Gods 025: Heart to Heart
King Zhou sinks further into depravity, until the party comes to a screeching halt.
Transcript
Welcome to the Chinese Lore Podcast, where I retell classic Chinese stories in English. This is episode 25 of Investiture of the Gods.
Last time, after Daji invited all her fox friends to a feast at the palace, the Shang minister Bi Gan had them followed and burned alive. He then made a cloak from their pelts and presented it to the king just to rub it in. In response, Daji concocted a plan for revenge. To put it into action, she told the king that she had a sworn sister named Hu (2) Ximei (3,4) who was drop-dead gorgeous, and a nun. King Zhou stopped listening at the drop-dead gorgeous part and was like, can you summon her here so I can … umm … meet her?
So Daji worked her magic and soon, her sworn sister, aka the Nine-Headed Pheasant Demon, arrived. Peeking from behind a curtain, King Zhou was absolutely knocked off his feet. As the saying goes, “When you look at a beauty in the moonlight, she looks 10 times better than during the day.” King Zhou saw that this woman was clad in a pink robe, a silk belt, and a pair of hemp shoes. Her skin was as white as snow, her face radiant like begonia at dawn, and she had a small cherry mouth and peach-like cheeks.
Daji greeted Hu Ximei. The two then sat down in the main hall. After they had tea, Daji said, “You once told me that if I ever wanted to see you, I just needed to light the incense. You really kept your word. I’m so lucky to get to see you.”
“As soon as I sensed that the incense was burning, I did not dare to break my promise,” Hu Ximei said. “So I rushed here.”
While he watched them from behind the curtain, King Zhou could not stop drooling. He thought to himself, “I would give up my throne to take Ximei to bed.”
While he was getting antsy, Daji was taking her sweet time. “Sister, do you eat meat, or just vegetarian dishes?”
“Oh, vegetarian, please,” Ximei said.
So Daji had the attendants bring some vegetarian dishes, and she and Ximei continued to talk while working their sorcery. By now, King Zhou was so taken with Ximei that she looked like a goddess and he felt as if his soul had left his body. He wished he could swallow her in one gulp, and he was restless. Getting impatient, he let out a cough from behind the curtain.
Daji caught his meaning and flashed Ximei a look while saying, “Sister, I have something to tell you; I hope you will consider it.”
“What is it?”
“A couple days ago, I praised your virtue to the king, and he was delighted and wished for one glimpse of your visage. What great fortune it is that you did not reject me and appeared as promised. On account of his majesty’s yearning, will you consent to one meeting? I would be very grateful! But he dared not insult you, so he asked me to inform you of his wish first. What do you think?”
Ximei replied, “I am a woman, and a nun. According to rules of propriety, a person of religion should not associate with those from the outside world. Besides, men and women should not commingle. I don’t think it will be proper.”
“Not so,” Daji said. “Since you are a person of religion, you have transcended the common world, so how can you be bound by common rules of propriety governing men and women? Besides, his majesty receives his authority from heaven, so he is the son of heaven. He oversees all the people and possesses everything within the four seas. All men of talent are his vassals. Even immortals would yield their seat to him. Besides, since you and I are sworn sisters, then you would be meeting his majesty as a relative. There’s no problem with that.”
“Well, in that case, I will follow your lead. Please invite his majesty to come meet me,” Ximei said.
Before she had barely finished that line, King Zhou was already standing in front of them. He bowed to Ximei, who returned in kind and asked him to sit down. So he sat to one side, while the two women sat on both sides of him.
Under the light of the lanterns, King Zhou was bewitched by Ximei’s cherry lips and fragrant breath, and he was getting awfully sweaty. Daji sensed it, so she stood up and said, “Your majesty, please keep my sister company for a moment. I need to go change my clothes.”
As she disappeared into the back, King Zhou sat back down next to Hu Ximei and they continued to drink. He began flashing her some come-hither looks, and she blushed and smiled faintly. King Zhou then presented her a toast with both hands. She accepted the cup and said in a delicate voice, “Thank you, your majesty!”
Taking advantage of the moment, King Zhou took her wrist. She said nothing, but she didn’t have to say a thing. He was barely holding it together.
“How about we go enjoy the moon out on the terrace?” he asked her.
She agreed, and he took her by the hand and led her out onto the terrace to view the moon. She did not pull her hand away, and he took that as encouragement, so he put his hands on her shoulders as they stood in the moonlight.
“Oh goddess,” he said, “why don’t you abandon the nunnery and stay at the palace with your sister? Give up isolation and enjoy the wealth and joys of the court day and night? How short is life? Why deprive yourself?”
Ximei said nothing. The king took her non-objection as consent, and ran his hands over her chest, feeling her soft bosom and her smooth skin. Ximei pretended to half-resist, but that just egged him on. He pulled her into his arms and they embraced each other. And the next thing you know, clothes were flying off and they were throwing themselves at each other.
After the clouds had exhausted their rain several times, the king was finally satisfied. They were just about to get dressed when Daji walked out. She saw Ximei trying to catch her breath while her hair was a mess.
“Sister, what happened?” Daji asked knowingly.
King Zhou was like, “Uh, yeah, to tell you the truth, Ximei and I hooked up. It appears heaven has bound the three of us together. You and your sister can stay by my side and serve me together, and we will enjoy endless happiness. You were the one who recommended her to me, and I will never forget it.”
And then, he ordered a new feast to be laid out, and the three of them resumed drinking until 5 a.m., at which point they all went to bed together. And from that moment forth, it was a daily menage a trois at the Deer Terrace as King Zhou sank deeper into depravity. None of the ministers at court knew about this development. All they knew was that their king continued to ignore the affairs of state, and the kingdom continued to slide into neglect.
Amid this continued debacle, Flying Tiger, being the top commander in charge of 480,000 troops, tried his darndest to keep the peace. But even he could not get an audience with the king to try to talk some sense into him, not that it would have done any good. And then one day, he got news that the Grand Duke of the East, who had been in rebellion for years by this point, had split his forces to attack Wild Horse Peak in an attempt to seize the key strategic location of Chentang (2,2) Pass. This, if you remember, was the pass that lotus boy Nezha’s father Li Jing had overseen before he turned to a life in seclusion. So Flying Tiger sent the general Lu (3) Xiong (2) to the pass with 100,000 troops to keep it secure.
Despite the increasingly urgent political and military situation, King Zhou continued to drown himself in wine and women every day at Deer Terrace. One day, while they were having breakfast, Daji suddenly let out a loud scream and fell to the floor. She spat out blood, her eyes were shut, and she said nothing.
King Zhou was so scared that he was covered in cold sweat and his face was pale.
“Darling, you have never had this ailment in all the years we’ve been together. What’s wrong?!” he asked.
Hu Ximei, however, nodded and sighed, “My sister’s old condition has resurfaced.”
“What do you mean?” the king asked.
“When we were both virgin maids in Jizhou (4,1), my sister often had chest pains that were severe enough to kill her. But there was a doctor in Jizhou who was a miraculous healer. He made a soup from a slice of a human heart with seven valves, and it healed her.”
“In that case, send for that doctor at once,” the king commanded.
“No, Jizhou is too far away,” Ximei said. “It takes more than a month to get there and back. It would be too late. The only remedy is to see if a seven-valve human heart can be found in the capital. If so, then my sister can be saved. But if not, she will be dead soon.”
“But how do we know who has a seven-valve heart?” King Zhou said, skipping past the questions of morality and fast-tracking to questions of logistics.
“I can find them through divination,” Ximei said.
King Zhou immediately asked her to perform the divination. So she put on a good show, and then told him, “There is only one person in your court who fits the description. He is in a high-ranking position. But he might not be willing to part with his heart to save the queen.”
“Who is it? Tell me quickly!” the king asked.
“Second Minister Bi Gan is the only one who has a seven-valve heart,” Ximei told him.
“Well, Bi Gan is my uncle and part of the royal family,” King Zhou said. “How can he not be willing to give a piece of his heart to save my wife from death? Summon him at once!”
On that day, Bi Gan was just sitting around his home, worrying about the state of the kingdom. Suddenly, an envoy showed up and told him he was summoned to the palace at once. He told the envoy to go on back first and that he would be along shortly.
Once the envoy left, Bi Gan thought to himself, “There’s nothing happening at court; why such an urgent decree?”
Before he had time to ponder that question, another envoy arrived to repeat the summon, and he was followed shortly by another, and another. In all, Bi Gan received five urgent summons within a short time, which made him even more suspicious. When the sixth envoy showed up, it was someone that Bi Gan knew, and Bi Gan asked him what was the reason for all these urgent summons.
“Minister,” the envoy said, “our state is on the decline, and recently, a nun named Hu (2) Ximei (3,4) has taken up residence at the Deer Terrace. At breakfast this morning, the queen suddenly developed some chest pains and looked to be in dire condition. Hu Ximei said that she needed to drink soup made with a slice of a seven-valve heart. His majesty asked where such a heart could be obtained, and Hu Ximei conducted a divination and said that you have such a heart. That’s why his majesty has issued six decrees. He wants to borrow a slice of your heart to save the queen. That’s the reason for the urgency.”
Bi Gan’s heart sank when he heard that. After a moment, he told the envoy to wait for him at the palace gate. After the envoy left, Bi Gan went to see his wife and told her, “Take good care of our son. After I die, you and he must continue to follow the house rules I have laid down. Do not stray. But it’s a pity that there is no one left at court to take my place!”
As he wept, his wife was stunned and asked the cause for such words. When he told her the calamity that has landed on his head, she couldn’t help but weep as well.
“You are the prime minister, and you haven’t acted recklessly. You haven’t offended the king, nor have you taken advantage of the people. You are loyal and filial. What could you have done to warrant such a cruel punishment?”
Standing next to them, their son now chimed in while weeping, “Father, don’t worry. I just remembered. Jiang Ziya once said you were destined for bad luck. He left a letter in your study. He said you must wait until the situation is dire before you open it, and that it will help get you out of trouble.”
“You’re right! How could I have forgotten?!” Bi Gan exclaimed. He rushed to his study and pulled out the letter from under his inkstone. He read it, and said, “Bring me a fire, quickly!”
Once the fire was brought, he also fetched a bowl of water. He burned the letter in the flame until it turned to ashes. He then mixed the ashes into the water and drank it. After that, he changed into his court attire and rode to the palace.
When he arrived, he found Flying Tiger and a number of other top officials waiting for him. Word had slipped out about six urgent decrees being dispatched to the Second Minister’s house, so his allies all showed up to see what’s happening. When they asked, he just told them, “According to the envoy, the king wants a piece of my heart. That’s all I know.”
They made their way to the foot of the Deer Terrace, and Bi Gan alone was summoned up to the top.
“My wife has come down with severe chest pains,” King Zhou said. “Only a seven-valve heart can cure her. You, uncle, have such a heart. Lend me a slice to make soup with. When her ailment is cured, you will have rendered an incomparable service.”
“What is this heart that you are asking for?” Bi Gan asked the king.
“Uhh, your heart; the one inside your chest,” King Zhou clarified.
Bi Gan replied angrily, “The heart is the master of the body. It’s hidden within one’s chest and in the middle of all the organs in order to protect it from harm. If breached, it will lead to death. When the heart is right, one’s actions are right. When the heart is not right, neither are one’s actions. The heart is the root of all living things. If my heart is damaged, how can I live? I would die without any regrets, but your enterprise is collapsing, and all the talented men are gone. And now, you muddle-headed tyrant, you are listening to the lies of your new sorceress and want to cut out my heart. But be warned: As long as I’m alive, so is your dynasty. If I die, so will your enterprise!”
“Uncle, you’re mistaken,” King Zhou said. “I just want to borrow a slice of your heart. It won’t hurt anything. Why this big spiel?”
Uhh, seriously? How far gone are you, man? Bi Gan now shouted sternly, “You muddle-headed tyrant! You have lost your mind to wine and women! If you cut out a slice of my heart, I will die! I haven’t committed any offense to warrant such a punishment, so why must I be subjected to this injustice?!”
The king got mad as well and said, “If the lord tells a vassal to die, the vassal would be disloyal if he refused. Your insult against your lord violates the duties of a vassal. If you refuse my command, then guards, take him downstairs and cut out his heart!”
Bi Gan cursed aloud, “Daji, you whore! I will go meet our former king in the underworld without shame!”
He then shouted to the attendants, “Bring me a sword!”
When they did as he asked, he took the sword in hand, bowed deeply in the direction of the royal ancestral temples eight times, and said while sobbing, “Oh founder of the Shang, your dynasty will be lost at the hands of its 28th king! It’s not because of any disloyalty on my part!”
He then ripped open his robes and plunged the sword into his chest.
Shockingly, no blood came out of this wound, and Bi Gan seemed just fine. He now sliced open his chest, reached into the opening, pulled out his heart Temple-of-Doom style, and threw it to the ground. Then, without saying a word and with his face ashen, he tidied up his robe and descended the terrace.
At the foot of the terrace, the officials who had been waiting for Bi Gan were discussing the latest debacle at court when suddenly they heard footsteps coming down. Flying Tiger turned and was thrilled to see Bi Gan emerging.
“My lord, how are you doing?” Flying Tiger asked.
But Bi Gan gave no answer. As the other officials came up to talk to him, he just ignored them and quickly walked past them with his head lowered and his face pale. He walked through the palace gates, hopped back on his horse, and galloped toward the north gate.
After a couple miles, he came across a woman on the side of the road. She was selling cabbages with their hearts removed. When he heard her hawking her vegetables, Bi Gan stopped and asked her, “What is this heartless cabbage?”
“I’m selling cabbages that don’t have hearts,” she replied.
“And what if a man doesn’t have a heart?” he asked.
“If a man has no heart, he would die,” she said.
When he heard that, Bi Gan suddenly screamed and fell off his horse. Where he lay, a pool of blood stained the ground. The woman was freaked out and ran off.
Moments later, two of Flying Tiger’s lieutenants came upon the scene. Flying Tiger had dispatched them to follow Bi Gan to see if he was ok. Well, turns out, he wasn’t. They found him dead at the foot of his horse, lying face up in a pool of blood with his eyes closed.
So what the heck just happened? Well, as the novel explained it, the charm that Jiang Ziya had left was what allowed Bi Gan to survive cutting out his heart. But, apparently that charm’s powers dissipated the moment he heard the woman say that a man would die without a heart. And the author added that if the woman had said a man without a heart could still live, then Bi Gan would’ve been fine. I find that a little fishy. I mean, was the charm dependent on Bi Gan never realizing that oh yeah you aren’t supposed to be able to live without a heart?
In any case, the two lieutenants reported back to Flying Tiger and the other officials, and they were all grief-stricken. Suddenly, a junior minister shouted, “That muddle-headed tyrant killed his own uncle for no reason! He has violated both law and ethics! I’m going to go see him right now!”
This guy’s name was … you know what, it doesn’t really matter, because he’s not sticking around for long. Fast forward to the part where he was glowering at the king atop the Deer Terrace and the king was asking what the heck he was doing there.
“I have come to kill you!” the minister said.
“Ever since ancient times, there’s been no justification for a vassal to kill his lord!” the king laughed, as if all this was just a joke.
“You tyrant! You know that there’s no justification for killing one’s lord? Do you know that there’s also no justification for a nephew to kill his own uncle?! Bi Gan was your uncle, your father’s brother. And yet today, you listened to that sorceress Daji and demanded his heart for soup, causing his death! I must kill you to carry out the law!”
As he spoke, this guy pulled out one of the swords hanging around the terrace and charged toward the king. But King Zhou, remember, was a stout warrior, while this guy was a mere scholar. King Zhou easily sidestepped his charge and then angrily ordered the guards to seize the assailant.
But before the guards could reach him, the minister shouted, “No need for you to do it! This tyrant killed his uncle; it’s only natural that I kill him!”
As the guards advanced on him, he turned and threw himself off the terrace, plummeting to a splattery death.
When the officials outside learned of this expected development, they turned their attention to burying Bi Gan. Bi Gan’s son donned mourning clothes and thanked the officials for their kindness, and everyone was grief-stricken. They laid Bi Gan in state by the north gate and began to conduct the funeral rites.
Just then, a scout rushed onto the scene and reported, “Grand Tutor Wen (2) has returned!”
So, as previously mentioned, Grand Tutor Wen (2) Zhong (4) was the most powerful official at court, but he had been away on a distant campaign to suppress some rebels in the north this whole time, which left an opening at court for all this debauchery and wickedness. All the officials now rode a few miles out of the capital to greet him at his camp. He sent word that he would meet them all at the palace gates, so they all rode back into the city and waited outside the palace.
Soon, Wen Zhong approached the city seated upon his black Qilin (2,2), which was a mythical creature that looked like a cross between a lion, a deer, and a dragon. As he rode, he saw funeral papers flying all over, so he asked who was being buried. He was stunned when the answer was Bi Gan.
Moments later, he entered the city and couldn’t help but notice the monstrosity of a terrace that was dominating the landscape. He then arrived at the palace and was greeted there by all the officials.
He dismounted, smiled, and said to them, “Senior ministers, I have been away on campaign in the north for many years. Looks like much has changed in the city.”
Flying Tiger said, “Grand tutor, have you heard that the land is in chaos, that the court lies neglected, and that nobles everywhere are in rebellion?”
“I have been keeping up with the news all this time,” Grand Tutor Wen said. “But if my attention was divided, then it would have been impossible to pacify the North Sea district. Thanks to the blessings of heaven and earth, and his majesty’s good fortune, I have exterminated the North Sea rebels. I only wish I had wings so that I could have flown back to see you all sooner.”
As they spoke, they entered the main hall. There, Grand Tutor Wen noticed that the king’s throne was covered in dust and all was quiet. He also noticed a bunch of giant bronze pillars to the east of the hall. He asked the hall’s attendant what those were, and he kneeled and informed him, “These are a new form of punishment called the Burning Pillar.”
Flying Tiger now chimed in and said, “Grand tutor, these instruments of death are made of bronze. They have doors on three levels for stocking the fire within. If any official dares to criticize his majesty out of loyalty, he would have these things heated until they are red hot, and then chained the official to the cauldron. They would be reduced to ashes and the smell is intolerable. Since this punishment was introduced, all the loyal have gone into seclusion, the talented have retreated from court, the capable have abandoned the state, and the loyal have died.”
When Wen Zhong heard that, he became so enraged that his eyes flashed angrily — all three of his eyes. See, he had a magical third eye between his two regular eyes, and that eye was so pissed off at the moment that it was emitting a white light.
“Ring the gong and beat the drum to ask his majesty to come to court!” he ordered the attendant, much to all the other officials’ delight.
Meanwhile, King Zhou was busy cuddling with his queen, who had made an instant recovery after drinking the soup made from Bi Gan’s heart. Just then, he got word that Grand Tutor Wen was back and that he was requesting the king’s presence at court. This news made the king fall silent before he ordered his attendants to prepare his carriage so that he may go to court, if he still remembered how to get there.
When he arrived, he was greeted by all the officials, and then Grand Tutor Wen entered the hall and paid his respects.
“Grand Tutor, you have labored much on your distant campaign,” King Zhou said. “You have returned in triumph and have rendered immense service.”
Kneeling, Grand Tutor Wen said, “It was all thanks to your majesty’s fortune and prowess that I was able to exterminate the rebels. For 15 years, I sacrificed my body on this campaign to repay the state and did not dare to disappoint your father. While I was away, I heard that the court had fallen into chaos and that all the nobles had risen up in rebellion. It made my heart torn between two places, and I wish I had wings so that I could fly back to see your majesty. Is what I have heard true?”
“The Grand Dukes of the East and South were plotting to assassinate me and take my throne, so I had them executed,” King Zhou said. “Their sons rose up in rebellion and have been attacking our border defenses. They are really despicable!”
“And who exactly can confirm that those two grand dukes were plotting to assassinate you and take your throne?” Wen Zhong pressed.
When King Zhou could not produce an answer, Wen Zhong pressed further. “While I was away, engaged in hard fighting all these years, instead of cultivating a benevolent government, your highness gave yourself over to wine and women and executed the loyal, forcing your vassals into rebellion. May I ask, what are those columns over there?”
“Some officials were insulting me in the guise of loyalty, so I devised this punishment called the burning pillar,” King Zhou explained.
“And what was that huge structure I saw when I entered the capital?”
“I had no place to hide from the heat of summer, so I built that terrace to get some relief and to gain a good view and keep in touch with the outside world; it’s called the Deer Terrace,” King Zhou said.
So, the most powerful official at court was back and asking the king some tough questions. To see where this will lead, tune in to the next episode of the Chinese Lore Podcast. Thanks for listening!
Music in This Episode
- “Sao Meo” by Doug Maxwell / Zac Zinger
- “Day of Recon” by Max Surla/Media Right Productions (from YouTube audio library)
- “Dark Toys” by SYBS (from YouTube audio library)
- “Ravines” by Elphnt (from YouTube audio library)
- “Slow Times Over Here” by Midnight North (from YouTube audio library)
- “The Quiet Aftermath by Sir Cubworth (from YouTube audio library)
- “Melancholia” by Godmode (from YouTube audio library)