilliant!” Wukong laughed. “Let’s go right now!”
So the arhats carried the grains of sand and accompanied Wukong. But when he did a head count, there were only 16 arhats.
“Hey, what’s up with this? You’re shortchanging me,” Wukong complained. “There were 18 of you, but now there are only 16?”
Just then, the last two arhats, Dragon Tamer and Tiger Subduer, came out from inside the temple and told him, “Wukong, how can you act up like this? We two stayed behind to receive some instructions from the Buddha.”
“Yeah whatever,” Wukong retorted. “If I hadn’t complained, you wouldn’t have come out.”
The arhats laughed at his antics, and then they all took to the air. Soon, they were back at Golden Pocket Mountain. The celestial generals greeted them, and the arhats told Wukong to go lure the Rhino King out.
So Wukong went to the cave entrance barefisted and called the demons some nasty names. When the Rhino King heard about that, he asked angrily, “Who did that monkey recruit to help him now?”
“No one else, just himself,” the lackeys said.
“His rod is already in my hands, so why is he here alone again? Does he want to trade fisticuffs again?”
So the Rhino King got his spear and his ring. He told his lackeys to remove the rocks that blocked the entrance, and he leaped out, cursing, “Monkey thief! You haven’t gotten any advantage on me in our fights. You should just scram, so why are you here again?”
“Damn demon! You really don’t know any better!” Wukong cursed back. “If you want me to stay away, then you must surrender, apologize, and send out my master and fellow disciples. Then I’ll spare you.”
“Those three monks are already washed clean,” the Rhino King taunted him. “Soon I’ll butcher them. You should just go on your way!”
When he heard the word “butcher,” Wukong felt a fire rise up in his heart. He raised his fists and charged. The Rhino King ditched his spear and countered with his fists as well. As they fought, Wukong hopped around and lured the Rhino King toward the South. Then, Wukong signaled for the arhats to do their thing, and they all cast their grains of sand down toward the demon.
In an instant, white fog enveloped everything. The Rhino King couldn’t see his surroundings. And when he looked down, he noticed that 3-plus feet of sand had already accumulated around his legs. He hurriedly leaped upward, but when he landed, he was two feet deep in sand again. He quickly pulled his feet out from the sand, took out his ring, hurled it upward, and shouted, “Strike!”
And in the blink of an eye, all 18 grains of magic golden sand were sucked into the ring. That allowed the Rhino King to turn and go back to his cave.
Up in the sky, Wukong checked in with the 18 arhats and asked them why they stopped raining down sand. They told him that all their golden sand disappeared.
“It must’ve been that ring again!” Wukong chuckled.
All the celestial generals now lamented, “How can we ever catch that demon? When would we ever get to return to heaven to report back to the Jade Emperor?”
But the two arhats who were late to the party, Dragon Tamer and Tiger Subduer, now told Wukong, “Do you know why the two of us were late joining you?”
“I just figured you were trying to dodge the assignment. Was there something else?”
“The Buddha told us, ‘That demon is powerful. If you lose the golden sand, tell Sun Wukong to go up to heaven and look for his origins in Laozi’s palace. That will allow him to capture the demon.’ ”
“What?! How despicable!” Wukong complained. “He is jerking me around. He should’ve told me that from the start. That would’ve saved you all a trip!”
Wukong now somersaulted into the sky and flew to the Southern Gate of Heaven again. There, the four heavenly kings greeted him yet again, and he told them yeah I’m not done yet. They dared not keep him and just let him enter the palace. Instead of going to the Jade Emperor’s palace, he went straight to Laozi’s palace. There were two young acolytes standing watch outside. Wukong didn’t even bother acknowledging them and just walked right in. The acolytes grabbed him and asked who he was and what he wanted.
“I’m the Great Sage Equal to Heaven. I’m looking for Laozi,” he told them.
“How can you be so rude?” the acolytes chided him. “Wait here while we announce you.”
But Wukong just shrugged them off and walked in. Just then, Laozi came out, and they bumped into each other. Wukong bowed and said, “Hey old man. Long time no see.”
“Monkey, what are you doing here instead of going to get scriptures?” Laozi chuckled and asked.
“Scripture fetching is a neverending task. I ran into some obstacles, so I’ve come here.”
“What does that have to do with me?” Laozi asked, apparently forgetting that two of his acolytes had previously sneaked down into the mortal realm, became demons, and threatened to eat San Zang.
“Just don’t ask for now; I’m here to look for a clue.”
“What clue could possibly be here?”
Wukong walked in and carefully looked around the palace. After a few turns, he walked past a cowshed, where Laozi’s water buffalo was kept. The boy cowherd was napping next to the fence, but there was no cow inside.
“Old man, you cow’s gone!” Wukong exclaimed.
Laozi was stunned. “When did that beast escape?!”
Their voices woke up the napping cowherd, who immediately kneeled and told Laozi, “Sir, I fell asleep. I don’t know when the cow escaped.”
“How can you doze off?!” Laozi scolded him.
Kowtowing nonstop, the boy said, “I had picked up a magic pill in your refinery and ate it, and then I fell asleep here.”
“That must have been the Seven-Reversion Fire Elixir Pill I made a while back. I dropped one, and you found it and ate it. That pill puts you to sleep for seven days. That beast must have escaped while you were asleep and no one was keeping an eye on it. That must have been seven days ago.”
Laozi then set to looking around to see if his cow stole any of his magical knickknacks. Wukong told him, “He doesn’t have any magical items except for a ring, and it’s quite a handful.”
Laozi searched around and, sure enough, his Diamond Circlet was gone.
“That beast must have stolen my Diamond Circlet,” he told Wukong.
“Ah, that thing! That was what you used to hit me back in the day, right?”
So quick pause for a callback here in case you don’t remember: Back when Sun Wukong was heaven’s sworn foe, he and the god Erlang were engaged in an even match until Laozi did a little cheap shot and hit him with the Diamond Circlet, which helped Erlang capture him. Wukong now told Laozi how the Rhino King had used that circlet to confiscate all sorts of weapons from his foes, how he abducted San Zang and company, and how numerous reinforcements had failed to bring him to heel.
“Old man, you allowed that demon to escape and harm people. How will you answer for it?!” Wukong demanded.
“That Diamond Circlet was an item that I had been refining into a magical treasure since my youth,” Laozi explained. “No weapon, water, or fire can get close to it. If he had stolen my Banana Leaf Fan as well, then even I would not be able to do anything about him.”
But since the demon had not stolen the fan, Laozi now grabbed that item and left heaven with Wukong. They descended on Golden Pocket Mountain, exchanged pleasantries with the other celestial entities, and then Laozi told Wukong to go lure the Rhino King out again.
So Wukong repeated the same ploy, and once again the Rhino King came out. As soon as he set foot outside the door, Wukong cursed, “Damn demon! You’re done for now! Take this!”
He then slapped the Rhino King across his face, and quickly turned and ran. The Rhino King raised his spear and gave chase. But just then, a voice rang out from the peak above: “Cow! Come home at once!”
The Rhino King looked up, saw his master Laozi, and was scared out of his mind. “That monkey is really sneaky! How did he find out who my master is?” he thought to himself.
Laozi now uttered a spell and waved his fan. The magic ring immediately left the demon and flew into Laozi’s hands. Another wave of the fan made the Rhino King go limp and turn back into his true form, that of a water buffalo. Laozi now blew a breath on the Diamond Circlet and ran it through the buffalo’s nostrils. He then took off the cord he used to tie his robe, fastened one end to the circlet, and held onto the other end. He then took his leave of all the gods there, hopped on the buffalo’s back, and flew back up to heaven.
So, one unresolved question for me here is: If this demon was a water buffalo, then why was he called the Rhino King, and why did he only have one horn? But hey, maybe this guy just decided to mix things up when he was taking humanoid form. Nothing says you HAVE to take a form resembling the creature you were, right?
Anyway, with the head demon gone, Wukong and the celestial generals now stormed into the cave and killed the remaining hundred or so demon lackeys, because you can’t make a holy Buddhist pilgrimage without breaking a few hundred skulls. They took back their weapons. The celestial generals returned to heaven, the 18 arhats went back to the West, and Sun Wukong rescued San Zang, Zhu Bajie, and Sha Zeng, and retrieved his golden rod. The three pilgrims thanked Wukong for saving them, and then they prepped their horse and luggage, and set out on the road once more.
But before they had gone far, a voice rang out from the side of the road: “Sage, please eat before you go!”
San Zang was startled, but it turns out these were the local mountain and earth spirits who had initially pointed Wukong to the whereabouts of his captured comrades. They presented San Zang with his purple-gold alms bowl and told him, “Sage monk. The Great Sage had procured this bowl of rice. But because you didn’t listen to his good advice and fell into the demon’s hands, he had to expend great effort and was only able to rescue you today. Please eat this rice before you continue. Don’t let his sincerity go to waste.”
San Zang was quite moved and said to Wukong, “I can’t thank you enough! If I had known, I would’ve never left the protection circle you drew up, and then I wouldn’t have put myself in danger.”
“Master, you didn’t believe in my circle, so you fell into someone else’s circle. Alas, how much suffering did you invite?!”
“What is all this about another circle?” Zhu Bajie cut in.
“You and your damn mouth! It’s all your fault that master had to endure this trial. And I had to pull out all the stops. I recruited celestial forces and even got the Buddha’s magic sand, but that demon snatched them all away with a shiny white circlet. But the Buddha had given his arhats a hint, so I was able to find that demon’s origins and ask Laozi to come tame him. He was a water buffalo demon.”
San Zang was filled with gratitude, and he told Wukong, “Good pupil, after this experience, I will be sure to listen to your instructions next time.”
Uh sure; whatever you say pal. Anyway, the four pilgrims now divided the bowl of rice, which, to their surprise, was still steaming hot. Wukong asked how this could be, and the earth spirit kneeled and said, “When I heard that you had succeeded, I warmed up the rice before bringing it to you.”
Well, that actually makes perfect sense and is super obvious. Once the pilgrims ate, they put away the bowl, thanked the mountain and earth spirits, and resumed their journey west.
It was now early spring, and the land was coming back to life. One day, the pilgrims came upon a small river. Its waters were limpid and clear, and its cold waves shined with crystal brightness. San Zang reined in his horse and looked around. By the riverbank, where a few willows stood, he saw the outlines of a few thatched huts.
“That must be the home of a ferryman,” Wukong said.
“I thought so too,” San Zang said. “But I haven’t seen any boats around, so I didn’t want to say anything.”
Zhu Bajie put down the luggage and shouted, “Hey ferryman, row the boat over!”
After he called out several times, a small boat appeared, creaking its way from the shade of the willows. Soon, it pulled up near shore. It was a sturdy-looking vessel, and the person steering it called out, “If you want to cross the river, hop in.”
San Zang rode closer to the boat and saw that the boatman wore a brocade kerchief on his head, black silk shoes on his feet. He had on a patchwork jacket and a skirt-like robe that had seen a thousand stitches. The skin on his wrists was rough, and the sinews of his arms were strong and hard. His eyes were dim, his brows wrinkled, and his face showing the wear of age. And yet, his voice was delicate and melodious, like the song of an oriole. When San Zang got close enough, he realized that the boatman was actually an old woman.
Wukong approached the boat and asked, “You’re rowing this boat?”
“Yes,” the woman answered.
“Where is your husband? Why are you rowing instead of him?”
The woman smiled but did not answer. She only gestured with her hand for the pilgrims to board her boat. So Sha Zeng put the luggage into the boat, Wukong helped San Zang in, and then they turned the other end of the boat around, and Zhu Bajie led the horse into it. They then retracted the plank, and the woman started rowing. Soon, they were on the other side. Once they disembarked, San Zang told Sha Zeng to open their bundle and take out a few coins for the woman. She did not haggle. Instead, she hitched the boat to a wooden post on the bank and happily went back into her house.
Well, that was a surprisingly uneventful crossing, considering how seemingly every river up to now had some kind of demon or creature lurking within. But this river was easy peasy. And seeing how clear that water is, San Zang felt his thirst. He told Zhu Bajie to fetch some water, so Bajie used their alms bowl and scooped a full bowl. San Zang drank half, and Bajie gulped down the rest. They then resumed their journey.
After traveling for less than an hour, San Zang suddenly started moaning in the saddle, complaining about stomach cramps. Following behind him, Zhu Bajie also started complaining about stomach pains.
“It must be because you guys drank cold water,” Sha Zeng said.
Before he even finished the sentence, however, San Zang’s moans escalated into an agonized groan as the pain intensified. And Zhu Bajie felt likewise. As the two staggered in pain, their bellies suddenly became engorged. When they felt the bump, it felt like there was a clump of flesh and blood inside, doing somersaults.
San Zang could barely stand up at this point. They saw a farm house on the side of the road. From the top of the tree next to it hung two bundles of straws.
“Master, that must be a tavern,” Wukong said. “Let’s go ask for some hot water for you, and ask where we can buy some medicine to help ease your stomach pain.”
San Zang spurred on his horse and soon arrived at the tavern. Outside, an old woman sat on a straw stool, calmly spinning hemp fiber. Wukong approached, bowed, and said, “Ma’am, I am from the Tang Kingdom in the East. My master is the imperial brother of the Tang emperor. When we were crossing the river, he drank some of the water and started feeling stomach pain.”
The old woman asked with a hint of joy in her voice, “You guys drank the water from that river over there?”
“Yes, the clear river in the East.”
The old woman smiled warmly and said, “So funny. So funny. You all come in, and I’ll explain.”
So the pilgrims entered the house, with Wukong propping up San Zang, and Sha Zeng helping Zhu Bajie. San Zang and Bajie moaned with each step, holding their bellies while their faces grimaced and turned pale from the pain.
“Ma’am, please bring my master some hot water. Thank you!” Wukong called out.
But instead of heating up water, the old woman ran to the back with a smile and shouted, “Hey come look! Come look!”
On cue, several middle-aged women ran out, and when they saw San Zang, they started laughing. That enraged Wukong. He let out a roar and hissed, frightening the women and sending them scurrying to the back again. He then grabbed the old woman and said, “Hurry up and heat up some water, and I’ll spare you.”
Scared, the old woman said, “Sir, hot water is not going to do anything for their stomach pains. Let me go, and I’ll explain.”
Wukong let go of her, and she said, “This is the Women’s Kingdom of Western Liang. Our kingdom only has women, no men. That’s why we were delighted to see you. But your master shouldn’t have drunk the water from that river. That’s called the River of Motherhood. Outside the capital city, there is a post station called the Guesthouse for Welcoming Yang. Beyond the gate of that station is a spring called the Pregnancy-Revealing Spring. The people of our kingdom would only dare to drink from the river after they have surpassed the age of 20. Once they drink, they will feel stomach pains. Three days later, they would go to the spring by the station and look into it. If they see a double reflection, that means a child is due to be born. You master drank from the River of Motherhood. That means he has conceived and is with child. He’ll give birth soon. What use is hot water?”
So yeah, let’s cue the comedy beat. But this was anything but funny for San Zang. He was stunned and asked his disciples what they should do. Meanwhile, Zhu Bajie moaned, “Oh god. We’re going to give birth?! But we’re men! Where would the baby come out from?!”
Wukong laughed, “As the saying goes, ‘When the melon is ripe, it will fall.’ When the time comes, it’ll probably tear open a hole and come out.”
That was the last thing Zhu Bajie needed to hear. He started moaning in pain and fear, lamenting, “Ah crap! I’m done for!”
Sha Zeng now got in his dig as he laughed and told Bajie, “Brother, stop twisting around. You might upset the intestines that nourish the fetus and give yourself a prenatal illness.”
This also wasn’t helping. Bajie now teared up. Clutching Wukong, he pleaded, “Brother, brother, please ask this old woman if there are any midwives with gentle hands. We have to find a few first. I’m feeling bouts of violent churning inside me every so often. The baby is coming soon.”
Sha Zeng just wouldn’t let up. He laughed and said, “Brother, since you’re having labor pains, stop twisting, or you might break your water.”
Boy Sha Zeng sure seems wholly unconcerned with the fact that two of his traveling companions are on the verge of giving birth via unusual and probably unusually painful means. To see if they’ll have boys or girls, and how exactly those babies would come out, tune in to the next episode of the Chinese Lore Podcast. Thanks for listening!
Music in This Episode
- “Luỹ Tre Xanh Ngát Đầu Làng (Guzheng) – Vietnam BGM” by VPRODMUSIC_Asia_BGM
- “Ravines” by Elphnt (from YouTube audio library)
- “Desert City” by Kevin MacLeod is licensed under a Creative Commons Attribution license (Source: http://incompetech.com/music/royalty-free/index.html?isrc=USUAN1100536; Artist: http://incompetech.com/)
- “Day of Recon” by Max Surla/Media Right Productions (from YouTube audio library)