Journey 006: So Many Peaches …

The Jade Emperor decides to take a different approach to try to keep Sun Wukong under control.

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Transcript

Welcome to the Chinese Lore Podcast, where I retell classic Chinese stories in English. This is episode 6 of Journey to the West.

Last time, Sun Wukong put himself on heaven’s radar by making a mess of hell. But instead of punishing him, the Jade Emperor of Heaven was persuaded to take the more devious approach of summoning him to heaven and giving him a position so that he could be kept under heaven’s watch. It went well for all of two weeks, until Sun Wukong found out that he was nothing more than heaven’s stable monkey. He quit in a huff and went back to Flower and Fruit Mountain, at which point heaven said, “You can’t quit!” and sent an army led by Li Jing the Pagoda-Wielding King and his son lotus boy Nezha to go deliver that message.

The celestial army descended upon Flower and Fruit Mountain and pitched camp on a flat plain, which makes you wonder why an army of divine beings needed to pitch camp like a mortal army. But whatever. The vanguard general was a giant entity named the Mighty Spirit God, and he was ordered to go seek battle. So he wielded his battle ax and stomped out to the entrance of the Water Curtain Cave. There, he saw numerous demon animals playing around with weapons.

“You beasts!” the Mighty Spirit God roared. “Hurry up and let that stable monkey know that I, a top general from heaven, have arrived on the Jade Emperor’s command to arrest him. Tell him to surrender at once, or you all will be maimed or killed!”

The demon lackeys scrambled into the cave and shouted, “Oh crap! Oh crap!”

“What’s wrong?” Wukong asked.

“There’s a divine warrior outside, calling you out by name. He said he’s here by the Jade Emperor’s decree to arrest you, and that you should surrender at once or we would be killed!”

Wukong now donned his armor, gripped his golden rod, and led his troops outside. As they lined up in battle formation, their foe, the Mighty-Spirit God, roared at Wukong, “You damn monkey! Do you recognize me?”

“Which two-bit god are you?” Wukong shot back. “I haven’t met you, so announce your name.”

“Damn monkey! I bet you don’t recognize me! I am the Mighty-God Spirit, the vanguard general under Li Jing the Pagoda-Wielding King! I have come on the command of the Jade Emperor to arrest you. Lay down your arms and armor at once and obey heaven, and all your wild beasts won’t need to die. But if you utter so much as half a ‘no’, I will pound you into dust!”

“You puny god, stop running your big mouth and wagging your long tongue!” an irate Wukong cursed. “I would kill you with one swing of my rod, but then who would deliver a message for me? So I’ll spare you for now. Scram back to heaven and tell that Jade Emperor that he doesn’t recognize talent. I have boundless powers, how can he appoint me to raise horses for him? Look at my banner. If he bestows that title and position upon me, then I will not mobilize my army, and heaven and earth will know peace. But if he refuses, then I will go smash up his palace and he won’t be able to even sit on his throne!”

The Mighty-Spirit God looked up in the direction that Wukong pointed in, and he saw a tall flagpole with a huge banner that read, “Great Sage, Equal to Heaven.” He scoffed, “Damn monkey, you really don’t know any better! How dare you demand to be called ‘Great Sage, Equal to Heaven’? Taste my ax!”

As he spoke, he raised his ax and swung at Wukong. But Wukong calmly raised his golden rod to counter, and they started to trade blows. Before long, Wukong had his foe on his heels. As Wukong brought his golden rod down toward his head, the Mighty-Spirit God tried to block it with the handle of his ax, and the handle promptly snapped in twain. 

Scared out of his mind, the Mighty-Spirit God turned and fled, while Wukong laughed, “You useless idiot! I already said I would spare you. Go deliver my message!”

When the now not so Mighty-Spirit God ran back to his camp and reported his defeat, his commander, Li Jing, grew angry and wanted to execute him for his incompetence. But Li Jing’s son Nezha said, “Father, please calm down and spare him for now.now. Let me go fight the enemy and check out his powers.”

Li Jing agreed and sent his son out. Nezha now went to the cave and demanded battle. Wukong saw this uncommon looking young boy, so he went up and asked, “Whose kid are you? What are you doing causing a ruckus outside my home?”

“Damn monkey! How can you not know me?!” Nezha shouted. “I am Nezha, the third son of the Pagoda-Wielding King. I have come on the Jade Emperor’s command to arrest you!”

“Kiddo, you haven’t even lost your baby teeth yet, so how dare you make such boasts?!” Wukong chuckled. “I’ll spare your life and not fight you. Look at the words on my banner. Go tell the Jade Emperor that if he grants me that title, then I will make peace with him without his needing to mobilize any soldiers. But if he doesn’t grant that request, then I will storm into his palace.”

Nezha looked up and saw the Great Sage banner, and he reacted in the same way his predecessor did. 

“What skills could you have, you demon ape, that you would dare to claim such a title?! Have a taste of my sword!”

“Oh I’m just going to stand here and let you have a few good hacks at me,” Wukong said, still not taking him seriously.

But Nezha was pissed now. He shouted, “Change!” and immediately sprouted three heads and six arms. With each hand wielding a magic weapon, he launched a vicious attack on his foe. Now THIS put Wukong on notice.

“That boy actually has a trick or two,” he thought to himself. “No matter, watch me!”

So he too shouted “Change!” and similarly sprouted three heads and six arms. He shook his golden rod, and it turned into three. So with six hands wielding three rods, Wukong engaged Nezha in a dogged fight.

After 30 vicious exchanges, neither had the upper hand. But in the midst of the fighting, Wukong plucked out one of his own hairs and shouted, “Change!”. The hair turned into a clone of himself, wielding a golden rod and fighting Nezha. But the real Wukong snuck behind Nezha and took a swing. Nezha could hear the whoosh of the rod coming down, so he tried to duck, but it was too late. The rod caught him on his left shoulder. Grimacing in pain, Nezha turned back into his singled-headed self and retreated.

When Li Jing saw his own son come back injured and defeated, he was stunned. “How can we beat this monkey if he is so powerful?!” he wondered.

Nezha then relayed Wukong’s demand about being officially named Great Sage, Equal to Heaven. Li Jing said, “In that case, let’s not fight him anymore for now. Let’s return to heaven and relay that message. Then we can mobilize more troops and capture that scoundrel.”

As this initial celestial army limped back to heaven, Sun Wukong and all his demon buddies gathered to celebrate. And while they drank, they came up with fancy highfalutin titles for Wukong’s six demon sworn brothers as well. They all had fun, drank for a whole day, and then parted ways.

Up in heaven, the mood was quite different. The Jade Emperor was stunned at his army’s defeat and irate over the demand that they relayed from Sun Wukong. He was talking about sending more troops to bring the demon monkey to heel, but Venus stepped forth and said, “That demon monkey is mouthing off and doesn’t know any better. But even if we send more troops, we might not be able to tame him quickly, and it would be to our army’s detriment. Why not exercise your great compassion again and send another offer of amnesty. Just grant him the title Great Sage, Equal to Heaven and give him an empty promotion?”

“What do you mean?” the Jade Emperor asked.

“Just give him the title, but don’t put him in charge of anything, and don’t pay him anything. Just keep him around up here in heaven, so that he’s under control and not tempted to cause trouble. That would ensure peace across the realm.”

The Jade Emperor agreed to this plan, so once again, he sent Venus to go deliver the amnesty offer.

When Venus descended on Flower and Fruit Mountain this time, he noticed that the vibe had changed. The place was now bristling with weapons as all the demon lackeys were armed and standing guard. As soon as they saw him, they prepared to attack, but Venus said, “Please go tell the Great Sage that I am an envoy from the Jade Emperor, here with a decree and an invitation for him.”

When Wukong got word of this, he said, “Perfect. It’s probably that Venus from last time. When I went to heaven that time, even though I didn’t get a position that I liked, I still managed to learn my way around heaven. This time, he must be bringing good news.”

So he ordered his lackeys to line up, while he went out with his monkeys and shouted, “Old friend, come in! Excuse my lateness in welcoming you!”

Venus hurried forward, entered the cave, and said, “Great Sage, hear me. After you quit the job at the stables because you felt it was too low a position, the staff reported it to the Jade Emperor. He said, ‘All officials work their way up from lower posts to higher ways, so why is he scorning this post?’ Meanwhile, Li Jing and Nezha led their troops down here to pick a fight. They had no idea of your powers, so they returned in defeat and reported that you had erected a banner and were demanding to be named Great Sage, Equal to Heaven. The other generals still wanted to wage war against you, but I risked their wrath and spoke up for you. I persuaded the Jade Emperor to grant you the title so as to avoid further warfare. That’s why I’m here to invite you back to heaven.”

Wukong laughed and said, “Thank you so much, for last time and this time. But does heaven have a position called ‘Great Sage, Equal to Heaven?’”

“If I didn’t have permission to offer that to you, how would I dare to come here?” Venus said. “If it doesn’t turn out well this time, you can blame it all on me.”

That was good enough for Wukong, who was delighted at the news. Again he offered Venus a drink, but again Venus declined on account of needing to report back. So the two of them again flew back up to the southern gate of heaven. This time, the guards welcomed Wukong with respect and escorted him to the Treasure Hall of Divine Mists.

Venus kneeled and reported to the Jade Emperor, “Your servant has summoned the stable hand Sun Wukong as your highness commanded.”

The Jade Emperor said, “Sun Wukong, approach. I’m appointing you the Great Sage, Equal to Heaven. This is the highest position, but you must not act up again.”

Wukong bowed and said thanks a lot. The Jade Emperor then commanded two of his officials to oversee the construction of a residence for the Great Sage next to the imperial peach orchard. The place came with a full staff to tend to his needs. He also received two bottles of imperial wine and 10 golden flowers. 

All this swag, the Jade Emperor hoped, would placate Wukong and keep him from causing more trouble. And it looked like the plan was working. Wukong promptly drank all the wine and seemed quite pleased with his situation. All his needs were tended to by his staff, and since he had no responsibilities, he spent his days visiting various immortals in heaven and getting chummy with all of them, no matter their rank or status. Even the most revered deities would receive a backslapping visit from him while he called them buddy and pal as if they were old acquaintances.

One day, while the Jade Emperor held court, one of his officials reported, “The Great Sage has nothing to do, so he spends his time visiting all the gods of heaven. No matter their rank, he acts like they’re close friends. I worry that eventually trouble will grow out of boredom. You should put him in charge of something so that he doesn’t cause any trouble.”

Umm, dude, did you forget that the whole point of this plan was to give him a title without responsibilities in order to keep him out of trouble? Alas, apparently the Jade Emperor had forgotten as well. He summoned Sun Wukong and said, “Since you seemed bored, I want to give you a task. I’ll put you in charge of the Immortal Peach Orchard. Take good care of it.”

Umm … so not only have you forgotten that the whole point was to give Sun Wukong an empty title without actual responsibilities, but the one responsibility you do choose to give this monkey is … to watch over ripe, delicious peaches? What could POSSIBLY go wrong?

Sun Wukong, surprise surprise, was delighted with this assignment. He rushed over to the peach orchard and went inside to inspect the trees. As he entered the orchard, he was met by a local earth spirit. Now, there are lots of these earth spirits hanging around in heaven and on earth. They’re fairly low-ranking, low-powered deities who are in charge of the soil in their territories. This particular earth spirit asked Wukong what he was doing in the orchard.

“The Jade Emperor has put me in charge of the Immortal Peach Orchard,” Wukong explained, “so I have come to inspect it.”

The earth spirit quickly welcomed him and also summoned the orchard staff to come pay their respects, and then they gave Wukong the tour. As they wound their way through the orchards, Wukong could see that every branch was laden with sumptuous looking peaches.

After a while, he asked the earth spirit, “How many trees are in the orchard?”

“There are 3,600 in all,” the earth spirit replied. “The 1,200 in the front have small flowers and fruits. Their peaches ripen once every 3,000 years. A mortal who eats one of those peaches would attain an immortal’s light body. The 1,200 trees in the middle have layered flowers and sweet fruits that ripen once every 6,000 years. Eating one of those peaches would allow you to fly and never grow old. The 1,200 trees in the back have fruits with purple veins and pale yellow pits. They ripen once every 9,000 years. Eat one of those, and you would live as long as heaven and earth, as the sun and the moon.”

Wukong was delighted upon hearing that explanation. After finishing the inspection tour, he returned to his residence next door. From that day forth, he would visit the orchard once every few days, and he stopped “dropping in” on deities. I mean, say what you will, but the guy does take his jobs pretty darn seriously, as all those well-fed horses in the imperial stables could testify. 

But then one day, he noticed that more than half of the peaches on some of the older trees had ripened. And how’s a monkey supposed to resist the temptation of a tree full of ripe peaches? He wanted a taste, but couldn’t very well do that with the orchard staff and his own attendants around. But then, an idea came to mind.

“You all go wait outside for a while; let me get some sleep in this pavilion here,” he told the staff. 

And so they all left. After probably striking a “I can’t believe that worked” face, Wukong tossed aside his official robes, climbed up a big tree, and plucked a bunch of the largest, ripest peaches, and gorged himself. When he was done, he hopped back down, put his robes back on, met up with his staff, and returned home. A couple days later, he pulled the same stunt again, and again came away with a belly full of delicious peaches. And if you’re keeping count, he’s immortal like three times over now, what with the secret of eternal life that he picked up from his Daoist master, his taking his name off the registries in the Underworld, and now his weekly feasts on peaches of long life.

One day, the Jade Emperor’s queen, the Golden Mother, decided to throw a party for all the who’s who’s in heaven. It was going to be called the Grand Festival of Immortal Peaches. Needless to say, the star attraction of this little gathering would be those juicy immortal peaches from the imperial orchard. So she sent seven fairies, who, according to legend were her daughters, to go pick peaches from the orchard. 

When the fairies arrived at the orchard, they found the orchard’s staff and earth spirit, as well as Sun Wukong’s personal attendants, standing watch at the gate.

“We have come on the Golden Mother’s command to pick peaches for her festival,” the fairies informed them.

“Please wait a bit,” the earth spirit said. “Things are different from past years. The Jade Emperor has appointed the Great Sage, Equal to Heaven to oversee the orchard. We must inform him before we can let you in.”

“And where is the Great Sage?” the fairies asked.

“He’s inside, but he’s sleeping in the pavilion.”

“In that case, go find him. We can’t delay.”

So the earth spirit accompanied the fairies into the orchard to look for Wukong. But there was no sign of him at the pavilion, only his official robes. They looked all over, but couldn’t find him. 

After searching fruitlessly for a while, the fairies said, “We came here on the Golden Mother’s command. Even though we can’t find the Great Sage, we don’t dare to go back empty-handed.”

One of Wukong’s attendants told them, “In that case, you can proceed. The Great Sage is used to making merry. He must have left to go meet up with some friends. You all go pick your peaches. We’ll let him know when he gets back.”

So the fairies entered the orchards and started picking. They managed to fill a couple baskets in the front orchard and three more in the middle orchard. But when they got to the orchard in the back — the one with the premium-grade fruits — they saw that there were only a few still green peaches left on those trees. Guess what happened to all the ripe ones.

After looking all around for a good while, the fairies spotted a half-red, half-white peach on a branch pointing southward. One of them plucked it off the branch, handed it to a companion, who placed it into her basket. But suddenly, the peach morphed into a scowling monkey, wielding a golden rod and shouting, “What demons are you, that you dare to come steal my peaches?!”

So as it turns out, the reason why no one could find Sun Wukong was that after gorging himself on more peaches, he shrank himself down to about 2 inches tall, found a nice spot under a leaf on one of the trees, turned into a peach and went to sleep. And he was not amused about having his nap disturbed.

The seven fairies were startled and hurriedly kneeled and said, “Great Sage, please calm down. We aren’t demons. We are the seven fairies, sent here by the Golden Mother to pick peaches for her Grand Festival of Immortal Peaches. When we arrived, we first met the orchard’s earth spirit. But we couldn’t find you. We were afraid of delays in completing our errand, so we started picking peaches. Please forgive us.”

Hearing this, Wukong’s frown turned upside down. “Please get up,” he told them. “By the way, who is the Golden Mother inviting to her festival?”

“According to the rules of past festivals, it would be the Buddha and Bodhisattvas, holy monks, and arhats from the West, the Guanyin Bodhisattva of the South, the Holy Emperor of Great Mercy of the East, the Immortals of Ten Continents and Three Islands, the Dark Spirit of the North Pole, the Great Immortal of the Yellow Horn, Elders from the Five Quarters, STar Spirits of the Five poles, the Three Pure Ones, the Four Deva Kings …”

Anyway, the fairies rattled off a long list of VIPs, but as far as Wukong could hear, there was one name that was conspicuously missing.

“Did she send me an invite?” he asked them.

“Umm … not that we’ve heard.”

“But I’m the Great Sage, Equal to Heaven. Why won’t she invite me as an honored guest?”

“We just know who’s been invited in the past, not who’s getting invited this year.”

“Ok, fair enough,” Wukong said. “Go about your business. I’ll go find out if I’m getting an invite.”

But as soon as the seven fairies turned their backs, Wukong uttered an incantation, pointed at them, and said, “Freeze!” Immediately, all seven fairies were frozen in place with eyes open but unable to speak or move. Wukong then flew out of the orchard and headed to the Jade Pool, the site of the festival.

On the way to the festival site, Wukong suddenly saw another god, the Barefoot Immortal.

“Hey buddy, where are you going?” Wukong asked.

“I’ve been invited by the Golden Mother to attend the Grand Festival of Immortal Peaches.”

“Ah, then you must not have heard. Because I can fly fast, the Jade Emperor has tasked me with informing all the guests that they should first gather at the Hall of Perfect Light to rehearse the ceremonies before going to the festival.”

The Barefoot Immortal was an honest man, so he had no suspicion that Wukong was up to no good. He just muttered, “We always rehearsed the ceremonies at the Jade Pool in years past; why are we doing it at the Hall of Perfect Light first this year?” Nonetheless, he turned and headed off toward the hall.

Wukong now muttered an incantation and assumed the form of the Barefoot Immortal. He then headed to the Jade Pool. When he arrived, he saw that the place had been set up for a grand party, with all sorts of delicacies laid out. No guests had arrived yet, but everything was set up. 

As he scoped things out, he suddenly caught a whiff of fragrant wine. He followed his nose and came upon a corridor where several celestial brewers and their assistants were busy preparing vessels for the heavenly wine that had been brewed for the occasion. Wukong could feel his mouth watering, but he couldn’t just help himself with all these people here. 

So he discreetly plucked a few hairs off himself, chewed them up, sprayed them out, and muttered, “Change!” The chewed-up hair turned into tiny sleep-inducing bugs. As soon as they flew onto the faces of the workers, everyone promptly shut their eyes and fell sound asleep.

And now, Wukong was free to indulge in all the delicacies, and indulge he did. He tasted all the exotic dishes, and then went back to the corridor and chugged more than a few jugs of wine. After this gluttonous feast, he thought to himself, “Uh oh, if any guests arrive and catch me, what would I do? Let me sleep this off at home.”

And so, he drunkenly staggered off, still holding a jug of wine in his arm. But in his stupor, he took a wrong turn somewhere, and instead of his own house, he came upon the Tusita Palace, the home of Lao Zi, the founder of Daoism.

“Hey, this is Lao Zi’s home; how did I end up here?” Wukong muttered to himself, still waking up from the wine. “Eh, just as well. I’ve been meaning to pay him a visit but hadn’t gotten around to it yet. Since I’m here, let me go say hi.”

So he tidied up his clothes a bit and went in. But there was no one around. As it turns out, Lao Zi and Master Burning Lamp were giving a lecture elsewhere, and all their attendants went with them. So Wukong walked around the place until he came upon the alchemy room. This was where Lao Zi made his immortality pills. The cauldron in which he refined the pills was lit. Next to the cauldron were five gourds. Each gourd contained some golden pills. Hey, jackpot!

“This is an immortal’s treasure!” Wukong rejoiced. “Ever since I attained the Dao and became immortal, I’ve been meaning to make some pills of my own for people. But I haven’t had the time since returning home. But what good luck that I found these today. While Lao Zi is out, let me eat a few of these.”

And so, he poured out the pills from one gourd after another, and gobbled them up like fried beans. So basically, he just added yet another layer of immortality.

By now, he was stuffed full of immortality pills and sobering up, and he realized the magnitude of what he’s done. “Oh crap!” he said to himself. “This is no small calamity. If I piss off the Jade Emperor, my life might be in danger. Let me get out of here and go back to just being a king in the world below!”

So he rushed out of Lao Zi’s palace. Instead of retracing his steps, he went to the western gate of heaven, made himself invisible to slip past the guards, and flew back to Flower and Fruit Mountain. 

Obviously, his actions are gonna have consequences. To see what kind of consequences, tune in to the next episode of the Chinese Lore Podcast. Thanks for listening!

Music in This Episode

• “Luỹ Tre Xanh Ngát Đầu Làng (Guzheng) – Vietnam BGM” by VPRODMUSIC_Asia_BGM
• “Ravines” by Elphnt (from YouTube audio library)
• “Dark Toys” by SYBS (from YouTube audio library)
•  Jazz Mango” by Joe Pecoraro (from YouTube audio library)