Gods 051: Affliction
Su Hu never thought it would be so hard to surrender.
Transcript
Welcome to the Chinese Lore Podcast, where I retell classic Chinese stories in English. This is episode 51 of Investiture of the Gods.
Last time, after the last guy he sent to attack Western Qi ended up joining the enemy, King Zhou (4) decided to send the Marquis Su (1) Hu (4) to lead the next campaign. Since Su Hu was the king’s father-in-law, the thinking went, there’s no way HE would surrender to the enemy if things go south. Of course, Su Hu didn’t even bother waiting till things went south to entertain thoughts of defection. As soon as he got the royal decree to go on campaign, he was planning to defect when he got to Western Qi. Unfortunately, his officers didn’t get the memo, and in the first few battles, his general Zheng (4) Lun (2) captured two of Western Qi’s top warriors, Flying Tiger and his son Huang Tianhua.
Jiang Ziya was fretting over the latest setbacks. The next day, Zheng Lun came back again to demand battle. This time, the dwarfish Tuxing (2,3) Sun and his new wife, Deng (4) Chanyu (2,4), volunteered to go. As the city gates swung open, Deng Chanyu rode out first, and Tuxing Sun followed right behind on foot. But Tuxing Sun was so short that Zheng Lun didn’t even see him until Tuxing Sun shouted, “You scoundrel! What are you looking at?!”
Zheng Lun looked down, saw this dwarf, and laughed, “You midget. What are you doing here?”
“I have come to capture you on Prime Minister’s command,” Tuxing Sun shot back.
This just made Zheng Lun laugh even harder. “Look at you! You’re like a baby. You haven’t even lost your baby hair yet. How dare you make such a boast. You must want to die!”
Tuxing Sun was pissed and swung his staff at Zheng Lun’s horse’s hooves. Zheng Lun quickly countered. But like every one of Tuxing Sun’s foes, he soon found out how hard it was to strike down at this tiny target while seated atop a horse. After a few fruitless exchanges that left him sweating, Zheng Lun said ah the heck with this, and resorted to his old tricks. He raised his staff skyward, his Black Raven Troops surged forward, and a white beam of light shot out from his nostrils. As soon as Tuxing Sun saw the light, he felt faint and fell to the ground, and the Black Raven Troops tied him up.
But when he came to and found himself bound, Tuxing Sun just chuckled and said, “Huh, this is kinda neat.”
Seeing her husband get captured, Deng Chanyu galloped forth and shouted, “Scoundrel, don’t you use your wicked magic here!”
She raised her cutlasses and attacked, and Zheng Lun returned the favor with his staff. After a few exchanges, Deng Chanyu turned and rode away. Zheng Lun didn’t give chase, but no matter, she still resorted to her old tricks. A pebble suddenly flew out of her hands and struck Zheng Lun squarely in the face, sending him rushing back to camp.
When Su Hu saw the bruise on Zheng Lun’s face, he asked if Zheng Lun had lost the fight. Zheng Lun replied, “I captured a midget and was about to come back, but then a woman came out and fought for a bit before riding away. I didn’t even chase her, but she turned and hurled a pebble. I couldn’t dodge in time and was wounded in the face. But that midget is waiting to be dealt with.”
Su Hu ordered his men to bring Tuxing Sun into the tent. When he saw this dwarf, Su Hu scoffed, “What’s the point of keeping this kind of officer around? Execute him at once.”
“Wait, don’t execute me yet,” Tuxing Sun said. “Let me go back and bring you a message.”
Su Hu chuckled, “Listen to this idiot. Take him outside and behead him.”
“Well in that case, I’m going to escape now,” Tuxing Sun said.
That made all of Su Hu’s officers break out in laughter, but suddenly, it was Tuxing Sun who had the last laugh. In the blink of an eye, he had vanished. The officers were stunned and reported back to Su Hu, “Sir, we took that midget outside the camp gate to execute him, but he just gave his body a twist and disappeared!”
Su Hu sighed, “Western Qi has so many uncommon figures. No wonder all the previous campaigns were routed.”
While Su Hu sighed, Zheng Lun seethed as he tended to his wound and thought of payback for the pebble to the face. The next day, he went to demand combat again, asking for the woman who had fought him the day before. Deng Chanyu wanted to go meet him, but Jiang Ziya said, “No. He must have some trick ready.”
Nezha now volunteered to go, and Jiang Ziya agreed. So Nezha rode out on his wheels, and as soon as he ascertained that his opponent was Zheng Lun, the two got down to it. After a few exchanges, Zheng Lun again resorted to his magic. As his staff pointed skyward, his Black Raven Troops rushed forward, and white beams shot out from his nose. Except … nothing happened. Nezha was standing perfectly upright.
See, the scientific explanation for this was that Zheng Lun’s magic worked by scattering someone’s soul, but Nezha, being reborn of lotus, had no mortal soul to scatter. Zheng Lun was taken aback. “This trick from my master had always worked before,” he thought to himself. “Why isn’t it working today?”
He decided to try again. So he grunted and released another beam of light from his nose. But this was again ineffective. Nezha, realizing that Zheng Lun’s magic had no effect on him, laughed and said, “You scoundrel. Why the hell are you grunting? Are you sick?”
Zheng Lun was irate and now attacked again via conventional means. After another 20 bouts or so, Nezha unleashed his Universal Ring, which sailed into the air and came crashing down, smacking Zheng Lun on the back, cracking some bones and almost knocking him off his horse. Zheng Lun hurriedly retreated, while Nezha reported back to Jiang Ziya in victory.
In the Shang camp, Zheng Lun reported back so injured that he couldn’t even stand. Seeing this, Su Hu took the opportunity to nudge Zheng Lun in the direction he wanted to go.
“It seems heaven has made its will clear, so why should we insist on going against it,” Su Hu said to Zheng Lun. “I had heard that all the nobles of the land have been pledging their allegiance to the Zhou (1) and planning to take on the tyrant. Grand Tutor Wen tried time and again to change heaven’s mind, leading not only to his own death, but also suffering for the people. I have been sent on this campaign by a royal decree. Your previous victories were temporary lucky breaks. And now, I really can’t bear to see you so severely injured. We may be commander and lieutenant in rank, but we are like brothers. Right now the realm is in chaos and war is raging nonstop. These are bad omens for the state, and one can clearly see the hearts of the people and the will of heaven. Back in the ancient times, the sage lord Yao’s (2) son was no good, so when Yao died, the realm did not pass on to his son, but rather to Shun (4). And Shun’s son was no good, so when Shun died, the realm passed not to his son but to Yu (2). Right now, the world is engulfed in chaos, and right and wrong are plain to see. The realm is divided; it must be heaven’s will. Your injury is a warning from heaven to you and me. So I’m thinking, ‘Those who follow heaven’s will will thrive, while those who disobey it will die.’ Why don’t we join the Zhou, enjoy prosperity and peace, and take on the wicked? You don’t need a divination to see that this would be in accordance with the will of heaven and the people. What do you think?”
Zheng Lun, however, shouted, “My lord, you are mistaken! All the other nobles of the land may be joining the Zhou, but you are not like other nobles. You are a relative of the king, so you live and die with the state. You have received tremendous kindness from King Zhou (4), and the queen enjoys his favor. If you betray the state, it would be dishonorable. And the state is facing hard times right now, but instead of thinking about how to replay the state, you are thinking about committing treason. That is inhumane. I cannot go down that path with you. But if we are talking about sacrificing my life for the country and to repay our lord, then I swar I would not shirk from death. That is a sign of my loyalty. I know of no other way.”
To this, Su Hu replied, “General, your words are correct, but as the old saying goes, ‘Good birds choose their perch, and talented vassals choose their lord.’ The ancients have done this without tainting their reputations. Just look at Yi (1) Yin (3).”
Oh and by the way, Yi Yin was the prime minister who helped establish the Shang dynasty, but he was also a turncoat who left the previous ruling house to join the Shang. For more on him, go all the way back to supplemental episode 1 from our Romance of the Three Kingdoms run. Anyway, Su Hu now continued his pitch, citing some more recent examples.
“Flying Tiger was a high lord, and yet he joined the Zhou because our king had lost his way. Deng Jiugong saw the virtue and compassion of the Martial King and Jiang Ziya and knew that they are destined to prosper. He also saw the misguided path of King Zhou and knew that he is destined to fall. So he also joined the Zhou. That’s why one must analyze the situation and proceed accordingly. That is the wise course of action. You must not insist on following a misguided path, or it would be too late for regrets.”
But Zheng Lun remained steadfast. He told Su Hu, “My lord, you may be entertaining thoughts of joining the Zhou, but refuse to follow those rebels. If I die in the morning, then you may go to the Zhou in the morning. If I die in the afternoon, then you may serve the Zhou in the afternoon. But my loyalty will not waiver. My head can be cut off, but my heart cannot be swayed!”
When he finished that declaration, Zheng Lun turned and walked back to his tent, leaving Su Hu alone in deep thoughts. Su Hu returned to his private tent, thought about it for a long time, and then ordered his son to prepare some wine in the tent. That evening, Su Hu sent his son to the back of the camp to free Flying Tiger and his son Huang Tianhua and invited them to his tent. There, Su Hu kneeled and apologized, saying, “I have long wanted to join the Zhou.”
Flying Tiger hurriedly bowed in return and said, “Thanks to your great kindness in granting us a new lease on life. I had heard previously that you wanted to join the Zhou, and I was eager and joyously anticipating your coming. That’s why I came to your camp to talk with you to see if what I heard was true. Who knew that I would get captured by Zheng Lun and humiliate my lord. And now, you have spared our lives. Whatever you need, we will do it.”
Su Hu said, “I have long wanted to join the Zhou, but just haven’t had the chance. I accepted the royal decree to lead this campaign so that I could use the opportunity to join you. But my officer Zheng Lun refuses to go along with it. I tried to convince him that this was in accordance with the ways of the ancients, but he refused to listen. But I have prepared this wine to apologize to you and your son for my offense.”
Flying Tiger said, “Since your lordship is willing to submit, then you must act quickly. Even though Zheng Lun is standing in the way, you can devise a plan to get rid of him. A true man should first and foremost value rendering service, helping a wise lord, and leaving a great name for posterity. He must not cling to the petty loyalties that bind common men and women.”
And so they drank until about midnight, at which point Su Hu rose and said, “My lord, you and your son should leave through the back gate. When you see Prime Minister Jiang, please relay my thoughts to him so that he knows my sincere intentions.”
And so, he released Flying Tiger and Huang Tianhua. They rode back to Western Qi and called up to the city wall for the guards to open up. The guards heard them, but did not dare to open the gates at night. Instead, they reported this to Jiang Ziya, who immediately ordered them to open the gates. Shortly thereafter, Flying Tiger came to see Jiang Ziya.
“General, you were captured by the enemy. How did you get back here at night?” Jiang Ziya asked.
Flying Tiger recounted how Su Hu was intending to submit to the Zhou. “Zheng Lun is the only obstacle,” Flying Tiger said. “But wait a couple days, and Su Hu will deal with him.”
Meanwhile, back in the Shang camp, Su Hu was talking with his son, Su Quanzhong (2,1), about how to proceed. Su Quanzhong said, “Since Zheng Lun is injured right now, why don’t we send a letter into the city and ask Prime Minister Jiang to make arrangements for us to submit to the Zhou sooner than later, so as to avoid any complications.”
“That’s a good plan,” Su Hu said, “but Zheng Lun is a good man. We must think about him as well.”
“We’ll just make sure he comes to no harm,” Su Quanzhong said. And so they agreed to proceed the next day.
Meanwhile, Zheng Lun was resting in his tent. Even though he took some medicine, his injuries were not healing quickly, and he was restless all night. He was further troubled by what Su Hu had told him earlier that evening. He thought to himself, “My master is intent on submitting to the Zhou, and I cannot do anything to repay the state for its kindness to me. Despite my loyalty, there’s nothing I can do.”
The next morning, Su Hu assembled his officers and was about to make preparations to go over to the other side when suddenly, the guards reported that a Daoist with three eyes and dressed in red was outside, asking to see him. Now, Su Hu didn’t run in Daoist circles, so he didn’t know the proper etiquette when greeting a Daoist. So he just told the guards, “Tell him to come in.” Well, the Daoist outside heard this and was quite unhappy that Su Hu didn’t even utter so much as a “please.” He thought about not going in and just leaving, but then again, he was there on a mission. So he decided to go in and see how things went.
So the Daoist entered and greeted Su Hu, who returned his greetings and asked what he was doing there. The Daoist replied, “I came specifically to help you sack Western Qi and capture the rebels so as to relieve his majesty’s worries.”
Su Hu then asked for his name, and the Daoist replied, “I am a Daoist master from Nine Dragons Island. My name is Lü (3) Yue (4), and I was invited here by Shen (1) Gongbao (1,4) to help you. Why are you suspicious of me?”
Su Hu now rose and asked Lü Yue to sit, and Lü Yue did not stand on formalities. Once he sat down, he heard someone groaning in pain, so he asked who that was. Su Hu thought to himself, “Let me bring out Zheng Lun and let his injuries scare this Daoist a bit.”
“That’s my top general Zheng Lun,” Su Hu told Lü Yue. “He was injured by the enemy and is in agony.”
“Bring him out and let me have a look,” Lü Yue said.
So a couple attendants helped Zheng Lun into the tent. Lü Yue took one look, smiled, and said, “These injuries were caused by the Universal Ring. No worries; let me help you.”
He now took out a gourd from his leopard skin pouch and dispensed a pill. He dissolved the pill in water and applied it to the wound. As soon as the medicine touched his skin, Zheng Lun felt as if his heart had been quenched by dew drops, and he recovered immediately.
Impressed by Lü Yue’s abilities, Zheng Lun now wanted to become his disciple. Lü Yue agreed and told him, “Since you have made me your master, I will help you succeed.”
And then, Lü Yue proceeded to spend the next three days in silent meditation in his tent. All the while, Su Hu was lamenting how this Daoist had shown up at the worst possible time, throwing a wrench in his plan to go over to the other side.
Meanwhile, Zheng Lun saw Lü Yue just sitting around and couldn’t help but ask him, “Master, since you are here to help us, I await your command. Should we go meet Jiang Ziya on the battlefield?”
Lü Yue said, “I have four disciples who haven’t arrived yet. Once they are here, we will help you take Western Qi.”
A few more days passed, and sure enough, four other Daoists showed up and asked for an audience. When the guards reported this, Lü Yue said, “My disciples are here.”
He sent Zheng Lun out to welcome them in. Zheng Lun went to the camp gates and saw four Daoists with blue, yellow, red, and black complexions and dressed in different color robes. Their hair was tied up in typical Daoist styles. They possessed tall statures, walked like tigers and wolves, and emitted cold and vicious light from their eyes.
Zheng Lun bowed and invited them in, and the four Daoists also did not stand on ceremony and walked to the main tent, where they bowed to Lü Yue, called him master, and then stood on both sides of him.
“Why are you all late?” Lü Yue asked.
One of his disciples, who was dressed in blue, replied, “We had to finish preparing our weapons; that’s why we were late.”
Lü Yue then told the four new arrivals, “This is Zheng Lun. He just became my disciple, so he’s your Daoist brother.”
Zheng Lun again greeted the quartet and asked for their names. Lü Yue said, “They are Zhou (1) Xin (4), Li (3) Qi (2), Zhu (1) Tianlin (1,2), and Yang (2) Wenhui (2,1).”
Zheng Lun now had a banquet prepared to welcome the new help, and they drank until 9 o’clock that night. The next morning, Su Hu assembled his staff and learned that four more Daoists had shown up, which only added to his concerns. Lü Yue now asked the new arrivals which of them wanted to go meet the enemy first. Zhou Xin (4) promptly volunteered, and so he went to the foot of the city with sword in hand to ask for combat.
When Jiang Ziya got word of this, he said, “We haven’t had a battle in days, and now a Daoist shows up. He must be another unusual character. Who will go meet him?”
The Daoist disciple Jinzha (1,1) volunteered, and Jiang Ziya agreed. So Jinzha went out and saw this vicious looking Daoist across the way. He asked for the man’s name, and Zhou Xin replied, “I am Zhou Xin, a Daoist from Nine Dragons Island. I heard you all have been using your Chan sect’s powers to kill members of our Jie (2) sect. That is despicable! So I have come to see who’s better.”
He now raised his sword and attacked. Jinzha returned the favor with his own sword. After a few exchanges, Zhou Xin turned and retreated, and Jinzha followed. But Zhou Xin opened his robe, took out a set of chimes, and struck them three times in the direction of Jinzha. Immediately, Jinzha shook his head and his complexion turned yellow. He quickly retreated into the city, ran back to see Jiang Ziya, and shouted, “My head is killing me!”
Jiang Ziya asked what happened, and Jinzha recounted the exchange with Zhou Xin, which left Jiang Ziya speechless. And Jinzha’s condition did not improve, as he moaned and groaned in pain all night.
The next morning, word came that another Daoist was outside the city, looking for battle. Jinzha’s younger brother Muzha went out to meet the challenge. He saw a Daoist in yellow, with his hair tied up in two coils, a face as round as a full moon, and a long beard.
“Who are you?! How dare you use your sorcery to make my brother’s head hurt?!” Muzha shouted.
“That wasn’t me,” the Daoist replied. “That was my Daoist brother Zhou Xin. I am Li Qi, a disciple of Master Lü.”
“So you all are from the same clan of evil sorcerers!” Muzha said angrily as he raised his sword and attacked. Li Qi countered. After a few exchanges, Li Qi retreated, and Muzha pursued. When Muzha was within an arrow’s flight, Li Qi suddenly took out a pennant and waved it a few times in Muzha’s direction. Muzha shuddered and gave up the chase, and Li Qi just returned to camp.
When Muzha returned to the city, his face soon turned as pale as paper, and his body felt as if it were burning all over. He discarded his robe and came to see Jiang Ziya half naked, shouting, “Oh crap!”
Jiang Ziya asked what’s happening, but Muzha was rolling on the ground by now and foaming at the mouth, while his body felt like it was burning up. Jiang Ziya told his men to help Muzha to bed and then he asked an officer who had accompanied Muzha out to battle what happened. The officer recounted the sequence of events on the battlefield, but Jiang Ziya was befuddled.
“This must be more sorcery,” he said worriedly.
Meanwhile, Li Qi returned to the Shang camp and to Lü Yue about his victory. Lü Yue was so excited that he started to sing, but Zheng Lun was befuddled. He asked, “Master, these two days, we haven’t captured any enemy officers, and yet you were so excited that you started to sing. There must be a secret. Please enlighten me.”
Lü Yue explained, “You don’t understand. My disciples’ magic weapons are quite powerful. Once they deploy them, the enemy is dead for sure, without even needing to trade blows.”
Zheng Lun was quite impressed, even though that answer didn’t seem to really address his question. Anyway, the next day, Lü Yue told another of his disciples, Zhu Tianlin (1,2), “You go out there today. Make it worth your trip here.”
So Zhu Tianlin walked out to the city and shouted, “Are there any capable men in Western Qi who will come fight me?!”
When scouts brought word of this challenge to Jiang Ziya, he furrowed his brow and asked who would go answer it. Thunderbolt promptly stepped up, and so Jiang Ziya sent him out. Thunderbolt shouted, “You sorcerer, what dark magic did you use against my Daoist brothers?!”
Zhu Tianlin laughed and shot back, “You think just because of your strange appearance you can come here and talk smack. But who’s afraid of you? I figure you don’t know who I am, so let me tell you: I am Zhu Tianlin from Nine Dragons Island. Tell me your name.”
Thunderbolt didn’t even bother, though. He scoffed, “You’re just some nobody. What Daoist powers could you have?”
As he spoke, he spread his wings and sailed into the air, whereupon he raised his staff and came charging down. Zhu Tianlin quickly countered with his sword. After they traded a few blows. Zhu Tianlin was no match for Thunderbolt, so he turned and fled. Thunderbolt was just about to give chase when Zhu Tianlin pointed at him with his sword. Thunderbolt immediately came crashing down to the ground, and he hurriedly retreated into the city.
When Thunderbolt showed up back at Jiang Ziya’s office, the latter knew from one look that things did not go well. Jiang Ziya asked what happened, but Thunderbolt couldn’t even speak. He just kept shaking his head and fell to the ground. As he was writhing, Jiang Ziya was powerless to do anything. All he could do was order his men to help Thunderbolt to his quarters.
The next day, word came that another Daoist was outside demanding a fight. Jiang Ziya fretted to himself, “It’s someone different every day. Are they throwing another 10 formations at us?”
Dragon-Beard Tiger now wanted to go out to fight, and Jiang Ziya gave him the ok. So Dragon-Beard Tiger went to the battlefield and saw a Daoist with a purple face, hair that looked like steel needles, a fishtail coronet, and a black robe. This was Yang (2) Wenhui (2,1), the fourth of Lü Yue’s disciples.
“Who goes there?!” Dragon-Beard Tiger shouted.
Yang Wenhui was taken aback by his appearance and demanded to know his name. Once Dragon-Berad Tiger introduced himself, Yang Wenhui attacked, and Dragon-Beard Tiger started hurling rocks at him. Yang Wenhui did not dare to fight for long, so he soon turned and ran. Dragon-Beard Tiger gave chase, but then Yang Wenhui took out a whip and twirled it in Dragon-Beard Tiger’s direction. Immediately, Dragon-Beard Tiger bounded back into the city and stormed into Jiang Ziya’s office, attacking whomever he came across. The officers hurriedly tripped him up with hooks and tied him up. Dragon-Beard Tiger was foaming at the mouth. His eyes were wide open and staring up, and he could not speak.
All the while, Jiang Ziya could do nothing, as he didn’t know what affliction had befallen any of the four guys he sent out. To see how he would deal with this latest setback, tune in to the next episode of the Chinese Lore Podcast. Thanks for listening!
Music in This Episode
- “Sao Meo” by Doug Maxwell / Zac Zinger
- “Dark Toys” by SYBS (from YouTube audio library)
- “Ravines” by Elphnt (from YouTube audio library)