Gods 080: Dancing with Demons

As one demon buddy after another show their true form, the Shang commander keeps telling his human comrades that, “I had no idea those guys were snakes and pigs and goats. I swear!”

• Subscribe
• Transcript
• Map of Key Locations
• Characters
• Music

Transcript

Welcome to the Chinese Lore Podcast, where I retell classic Chinese stories in English. This is episode 80 of Investiture of the Gods.

Before we pick up where we left off, I want to let you know that we have probably fewer than 10 episodes left in the Investiture of the Gods. Once I’m done with the narrative, I’m going to do a wrap-up episode. If you have any questions about the story, go ahead and start sending them in, and I might answer some of them in the wrap-up. I’ll likely wait a week or two after the last episode of the narrative before I post the wrap-up, so as to give you a little bit of time to send in any last questions once we reach the end of the story. After that, I’m probably going to take a month or so off to get rejuvenated and get ready for our next novel, Journey to the West. And now, back to Investiture of the Gods.

Last time, after a number of indecisive battles and some casualties on both sides, Jiang Ziya and company were finally ready to rid themselves of the demons from Osmanthus Mountain. First, Yang Jian slew the snake demon in battle. Then, when the Shang commander Yuan (2) Hong (2), a monkey demon, came to avenge his fallen comrade, Nezha trapped him in the sacred fire dome and scorched him with flames. But Yuan Hong, acting like a slippery monkey, used his powers of transformation and fled before the fire could get to him. 

Meanwhile, his other comrade Wu (2) Long (2), a centipede demon, came out to fight Nezha. Standing to the side, Yang Jian used his newly borrowed Demon Exposing Mirror to check out Wu Long. Once he saw the demon’s real form, Yang Jian rode out to join the fight. Wu Long figured he wasn’t going to be able to fend off both of them, so he turned and ran. Nezha was just about to give chase, but Yang Jian told him, “I’ve got it!” So Nezha let his comrade have the chase.

Seeing Yang Jian close in from behind, Wu Long now summoned a cloud of black smoke and reverted to his true form, that of a giant centipede, and tried to attack Yang Jian. But Yang Jian quickly transformed himself into a golden rooster. He flew into the smoke and pecked the centipede into pieces. 

Having slew two demon enemies, Jiang Ziya and his army returned to camp in victory. Meanwhile, on the Shang side, the human officers were chattering amongst themselves, saying, “The country is in dire straits, and demons are acting up. Turns out two of our generals were snake and centipede demons, taking human form to deceive us. This is not a good sign. We should go discuss it with our commander.”

Of course, said commander was also a demon himself. Yuan Hong was sulking in his tent when his officers came in. He told them, “I had no idea that Chang Hao and Wu Long were demons. They almost did us in.”

The human officers told him, “Jiang Ziya is a disciple of the Chan sect, and he has so many powerful Daoists in his service. Our army likely won’t be able to hold its position. Please decide soon whether we should go on the offensive or stay on the defensive. From the looks of things, our army is outnumbered and cannot fight the enemy head to head. Why not retreat and defend the capital? We can foil the enemy without a fight.”

But Yuan Hong disagreed. “You’re wrong,” he told them. “I have been commanded to hold this position, and it’s a key location. How can I abandon it and instead retreat to the capital? If we let the enemy come to our doorstep, how can we not lose? Jiang Ziya may have a lot of people in his service, but he has ventured deep into enemy territory. Watch me defeat him here. I have my secret plans. Say no more.”

As the human officers disbanded, one of them, Lu (3) Renjie (2,2), said to his friend Yin (1) Chengxiu (2,4), “It’s all too plain to see. The Shang will likely belong to the Zhou. The court is in chaos and is using demons as generals. How can we succeed? Alas, you and I have received the state’s kindness for generations, so how can we not do our utmost for the country? But if we are to die, we should at least die in the capital to show our loyalty. We must not die here and rot alongside demons. Let’s find opportunities to be messengers for the army and return to the capital.”

One such opportunity soon presented itself. The provisions officer reported to Yuan Hong that the army only had five days of grain left. So Yuan Hong ordered a letter to be delivered to the capital to request more supplies. Lu Renjie immediately volunteered to be the courier, and off he went.

Back in the capital, another uncommon man had answered the recruitment call. He was a giant, able to pull a ship along on land and devour a whole ox in one meal. He wielded a bundle of logs as his weapon. His name was Wu (1) Wenhua (2,4). He was brought to the Shang camp at Mengjin to see Yuan Hong. When Yuan Hong summoned the newcomer, he saw that Wu Wenhua had the appearance of a door god. 

“General, you must be coming with a brilliant plan,” Yuan Hong said. “How should we defeat the enemy?”

“I am but an oaf, sent here on the king’s command to carry out your orders,” Wu Wenhua replied.

Yuan Hong rejoiced, “You will render great service for sure! Now, I won’t have to worry about capturing Jiang Ziya.”

The next morning, Wu Wenhua went out to demand battle. He went to the Zhou camp with his bundle of logs and shouted, “Tell that rebel Jiang Ziya to come to the camp gate to receive his death!”

Inside the Zhou camp, Jiang Ziya heard the commotion outside and looked up. He was stunned to see this giant, as was everyone else. Then, his soldiers reported that said giant was demanding battle. From among his Daoist followers, Dragon-Beard tiger, the weird dragon-tiger hybrid, volunteered to go face the giant. Jiang Ziya consented, telling him to be careful.

So Dragon-Beard Tiger went out. Wu Wenhua looked down at him, and then looked down on him, roaring with laughter, “Where did this shrimp come from?! What kind of creature are you?!”

An enraged Dragon-Beard Tiger cursed, “You scoundrel! What do you mean ‘creature’? I am Commander Jiang’s second disciple, Dragon-Beard Tiger.”

“You’re just an animal; you don’t look like a man at all,” Wu Wenhua laughed. “How can you be Jiang Ziya’s disciple?!”

“Tell me your name so I can report it for the record when I kill you!” Dragon-Beard Tiger shot back.

“Damn animal! I’m Wu Wenhua, a top general in the service of Commander Yuan. You just go on back and tell Jiang Ziya to come meet his death. I’ll spare your life!”

“I came on his orders to capture you! How dare you spout nonsense?!” Dragon-Beard Tiger cursed as he hurled a boulder. Wu Wenhua dodged it and swung his bundle of logs. Dragon-Beard Tiger ducked out of the way, but the bundle of logs left a hole about three or four feet deep in the ground. By the time Wu Wenhua dislodged the logs to attack again, he had taken seven or eight boulders to the leg from Dragon-Beard Tiger. By the time he turned, he had been on the receiving end of another five or six boulders. In less than two hours, the lumbering giant was struck by about 80 boulders, and he limped away toward the East, dragging his logs behind him. Dragon-Beard Tiger returned to camp to celebrate, and everyone breathed easy, figuring that the giant was not so tough after all.

Wu Wenhua, meanwhile, fled for about six or seven miles and sat down on a cliff. He massaged his legs for a couple hours before he could move again. He lumbered back to the Shang camp, and Yuan Hong admonished him, saying, “You lost your first fight and damaged our morale! Why weren’t you more careful?”

“Commander, don’t worry,” Wu Wenhua said. “Tonight, I’ll go raid their camp and wipe them all out. It will satisfy the court and soothe my anger.”

“In that case, I’ll help you,” Yuan Hong said.

Around 9 p.m. that night, the Shang camp set off an explosive, and their forces charged out. Wu Wenhua led the way and stormed into the Zhou camp, where he caught the Zhou forces completely off guard, who apparently can’t see a giant coming in the night. He crashed through the defenses, sweeping aside all the barricades with his log bundle. Then, he started sweeping away enemy soldiers, leaving the ground covered with dead bodies while making rivers of blood. The 600,000-strong Zhou army was reduced to panicked cries. Meanwhile, Yuan Hong unleashed his demonic powers, which encircled the camp and frightened the enemy’s officers and soldiers.

Hearing that the giant was raiding his camp, Jiang Ziya hurried mounted his Four-Not-Like and shielded himself with his magic yellow banner. The sound of chaotic battle made him panic, and he saw in the darkness the giant with two eyes glowing red like huge lanterns. All the Zhou forces were in disarray. Sleeping men literally didn’t know what hit them as Wu Wenhua’s logs sent them flying left and right, while Yuan Hong rode around, slicing off arms, legs, and heads. 

Soon, Wu Wenhua had made his way to the back of the camp, where the provisions were kept. Yang Jian was in charge of that section. He saw that the fight was going against his side. When Wu Wenhua showed up, Yang Jian was torn between engaging him in battle or defending the provisions. Suddenly, he thought of an idea. He dismounted, uttered an incantation, pulled up a handful of grass and blew on them, shouting, “Change!”

The grass morphed into another giant. This one was even bigger than Wu Wenhua, and he shouted, “Scoundrel, stop!” When Wu Wenhua looked up, he was scared out of his mind.

“My granddaddy is here!” he said while quivering. He turned and ran away, dragging his logs behind him. Yang Jian gave chase for a bit and ran smack into Yuan Hong. The two engaged in a fierce battle before Yang Jian summoned his Sky-Barking Hound, which sent Yuan Hong fleeing back to camp as a beam of white light. Meanwhile, the other nobles heard the chaos in the Zhou camp and rushed to their aid. The scrum continued until morning before the fighting ceased.

Jiang Ziya now regrouped his tattered forces and located the Martial King. He did a headcount and found that he had lost 200,000 soldiers, about 40 officers, and most lamentably, Dragon-Beard Tiger, who was among those struck by Wu Wenhua’s logs. In fact, the Zhou soldiers saw his head hanging from the logs. This grieved Jiang Ziya immensely.

“I let my guard down for a minute, and we suffered this calamity,” he lamented. “This is all preordained.”

Yuan Hong, meanwhile, returned to camp and celebrated. He sent a letter to the court, telling them that Wu Wenhua had routed the enemy, clogging the waterway of Mengjin with so many dead enemies that the water could not flow. King Zhou rejoiced at this victory, his biggest since he started fighting the Zhou. But that just made him celebrate and party day in and day out, further neglecting the war.

Back on the front lines, Yang Jian went to see Jiang Ziya and suggested that they must first get rid of Wu Wenhua before they could defeat Yuan Hong. So Jiang Ziya laid out a plan and sent him to scout the area around Coiled Dragon Peak, which lay about 20 miles away. A ravine resembling the shape of a coiled dragon cut through the peak. Yang JIan took a look and reported back that this was the perfect place for the plan. So Jiang Ziya whispered some words into his ear, and Yang Jian went off.

On the other side, Yuan Hong and Wu Wenhua received a visit from a royal envoy bearing gifts for them. Afterward, Yuan Hong said to Wu Wenhua, “We have received great kindness from his majesty. General, we must do our utmost to repay the state, which would also make our names known throughout the land.”

“Let me go catch Jiang Ziya off guard tomorrow and wipe them out so we can report back soon,” Wu Wenhua said.

Yuan Hong liked his eagerness, so he threw a feast to celebrate. As they were talking and laughing, scouts reported that Jiang Ziya and the Martial King Ji Fa were outside looking at their camp. Yuan Hong immediately told Wu Wenhua, “Sneak out of camp and sweep up behind Jiang Ziya. You would be able to capture him like taking something out of a sack.”

So Wu Wenhua rushed out from the right camp gate and rushed toward Jiang Ziya with his giant log bundle in tow.

“Jiang Ziya, don’t you run!” he roared. “I’m going to capture you this time. Surrender now and await your death.”

Seeing him charging at them, Jiang Ziya and Ji Fa quickly turned and rode off toward the Southwest. Wu Wenhua gave chase. As the pursuit went on, Jiang Ziya looked back and shouted, “General Wu, if you can spare the two of us, we will return to our home country and will never dare to encroach on your state’s borders again. We and our vassals would be forever grateful for your kindness!”

But Wu Wenhua was not having any of that, and he kept up the chase. After a couple hours and about 20 miles, however, he was starting to get tired, since he was on foot while his quarry were on horseback. Jiang Ziya now turned around and shouted, “Do you dare to fight three bouts against me?!”

That put the fight back in Wu Wenhua. “Why won’t I dare?!” he barked as he continued the chase. Jiang Ziya again turned and rode off. Gradually, they approached Coiled Dragon Peak, and Jiang Ziya and Ji Fa rushed into the ravine. The sight of this made Wu Wenhua rejoice, as he figured that he had them trapped. So he stomped into the ravine after them.

But inside the ravine, there was no sight of his prey. Wu Wenhua stopped and looked around suspiciously. He saw no movement, so he turned around to leave. But just then, the sound of explosives rang out across the ravine, followed by the cries of battle. From atop the peak, logs and boulders came rolling down and blocked off the entrance to the ravine. Soldiers then let loose with fire arrows, rockets, and dry tinder. Within moments, a raging fire had broken out at the bottom of the ravine. 

Wu Wenhua tried to run deeper into the mountain. But underfoot, he triggered countless landmines, and within an instant, he was reduced to ashes.

Having successfully disposed of the giant, Yang Jian and the other Zhou forces from the ambush returned to camp to report to Jiang Ziya. Jiang Ziya was elated, but also lamented, “But Yuan Hong is still around. What should we do about him?”

“He is a white monkey from Osmanthus Mountain,” Yang Jian said. “He’s the most talented of the demons. We may need more time to deal with him.”

“Then let’s wait until the Grand Duke of the East joins us, and then we can advance,” Jiang Ziya said.

In the Shang camp, Yuan Hong got word that his giant warrior had been burned to death, and he sat unhappily in his tent. Just then, word came that a monk was outside, requesting an audience. Yuan Hong invited him in, and the monk entered and they exchanged greetings. Yuan Hong then asked his visitor for his name and origin.

“I also live around Osmanthus Mountain, not far from you,” the monk said. “My name is Zhu (1) Zizhen (3,1). I heard that you were serving the king, so I came to help you. Will you allow me to do so?”

Yuan Hong was happy to have him and invited him to sit down. Meanwhile, however, his human military advisers Yin (1) Pobai (4,4) and Lei (2) Kai (1) heard that another man from Osmanthus Mountain had shown up, and they lamented, “He must be another demon.”

The next day, Zhu Zizhen went out with sword in hand and demanded to speak with Jiang Ziya. Jiang Ziya went out his usual gaggle of officers, nobles, and Daoist followers, and saw this vicious looking monk on the other side. He had a dark complexion with a mangy beard, long lips, huge ears, and glowing eyes. 

After they traded names, Jiang Ziya said, “Why are you here interfering in things that are none of your business? You’re looking to die.”

Zhu Zizhen roared in laughter and retorted, “The Shang has lasted for dozens of generations. You all have received its kindness for generations, and yet you have rebelled without cause, invading its borders while claiming to possess the favor of heaven and men. What nonsense! You disloyal, unfilial wretches! Now that I’m here, you should surrender at once and return from where you came. Then maybe you can escape death. If you dare to utter so much as a ‘no’, then when I capture you, I will cut you to pieces, and it will be too late for regrets.”

“You ignorant scoundrel!” Jiang Ziya cursed. “Your death is at hand and you don’t even know it! Instead, you’re still wagging your tongue!”

Zhu Zizhen now raised his sword and stomped toward the Zhou lines. A lieutenant serving under the Grand Duke of the South named Yu (2) Zhong (1) went out to face him. Now, this Yu Zhong did not believe in Daoist magic, though I don’t know how that’s possible in a world where you can literally just look down the line and see, in no particular order, a guy with giant wings, an eight-armed, three-headed kid made of lotus, and a guy who just a couple days ago turned himself into a centipede and a chicken during battle, and those were just the most obvious ones. And that’s on top of all the other weird freaky stuff that’s been happening. 

In any case, this Yu Zhong was a fierce warrior with a face like a red date and a long beard. He galloped out, swinging his wolf-toothed mace, and shouting, “Let ME have this victory!” After exchanging blows for 20 bouts, Zhu Zizhen turned and fled on foot. Yu Zhong gave chase, while Jiang Ziya ordered his troops to cheer him on with drums. 

As Yu Zhong closed in, however, Zhu Zizhen suddenly became enveloped in a cloud of fog. When Yu Zhong got near, Zhu Zizhen suddenly turned around, opened his mouth, let out a gust of black smoke, and showed his true form. With one chomp, he had bitten off the top half of Yu Zhong’s torso, leaving the rest on the ground. So … do you believe in Daoist magic now?

Zhu Zizhen then resumed his human form and went back to the front lines and shouted, “Jiang Ziya, do you dare to face me?!”

Standing to the side, Yang Jian now used the Demon Exposing Mirror on Zhu Zizhen and saw what he really was — a giant wild boar, which makes sense because his last name Zhu was a homonym of the Chinese character for pig. 

Yang Jian now rode out and attacked with his three-pointed saber. Zhu Zizhen fought him for a few exchanges and then again turned and ran. Yang Jian gave chase, and Zhu Zizhen again showed his true form and swallowed Yang Jian whole, the sight of which sent Jiang Ziya and the Zhou army retreating back into camp.

Zhu Zizhen now returned to the Shang camp and was greeted with wine by an excited Yuan Hong. As they drank, word came that a man was outside asking for an audience. Yuan Hong summoned him in, and a figure with a fair complexion, a long beard, and two horns on his head came in and bowed. 

“Who are you?” Yuan Hong asked.

“My name is Yang (2) Xian (4), and I live on Osmanthus Mountain,” the visitor said. 

So, in keeping with the naming convention, it turns out that this Yang Xian was a goat demon, since Yang was a homonym for the Chinese character for goat. He was another of the Seven Demons of Osmanthus Mountain. He and his demon buddies had come to Yuan Hong in staggered order instead of all showing up at once, so as not to arouse any suspicions. That day, Yuan Hong kept him in camp and treated him to wine. 

As Yang Xian and Zhu Zizhen took turns boasting about their abilities, the human officer Yin Pobai (4,4) thought to himself, “Here’s another of Yuan Hong’s demon gang.” But neither he nor his friend Lei (2) Kai (1) said anything, and the party drank until about 9 p.m.

Then, suddenly, Zhu Zizhen heard someone speak up from inside his belly. “Hey, Daoist Zhu! Do you know who this is?”

Zhu Zizhen was scared out of his mind and asked, “Who are you? WHERE are you?!”

“I am Yang Jian, a disciple of Master Jade Tripod from Jade Fountain Mountain. I’m inside you. You are always eating flesh and blood. How many men have you devoured on Osmanthus Mountain? I’m going to make you pay for it today!”

As he spoke, Yang Jian tugged on Zhuzizhen’s heart, and Zhuzizhen cried out in pain and begged for mercy.

“Great sage, please exercise compassion!” he begged. “I spent countless eons on Osmanthus Mountain cultivating my Dao so that I could assume human form. I didn’t know any better and offended you today. Please spare me!”

“If you want to live, then show your true form immediately and go kneel in front of the Zhou camp,” Yang Jian said. “Then, I will spare you. Otherwise, I will pluck off all your organs.”

Zhu Zizhen could do nothing but plead. Yang Jian then shouted, “Hurry up, or I will get busy!”

So Zhu Zizhen had no choice but to reveal his true form, turning into a huge boar and staggering out of the Shang camp. As they watched their comrade walk off, neither Yuan Hong nor Yang Xian (4) could do anything to help him, and they just sat there stewing in their anger.

Around 4 a.m., the general Nangong Kuo was leading patrols around the Zhou camp when he suddenly saw a boar lying by the camp gate. 

“This must be somebody’s swine,” he said to himself. “How did it get here? Let me wait till morning and then find its owner and have him lead it away.”

But from inside the pig came Yang Jian’s voice: “General, go tell Commander Jiang that this is the pig demon from Osmanthus Mountain. During battle today, I slipped inside him and have captured him. Ask the commander to come decide his fate.”

So Nangong Kuo hurriedly sounded the alarm and asked Jiang Ziya to come to the command tent. When Jiang Ziya received the report, he went out to the camp gate with his officers. There, they saw the giant boar, kneeling on the ground.

“You beast!” Jiang Ziya scolded him. “You meddled for no reason, and now you have brought about your own demise.”

“Commander, please execute this demon and rid ourselves of any future trouble!” Yang Jian said from inside the boar.

So Jiang Ziya gave the order, and Nangong Kuo did the deed. As his saber flashed, the boar’s head hit the ground, and Yang Jian exited his host and changed back into his normal form as blood gushed out from the boar’s neck. All the officers praised him, and Jiang Ziya ordered that the boar’s head be hung on the camp gate.

In the Shang camp, Yuan Hong said to his remaining demon friend Yang Xian, “How humiliating it was to have our friend be forced to show his true form? All our cultivation and reputation have been destroyed. What a shame? I swear that I will not rest until I kill Jiang Ziya.”

“Zhu Zizhen fell for that Yang Jian’s tricks,” Yang Xian fumed. “If we don’t avenge him, how can we stand in this world ever again?!”

Just then, word came that a royal envoy had arrived. Yuan Hong went out to receive him, and the envoy told him, “On the king’s command, I have escorted a talented man here for your use.”

Once the envoy left, Yuan Hong summoned the new arrival. He came in, paid his respects, and introduced himself as Dai (4) Li (3), also from Osmanthus Mountain. Now, this was the dog demon of Osmanthus Mountain, coming to join his comrades. So Yuan Hong told his troops, “We have gained another talented man today. We must settle the score with the enemy!”

So he led his troops out and challenged for battle. Jiang Ziya and company came out, and Jiang Ziya said, “Yuan Hong, you don’t know which way the wind is blowing. But surely you can tell heaven’s will just from your casualties. King Zhou is wicked, and both men and gods loathe him. You’re like the leg of a praying mantis. How dare you resist the nobles of the land?”

Yuan Hong scoffed, “You’re talking trash just because you lucked into a couple victories. I will make sure you don’t return to camp alive today! Men, who will capture him for me?!”

Yang Xian shouted, “Let me have at him!” and galloped out. On the other side, Yang Jian flashed his mirror and saw that Yang Xian was a goat demon. He now rode out to face him. After a few exchanges, the demon newcomer Dai Li galloped out with twin cutlasses raised to join the fight. He was met by Nezha, and the four warriors now engaged in a fierce battle.

To see how this latest fight will go, tune in to the next episode of the Chinese Lore Podcast. Thanks for listening!

Music in This Episode

• “Sao Meo” by Doug Maxwell / Zac Zinger
• “Dark Toys” by SYBS (from YouTube audio library)
• “Ravines” by Elphnt (from YouTube audio library)