Gods 026: Law and Disorder

Grand Tutor Wen makes some progress on restoring order at court. Let’s see how long that lasts.

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Transcript

Welcome to the Chinese Lore Podcast, where I retell classic Chinese stories in English. This is episode 26 of Investiture of the Gods. 

Last time, King Zhou fell for another of Daji’s tricks and ended up killing his own uncle and Second Minister Bi Gan by demanding a slice of his heart for a soup to treat her sudden chest pains. While Bi Gan’s funeral was being held, Grand Tutor Wen Zhong (4), the most senior and respected official at court, returned from a 15-year campaign to pacify rebels in the North. He found that just a few things had changed while he was away, and not for the better, so he started demanding answers from King Zhou, who was squirming in his throne while being held to account by the only guy at court that he couldn’t just strap to a red hot pillar.

We pick up their conversation as Wen Zhong launched into a lengthy lecture. He told the king, “Right now, the whole realm is in chaos and all the nobles are rebelling. It’s all because you have let them down. Right now, you do not practice compassionate governance, bestow no kindness, ignore loyal advice, consort with the wicked and keep away the good. You spend your days and nights indulging in song and drink. You have extracted many resources from the land, and the people have risen up in revolt because they have suffered. The army has scattered because it has starved. Civil officials, military officers, the army, and the people are the four limbs of a lord. When they are in harmony, the lord’s body thrives. When they are in dissonance, the lord’s health deteriorates. If the lord treats his vassals properly, then they will serve him faithfully. When your father was king, everyone respected and obeyed him, and he enjoyed peace and prosperity. Right now, your majesty has treated the civilians cruelly, driven your nobles into rebellion, and incurred the wrath of the people and the army. It took me no small effort to put down the rebels in the North Sea District. But your highness has not tried to rule virtuously and has acted recklessly for years. What you don’t realize is that your court’s conduct has changed dramatically, and your state has lost its way. You have rendered my efforts on the borders moot. Please consider this carefully! Now that I am back at court, I have a plan to restore order to our state. Please return to your palace for now and allow me to report my plan to you later.”

King Zhou had no answer to all these charges because they were, you know, absolutely correct. So he just returned to his palace. Then, Wen Zhong (4) stood in the main hall and told all the officials, “Sirs, ministers, there’s no need to return to your homes. Please come to my residence to discuss this matter. I will take care of it.”

Once they all went to his home and sat down according to rank, Wen Zhong said, “Sirs, I have been away in the North for many years, but the former king entrusted his son to me on his deathbed, and I dare not let him down. His son is ruling lawlessly. Please tell me the truth without holding back. I will handle it all.”

At that, one minister rose and said, “Grand tutor, his majesty listens to the wicked and ignores the talented. He is indulging in women and alcohol, executing loyal officials, turning away advice, destroying propriety, and neglecting the affairs of state. There’s too much to tell. If all of us start talking at once, it would be hard for you to keep track. Why don’t we all sit quietly, and let Lord Flying Tiger tell you everything?”

Wen Zhong agreed, and so Flying Tiger got up. He started from the moment King Zhou brought Daji into the palace and recounted everything that we’ve covered over the last 20-plus episodes: the torturing of his former queen, the order to kill his own sons, the burning pillar, the snake pit, the pool of wine and forest of meat, the Deer terrace, the commingling with fox demons, the daily menage a trois, and on and on and on.

“We have all tried time and again to admonish him, and he has ignored it all,” Flying Tiger said after rattling off the full litany of the king’s atrocities. “And now we are separated from his majesty. We were at our wits’ end when your lordship returned. This is a stroke of good fortune for the state and the people!”

After hearing all this, Wen Zhong was flabbergasted. “How can there be such bizarre things! The campaign in the North has allowed the king to act so improperly. I have let the former king down and mismanaged the country. This is my fault! Sirs, please go home for now. I will go to court in three days with a plan.”

Once the other officials left, Wen Zhong ordered his men to shut the doors to his home and keep away all couriers and messages while he focused his undivided attention on what’s to be done about this mess. On the fourth day, as promised, he went to court. When the other officials heard that he was coming, they all assembled and waited for him, and King Zhou had to show up as well. 

After the officials paid their respects to him, the king said, “If you have business, then report it now. If not, then court is adjourned.”

Wen Zhong stepped out and was like, oh I’ve got business. He presented the king with a petition, and here’s what it said:

“From Grand Tutor Wen Zhong: The governance of the state has changed dramatically for the worse. Sycophants are running rampant, and cruel punishments are being employed. …”

From there the petition rattled off the usual lecture about how great the ancient sage kings were and how far King Zhou had fallen short of their shining examples. But then, it also presented something new: 10 suggestions slash demands for the king to restore order:

One, disassemble the Deer Terrace, and the civilian unrest will end.

Two, do away with the burning pillars, and the ministers will advise you loyally.

Three, fill in the snake pit, and the concerns within the palace will fade away.

Four, get rid of the sea of wine and the forest of meat, and the nobles will be pacified.

Five, depose Daji and elevate someone else as queen, and the inner palace will not be an issue.

Six, eliminate flatterers; execute Fei Zhong and You Hun at once, and their lot will stay away.

Seven, open the grain stores and relieve the people’s hunger.

Eight, send decrees to the East and South to offer amnesty to those grand dukes.

Nine, search the mountains and forests for reclusive talents, so as to assuage those who distrust the court.

Ten, allow loyal criticism and keep an open channel for such advice.

Standing next to the king’s desk, Wen Zhong personally ground some ink and wetted a brush. He handed the brush to the king and said, “Your majesty, please sign off on these 10 actions.”

The king looked at the list and went through them one by one.

First up was taking apart his new pleasure terrace. “The Deer Terrace cost an immense amount of money and labor to build,” he said. “What a waste it would be to just tear it down. Let’s discuss that at another time.”

But then he did sign off on the next few things. Burning pillars? Gone. Snake pit? Consider it filled. The wine and meat forest? What are those?

But then he came to No. 5, demoting Daji. “But she has been virtuous and chaste and hasn’t done anything wrong,” King Zhou objected. “It won’t do to depose her. We’ll discuss that another time, too.”

And then came No. 6, which called for the execution of Fei Zhong and You Hun, his two favorite sycophants. This was also a non-negotiable point for the king. “Fei Zhong and You Hun have rendered much service and never committed an offense. How can you say they are flatterers, and how can I execute them? Aside from the first, fifth, and sixth suggestions, I approve the rest.”

So this was already a huge concession from the king, considering that everyone else who has even come close to this level of straight talk in his presence would have ended up dead before he got halfway through the list. But Wen Zhong kept pressing.

“The Deer Terrace was a drain on resources and the people,” he said. “It has incurred the wrath of the civilians. Tearing it down will sooth their anger. The queen advised your highness to implement cruel tortures that have angered the gods. You should depose her at once, so as to get back into heaven’s good graces. Executing Fei Zhong and You Hun will cleanse the court and remove those who would lead you astray. Please agree to them and carry them out without delay. It would be a boon!”

Backed into a corner, the king stood up and said, “Grand Tutor, of your suggestions, I have agreed to seven of them. As for these other three, let’s discuss carefully before taking any action.”

“My lord, don’t think that these three items are a small matter,” Wen Zhong continued to press. “They are related to the root of all the unrest. You must not ignore them or try to muddle your way through.”

While Wen Zhong and the king were going back and forth, the sycophant Fei Zhong had the audacity to step forth and try to get a word in. Now, Wen Zhong had actually never met either of the sycophant officials, so he asked who was this upstart that dared to interrupt. When Fei Zhong identified himself, Wen Zhong said, “So, you’re Fei Zhong. What do you wish to say?”

“Grand Tutor, you may occupy the highest position among officials, but you are violating the rules of the state. It is inappropriate for you to be forcing your lord to approve your petition. It is not the place of a vassal to criticize the queen. It is against the law to order the execution of innocent ministers. You are placing yourself above the king. It is against propriety and disrespectful.”

Before Fei Zhong finished wagging his tongue, Wen Zhong had already blown his lid. He growled, “Fei Zhong, how dare you try to mislead his majesty with your artful words?! You’re pissing me off!”

As he spoke, his fist flew through the air and landed squarely on Fei Zhong’s face, sending him tumbling backward off the steps leading to the throne and giving him a black eye.

Seeing this, the other sycophant, You (2) Hun (2), got mad, so he stepped forth and said to the king, “The Grand Tutor is assaulting ministers in court! He isn’t beating Fei Zhong; he’s beating your highness!”

“And who the hell are you?” Wen Zhong demanded.

You Hun had barely finished identifying himself when Wen Zhong laughed and said, “So it’s you! You two crooked officials have been abusing power and covering for each other!”

As he spoke, Wen Zhong stepped toward You Hun and sent him tumbling off the steps as well with one punch. He then barked to the guards, “Take Fei Zhong and You Hun outside the palace and execute them!”

Now, all the guards at court had long held a grudge against these two sycophants, so Wen Zhong didn’t have to ask twice, as the guards hustled the two sycophants out of the main hall.

This whole time that Wen Zhong was fuming, King Zhou was silently thinking to himself, “Fei Zhong and You Hun, you two idiots didn’t know your place and brought this humiliation upon yourselves.” But when he saw that his two favorite officials were about to lose their heads, he spoke up.

“Grand tutor, your advice is all correct,” he said to Wen Zhong. “Let me consider these last three items before acting on them. As for Fei Zhong and You Hun, even though they have offended you, there is no proof of their crimes. Let them be interrogated first. If they really are guilty, then at least they will have no grounds for complaint.”

Seeing that the king was actually looking a bit intimidated by him, Wen Zhong thought to himself, “Even though I am admonishing the king out of loyalty to the state, I have nonetheless made my lord fear me. I am at fault.”

So he kneeled and said, “Your servant only wishes for all the realm to obey you, for the civilians to be compliant, and for the nobles to be pacified. I have no other aim.”

So King Zhou issued a decree for Fei Zhong and You Hun to be arrested and questioned, for seven of the ten demands from Wen Zhong to be carried out at once, and for the remaining three items to be discussed before any action is taken on those. After that, he returned to his palace, and all the officials left court, probably feeling more optimistic than they had in a long, long time.

But any good vibes quickly dissipated soon thereafter when an urgent message arrived at Flying Tiger’s residence, reporting that another high-ranking noble in the East Sea District had risen up in rebellion. Flying Tiger sighed in lament and quickly sent word to Wen Zhong. Wen Zhong soon showed up at Flying Tiger’s home to discuss how to respond.

“Commander,” Wen Zhong said, “should I go deal with the East Sea rebels, or should you?”

“Either would be fine; it’s up to you,” Flying Tiger replied.

Wen Zhong thought for a moment and told Flying Tiger, “You should remain at court. I will lead 200,000 troops to the East Sea District, pacify the rebels, and then return to the capital to take up the affairs of state again.”

So it was settled. The next day at court, Wen Zhong informed King Zhou of the latest uprising, and the king was stunned and asked what they should do. Wen Zhong told him, “My mind is occupied with the welfare of the kingdom and the people. I have no choice but to go. Commander Flying Tiger will remain at court to oversee things, while I will go to the East Sea District and exterminate the rebels. I hope your highness will put your enterprise before all else. As for the three remaining action items, we can discuss them when I return.”

When he heard that proposal, King Zhou suddenly felt a lot better. Not so much because he was confident that Wen Zhong would be able to put down the rebellion, but because he knew this meant Wen Zhong was going to be gone. So he quickly gave Wen Zhong command of the army and personally saw him out of the capital.

Outside the east gate, King Zhou presented a cup of wine to Wen Zhong. Wen Zhong accepted it, but then turned and presented it to Flying Tiger. Flying Tiger quickly bowed and said, “Grand tutor, you are about to embark on a distant campaign. This wine is a gift from his highness; how would I dare to drink before you do?”

“Commander, accept this wine, and hear my parting words,” Wen Zhong said.

So Flying Tiger accepted the wine, and Wen Zhong told him, “There is no one else at court; it’s all on your shoulders. If anything unjust occurs, you should speak frankly. Remaining silent is not the way of a loyal official.”

Wen Zhong then turned back toward the king and said, “I have no other worries on this campaign except one. I hope your highness will listen to loyal advice and put your enterprise above all else. Do nothing else to aggravate the situation further. I’ll be gone for a year at most.”

And then, Wen Zhong drank a cup of wine and hit the road with his army, while the king and the other officials returned to the capital. 

As soon as he returned to court, King Zhou ordered that his two favorite sycophants, Fei Zhong and You Hun, be released from jail. One of his uncles and top ministers, Wei (1) Zi (3), stepped forth and said, “Those two were jailed and interrogated on the grand tutor’s command. The grand tutor just left. It might not be appropriate to release them so soon.”

“Fei Zhong and You Hun were innocent,” King Zhou said. “They were falsely accused by the grand tutor. Don’t you think I know the truth? Uncle, no need to punish innocent loyal men because of slander.”

Wei Zi knew what happens to those who opposed the king’s desires too strongly, so he made no further objections. Momentarily, Fei Zhong and You Hun were out of jail and restored to their original positions by the king’s side, much to the king’s delight. And King Zhou quickly returned to his carefree ways.

By now, spring was in full bloom, and so were the peonies in the royal garden. So King Zhou told his ministers to accompany him there to enjoy themselves. He threw a big banquet in the garden, and all the officials sat down according to rank, while the king cavorted with his queen Daji and his new consort Hu (2) Ximei (3,4) in his private pavilion.

While King Zhou was busy making merry, Flying Tiger leaned over and said to Wei Zi and another top official, “This is not a good party. Unrest has just erupted again, how can the king be in the mood to look at flowers and throw a feast? If he could change his ways and behave properly, and if the conflicts on our borders can be pacified, then there’s hope for peace and prosperity. But if he continues his misguided ways, I fear we’ll have more days of woe than days of joy ahead.”

The other two officials sighed in agreement, but they all kept their mouths shut to the king. When noon rolled around, all the officials got up and went to the king’s private pavilion to thank him and take their leave. But when the royal attendant informed him of this, King Zhou said, “The weather is lovely, and the flowers and trees are beautiful. We’re having a great time; so why are they leaving now? Issue my decree: They must remain and keep me company.”

So the officials had no choice but to stay. Soon, the king came out to join them. Amid music and laughter, lord and vassals traded toasts. Before they knew it, evening was descending, and so they lit candles and lanterns and partied deep into the night. 

While the men were downstairs partying, Daji and Hu Ximei had already drunk their fill and fell asleep in the pavilion. Around midnight, Daji, still inebriated, reverted to her demon form and snuck out to look for a victim for her nightly feast of human flesh. 

Downstairs at the party, a sudden strange gale whipped up, blowing dirt into the air and shaking the pavilion. All the officials were alarmed, and just then, an attendant cried out, “There’s a demon!”

At that moment, Flying Tiger was half drunk. But when he heard the word “demon,” he quickly stood up and looked. Indeed, he saw a fox demon charging toward him amid the gale. He had no weapon at hand, so he reached out, tore off a section of the pavilion’s railing, and swung it at the fox. The demon dodged the blow and charged at him again. But this time, Flying Tiger shouted to his men, “Release the golden-eyed hunting hawk we got from the North Sea District!”

Setting aside questions of why you would have a hunting hawk at hand while partying in the royal garden, Flying Tiger’s men quickly fetched a red cage and opened it. Out flew the hunting hawk. This creature had eyes that glowed like lanterns, and it specialized in preying on foxes. It now darted straight at the fox and its talons caught her across the face. The fox let out a loud yelp and disappeared under the rocks of a nearby hill.

King Zhou, collecting himself after this little excitement, ordered his men to dig under the hill. They went a few feet down. There wasn’t any sign of the fox, but they did unearth a mountain of human bones. So these were the remains of all of Daji’s prior victims. 

This grisly sight put King Zhou on edge. He thought to himself, “The ministers have been saying that a demonic essence has enveloped the palace and that it portends disaster for the realm. Turns out it really is true.”

Thoroughly freaked out by this turn of events, the officials took their leave and the party broke up.

As for Daji, the scratch she took from the hawk woke her up from her drunken stupor, and she fled back to the private pavilion without being detected. Soon, the king returned and they slept through the night. Come morning, King Zhou noticed the scar across her face and asked her what happened.

“Last night, while your highness was drinking with the officials, I went to the garden for a stroll,” she said. “When I was passing under some begonias, one of their branches caught me in the face.”

“From now on, you can’t go into the garden,” King Zhou said. “Turns out there’s really a demon here. I was drinking with the official until midnight, and a fox suddenly showed up and started attacking people. Flying Tiger tried to hit it with a piece of railing, but it won’t back off. Then, we released the golden-eyed hunting hawk. That hawk is adept at catching foxes, and it scratched the fox, and that demon fled. The hawk’s talons are still covered in its blood.”

While the king talked, Daji thought to herself, “Flying Tiger, I’ve never bothered you, and yet you harmed me. You just sealed your fate!”

Let’s leave King Zhou (4) in his clueless stupor and hop on over to the kingdom of Zhou (1). Yes, I know. It’s a bit confusing. But just remember that King Zhou (4) ruled the kingdom of Shang (1), while the kingdom of Zhou (1) was ruled by Ji Chang, the Grand Duke of the West. One day, Ji Chang’s new prime minister, Jiang Ziya, got word that King Zhou was continuing his debauched ways and that Grand Tutor Wen had once again left on campaign to put down a rebellion in the east. He also got word that the Grand Duke of the North, Chong (2) Houhu (2,3), was abusing power, vacuuming up money and resources, and collaborating with Fei Zhong and You Hun to harm both officials and commoners alike. 

The intel about Chong Houhu ticked off Jiang Ziya. “If we don’t eliminate that wretch first, he will no doubt be a problem!” he said to himself. 

So the next day, Jiang Ziya went to court and told Ji Chang, “Yesterday, I received a report from our borders. King Zhou cut out Bi Gan’s heart to make a soup to cure his queen Daji’s ailment. And Chong Houhu has been throwing the court into chaos, abusing top ministers, and misleading the king. There’s nothing he won’t do, and the people are suffering and not daring to speak up. His greed and atrocities are making life impossible for people of the capital. To permit such a villain to remain by the king’s side will lead to unimaginable consequences. Right now, the people are suffering. Your lordship is compassionate, honorable, and generous. In my humble opinion, you should attack that wicked vassal and eliminate him, so that the king would not be surrounded by such slanderers. If that makes the king change his ways, then you would have lived up to the responsibility that the king entrusted to you.”

To all this, Ji Chang said, “You are right, but Chong Houhu and I are of the same rank. How can I attack him on my own whim?”

“Your lordship received authority from the king to attack treasonous nobles precisely to rid the land of such cruel and corrupt villains,” Jiang Ziya retorted. “Such unjust, wicked officials abuse the civilians, torture loyal men, and threaten the kingdom. You should act out of compassion and save the people from harm. If his majesty can change his ways and model himself after the ancient sage kings, then your service would never be forgotten by posterity.”

Ji Chang was convinced by the idea that such a course of action could help the king find his way, or at least that’s what the novel tells us. So he asked Jiang Ziya who could lead the campaign against Chong Houhu.

“I am willing to go in your stead,” Jiang Ziya said.

But Ji Chang was worried that Jiang Ziya would be a little too eager and end up killing too many people, so he decided he should go himself to keep an eye on things.

“I will go with you, prime minister,” Ji Chang said. “That way, if something unexpected happens, we can discuss it together.”

“If your lordship will lead the campaign personally, then all the realm will answer your call!” Jiang Ziya told him.

So Ji Chang mobilized 100,000 troops and set out on an auspicious day. General Nan (2) Gongkuo (1,4) lead the vanguard, while General Xin (1) Jia (3) served as his lieutenant, with the main force following behind under the command of Ji Chang and Jiang Ziya. All along the way, they were welcomed by the locals and their soldiers did not disturb the civilians.

After some days, they approached Chongcheng (2,2), the home city of Chong Houhu. Jiang Ziya ordered the army to pitch camp, and he and his officers started planning their attack.

Meanwhile, word of their approach had already made its way into Chongcheng. Now, Chong Houhu wasn’t in the city at the time. He was in the Shang capital, attending to the king. His son, Chong (2) Yingbiao (4,1), was in charge, and he was pissed when he got the intel. He immediately summoned his officers and told them, “Ji Chang is a cruel bully who doesn’t know his place. Previously, he fled back to his homeland, and the king thought about attacking him on several occasions. And yet he still shows no remorse. And now, he is attacking us for no reason! So despicable! We were just minding our own business within our own borders. We haven’t done anything to him. And yet he has come to throw his life away. Fine, I won’t let him off easy!”

And so, Chong Yingbiao ordered his forces to prepare for battle. To see how the coming fight will go, tune in to the next episode of the Chinese Lore Podcast. Thanks for listening!

Music in This Episode

• “Sao Meo” by Doug Maxwell / Zac Zinger
• “Dark Toys” by SYBS (from YouTube audio library)
• “Ravines” by Elphnt (from YouTube audio library)