Gods 071: Fan Service
Jiang Ziya gets help from a guy with eye-popping powers.
Transcript
Welcome to the Chinese Lore Podcast, where I retell classic Chinese stories in English. This is episode 71 of Investiture of the Gods.
Last time, an old nemesis, Lü (3) Yue (4), had shown up again to block Jiang Ziya’s advance at Cloud-Piercing Pass. He set up a Pestilence Formation and dared the Zhou forces to come attack it. But while he was doing so, his friend Li (3) Ping (2) showed up to try to dissuade him. But Lü Yue laughed and said, “Brother, you’re wrong. I came to root out the rebels. That is in accordance with heaven and men. You’ve been deceived, and yet you say that I’m in the wrong? Watch me capture Jiang Ziya and Ji Fa and wipe out their army.”
“That is not so,” Li Ping tried again to deter Lü Yue. “Jiang Ziya has endured seven deaths and three calamities. He has survived countless vicious opponents and the dangers of the Ten Deadly Formations and the Immortal Slaughter Formation. It wasn’t easy for him to get this far. As the old saying goes, ‘When the cart in the front flips over, the cart in the back must take heed.’ Why must you insist on this misguided path?”
And yet, despite his best efforts, Li Ping could not convince Lü Yue to change his mind. Instead. Lü Yue dispatched a letter, challenging Jiang Ziya to come attack his formation. The letter said:
“From Lü Yue, a Daoist of Nine Dragons Island, to Jiang Ziya, commander of Western Qi: I have heard that if you go against heaven, you will be punished. Your lot in Western Qi have disregarded the proprieties that bound a vassal and are waging war against your lord. You have offended heaven and earth. And you all have been vicious, mounting one resistance after another against divine armies and using the Chan sect’s magic to sack cities and slaughter soldiers. You are truly evil, and both men and gods loathe you. Heaven, in its anger, has borrowed my hands to lay out the Pestilence Formation. I am sending you this letter to ask you to attack soon. If you recognize that you’re unvirtuous, then surrender at once and you might yet be spared. Reply as soon as you get this letter.”
Jiang Ziya read the letter and wrote on it, “We will break your formation tomorrow” and sent the messenger back. The next day, Master of the Clouds put three charms on Jiang Ziya: one on his chest, one on his back, and one inside his hat. He also gave Jiang Ziya a magic pill to stash away in his pocket. Then, they heard the sound of explosives outside, and word came that Lü Yue was demanding battle. Jiang Ziya mounted his Four-Not-Like and rode out with the Martial King and all the officers.
Across the field, they could see the Pestilence Formation. A deadly miasma emanated from within, creeping up toward the sky. Chilly winds swept through the formation, accompanied by ghostly howls and moans.
Jiang Ziya rode out to the front lines and said to Lü Yue, “Since you have set up this wicked formation, I will have a showdown with you to see who’s better. But when calamity comes, it would be too late for you to run and have regrets.
Lü Yue didn’t even bother trading barbs and instead just galloped toward Jiang Ziya on his golden-eyed camel. They fought with swords for a bit, and then Lü Yue retreated into his formation. Jiang Ziya galloped after him. Lü Yue now ascended the Eight Trigram Terrace inside the formation, and cast down a Pestilence Umbrella that seemed to block out the sky as it came crashing down on Jiang Ziya’s head. Jiang Ziya hurriedly pulled out his yellow magic pennant, which kept the umbrella from crushing him, but he was also now trapped under the umbrella.
Lü Yue then rode back out and shouted, “Jiang Ziya has met his end in my formation. Tell Ji Fa to come meet his maker soon!”
From the gate of the Zhou camp, the Martial King Ji Fa heard this and asked Master of the Clouds, “If the MInister Father really perished in the formation, I would die of grief.”
“Don’t worry,” Master of Clouds reassured him. “This is just a lie by Lü Yue. Jiang Ziya is preordained to suffer for 100 days.”
From behind them, though, Nezha, his father and two brothers, Yang Jian, Thunderbolt, and Wei (4) Hu (4) all shouted, “Let’s cut that sorcerer to pieces to soothe our anger!” And so they charged out and surrounded Lü Yue and his accomplice Chen (2) Geng (1). Nezha powered up to his three-headed, eight-armed self and hit Chen Geng on the shoulder with his Universal Ring. Meanwhile, Yang Jian unleashed his Sky-Barking Hound, which bit Lü Yue on the head. The two Jie sect sorcerers made a beeline back inside their formation, and their opponents let them go and returned to their own camp.
When Ji Fa saw that Nezha and company did not return with Jiang Ziya, he grew even more worried. He asked Master of the Clouds when they could expect Jiang Ziya to re-emerge, and the latter told him, “When his hundred-day ordeal is up, he will be fine.”
“What? How can one still be alive after going 100 days without food?!” Ji Fa asked, apparently forgetting that he’s surrounded by beings of magic who could probably all go a hundred days without food in a pinch.
“My lord, don’t you remember how you spent 100 days in the Red Sand Formation and you were fine?” Master of Clouds reminded him. “As the old saying goes, ‘Those who are blessed cannot be harmed by any scheme. Those who are cursed would drown in a ditch.’ No need to worry.”
Uhh, now that you mention it, I do remember spending 100 days in the Red Sand Formation, and if I’m not mistaken, I was basically dead and had to be revived, and my horse had rotted. So excuse me if that doesn’t exactly feel reassuring.
In any case, while Ji Fa fretted, Lü Yue rejoiced at having trapped Jiang Ziya. Every day, he went into the formation three times to apply more magic to the umbrella to try to use its pestilence powers to harm Jiang Ziya. Under the umbrella, Jiang Ziya kept using his magic pennant to fend off the umbrella. The pennant released thousands of golden flowers to shield him.
One day, the Shang commander of Cloud-Piercing Pass, Xu Fang, asked Lü Yue how long it would take to kill Jiang Ziya and defeat the Zhou army. Lü Yue told him I’ve got this, don’t worry.
“In that case,” Xu Fang said, “let me send the four enemy officers that I’ve captured to the capital. I will also write a separate letter to praise your virtue and ask for reinforcements.”
“No need to mention us,” Lü Yue said. “You’re a vassal of the Shang, so you’re doing your duty. But we’re Daoists and will not accept your king’s beneficence. So there’s no point in mentioning us. But you cannot keep those rebel prisoners here, or something might go wrong. You should send them to the capital at once, and request reinforcements.”
So Xu Fang put the four captured officers into prisoner carts and dispatched his last remaining officer, Fang (1) Yizhen (4,1), to escort them to the capital. Fang Yizhen set out on the road toward the next checkpoint, Tong (2) Pass. That was just 20-some miles up the road, so within a day, he was within sight of Tong Pass. But suddenly, a ferocious beast descended from the heavens, and atop it was a figure with a strange appearance. He had a beard so long that it could reach the back of his head. And where his eyes should be, two hands sprouted from his eye sockets, and in the palms of those hands were two eyeballs. What the hell?
So, let’s go all the way back to episode 18, where a Shang court official named Yang (2) Ren (4) had the silly notion to advice King Zhou loyally and truthfully against building his pleasure terrace, which ended with Yang Ren having his eyes gouged out on the king’s orders. But Virtue of the Pure Void, a member of the Chan sect’s class of 12, saved him and restored his sight, well sort of. Instead of just helping him grow his eyes back, Virtue of the Pure Void gave him magic pills that made his eye sockets grow hands with eyes on them. Since then, Yang Ren had stayed with Virtue of the Pure Void on Green Peak Mountain, learning the Dao from him.
Then, one day, Virtue of Pure Void went to his peach orchard and saw Yang Ren there. The master said to the pupil, “Today is the day for you to go to Cloud-Piercing Pass to help Jiang Ziya break the Pestilence Formation and save four generals.”
“But master, I was a civil official; I don’t know how to fight,” Yang Ren said.
“That’s not hard. You can learn, and even if you don’t, it’ll come naturally to you.”
Virtue of the Pure Void then fetched a weapon called the Flying Lightning Spear and taught Yang Ren how to wield it. And sure enough, Yang Ren quickly took to it. His master then said, “I’ll also lend you my mount, the Cloud-Haze Beast, and the Fan of Five Sacre Fires. Just follow my instructions when you enter the formation, and you will defeat it. Also, there are four Zhou officers, including Flying Tiger, who are in trouble. You can save them first and have them hide within the pass. Later, you can coordinate with them on an attack from inside and out, and victory will be assured.”
So Yang Ren took his leave and set off on the Cloud-Haze Beast, which took to the air as soon as he gave its horn a tap. He flew toward Tong Pass, and when he was about 10 miles away, he saw the convoy escorting the four prisoners toward the Shang capital. On the carts were banners identifying the prisoners. So Yang Ren descended and blocked their path.
The Shang soldiers were taken aback by this bizarre figure standing in their way, and they rushed to tell the officer in charge, Fang (1) Yizhen (4,1). He also was taken aback when he rode up and saw Yang Ren, but he girded himself and shouted, “Who goes there?!”
Yang Ren replied gently, “There’s no need to ask. I am Yang Ren, a former high court minister of the Shang. General, heaven has chosen a new sage lord, so why must you go against heaven’s will and seek your own demise?”
“I am escorting captured Zhou officers to the capital on my commander’s orders. Why are you blocking my way?” Fang Yizhen demanded.
“I have come on my master’s command to break the Pestilence Formation,” Yang Ren explained. “I saw you escorting the Zhou officers, and it’s only right that I should intervene to save them. Listen to me. Why don’t you join me and help the Martial King. That would be in accordance with heaven and the people, and you won’t miss out on earning a high rank.”
Well, Fang Yizhen mistook kindness for weakness. Hearing how softly Yang Ren was talking, he thought maybe this guy with hands growing out of his eyes was just some pushover, so he raised his spear and shouted, “You rebel! Eat my spear!”
Yang Ren raised his own spear to counter, and after just a few bouts, Yang Ren was worried that the Shang soldiers might harm their prisoners, so he pulled out his magic fan and waved it toward his foe. Now, Yang Ren had not used this fan before, so he had no idea its power. But in the blink of an eye, Fang Yizhen and his horse were engulfed in flames and smoke, and a wild gale swept up their ashes and blew them out of sight. All the soldiers saw this and promptly scattered, running back to the pass.
Watching this from his prisoner cart, Flying Tiger asked Yang Ren, “Which god are you?”
Yang Ren recognized Flying Tiger, since they both served in the same court once upon a time. So he went over and said, “General, it’s me, high minister Yang Ren. I admonished King Zhou for building the Deer Terrace, and he gouged out my eyes. But Master Virtue of the Pure Void saved me and put two magic pills in my eye sockets, which turned into hands with eyes. Now, he has sent me to break the Pestilence Formation and save you all. So I have rendered this minor bit of service.”
He now released the four prisoners, who thanked him and seethed for revenge. Yang Ren told them, “There’s no need for you to go back to the other side of the pass. Just find shelter somewhere. Once I break the Pestilence Formation, we will attack the pass, and then you can be our inside men. Just listen for the sound of explosives as the signal. Don’t miss it.”
So Flying Tiger and company thanked him again and went off to find shelter with some locals. Meanwhile, Yang Ren got back on his ride, flew over the pass and landed at the Zhou camp. Master of the Clouds was expecting him and quickly summoned him. And all the officers were taken aback when Yang Ren came in.
Yang Ren kneeled to Master of the Clouds and said, “Daoist uncle, with you here, Lü Yue is of no concern.”
Master of the Clouds helped him up and introduced him to everyone. He then took Yang Ren to see the Martial King Ji Fa, who was stunned at his appearance and asked for his backstory, which Yang Ren shared. Ji Fa was delighted to have him and offered him wine. As he drank, Yang Ren told him that he had also rescued the four captured generals and that he was there to help them break the formation
“You have come at the perfect time,” Master of the Clouds said. “We’re three days away from the end of Jiang Ziya’s 100-day ordeal.”
Those three days soon passed, and on the fourth day, the Zhou camp set off a string of explosives, and their army marched out en masse to watch Yang Ren do this thing. Yang Ren stepped to the front lines and shouted, “Lü Yue, come out here at once!”
Lü Yue emerged from the formation a moment later, sporting three heads and six arms. When he saw his foe’s unusual appearance, he asked for his name.
“I’m Yang Ren, a disciple of Virtue of the Pure Void. I have come on my master’s instructions to defeat your formation!”
Lü Yue scoffed, “You’re but a child. How dare you boast!”
He now raised his sword and attacked, and Yang Ren hoisted his spear and countered. After three bouts, Lü Yue turned and fled toward his formation, and Yang Ren followed him in. Lü Yue ascended his terrace and unleashed a Pestilence Umbrella. But Yang Ren waved his magic fan in its direction, and the umbrella promptly turned to ash. Yang Ren then waved his fan time and again, and the other 20 umbrellas all turned into ash as well.
In the midst of all this fanning, Li (3) Ping (2), the Daoist who had tried unsuccessfully to convince his friend Lü Yue to stop fighting, came into the formation, hoping his friend would be more willing to listen now. But he unwittingly stepped in the path of the flames coming from Yang Ren’s fan, and was immediately reduced to cinder.
Seeing this, Lü Yue’s other friend, Chen Geng, was irate. “Where did this sorcerer come from? How dare he kill my Daoist brother?!” Chen Geng cursed as he charged at Yang Ren. But Yang Ren just waved the fan a few times in his direction, and not only was Chen Geng reduced to ash, but even the ground he stood on turned red from the flames.
Watching things go south in a hurry, Lü Yue cast a fire-protection spell and tried to flee. But Yang Ren’s fan was blasting out sacred flames, and there was no escape. Before Lü Yue could retreat, Yang Ren caught up and fanned him time and again, and both Lü Yue and the terrace he stood on disintegrated.
Having burned down the formation, Yang Ren then located Jiang Ziya. He was hunched over on his ride, the Four-Not-Like, gripping the yellow pennant tightly in one hand, surrounded by golden flowers that protected him. When his Daoist followers gathered around, they saw that his face was yellowish, and he did not say a word. The Four-Not-Like sprang to its feet and walked out of the formation.
In the Zhou camp, the Martial King Ji Fa saw the general Wu (3) Ji (2) carrying Jiang Ziya back, and he wept, “Minister Father has endured the greatest suffering for the sake of the country and the people!”
Once they got Jiang Ziya into camp, they laid him down on a bed, and Master of the Clouds dissolved a magic pill and poured it into his mouth. Moments later, Jiang Ziya opened his eyes and saw everyone crowded around him.
“Thank you all for your concern,” he told them.
Ji Fa rejoiced and told Jiang Ziya to rest up. After a few days, Master of the Clouds came to take his leave and told Jiang Ziya, “Don’t worry. We will be back to help you when you face the Ten Thousand Immortals Formation.”
Once Master of the Clouds left, Jiang Ziya prepared his army to attack Cloud-Piercing Pass. Yang Ren told him, “I had left the four officers I rescued on the other side of the pass to help us. You may mobilize your forces at once.”
So Jiang Ziya immediately ordered his army to lay siege. Inside the pass, the Shang command Xu Fang watched the Pestilence Formation burn to the ground, and he also got word that his prisoner convoy was attacked, that the convoy officer was dead, and the prisoners were nowhere to be found.
And just then, he heard the sound of battle roaring outside, as if heaven and earth had collapsed. When he rushed to the top of the wall, he saw the Zhou forces raising ladders and closing in. In the sky, Thunderbolt swooped down and demolished half of the command tower with one swing of his golden staff. By the time Xu Fang rushed off the wall, Thunderbolt was standing atop the walls, accompanied by Nezha on his fire wheels. The Shang soldiers took one look at that tandem and decided that they hadn’t signed up for any of this, so they scattered.
Nezha now cut the chains holding up the drawbridge, and the Zhou forces swarmed into the pass. Xu Fang rode forward on his horse to meet them head on, and they surrounded him. Meanwhile, the four generals that Yang Ren had rescued — Flying Tiger, Nangong Kuo, Hong (2) Jin (3), and Xu Fang’s older brother Xu Gai (4) — heard the sound of battle and raced in from the other side on foot. They saw Xu Fang being surrounded by Zhou soldiers.
Flying Tiger roared, “Xu Fang, here I come!”
Xu Fang was caught off guard by the sight of these four. As Flying Tiger swung his sword, Xu Fang dodged the blow, but his horse did not. As the horse’s head fell to the ground, so did Xu Fang, and he was captured alive.
Once they had secured the pass, the Zhou army welcomed Jiang Ziya in and posted notices to put the civilians’ minds at ease. The four generals who had been captured by the enemy now came to see Jiang Ziya, and he told them, “You all endured hardship, but thanks to heaven, the calamity turned into a blessing. This is all because your loyalty moved heaven’s heart.”
Next, Xu Fang was brought in, and he refused to kneel.
“Xu Fang, you arrested your own brother, which is like cutting off your own limb. And you also failed in your duties as a vassal by losing your territory. How dare you act up? You’re truly a beast in man’s clothing. Execute him at once!”
And so the guards took Xu Fang outside and chopped off his head, displaying it atop the walls as a warning. The Martial King then feasted with his officers and rewarded the army. But they didn’t rest on their laurels for long. The next day, Jiang Ziya ordered his army to march out again. Another 20-some miles later, they were approaching Tong (2) Pass, the third of the five passes on their way East. They pitched camp and started discussing how to attack this latest obstacle.
The commander of Tong Pass was named Yu (2) Hualong (4,2). He had five sons. The youngest was studying Daoism and thus not at the pass, but the other four sons were all there, serving as officers on their father’s staff. When they got word that the Zhou army was on their doorstep, Yu Hualong told his sons, “The enemy has been winning one battle after another on their way here. They are a tough opponent. We must give our utmost.”
His four sons replied, “Father, don’t worry. How much skill can that Jiang Ziya have? He’s just been lucky. He won’t make it past this point!”
The next day, from the Zhou camp, the officer Tai (4) Luan (2) came out to demand battle. Yu Hualong sent his eldest son, Yu Da (2), to answer. Yu Da rode out, dressed in silver armor and red battle robe, and traded names with Tai Luan.
Yu Da then said, “I have long heard that Jiang Ziya is a traitor. And now he’s waging a war against his lord and encroaching on key strongholds of the court. He is seeking his own demise.”
Tai Luan shot back, “My commander is waging a campaign on heaven’s command, to punish the tyrant on behalf of the people. He is going to convene with the nobles of the land to right the governance of the shang. We have sacked three of the five passes. Yet you still dare to defy heaven’s army. Surrender now, and we’ll spare your life. If you wait till your pass has been sacked, then all will be destroyed and it’ll be too late for regrets!”
Yu Da was incensed and attacked. They traded blows for 30 bouts, then Yu Da turned and retreated. Tai Luan gave chase, but Yu Da was just setting him up. When Tai Luan got close, Yu Da latched his spear, pulled out a club and turned and swung. The club caught Tai Luan squarely in the face, knocking him off his horse. Yu Da then finished him off with one thrust of the spear and cut off his head. He then went back into the pass to report his victory, and his father hung Tai Luan’s head from the city wall.
This initial setback made Jiang Ziya very worried. The next day, the defected marquis Su Hu, father of the Shang queen Daji, volunteered to go avenge Tai Luan. He rode out to challenge for battle, and Yu Hualong sent his second son, Yu Zhao (4), to face him.
When they traded names, Yu Zhao said, “Old general, I didn’t realize I was facing the father-in-law of the king. You are a member of the royal house and have received the country’s kindness. You should help your king defend his territory as repayment. So why have you forgotten his kindness and rebelled to help traitors instead? I feel sorry for you! If the Martial King goes down in defeat, you will be captured. You will lose your life and your country. What immense regret will you have then? Surrender now, and you can still turn your calamity into a blessing.”
Su Hu was incensed at this unsolicited advice. “Almost the entire realm has turned its back on the Shang,” he shouted. “Your pass is next!”
And then he charged. After fighting for 10 exchanges, Yu Zhao unfurled a yellow banner. It emitted a bright golden light, and Yu Zhao vanished from sight. Su Hu was not expecting that. As he looked around for his foe, Yu Zhao suddenly appeared behind him. Before Su Hu could turn around, Yu Zhao had run his spear through Su Hu, killing him instantly. And thus was the end of Su Hu, the man whose initial defiance of King Zhou kickstarted all the turmoil in the novel.
Yu Zhao now cut off Su Hu’s head and brought it back to his father, who also had it put on display. This latest loss pained Jiang Ziya immensely, and Su Hu’s son Su Quanzhong (2,1) wept and asked to be allowed to go avenge his father. Jiang Ziya couldn’t dissuade him and consented. Su Quanzhong rode out to demand battle, and Yu Hualong’s third son, Yu Guang (1), came out.
“Are you Yu Zhao?! Come meet your death!” Su Quanzhong shouted as he gritted his teeth.
“No! I am Yu Guang, the third son of Commander Yu,” his opponent answered.
No matter. Su Quanzhong was going to run his spear through someone, and he wasn’t too picky. They started dueling, and after 20-some bouts, Yu Guang turned around and rode away. Su Quanzhong was seething and cursed, “If I don’t kill that scoundrel, I will NOT go back to camp!”
So he gave chase. But Yu Guang also had something up his sleeve. He pulled out a set of five javelins and hurled them all at once. Three of them struck Su Quanzhong, and he nearly fell off his horse. But he managed to stagger back to camp.
Encouraged by this string of victories, Yu Hualong decided that he would go out to meet Jiang Ziya in person the next day and destroy the Zhou army. To see how that showdown will go, tune in to the next episode of the Chinese Lore Podcast. Thanks for listening!
Music in This Episode
- “Sao Meo” by Doug Maxwell / Zac Zinger