Journey 044: Double Fakeout
Shenanigans abound as Sun Wukong and Red Boy engage in a battle of wits.
Podcast: Play in new window | Download
Transcript
Welcome to the Chinese Lore Podcast, where I retell classic Chinese stories in English. This is episode 44 of Journey to the West.
Last time, stymied by Red Boy’s fire power, Sun Wukong went to ask the dragon kings of the four seas for help, thinking that a good downpour will put out the demon’s fire. But as it turned out, Red Boy’s fire magic was impervious to the dragon kings’ rain, and Sun Wukong was scorched in the process, leaving him a seemingly lifeless husk when his fellow disciples Zhu Bajie and Sha Zeng fished him out of the ravine.
“Oh brother!” Sha Zeng lamented with tears in his eyes. “You were supposed to be immortal, and yet your life has been cut short!”
Zhu Bajie, though, laughed, “Brother, don’t cry. That monkey is just pretending to be dead to mess with us. Feel his chest. Is there any warmth left?”
“But his whole body is cold. Even if there’s a warm breath left, how can we revive him?” Sha Zeng asked.
“Oh, he has the power of 72 transformations, so he’s got 72 lives,” Bajie said. “Hold his feet, and watch me.”
So Sha Zeng held Wukong’s feet, while Zhu Bajie propped up his head and sat him up. Bajie then rubbed his own hands so they’re warm, and massaged Wukong’s pressure points. And to his credit, Sun Wukong soon came to and shouted, “Oh master!”
“Brother, you were always loyal to master in life, and even in death you’re calling his name,” Sha Zeng said. “You just woke up. We’re here with you.”
“What happened? Did I lose?” Wukong asked.
“You were unconscious just now,” Zhu Bajie laughed. “If not for me, you would be done for. You should be thanking me.”
Wukong now got to his feet and asked where the dragon kings were. The four dragon kings showed themselves in the sky. Wukong thanked them for their ineffectual help and sent them on their way. Then, with Sha Zeng helping him, Wukong staggered into the woods and sat down. After a while, he had regained his faculties. But he kept weeping and called out again, “Oh master!”
“I remember when you left the Tang kingdom and saved me from dire calamity.
Across mountains and rivers we were beset by demons,
As 10,000 hardships cut my heart.
With begging bowl in hand, we ate by mornings what fate allowed,
By dusk we sought monasteries or slept in the woods.
It was all for the hope of completing our mission,
But how could I have known that today I would suffer such bitter pain?!”
But Sha Zeng consoled him, “Brother, don’t trouble yourself. Let’s figure out where to go find reinforcements to save master.”
“Well, where should we go?” Wukong asked.
“Back when the Bodhisattva Guanyin instructed us to protect the Tang monk, she promised us that she would always respond to our call for help. So maybe go to her?”
Wukong agreed. “When I caused a ruckus in heaven, those celestial soldiers couldn’t handle me. This demon has some serious powers. We need someone who’s even more powerful than me to tame him. The celestial soldiers won’t cut it. We must go get Guanyin. But I’m sore all over and can’t fly. How can we get to her?”
Zhu Bajie volunteered to go instead. Wukong said, “Alright, you can do this. If you see the Bodhisattva, don’t just look up at her. You must bow. When she asks, tell her the name of this place and the demon, and then tell her we need her to save master. If she’s willing to come, we will capture the demon for sure.”
Bajie took the instructions to heart, and then flew off toward the South. He had not gone far when he suddenly noticed Guanyin standing on a cliff. Well, that’s convenient. Dum-dum descended from the clouds and bowed, paying his respects.
Guanyin asked him, “What are you doing here instead of protecting the Tang monk?”
Zhu Bajie recounted their troubles with Red Boy, and Guanyin said, “The master of Fire Cloud Cave is not one to harm people. You all must have insulted him.”
“I didn’t offend him,” Bajie said. “It’s my brother Wukong. That demon turned into a little kid hanging from a tree to trick my master. Master is full of compassion, so he told me to cut the boy down and told my brother to carry him. But my brother threw him to the ground, so he turned into a wind and abducted master.”
Guanyin said, “Come with me. I will go to the cave to see him and patch things up between you. You can apologize and get your master back.”
“Oh Bodhisattva, if he will return my master, I will kowtow to him,” Bajie said.
So dum-dum followed Guanyin and retraced his steps. They went back to Fire Cloud Cave. Guanyin went straight in and told Bajie, “Don’t be worried. He is an old acquaintance of mine. C’mon in.”
So Bajie went in, but no sooner did he set foot inside did a swarm of demon lackeys jump him, threw him into a sack, tied up the sack opening, and hanged him from the rafters. Guanyin, meanwhile, turned into Red Boy, sat down, and laughed, “Zhu Bajie, what skills do you have, that you would dare to protect the Tang Monk and dare to go invite Guanyin to come tame me? Pity your wide-open eyes couldn’t recognize me. Now that I’ve got you, I’m going to hang you up for a few days, and then steam you and give you to my lackeys as a reward to go with their wine!”
So yeah, back when the disciples were busy deciding to go invite Guanyin, inside the cave, Red Boy was celebrating and telling his lackeys, “Little ones, that Sun Wukong ran off in defeat. Even if he didn’t die, he’ll be knocked out for a good while. But he might go find more reinforcements. Open the cave doors and let me go see who he’ll invite.”
So Red Boy flew into the sky, just in time to see Zhu Bajie flying to the South. And Red Boy was smart enough to guess that if you were heading South for help, you were going to see Guanyin. So he quickly went back to his cave and told his lackeys, “Get my leather sack ready, but put in a new tie string. Put it outside the second set of doors. Once I lure Zhu Bajie into a trap, put him in the sack and steam him until his flesh is falling apart. It’ll be a treat for you all.”
Then, Red Boy flew off again. The novel said he knew which was the fastest route to the South Sea, so he took that way. But if movies with Flying Deloreans have taught us anything, it’s that when you can fly, you don’t need roads. Anyway, Red Boy got ahead of Zhu Bajie, transformed into a doppelganger of Guanyin, and waited for Bajie on a cliff.
Zhu Bajie, now hanging from the rafters, could only curse from inside the sack, “Damn demon! How rude you are! You may scheme and deceive me and eat me, but you’ll all get sick!”
While dum-dum cursed nonstop, on the other side of the ravine, Sun Wukong and Sha Zeng were sitting and waiting for him to come back, when suddenly a strange wind blew right in their faces. Wukong sneezed and said, “Oh crap! This wind bodes ill. Bajie must have gotten lost.”
“Even if he got lost, he could just ask for directions,” Sha Zeng said.
“No, he must have run into the demon.”
“If that’s the case, won’t he come running back?”
“Something’s wrong. You stay here. Let me go across the ravine and check things out.”
“But brother, you’re still sore. Let me go instead.”
“You can’t do anything; I’ll go.”
So Wukong gritted his teeth, grabbed his golden rod, went across the ravine to the cave, and shouted, “Damn demons!”
The lackeys at the gate quickly rushed in and reported. Red Boy ordered his lackeys to go capture Wukong, so a gaggle of them rushed outside. Wukong was too sore and tired, so he didn’t dare to take them on. Instead, he shouted “Change,” and turned into a bundle on the side of the road.
The lackeys saw the bundle and told Red Boy that Sun Wukong had fled in fear and dropped a bundle in the process. Red Boy laughed, “That bundle is worthless. It’s probably just holding some torn monk shirts or hats. Bring it inside. We can wash it and use it for lining.”
So a lackey carried the bundle inside and put it by the door. As soon as the demons’ backs were turned, Wukong plucked a hair off himself, turned into a doppelganger of the bundle while he himself turned into a fly and landed on the door. Inside, he heard Zhu Bajie grumbling incoherently like a diseased hog. Wukong flew inside and saw that he was hanging from the rafters in a sack.
Wukong landed on the sack and heard him cursing, “Damn demon. Turning into a fake Guanyin to trick me. And now he’s got me hanging here and says he’s going to eat me. One of these days, my brother will use his great powers to tame all you lousy demons. When he lets me out of this sack, I’m going to rake you a thousand times!”
Wukong couldn’t help but laugh under his breath, “That dum-dum may be cooped up inside the sack, but he’s still sounding tough. I must capture that demon to avenge this!”
Just then, Red Boy called out, “Where are my six warriors?”
Six demon lackeys came forward. These were Red Boy’s friends, and they were named Mist in the Clouds, Clouds in the Mist, Fire-fast, Windspeedy, Heater, and Cooker. They kneeled, and Red Boy asked, “Do you know the way to my father’s home?”
“Yes.”
“Then hurry over there and invite him here. Tell him that I’ve captured the Tang monk and will cook him so that my father may eat him and live forever.”
The six lackeys rushed off, and buzzing behind them was a fly.
The lackeys left the cave and started heading southwest. Suddenly, they saw Red Boy’s father, aka the Bull Demon King, sitting on the side of the road, accompanied by a few demon lackeys. Red Boy’s demons hurriedly kowtowed and said, “My lord. We were sent by the Sage Infant King to invite you to go eat the Tang monk’s flesh so that you may attain immortality.”
“Little ones, get up,” the Bull Demon King said. “Accompany me back to my home. Once I’ve changed, then we’ll go together.”
“My lord, please do us a favor. Your cave is a long way from here; it’d be inconvenient, and our lord might blame us. Please just come with us.”
The Bull Demon King laughed, “What good children. Alright, alright. Lead the way, and I’ll go with you.”
So the six demon lackeys led the way, clearing a path for the Bull Demon King. Soon, they had returned to the Fire Cloud Cave. Wind-fast and Fire-speedy rushed in to report, and Red Boy was delighted at how quickly they had completed their errand. He ordered all the lackeys to go out, line up, and welcome his father with drums and banners.
They welcomed the Bull Demon King into the cave with much fanfare. He sat down in the center, facing south. Red Boy kneeled and said, “Father, my respects.”
“My son, please get up.”
Red Boy kowtowed four times before standing up. His father then asked the purpose of the invitation. Red Boy said, “Your untalented son captured a man yesterday. He’s the Tang monk from the East. I often heard people say that he’s been cultivating his Dao for 10 lifetimes. Whoever eats a piece of his flesh will become immortal. I did not dare to eat him alone, so I invited you here to enjoy the Tang monk’s flesh together and attain immortality.”
The Bull Demon King, however, said with alarm, “My son, which Tang monk are you talking about?”
“The scripture pilgrim who’s heading West.”
“Is he Sun Wukong’s master?”
“Exactly.”
The Bull Demon King waved his hand, shook his head, and said, “Don’t mess with him! Others, maybe; but do you even know about Sun Wukong? Son, you haven’t met him yet, right? That monkey is very powerful and can turn into many things. When he caused a ruckus in heaven, the Jade Emperor sent 100,000 celestial troops and laid down nets everywhere. And yet they still couldn’t catch him. How can you dare to eat his master? Hurry up and return the monk to him. Don’t antagonize that monkey. If he finds out you ate his master, he won’t come fight you. He’d just poke his golden rod into the side of the mountain and knock the whole mountain over. Then where would you live? And who would I have to take care of me in my old age?”
But Red Boy scoffed, “Father, what kind of words are those? Don’t talk up others and put your own son down. I tricked that Sun Wukong and his two brothers and abducted the Tang monk. When he and Zhu Bajie came here looking for their master, they claimed to be my relatives. That pissed me off, so I fought him for a few exchanges. He’s just so-so, nothing spectacular. And then that Zhu Bajie to help him, so I sprayed out my sacred fire and beat them. Then he went to ask the dragon kings of the four seas for rain, but that couldn’t put out my fire. He got so scorched that he passed out. So he sent Zhu Bajie to the South to ask the Bodhisattva Guanyin for help, but I turned into a fake Guanyin, lured Zhu Bajie here, and hung him up in my sack. I’m going to steam him for my little ones. Then, this morning Sun Wukong came to challenge me again. When I sent my lackeys to capture him, he was so panicked that he dropped his bundle while running away. That’s why I sent people to invite you here, so you can have a look at the Tang monk before I cook him for you.”
The Bull Demon King laughed, “My good son, you only know that your sacred fires can beat Sun Wukong, but you don’t know about his powers of 72 transformations!”
“Meh, whatever he turns into, I can recognize him. He won’t dare to come into my cave.”
“Son, you may be able to recognize him, but he’s not going to turn into something big like a wolf or an elephant. He won’t able to get inside the door that way. What if he turns into something tiny? Then you won’t be able to recognize him.”
“Even so, each set of doors is guarded by four or five lackeys. How can he get in?”
“You don’t understand. He can turn into an insect like a fly, mosquito, bee, or butterfly. Or what if he turned into me? Would you recognize him then?”
“No worries. He won’t dare to approach my door.”
“Well, it sounds like you really do have some skills, to be able to beat Sun Wukong and invite me to eat the Tang Monk. But alas, I still can’t eat him today.”
“Why not?”
“I’m getting up there in age, so your mother keeps telling me to do some good deeds to build some good karma. I figure there’s not a lot of good deeds I can do, so I’ve become a vegetarian.”
“Is that permanent, or just for a few months?”
“It’s not permanent; it’s not even a few months. It’s called, ‘Thunder Vegetarianism.’ You just do it four days each month.”
“Which four days?”
“Well, today is one of those four. So I should be on vegetarian food. Besides, today is not a good day for visitors. Wait till tomorrow, and I’ll personally go wash him and cook him to share with you.”
Red Boy started thinking to himself, “My father has always eaten people, and he’s lived for more than 1,000 years. How come he’s suddenly taken up vegetarianism? Considering how much evil he’s done, how can he make up for it just with a few days of vegetarian food each month? This sounds fishy.”
He now stepped outside the second set of doors and asked his six warriors, “Where did you meet my father?”
“On the way to his cave.”
“That’s why you got back so fast. You didn’t go to his home?”
“Correct.”
“Crap! This must be an imposter!”
The lackeys kneeled and said, “My lord, how can you not recognize your own father?”
“He looks and acts like my father, but he doesn’t talk like him. I worry we might get played. Be on guard. Get your weapons ready. Let me go question him and see how he answers. If he really is my father, then it would be fine even if we waited for a month before eating the Tang monk. But if his words don’t sound right, listen for my signal and attack.”
Red Boy then went back inside and kowtowed again to his father. The Bull Demon King said, “Son, no need to kowtow so much. Whatever you want to say, just say it.”
Red Boy kneeled and said, “In addition to inviting you to come eat the Tang monk’s flesh, I also had a request. Sometime back, I flew to heaven and ran into the Daoist master Zhang Daoling (4,2).”
“The Daoist pope?”
“Exactly.”
“What did he say to you?”
“He saw that I had a very auspicious appearance, so he asked me for my birth year, date, and time. I’m young and don’t remember. He was going to cast a divination for me. So I wanted to ask you, so that the next time I see him, he can tell my fortune.”
The Bull Demon King started laughing and said, “Good son, please get up. I’m getting old. And my mind has been occupied lately. I can’t remember your birth date and time just now. Tomorrow, when I get home, I’ll ask your mother.”
Red Boy scoffed, “Father, you’ve always spoken to me about my birth date and time, and you said that my life will be as eternal as heaven and earth. How can you forget it today? You must be an imposter!”
He shouted, and all his lackeys charged forward and attacked. In that moment, the Bull Demon King suddenly turned into Sun Wukong, pulled out his golden rod, and fended off all the lackeys.
“Good son, you’re so rude!” Wukong laughed, “How can a son attack his father?”
Red Boy was flushed with embarrassment, and Sun Wukong turned into a golden light and flew out of the cave. The lackeys panicked, but Red Boy said, “Alas, just let him go. He had me this time. Just shut the doors and don’t respond to anything he says. Let’s wash the Tang monk and steam him.”
On the other side of the ravine, Sun Wukong was laughing hard as he returned to Sha Zeng. Sha Zeng asked him, “Brother, you’ve been gone for half a day. Why are you laughing? Did you rescue master?”
“Oh brother, even though I didn’t rescue master, I still came out on top.”
“How so?”
So Wukong recounted the little fun he had with Red Boy, but Sha Zeng said, “Brother, you may have gotten some small advantage this time, but master’s life is still in danger.”
“No worries; I’ll go invite the Bodhisattva.”
“But you’re still sore.”
“No, I’m ok now. As the old saying goes, ‘Happy things perk you up.’ You just watch the luggage and horse, and I’ll go.”
“You’ve humiliated that demon; he might harm master. Hurry back!”
“I’ll be back in the time it takes for a meal.”
So Wukong somersaulted into the clouds and flew toward the South Sea. Within an hour, he could see Mount Potalaka. He descended and was greeted by the 24 devas. He greeted them and asked to see Guanyin. They asked him to wait outside her cave while one of them went to announce him. As soon as Guanyin heard this, she summoned Wukong.
Wukong tidied up his clothes, went inside, and kowtowed to Guanyin. She asked what he was doing there, and he recounted all the troubles he’s had against Red Boy. Guanyin told him, “Since he’s powerful and can wield sacred fire, why did you go to ask the dragon kings for help instead of coming to me?”
You know, that’s a darn good question. Considering Guanyin is batting a thousand in terms of helping them solve whatever trouble they’ve been running into, I don’t know why Sun Wukong didn’t just go straight to her. Oh wait, I do know. The author needed some filler.
Wukong, though, told Guanyin, “I was going to come ask you, but I was scorched and couldn’t fly. So I sent Zhu Bajie.”
“But Bajie didn’t come,” Guanyin said.
“Exactly. Before Bajie could get here, that demon assumed your likeness and lured Bajie to his cave. Bajie is hanging up in a sack right now, waiting to be steamed and devoured.”
Guanyin was irate when she heard that. “How dare that demon assume MY likeness?!” she fumed as she hurled the jade vase in her hand into the sea. Sun Wukong was taken aback. He stood up and said, “This Bodhisattva hasn’t lost her fiery temper. My words must have offended her so much that she threw away her vase. What a pity. She should’ve just given it to me as a favor.”
But just then, the waves of the sea churned, and the vase remerged, carried on the back of a monstrous creature. It was a turtle. The turtle clambered onto shore and nodded 24 times toward Guanyin. Wukong laughed under his breath and muttered, “This turtle must be the guardian of the vase. If the vase goes missing, he’s the one to ask.”
“Wukong, what are you saying?” Guanyin asked.
“Oh nothing, nothing.”
“Go bring my vase to me.”
Wukong went over to the turtle and tried to pick up the vase, but he couldn’t even nudge it. He turned around, kneeled to Guanyin, and said, “Bodhisattva, I can’t move it.”
“You monkey; you just know how to brag. If you can’t lift the vase, how can you tame the demon?”
“To tell you the truth, I usually can lift it but not today. I must be weak from being burned by that demon.”
“No. Usually that vase is empty. But today, I threw it into the sea, and it’s now filled with water borrowed from all the rivers, lakes, and seas. That’s why you can’t lift it.”
Guanyin now walked over and easily picked up the vase with her right hand, and set it into the palm of her left hand. The turtle nodded again and returned to the sea. Guanyin now told Wukong, “The dew water in my vase is different from the dragon kings’ rain. This water can extinguish that demon’s fire. But you can’t lift it. I was going to send the Naga Maiden to go with you. But you’re no good. You’re deceitful. My Naga Maiden is a beauty, and this vase is very precious. If you steal either of them, I’ll be too busy to chase you down. You must leave me something as security.”
“Oh Bodhisattva, you’re too suspicious. I don’t do those things anymore now that I’m in the Buddhist school. Besides, what would you have me leave as a security deposit? The clothes I’m wearing came from you. This tiger skin kilt isn’t worth much. And I need my rod for protection. This hoop on my head is gold, but you cast a spell so that I can’t take it off. If you want it as a security deposit, then I’m willing to give it to you. You’d just need to read a Band-Loosening Spell and take it off. Otherwise, what else can I offer?”
“I don’t want your clothes, rod, or head band,” Guanyin said. “I just want one of the three Life-Saving Hairs on the back of your head.”
“You were the one who bestowed those hairs to me,” Wukong said. “But if you pluck one off, you’ll break up the collection, and then they won’t be any good anymore.”
“You monkey!” Guanyin scolded him. “If you won’t even part with single hair, how can I help you?”
“Bodhisattva, you’re too suspicious,” Wukong laughed. “As the saying goes, ‘If not for the monk, then do it for the Buddha.’ Please save my master, no matter what!”
At that, Guanyin stepped off her lotus dais and flew to the top of a cliff. Wukong was delighted. He accompanied her out of her cave. She asked him to set off first, but he bowed and said, “I dare not fly in front of you. If I do my somersault cloud, I might expose myself, and then you might fault me for disrespect.”
So Guanyin had the Naga Maiden go to her lotus pond and pluck a lotus flower. She cast it on the sea and told Wukong, “Get on that flower, and I’ll fly you across the sea.”
“Bodhisattva, this flower is light and thin. How can it carry me? If I fall in the sea, it would get my tiger-skin kilt wet. Once the saltpeter that keeps it soft gets washed out, how can I wear it when it’s cold?”
“Just get on!” Guanyin commanded.
So Wukong leaped onto the flower, and all the sudden, the flower seemed to expand to even larger than a sailing ship.
“Bodhisattva, it’s big enough to carry me!” Wukong said with delight.
“Then why don’t you cross the sea?”
“There’s no pole, oars, mast, or sail. How can I get across?”
“No need for those,” Guanyin said as she blew on the flower. That one breath sent the flower careening across the South Sea, all the way to the opposite shore. Once Wukong stepped back onto land, he laughed, “This Bodhisattva is showing off. It didn’t take her any effort at all to send me around like this.”
Guanyin now asked the Naga Maiden to close the doors to her cave. She then took to the air and summoned her disciple, Muzha, aka, the second brother of Lotus Boy Nezha. She told him, “Go to heaven and ask your father to lend me his Pole Star Knife.”
“How many do you need?” Muzha asked.
“The whole set.”
To see what Guanyin wants with a big set of knives, tune in to the next episode of the Chinese Lore Podcast. Thanks for listening!
Music in This Episode
- “Luỹ Tre Xanh Ngát Đầu Làng (Guzheng) – Vietnam BGM” by VPRODMUSIC_Asia_BGM
- “Ravines” by Elphnt (from YouTube audio library)
- “Day of Recon” by Max Surla/Media Right Productions (from YouTube audio library)