Gods 050: Sh*tty Men
Fresh off their victory, Jiang Ziya and company decide to make the unwilling bride go through with the wedding that everybody knew was fake, and it only gets worse from there.
Transcript
Welcome to the Chinese Lore Podcast, where I retell classic Chinese stories in English. This is episode 50 of Investiture of the Gods.
Before we get into it, I want to give you a heads-up that the first half of this episode includes the start of a scene that leads into what is essentially sexual assault. I’ve tried to dial it down and not include the actual depiction, but I do want to give you a warning up top.
Last time, Jiang Ziya and company captured Tuxing Sun, with help from his master Juliu Sun. They then turned Deng Jiugong’s scheme against him and routed his forces, sent him fleeing, and captured his daughter Deng Chanyu.
When they got back to Western Qi, Jiang Ziya said to Juliu Sun, hey, why don’t we have Tuxing Sun go ahead and marry Deng Chanyu since her father had promised her to him. I mean, sure, that whole promise was just a thoughtless slip of the tongue by her father while he was drunk, and Deng Chanyu was never consulted about the pledge, and earlier today she was part of a scheme to lure Jiang Ziya and company into a trap and massacre them all. But I’m sure she would be thrilled to marry this ugly, greedy little troll who a few days ago was going to rape a woman at knife point and just this morning betrayed Deng Chanyu and her father. Who can say no to a catch like that?
Juliu Sun was fully on board with this idea though. “I agree,” he said. “Let’s not delay.”
And so, Jiang Ziya told Tuxing Sun, “You may take Deng Chanyu to the private quarters in the back and consummate your marriage on this auspicious day. We’ll talk tomorrow.”
Jiang Ziya then told the attendants, “Take Miss Deng to the back and prepare the bridal chamber.”
Umm … guys. Really? Take her to the back and “consummate” their marriage? Deng Chanyu was literally being dragged against her will to the back, with tears in her eyes. Meanwhile, Jiang Ziya and his officers sat down to a wedding feast. Un. Believable.
In the back, after Deng Chanyu was brought to the bridal chamber, Tuxing Sun approached her with a huge grin. Her tears fell like rain, and she said nothing. As he tried to console her, she flew into a rage and cursed him. “You ignorant scoundrel! You betrayed your master for glory! Who the hell do you think you are, that you would dare to act like this?!”
Keeping a grin on his face, Tuxing Sun said, “Miss, you may be from an elite family, but it’s not like I’m a nobody who would bring shame to your name. I once treated your wound, and your father was the one who promised you to me. Once I successfully assassinated the Martial King, we were going to get married. Everyone knows about that. A couple days ago, Minister San (4) Yisheng (2,1) went to your camp to confirm this with your father and agreed on our wedding today. Prime Minister Jiang was afraid that your father would back out, so he used a little scheme to make sure our wedding went through. Why must you remain so obstinate?”
Again, are … you … serious?! Deng Chanyu fumed, “What my father told San Yisheng was just a deception to lure Jiang Ziya into our trap. But we fell for your wicked scheme instead. Since I have fallen into your hands, the only thing to do is to die.”
“Miss, you are mistaken,” Tuxing Sun said. “Other things may be subject to flimsy promises, but not marriage. As the ancients said, what’s spoken is done. How can one go back on their word? Besides, I was a member of the Chan sect. It was only because I was deceived by Shen (1) Gongbao (1,4) that I ended up serving under your father. But then my master captured me and lectured me about trying to assassinate the Martial King and Prime Minister Jiang, bringing shame on the Chan sect, forgetting his teachings, and helping evil against heaven’s will. He was going to execute me. When I pleaded with him, Prime Minister Jiang insisted on executing me. So I had to tell them about that night when your father was drinking with me after my victories and promised you to me. I was so eager to marry you that I had no choice but to attempt the assassinations. Then my master and Prime Minister Jiang did a little divination and said that you and I were destined to be a couple and to serve the Zhou together. So they spared me and sent Minister San to make the match. Miss, think about it. If it wasn’t preordained, how could your father consent to it? And how could you have ended up here? Besides, King Zhou (4) is wicked and all the realm is in rebellion. He has sent numerous forces against Western Qi, but they all met their end. Heaven’s will is plain to see. Your father is an elite commander. As the old saying goes, ‘Good birds choose their perch, and good vassals choose their lords.’ You may remain obstinate, but everyone here already knows that we are married. Who would believe that you have retained your innocence and purity? Think about it.”
Umm … THAT was your speech to get her to change her mind? “Nobody is gonna believe we didn’t have sex?” Sadly, according to the novel, those words left Deng Chanyu speechless as she stared down at the floor. Tuxing Sun took this to be a sign that her resolve was weakening, so he drew closer and said, “Miss, you are an exotic, heavenly flower of dazzling beauty, while I’m from Dragon-Squeezing Mountain. We were wide apart before, but how lucky I am to be so close to you today.”
As he spoke, he reached out and tried to pull her clothes off. Her face turned scarlet and she pushed him away. “That may be, but you can’t be so rough!” she said. “Let me inform my father tomorrow and get his consent first, and then we can consummate our marriage.”
But Tuxing Sun refused to let go. In fact, he tightened his grip, but she kept fending him off. And that’s it. I’m stopping this scene right here. I’m the first to say that yeah these are centuries-old works of literature and there are going to be occasional unfortunate elements that are reflections of the outdated attitudes of their times. But THIS was way over the line for me. I thought about skipping this whole scene altogether, but I felt it was necessary to include the first bit of it so we could see the umm … charm offensive? that Tuxing Sun used to try to persuade Deng Chanyu to change her mind, mainly just to make it clear that there was basically no point of redemption here where Tuxing Sun became anything other than the deplorable character that he had been up to this point. And what follows in the book is basically a rape fantasy. Eventually, as the novel tells it, Deng Chanyu succumbs to Tuxing Sun’s entreaties and they indeed consummate their … umm … marriage, and the segment ends with a poem praising Jiang Ziya’s brilliant scheme in bringing the two lovebirds together. [Sigh] I can’t even.
Moving on, the next morning, the newlyweds got up and washed up. Tuxing Sun then suggested they should go pay their respects to Jiang Ziya. Deng Chanyu said, “Yes, we should. But my father’s whereabouts are unknown after his defeat yesterday. How can a father and daughter serve two different states? Please relay this concern to Prime Minister Jiang and ask how we should resolve this to everyone’s benefit.”
“You’re quite right, my wife,” Tuxing Sun said. “I will raise it when we go see him.”
Soon, Jiang Ziya assembled the officers, and the newlyweds went to the main hall and paid their respects. Jiang Ziya then said to Deng Chanyu, “You are now an official of the Zhou, but your father remains obstinate in being our enemy. I was going to send troops to capture him, but you are his family, so how should I handle this?”
Tuxing Sun stepped forth and said, “My wife and I were just talking about this. We hope you will devise a plan that will work to everyone’s benefit. It would be an immense kindness.”
“Well, that’s not too hard,” Jiang Ziya said. “If Chanyu is truly committed to our state, then we just need to send her to talk to her father and convince him to submit to the Zhou. But is she willing?”
Deng Chanyu kneeled and said, “Prime minister, since I have already joined the Zhou, how can I dare to harbor any disloyalty? This morning, I was already planning to go convince my father to submit, but I was just worried that you won’t trust me. But if you are willing to send me on this mission, I will do all I can, and my father shall submit.”
“I do not doubt you,” Jiang Ziya said. “But I worry that your father will refuse to submit and then there would be more trouble. If you are willing to go, then I will send some soldiers with you.”
Deng Chanyu thanked him, left the city with some troops, and headed toward Qi Mountain, where her father had pitched camp after his defeat the previous day.
In the Shang camp, Deng Jiugong was huddling with his officers and telling them, “I had never been in such a precarious position since I have been commanding troops. And now I’ve lost my daughter, and her fate is unknown. We can neither fall back nor go forward. What should we do?”
His vanguard general Tai (4) Luan (2) said, “You should send an urgent message to the capital. In the meantime, you can send men to go find word on your daughter’s whereabouts.”
Just then, guards came in and reported, “Your daughter is coming with an army bearing the banners of the Zhou. They are waiting outside the camp gate.”
Everyone was surprised and alarmed, and Deng Jiugong summoned his daughter. Deng Chanyu dismounted, walked to the main tent, and kneeled. Deng Jiugong hurriedly got up and asked, “My child, what’s all this?”
“I dare not tell you,” Deng Chanyu said as she could not restrain her tears.
“What wrong have you suffered? Get up and tell me,” her father said.
“It all stems from your thoughtless words and trying to be too clever by half,” she said. “You promised me to Tuxing Sun to try to lure Jiang Ziya. And then it all went to hell and I was captured and taken into Western Qi. I was forced to go through with the marriage. Oh how I do regret it!”
Deng Jiugong was scared out of his mind upon hearing this and fell into a stunned silence. Deng Chanyu then continued, “Now, I have lost my purity and become Tuxing Sun’s wife. I wanted to save your life, so I had to come talk to you. Right now, King Zhou (4) is wicked and the realm is fractured. Two-thirds of the land already submits to the Zhou kingdom. You don’t need to cast a divination to see the will of heaven and men. Grand Tutor Wen, the Mo brothers, the Daoists from the islands have all met their doom, making it clear who is just and who is evil. Being unfilial, I have submitted to Western Qi. I had no choice but to come talk to you about the consequences if you continue to resist. Your darling daughter has already been married to your enemy, and Jiang Ziya even came to your camp for the ceremony. You may have been setting a trap for him, but who would believe you? And on top of it, you’ve suffered casualties and brought shame upon your state. If you return to the Shang, you would no doubt be executed. I have lawfully married a good man on your orders; this was not an elopement, so you can’t fault me. If you are willing to listen to me, then submit to Western Qi so you can abandon the wicked, join the righteous, and choose to serve a good lord. Not only would our family be preserved, you would also be leaving the darkness and joining the light, abandoning the wrong path for the right. All would rejoice at such a move.”
That speech moved Deng Jiugong’s heart. He thought to himself, “If I try to keep pressing this campaign forward, we would be outnumbered. If I retreat and return to the Shang, I would be the subject of suspicion.”
After thinking it over for a bit, he said to his daughter, “My child, you are my treasure. How can I bear to let you go? Alas, it must be heaven’s will. But I would be ashamed to go to Western Qi like this and kneel before Jiang Ziya.”
“That’s no problem,” she said. “Prime minister Jiang treats talent with respect, not arrogance. If you really are willing to submit, let me go tell him first, and he will come welcome you.”
Deng Jiugong agreed and sent his daughter back first to relay the news. She returned ot Western Qi and recounted her conversation with her father, and Jiang Ziya was ecstatic. He immediately ordered his officers to line up outside the city to welcome Deng Jiugong. So everyone lined up, and soon, Deng Jiugong and his troops arrived.
“Commander, greetings!” Jiang Ziya said.
Deng Jiugong bowed from his saddle and replied, “I am untalented and witless. You are well within your rights to condemn me. I have come to surrender; I hope you can forgive my offense.”
Jiang Ziya hurriedly rode forward and took Deng Jiugong’s hands in his, saying, “Since you have decided to abandon the darkness for the light, we are colleagues, so there’s no need to treat each other as outsiders. Besides, your daughter has married a disciple from my sect. How would I dare to slight you?”
Deng Jiugong was extremely grateful for this magnanimous display, and the two rode back to Jiang Ziya’s residence and went inside for a feast that lasted all night. The next day, the Martial King Ji Fa held court and celebrated again.
While the Zhou was celebrating its latest victory, Shang scouts brought word of Deng Jiugong’s defection to Han Rong, the commander of Sishui Pass on the border of the Shang kingdom. When he heard that Deng Jiugong had defected and married his daughter to the enemy, Han Rong hurriedly sent word to the Shang capital. The minister Zhang Qian (1) received the report and was stunned. He rushed to the Star-Picking Tower and asked for an audience with King Zhou.
King Zhou summoned him up and asked, “Why did you come here without being summoned?”
Zhang Qian kneeled and said, “Commander Han Rong of Sishui Pass has sent a report to the court, and I dare not conceal its content. So I risked incurring your wrath.”
King Zhou now asked to see the report. Before he finished reading, he started fuming, “Deng Jiugong received my tremendous kindness and yet has betrayed me and surrendered to the rebels! This is despicable! I must hold court and discuss how to apprehend all these traitors and bring them to justice so as to appease my anger.”
Seeing his hair-trigger liege in a mood, Zhang Qian took his leave and descended the tower before he was thrown off. Soon, drums and gongs echoed across the palace, signaling that the king was calling the court into session. All the civilian and military officials rushed to court, and King Zhou said, “Deng Jiugong went to attack Western Qi on my command. But not only did he fail to pacify the rebels, he ended up marrying his daughter to the enemy and joining them. His crime cannot be pardoned. Aside from arresting his family, I must capture that traitor himself and bring him to justice. What ideas do you all have to enforce our state’s laws?”
A minister named Fei (1) Lian (2) now stepped forth and said, “In my view, Western Qi must be punished for its treason. But of the commanders we have sent, those who win obviously would happily come back, but those who suffer setbacks are compelled to submit to the Zhou because they fear punishment. How can we achieve victory like this? In my foolish opinion, your highness must choose someone related to you to lead the campaign. Only such a man would fight their hardest for you and never surrender. He would tie his own fate with that of the state. Only such a man would succeed.”
King Zhou replied, “But a lord and his ministers are like father and sons. I have never discriminated in that regard.”
Fei Lian (2) said, “I have a recommendation for a commander to lead the next attack on Western Qi. It must be Su (1) Hu (4), the Marquis of Jizhou (4,1). He is your relative and a senior nobleman. He will do his utmost in all things.”
So in case you forgot, Su (1) Hu (4) is the father of the queen Daji. It was his initial defiance of King Zhou that lit the match for all the turmoil in the novel. Ironically, it led to his daughter becoming King Zhou’s concubine and later queen, making him father-in-law to the king. And now, King Zhou was sending him a decree to lead the next campaign against Western Qi.
Perhaps somewhat surprisingly, Su Hu was delighted when he received the decree. After sending the envoy on his way, he bowed to heaven and said, “Now, I get the chance to clear my name to the world!”
He then set up a banquet and drank with his son and wife. He told them, “I was cursed to have borne a daughter, Daji, who was sent to the capital as the king’s concubine. Who knew that whore would go against her parents’ teachings and stir up trouble for no reason and mislead his majesty. There’s nothing she won’t do, and as a result, all the nobles of the land despise me. And now, the Martial King’s virtue and compassion are known throughout the land, and two-thirds of the realm have pledged allegiance to him. But now that tyrant King Zhou (4) is ordering me to lead a campaign against Western Qi. This is my lifelong wish fulfilled. I plan to take our entire family on this campaign, and when we get to Western Qi, we will submit to the Martial King and enjoy peace and prosperity. Then, we will join with the other nobles and take on the wicked tyrant. That way, I will not go down as a laughingstock among the nobles and have my name be cursed throughout the ages. That would be the act of a true man.”
His wife rejoiced. “General, your words match our thoughts exactly!” she told him. So the next day, Su Hu assembled all his officers, mobilized 100,000 men, made a sacrifice, and set off. After some days on the road, they were approaching Western Qi, and Su Hu ordered the army to pitch camp.
Inside the city, Jiang Ziya got word that Su Hu was here with an army. He said to Flying Tiger, “I have long heard that Su Hu is skilled at war. You must know him. What do you think?”
Flying Tiger replied, “Su Hu has an upright temperament. He is not a spineless man. Even though he is connected to King Zhou by marriage, he has always wanted to submit to us. He has maintained frequent communication with me. If he’s coming, then he must be coming to join us. There’s no doubt about it.”
Jiang Ziya was delighted. And then, three days passed and Su Hu had not come to challenge for battle, so Flying Tiger told Jiang Ziya, “Since Su Hu is holding his army in place, let me go feel him out.”
Jiang Ziya agreed, so Flying Tiger rode out on his magic cow and shouted for Su Hu to come out. Su Hu, however, sent his vanguard general out to answer. Said vanguard general, Zhao (4) Bing (3), was not in on the whole “let’s surrender” plan, so he rode out, recognized Flying Tiger, and shouted, “You are a member of the royal family, and yet instead of repaying the state, you rebelled without cause and stirred up trouble, causing unrest for the civilians and years of endless warfare. We have come on a royal decree to apprehend you. Surrender now!”
As he spoke, Zhao Bing (3) raised his halberd and attacked. Flying Tiger parried his blow and said, “You go on back and ask your commander to come out for a word. I have things to tell him. No need for you to show off.”
Zhao Bing was irate. “I was ordered to come capture you; how dare you tease me with such nonsense?”
He now attacked again, and now Flying Tiger got angry, too. “You scoundrel! How dare you take two stabs at me?” he fumed.
Umm, dude, that’s what folks do in war, stab and hack at each other. In any case, the two now went at it. After 20 abouts, Flying Tiger captured Zhao Bing alive and brought him back to Jiang Ziya. When Zhao Bing was escorted into the hall, he refused to kneel.
“You’ve been captured; how dare you show such disrespect?” Jiang Ziya said.
“I was ordered by a royal decree to come on this campaign,” Zhao Bing shot back. “I had hoped for success. But unfortunately, I fell into your hands, so I await my death. No need for words.”
Jiang Ziya, though, ordered that he be locked up for now. Meanwhile, when Su Hu got word that his vanguard general had been captured, he looked down and said nothing. One of his officers, Zheng (4) Lun (2), said, “My lord, Flying Tiger is too full of himself. Tomorrow, let me capture him and we can send him to the capital, so as to spare the civilians.”
So the next day, Zheng Lun rode out on his Fiery Golden-Eyed Beast while wielding his Demon-Taming Staff. He went to the foot of the city and demanded battle. Jiang Ziya sent Flying Tiger out. When Flying Tiger asked who he was, Zheng Lun replied, “I am Zheng Lun, an officer under Marquis Su. Flying Tiger, you rebel! Why have you waged war year after year and made the people suffer? Now, the heavenly troops have arrived, and yet you still refuse to surrender and accept your punishment. What is your intent?!”
“Zheng Lun, you go on back and ask your commander to come out to speak with me,” Flying Tiger said. “If you don’t know any better, then you will bring trouble upon yourself like Zhao Bing.”
Zheng Lun became angry and attacked, and Flying Tiger countered. Now, if you forgot, this Zheng Lun had once learned some Daoist magic on Kunlun Mountain, and after 30 exchanges against Flying Tiger, he pulled out the ace up his sleeve. He waved his staff, and his 3,000 Black Raven Troops started moving in a long serpentine pattern. Meanwhile, two beams of white light shot out from Zheng Lun’s nostrils, and Flying Tiger immediately fainted and fell out of his saddle. Zheng Lun’s troops pounced on him, stripped off his armor, tied him up, and hustled him back to their camp.
When Flying Tiger came to, he was already tied up and being escorted back to the Shang camp. He shook his head and said, “What happened was like a dream. I can’t admit defeat based on that!”
When Zheng Lun got back to camp, he went to see Su Hu and asked him for instructions on how to deal with Flying Tiger. Su Hu told his men to bring Flying Tiger into the tent, and Flying Tiger told Su Hu, “I was captured by black magic. Please grant me death so that I may repay my country for its kindness to me.”
Su Hu, however, said, “You deserve to be executed, but I will leave you for the king to deal with.” So his men took Flying Tiger away and locked him up in the back of the camp for the time being.
When word of Flying Tiger’s capture reached Jiang Ziya, he asked how it happened, and the soldiers said, “There’s an enemy officer named Zheng Lun. While he was fighting Lord Flying Tiger, a white beam of light suddenly shot out from his nose, and Flying Tiger fell off his saddle and was captured.”
This report of black magic made Jiang Ziya uneasy. Meanwhile, Huang Tianhua was standing right there, and when he heard that his father had been captured, he wished he could swallow Zheng Lun. The next day, he requested permission to go out and find word on his father’s fate. Jiang Ziya agreed, so Huang Tianua rode out on his jade qilin and demanded battle.
On the Shang side, Zheng Lun volunteered to go out again. When the two foes met, Huang Tianhua said, “You must be Zheng Lun, the one who captured Flying Tiger. Don’t you run! Take this!”
As he spoke, he raised his mallets and attacked, and Zheng Lun countered. Before they had reached 10 bouts, Zheng Lun noticed that Huang Tianhua was dressed like a Daoist, so he figured he must have some dirty trick up his sleeve, so Zheng Lun decided to use his dirty trick first. So he again pointed his staff skyward, and his Black Raven Troops again swarmed like a serpent, and his nose again shot out white light. And just like his father, Huang Tianhua fell off his ride, and by the time he opened his eyes again, he was already tied up and being taken back to the enemy camp.
When Zheng Lun reported back with another victory, Su Hu saw how fearsome Huang Tianhua looked as he stood in defiance. So Su Hu had him locked up in the back of the camp as well. When father and son were reunited in jail, Huang Tianhua shouted, “Father, we were both done in by black magic. This cannot stand!”
“That may be, but focus on thinking about repaying the country,” Flying Tiger told him.
To see what will happen to the two of them, tune in to the next episode of the Chinese Lore Podcast. Thanks for listening!
Music in This Episode
- “Sao Meo” by Doug Maxwell / Zac Zinger
- “Ravines” by Elphnt (from YouTube audio library)
- “Dark Toys” by SYBS (from YouTube audio library)
- “The Quiet Aftermath by Sir Cubworth (from YouTube audio library)