Gods 069: Kill the Messenger
King Zhou gets literal and puts a figure of speech into practice, with predictably disastrous results.
Transcript
Welcome to the Chinese Lore Podcast, where I retell classic Chinese stories in English. This is episode 69 of Investiture of the Gods.
Last time, after a couple minor skirmishes against their Jie sect rivals, the leaders of the Chan sect, Laozi (2,3) and Heavenly Primogenitor, got some additional help from a couple Buddhas from the West, Candi (Jandi) and Amitabha. Now that their fearsome foursome was assembled, they were ready to take on the Immortal Slaughter Formation that the Jie sect’s founder, Grandmaster of Heaven, had laid out before them.
The next day, the two sides met on the field of battle. Grandmaster of Heaven saw Candi and Amitabha and said to them, “You two are from the peaceful paradise of the West. What is your intention in coming here?”
Candi replied, “We two may be sect leaders from the West, but we have come here to meet those who share a destiny with us.”
“You have your land in the West, while we have ours in the East,” Grandmaster of Heaven retorted. “We’re like water and fire; we can never exist in the same place. Why have you come here to court this trouble? You may claim to be born from lotus flowers and be pure , quiet, and idle. But do you know about me? I was born at the beginning of time and have lived through numerous natural disasters. I am familiar with the changes of the five essences.”
“My friend, no need to boast,” Candi said. “The Way is like the ocean; it’s not about words. Right now, the four of us have assembled here to ask you to disband this formation. How about it?”
“Well, since the four of you are here, we must see who’s better,” Grandmaster of Heaven insisted. He then turned and stomped back into his formation.
Heavenly Primogenitor said to the Buddhas, “Let’s each attack one side of the formation.”
And so they each picked a side and advanced. Heavenly Primogenitor rode through the Immortal Slaughter Gate on Jiang Ziya’s ride, the Four-Not-Like. From the terrace inside the formation, Grandmaster of Heaven unleashed thunderbolts and summoned the magical sword hanging over that gate. The sword flew at Heavenly Primogenitor, but from his head a colorful cloud emerged, blocking the sword.
Meanwhile, the Buddha Amitabha entered through the Immortal Slaying Gate. Grandmaster of Heaven now summoned the magical sword that hung over that gate. But Amitabha released three Buddhist relics, which kept the sword seemingly nailed in the air, unable to descend on its target.
Over at the Immortal Entrapping Gate, Laozi entered and was greeted by another magical sword. And just like his comrades, he unleashed a special item from his head to shield himself. This time, it was a pearl pagoda.
Finally, the Buddha Candi came in through the Immortal Exterminating Gate. When the sword guarding that gate flew at him, Candi raised the sacred branch that he carried, which had a thousand green lotus flowers on it and kept the sword at bay.
The foursome reassembled inside the formation and approached Grandmaster of Heaven. Laozi called out to him, “We have all entered your formation. What will you do now?”
As he spoke, Laozi raised his hand and unleashed a bolt of thunder, shaking the ground. From inside the formation, a yellow fog appeared and covered the whole formation.
As the foursome continued to advance, Grandmaster of Heaven raised his sword and made for Amitabha, who had no weapon and only carried a dust whisk. But Amitabha was able to use the whisk to fend off every blow from Grandmaster of Heaven.
Meanwhile, Laozi started slapping Grandmaster of Heaven in the face again, while Heavenly Primogenitor raised his scepter to repel the sword. The Buddha Candi then twisted his body and shouted, “My friend, come quick!”
In the air, a peacock appeared. This, remember, was the former Shang general slash sorcerer Kong (3) Xuan (1), whom Candi had tamed and recruited into the Buddhist ranks back in episode 62. While the peacock swooped down to join the fight, Candi transformed himself into a figure with 24 heads and 18 hands, which really puts to shame all the other guys that we’ve seen in this novel who have a mere three heads and eight arms.
Wielding all sorts of sacred objects, Candi kept Grandmaster of Heaven occupied. Meanwhile, Laozi smacked Grandmaster of Heaven in the back so hard that he coughed up fire. As he staggered, Grandmaster of Heaven was just able to parry a strike from Heavenly Primogenitor’s scepter, but he was caught off guard at the same moment by a swing from Amitabha’s whisk, which sent him tumbling off his rhino.
Scrambling to his feet, Grandmaster of Heaven now summoned the earth element and fast-traveled into the air. But lo and behold, Master Burning Lamp was waiting for him up there, and Burning Lamp now sent one of his Sea-Calming Pearls down at Grandmaster of Heaven, knocking him back down to the ground.
While this was happening, the sound of thunder roared across the formation. Outside, four disciples of the Chan sect, as instructed by their master, dashed into the formation on that signal and each grabbed one of the four magic swords that were defending the gates.
With the swords gone, the formation was broken. Grandmaster of Heaven fled alone, while all his Jie sect disciples scattered to the wind as well.
The fearsome foursome now returned to the Chan sect’s pavilion and sat down. Heavenly Primogenitor thanked his Buddha friends profusely, while Laozi said to all present, “Grandmaster of Heaven acted against heaven, so naturally he was doomed to defeat. We, on the other hand, were acting in accordance with heaven, so heaven blessed us and nothing went wrong. Now that formation is broken, your calamity is over. Jiang Ziya, you may go besiege Border Placard Pass. The rest of us will return to our mountains for now.”
So everyone took their leave, and Jiang Ziya went back to Sishui Pass to brief the Martial King and all the mortal officers who weren’t cool enough to make the trip to the pavilion.
“Minister Father,” the Martial King Ji Fa said, “you were on the front lines fighting against an evil formation. I dared not disturb all the immortals and so I didn’t send anyone to ask how things were going.”
Jiang Ziya bowed to thank him for his patience and said, “Thanks to your blessings and prestige, sages from three sects assembled and broke the Immortal Slaughtering Formation together. Now, we can approach Border Placard Pass. Please set out tomorrow.”
While the Zhou forces celebrated and prepared to advance, Grandmaster of Heaven was busy wiping egg off his face after being defeated and humiliated. He thought to himself, “Let me go to Purple Mushroom Cliff and erect a terrace and set up a Six Soul Pennant?”
So, this Six Soul Pennant had six tails. On each tail, he wrote a name: Amitabha, Candi, Laozi, Heavenly Primogenitor, the Martial King, and Jiang Ziya. He then prayed to the pennant day and night and stamped charms on it, preparing it for use later.
Meanwhile, at Border Placard Pass, the Shang commander Xu (2) Gai (4) assembled his officers and told them, “The Zhou army has taken Sishui Pass but they are staying put there. A few days ago, that Daoist Multi-Precious came here and set up an Immortal Slaughtering Pass, but I don’t know how he’s doing. We should send a dispatch to the capital to ask for reinforcements to help defend the pass.”
So he sent a messenger to the Shang capital. The messenger arrived and delivered the letter to the documents office. The official in charge was one of the king’s uncles, Ji (1) Zi (3). He read the report and rushed to the Deer Terrace to see King Zhou (4). The attendant relayed his request to the king, who summoned him. Ji Zi went up and presented the report. King Zhou read it and was shocked.
“That wicked Jiang Ziya is rebelling and has seized my territory,” he said. “We must send forces to reinforce our defenses to prevent this from becoming a big problem.”
Ji Zi said, “Right now, the whole realm is in chaos. Jiang Ziya took it upon himself to elevate the Martial King. He harbors grand ambitions. Right now, they’re leading 600,000 troops to attack the five passes. That is a major concern and cannot be underestimated. I hope that your highness will pause your drinking and merrymaking and focus on the country and your enterprise.”
“Uncle, you’re quite right,” King Zhou said. “I will discuss this with all the officials and appoint someone to oversee the matter.”
Ji Zi took his leave, and King Zhou sat there brooding. Then, his queen Daji and his concubine Hu (2) Ximei (3,4), joined him atop the terrace.
“Why are your eyebrows so furrowed with displeasure?” Daji asked.
“Jiang Ziya has raised an army and is encroaching on our territory,” King Zhou said. “I’m worried about our enterprise.”
But Daji laughed. “Your majesty don’t know what’s actually happening. This is all just fabrications concocted by the officers on the border. They invented this story about a 600,000-strong Zhou army coming to attack our territory. They’re bribing high officials to relay their lies to your highness so that you would send them money and provisions. They’re squandering the court’s resources for personal gain. There’s no invasion. It’s a conspiracy by the generals on the borders and officials at court to deceive you. It’s truly despicable!”
And of course, King Zhou believed every word. He asked Daji, “The messenger is waiting for a reply. How should we answer?”
“There’s no need to send a reply,” she said. “Just execute the messenger as a warning.”
King Zhou liked that idea very much and soon, the messenger’s head was hanging from the wall of the capital. When the king’s uncle Ji Zi caught wind of the royal edict to execute the messenger, he rushed to the inner palace to see the king and asked him, uhh, you do know that “Kill the messenger is supposed to be just a figure of expression, right?”
“Uncle, you don’t understand,” King Zhou said. “The officers on the border are lying about the invasion to embezzle money and provisions. They’re collaborating with court officials to deceive me. That’s why the messenger deserved to die, so as to warn the rest of the lot.”
Ji Zi pleaded, “All the land knows that Jiang Ziya was appointed commander on the 15th day of the third month and that he is leading an army of 600,000. That didn’t just come out of nowhere. In executing the messenger, you’re demoralizing the soldiers on the borders.”
“Jiang Ziya is just a sorcerer; what grand ambition can he be harboring?” King Zhou said dismissively. “Besides, we still have four passes, along with the geographical barriers of the Yellow River and Mengjin (4,1). It’s nothing to worry about. Just rest easy.”
Ji Zi let out a long sigh and left. As he walked out, he gazed at the palace, and tears rolled down his cheek as he lamented the state of the country.
Back on the border at Sishui Pass, Jiang Ziya prepared his army to march out. He took his leave of the Martial King Ji Fa and then headed off toward Border Placard Pass. The two locations were just 20-some miles apart, so it was a short journey. Soon, the Zhou army was pitching camp outside the pass.
The pass commander Xu Gai got word of this development, so he went up to the city wall with his officers to have a look. They saw an enemy camp decked out in red pennants and surrounded by barricades.
“Jiang Ziya is a Daoist from Kunlun Mountain,” Xu Gai said. “His mastery of the military is indeed impressive.”
But his two vanguard generals said, “Commander, don’t talk up others. Watch us notch victories and capture Jiang Ziya so that he may be taken to the capital to face his punishment.”
And so the two generals stomped off the wall and prepared for battle. The next day, Jiang Ziya asked which of his officers would go out for the first battle. His own vanguard, Wei (4) Ben (1), volunteered. So Wei Bun rode out with spear in hand and challenged for battle.
When Xu Gai got word of the challenge, he assembled his officers and told them, “Everyone, let’s talk this through. King Zhou listened to slander and executed my messenger. He is seeking his own doom. This is not a case of the vassal being disloyal. Right now, all under heaven have submitted to the Zhou. This pass will be impossible to defend. You must know that.”
But one of his vanguard generals, Peng (2) Zun (1), scoffed, “Commander, you’re mistaken. We’re all officials of the Shang, and so it’s only right for us to repay the country. How can we forget our lord? As the old saying goes, ‘It is disloyal to receive one lord’s beneficence and surrender to another.’ I would rather die! I’m willin to do my utmost to repay my lord.”
And with that, Peng Zun rode out. He traded names with Wei Ben, who told him, “If you’re smart, then surrender the pass at once and help us support the Zhou. If you don’t surrender, then when the pass falls, none will be spared, and it will be too late for regrets!”
Peng Zun was irate and cursed, “Wei Ben, you’re nothing but a foot soldier. How dare you boast?!”
And so, they went at it, trading blows with their spears. Wei Ben was a fierce fighter, and after 30 bouts, Peng Zun was faltering, so he turned and fled toward the South, and Wei Ben gave chase.
When he saw Wei Ben closing in, Peng Zun latched his spear, took out a handful of something from a pouch, and scattered it on the ground. A lotus trap sprang up from the ground, and Peng Zun rode into it. Wei Ben galloped in after him. As soon as he entered, however, Peng Zun unleashed a bolt of thunder from his palm, which made the whole trap start to tremble. A black fog rose up, and with a loud crack, Wei Ben and his horse were quaked into smithereens.
While Peng Zun returned to the pass in victory, Zhou soldiers told Jiang Ziya that Wei Ben had been reduced to powder. Jiang Ziya sighed and lamented, “Wei Ben was such a courageous man. What a pity for him to die this way!”
The next day, the Shang commander Xu Gai said to his officers, “We’re running out of provisions in the pass. And the court refuses to send more. Even though we won yesterday’s battle, it’s still difficult to defend this pass for long.”
Just then, word came that a Zhou general was outside demanding battle. Another of Xu Gai’s generals, Wang (2) Bao (4), volunteered to go meet him. Wang Bao rode out and saw a Zhou officer dressed in black, seated atop a black horse.
“Who are you?” Wang Bao demanded.
“I am the Marquis Su Hu (4),” his opponent replied. And by the way, Su Hu, if you remember, was the father of the Shang queen Daji, but he had defected earlier when he was sent to lead a campaign against the Zhou.
“Su Hu, you’re the most dishonorable scoundrel in the world!” Wang Bao said. “Your daughter received the king’s favor and you are his relative. Your entire family has enjoyed the riches of the royal house. Yet, instead of thinking about how to repay his highness, you are helping the Martial King rebel and encroach on your lord’s territory. How can you face the world?!”
And with that, he made for Su Hu, who raised his spear to counter. Su Hu’s son, Su Quanzhong (2,1), and his two lieutenants joined the fray and they surrounded Wang Bao. Wang Bao was no match for this quartet, so he turned and fled. One of the lieutenants gave chase, but suddenly, Wang Bao turned and unleashed a bolt of thunder from his palm. It struck his pursuer right in the face and knocked him out of his saddle. The other lieutenant now rushed forward to save his comrade, but Wang Bao struck him in the face with another bolt of thunder and knocked him to the ground as well. Wang Bao then finished them both off with his halberd. Su Hu and his son saw this and did not dare to advance, and Wang Bao knew better than to press his luck further, so he went back inside the pass and celebrated his victory.
When Su Hu and his son reported back to Jiang Ziya, he chided them. “You two are no stranger to the battlefield. You should understand when to attack and when to retreat. How did you lose two officers?”
Su Quanzhong said, “Commander, we can handle the enemy if it was just about martial skills. But Wang Bao was wielding sorcery and unleashed thunder and fire from his hands that could scorch your face. That’s how he killed our two officers.”
“How despicable it is to lose loyal officers to such treachery!” Jiang Ziya lamented.
The next day, Jiang Ziya asked which of his Daoist followers will go out to fight. Thunderbolt volunteered, and on the other side, Peng Zun came out. Peng Zun saw Thunderbolt’s vicious appearance and was taken aback. After they traded names, Peng Zun charged. But to his surprise, Thunderbolt unfurled a pair of huge wings and soared into the sky, whereupon his came swooping down while swinging his golden staff. Peng Zun was no match for this, so he turned and fled. But Thunderbolt flew after him, caught up, and brought his staff down. It struck Peng Zun on the shoulder and knocked him off his horse. Thunderbolt then cut off his head and brought it back to camp.
When the Shang commander Xu Gai got word that Peng Zun’s head was hanging in the enemy’s camp, he told his officers, “I told you it would be hard to defend this pass for long. I know which way the wind is blowing, but you all refuse to listen.”
But Wang Bao said, “Commander, don’t panic. If I can’t beat them tomorrow, then you may proceed as you see fit.”
Xu Gai said nothing, and Wang Bao went back to his residence. The next day, Wang Bao didn’t even bother going to see his commander before leading his troops out of the pass to take on the enemy. This time, lotus boy Nezha came out. After trading names, they went at it. Wang Bao knew that Nezha was a disciple of the Chan sect, so he figured he better stage a preemptive strike. So he suddenly unleashed a thunderbolt from his hand. But of course, Nezha was too powerful for that. When he heard the sound of thunder and saw flames shooting toward him, he simply pushed on his fire wheels and took to the air. He then hurled his Universal Ring, which struck Wang Bao in the head. It knocked him unconscious and out of his saddle, whereupon Nezha skewered him with the spear and cut off his head to present to Jiang Ziya.
When Xu Gai got word that Wang Bao was dead, he thought to himself, “My two generals didn’t see which way the wind was blowing, and they have doomed themselves. Why don’t I surrender so that my civilians don’t have to suffer.”
But just then, his attendants told him that a monk was outside requesting an audience. When Xu Gai summoned him in, they traded greetings and Xu Gai asked the monk what he was doing there.
“General, I have a disciple named Peng Zun, and he died at Thunderbolt’s hands,” the monk explained. “So I have come to avenge him.”
“What’s your name, master?” Xu Gai asked.
“My name is Fa (3) Jie (4).”
Seeing that this monk had a bit of an immortal air about him, Xu Gai offered him the seat of honor, and Fa Jie did not stand on ceremony and promptly took his seat. Xu Gai then said, “Jiang Ziya is a disciple of the Chan sect. He has lots of Daoists helping him. I worry that you won’t be able to beat him.”
“Don’t worry, general,” Fa Jie said. “I will even capture Jiang Ziya for you and you can claim the credit.”
Xu Gai thanked him and offered him food. Fa Jie just asked for a vegetarian meal and nothing else. The next day, he went out to the Zhou camp with sword in hand and demanded to speak with Jiang Ziya. So Jiang Ziya came out with his people and saw this monk on the other side, all by himself.
Jiang Ziya rode out and greeted the monk. Fa Jie said, “Jiang Ziya, I have long heard of your great name. I have come to take you on today.”
“And who are you?” Jiang Ziya asked.
“I am Fa Jie from Penglai (2,2) Island. Peng Zun was my disciple, and he died at Thunderbolt’s hand. You tell that Thunderbolt to come out to see me, or I will have it out with you!”
Hearing this, Thunderbolt became irate and cursed, “Damn monk! Here I come!”
He unfurled his wings, took to the air, and brought his golden staff down toward Fa Jie’s face. Fa Jie quickly raised his sword to defend himself. They traded blows for a few bouts, and then Fa Jie leaped back, pulled out a pennant, and waved it at Thunderbolt. Thunderbolt immediately crashed to the ground, whereupon the Shang soldiers under Xu Gai’s command tied him up. And even then, Thunderbolt’s eyes remained tight shut as he was unconscious.
Fa Jie now shouted, “I’m going to capture Jiang Ziya today!”
Now it was Nezha’s turn to get pissed. He cursed, “Damn sorcerer! How dare you hurt my Daoist brother with your black magic?!” He then charged out and stabbed at Fa Jie. After a few exchanges, Fa Jie again waved his pennant at Nezha. But of course, his magic had no effect on lotus boy.
Nezha, meanwhile, realized that whatever trick Fa Jie was trying to pull was not having any effect on him, so he pulled out his Universal Ring and chucked it at Fa Jie. Fa Jie couldn’t dodge in time and was knocked to the ground. But before Nezha could skewer him, Fa Jie had fast-traveled away via the earth element. So Jiang Ziya had no choice but to go back to camp, minus Thunderbolt.
Inside the pass, Fa Jie made it back to safety despite his injury. Xu Gai asked him what happened, and Fa Jie said, “It’s ok. I just used the wrong magic. Turns out that Nezha is the reincarnation of the Pearl Spirit and has no soul, so I couldn’t capture him.”
He took a magic pill and recovered immediately. He then ordered the men to bring in Thunderbolt. When they did so, Fa Jie waved his pennant again in Thunderbolt’s direction, and Thunderbolt came to and found that he was bound.
“Because of you, I took a blow from that brat Nezha!” Fa Jie cursed. “Men, take him outside and execute him!”
But Xu Gai said, “Master, since you have come to help me, don’t kill him yet. Lock him up for now, and we can deliver him to the capital later for the king to deal with. That will demonstrate your great service and make me look good for recruiting you.”
Fa Jie agreed. But little did he know that Xu Gai was just looking for a way to keep a door open for himself, as he still harbored thoughts of surrendering to the Zhou.
The next day, Fa Jie went out again to demand battle. Jiang Ziya came out again and shouted that they were going to settle the score today. Jiang Ziya then galloped toward Fa Jie with sword in hand. After they traded a few blows, Nezha’s father, Li Jing, joined the fight. Jiang Ziya then unleashed his God-Beating Staff, but lo and behold, it didn’t do anything against Fa Jie, and instead Fa Jie just raised his hand and grabbed the staff out of the air.
Jiang Ziya panicked, but just then, one of his provisions officers, the earth-traveling specialist Tuxing Sun, arrived and saw what was happening. Tuxing Sun quickly joined the fray. Before long, another provisions officer, Yang Jian, arrived with his shipment and decided to get in on the action as well. So now it was four against one. And just to round things out, the third Zhou provisions officer, Zheng (4) Lun (2), then arrived and of course he wanted a piece of the action as well. Seeing all the eager officers joining the fight, Jiang Ziya was delighted. He pulled back and told his men to beat the drum to cheer on their generals.
Soon, the provisions officers had Fa Jie on his heel, and he couldn’t even find a spare moment to use his magic weapon. After Tuxing Sun landed a few blows on his legs, Fa Jie tried to flee. But Zheng Lun was like, not so fast, as he shot out two beams of light from his nose. Fa Jie saw the light and immediately passed out on the ground. Zheng Lun’s Black Raven Troops captured him alive, and Jiang Ziya put a charm on his head to keep him from escaping.
Only when he had been taken back to the Zhou camp did Fa Jie come to. When he saw that he was tied up, he sighed, “Who knew that I would fall to these villains today?”
As he lamented his fate, Jiang Ziya sat down and the three provisions officers came to see him. He rewarded them handsomely and then had Fa Jie brought into the tent.
“Jiang Ziya, no need to open your mouth!” Fa Jie shouted. “Since heaven has ordained it so, you may execute me at once!”
“Since you know of heaven’s will, then why did you resist?!” Jiang Ziya replied. “Men, take him outside and execute him!”
So the soldiers dragged Fa Jie outside and were just about to cut off his head when someone showed up and shouted, “Do not kill him! Tell your commander that the Buddha Candi (Jandi) is here!”
Oh boy, what does our snooty Buddhist friend want now? To find out, tune in to the next episode of the Chinese Lore Podcast. Thanks for listening!
Music in This Episode
- “Sao Meo” by Doug Maxwell / Zac Zinger
- “Slow Times Over Here” by Midnight North (from YouTube audio library)
- “The Quiet Aftermath by Sir Cubworth (from YouTube audio library)
- “Ravines” by Elphnt (from YouTube audio library)