Gods 043: Role Reversal
The Jie sect Daoists get a taste of their own medicine.
Transcript
Welcome to the Chinese Lore Podcast, where I retell classic Chinese stories in English. This is episode 43 of Investiture of the Gods.
Last time, after losing six of his 10 formations and Daoist friends, Grand Tutor Wen Zhong recruited a big gun named Zhao (4) Gongming (1,2), who gave Jiang Ziya’s Chan Daoist friends all sorts of problems. But then, they managed to turn the table on him with a little outside help, took away two of his magic weapons and sent him running away after taking a shot from Master Burning Lamp’s Universal Ruler.
When Zhao Gongming returned to camp that day, Wen Zhong greeted him and asked him how the day’s fight went. Zhao Gongming only let out a long sigh, which prompted Wen Zhong to ask what’s up.
“Ever since I started cultivating my Dao, today was the first time I lost!” Zhao Gongming lamented. “When I was chasing Burning Lamp, I ran into two Daoists named Xiao (1) Sheng (1) and Cao (2) Bao (3). They took my Dragon Binding Cord and my Sea-Calming Pearls. I’ve been relying on those pearls ever since I became a Daoist. And now they’ve been taken by some nobody. It breaks my heart!”
He then told his two disciples to stay in camp while he was going to take a quick trip to Three Fairy Island. He hopped on his tiger, took to the air, and arrived at his destination before long. He found the cave on the island and let out a cough at the entrance.
Momentarily, a young acolyte came out. The boy recognized Zhao Gongming and immediately went inside to report. Soon, three female Daoists — the namesakes for the island — came out and said, “Brother, please come in!”
So these were three of Zhao Gongming’s fellow Jie sect Daoists. They were named High Firmament, Green Firmament, and Jade Firmament. Once they went inside, they asked Zhao Gongming the reason for his visit. He recounted how he was helping Wen Zhong against the Chan sect and how he lost two of his treasures in the fight.
“So I have come to borrow either your Golden Dragon Scissors or your Golden Universe Muddling Dipper, so that I can get back my treasures,” he said. “Only then can I feel at peace.”
But High Firmament shook her head and said, “Brother, this won’t do. I remember our master warning us that many members of our sect were destined to meet with calamity. That’s why he commanded us to all stay in our caves. He posted two lines of warning on the doors of his palace. They said, ‘Keep your cave doors tightly shut and read your Daoist texts; if you set foot on western soil, you will meet with disaster.’
“Compared to the Chan sect, we really have a carefree life. And since a phoenix has been sighted in Qi Mountain and a sage lord has risen out there, why quarrel with him for no reason? Brother, you shouldn’t have gone. Let’s just wait this out. Once the threat has passed, I will personally go ask Burning Lamp to return your pearls. But as for lending you the Golden Scissors and Golden Dipper, I really cannot oblige that request.”
“You really aren’t willing to lend it to me?” Zhao Gongming pressed.
“It’s not that I’m unwilling. I just worry they might get lost, and then it would be too late for regrets,” High Firmament replied. “Brother, please go back to your mountain and just be patient.”
Zhao Gongming sighed and lamented, “With family like this, who needs enemies?”
He then took his leave and headed for the exit, with a sour look on his face. He got on his tiger and headed off. Before he had gone far though, he heard someone calling out his name from behind. He turned and saw a female Daoist riding the clouds. It was Celestial Lotus, whom we briefly met in episode 39. She was a friend of Grand Tutor Wen’s, as well as Zhao Gongming’s. She now asked Zhao Gongming where he’s going, and he recounted all the recent events.
When she heard that the female Daoists of Three Fairy Island had refused to lend Zhao Gongming their treasures, Celestial Lotus was flabbergasted. “How can this be?! Daoist brother, let’s go back to them together. If your own family won’t help you, who would?!”
So she dragged Zhao Gongming back to Three Fairy Island. When the three female Daoists there came out to greet them. Celestial Lotus lectured them, “Sisters, Brother Zhao is family. Why did you not help him? Can it be that only the Chan sect has powers and we don’t? Since they took our brother’s treasures, it’s only right for us to help him. Why did you refuse?! Besides, if Brother Zhao goes elsewhere to get help and manages to retrieve his treasures, then it’s going to make you all look bad. And again, he’s family! If his own sisters won’t help him, who will? I will even lend him the object I’ve been honing in my sacred furnace. Why won’t you lend a hand?!”
The middle sister, Green Firmament, chimed in and said to High Firmament, “Sister, just let brother borrow the scissors.”
High Firmament was speechless for a good while, but she saw no way out of the corner that she’s been backed into, so she said, “Alright, brother. You can take the Golden Dragon Scissors and tell Burning Lamp that if he returns your pearls, then I won’t unleash the scissors. But if he refuses, then I am going to let the scissors loose, and then even the moon would not be whole. He will no doubt return the pearls to you. But you must not act rashly. Listen to me, ok?!”
Zhao Gongming agreed and headed off with the scissors. Celestial Lotus saw him off and told him that she would be along as soon as the object she’s been honing in her furnace is complete. Once they parted, Zhao Gongming flew back to the Shang camp and told Wen Zhong what happened. Wen Zhong was delighted to see that he got more help, so he held a banquet to celebrate.
The next morning, Zhao Gongming rode out on his Tiger, accompanied by Grand Tutor Wen and his four generals. They demanded to speak with Master Burning Lamp. When Burning Lamp got word, he already knew what was coming.
“Zhao Gongming has borrowed the Golden Dragon Scissors,” he told the other Chan Daoists. “Since he has them, you all must not go out. I alone will meet him.”
He then hopped on his deer and went out. As soon as Zhao Gongming saw Burning Lamp, he shouted, “Give me back my Sea-Calming Pearls and all will be forgiven. Otherwise, we’ll settle this once and for all!”
Burning Lamp replied, “The pearls are a Buddhist treasure and find their way back to their true master. How can you Jie sect sorcerers hold on to them? They will help me attain the Dao, so don’t dream about getting them back.”
Zhao Gongming was pissed. He yelled, “Since you are unsympathetic, then the rift between us is unredeemable!”
He then charged forward to attack, and Burning Lamp met him head on. They exchanged a few blows with weapons, and then Zhao Gongming unleashed the Golden Dragon Scissors. These scissors were really a pair of dragons that lived on the essence of heaven, earth, the sun, and the moon. When they were high in the air, their tails locked together, and their bodies could cut men and immortals in two.
As they headed straight for Burning Lamp, he quickly hopped off his deer and fast-traveled away. His poor deer, however, was cut in two. Zhao Gongming was incensed that Burning Lamp had gotten away, but he had no choice but to return to camp for now.
Meanwhile, Burning Lamp fled back to his pavilion, where he told everyone about his encounter with the magic scissors, and everyone’s heart went cold when they heard how dangerous the scissors were.
While they were talking, word came that a Daoist was outside, seeking an audience. Burning Lamp invited him in and asked who he was.
“I am a hermit who likes to travel the land,” the Daoist replied. “I live on Western Kunlun Mountain. My name is Lu (4) Ya (1). Zhao Gongming is helping the wicked against the good and has borrowed the Golden Dragon Scissors to attack you all. He only knows how powerful he is; he doesn’t know that there are still more intricacies to the Dao. So I have come to take him on. I will make it so that he will die without even being able to use his magic scissors.”
The next day, Zhao Gongming again rode out and shouted across the lines, “Burning Lamp! Since you have boundless powers, why did you flee yesterday? Come out at once to settle this!”
When this was reported to the pavilion, the new Daoist Lu (4) Ya (1) went out to meet the enemy. Zhao Gongming saw this short Daoist with a fishtail coronet, a red robe, strange looks and a long beard, coming toward him while chanting a song. He didn’t recognize the man and asked him for his name.
“I have a name, you just don’t know it,” Lu Ya said. “I’m no immortal, neither am I a sage. But listen to my song.
My nature like clouds, my mind the wind,
I float wherever I please.
On the East Sea, a bright moon,
On the South, I ride a dragon.
I sit on a tiger in the mountains,
And fly on a phoenix over the clouds.
I have neither riches nor power,
Nor am I known on Mount Kunlun.
I care not for longevity peaches,
Three cups of wine, I’ll go my own way.
I sit quietly on the rocks,
Listen to the deer or play chess.
I write poems, awing earth and heaven.
I play the lute to amuse myself.
Your years of effort will all be in vain,
I have come here to eradicate Zhao Gongming.
I am Lu Ya of West Kunlun Mountain.”
Zhao Gongming, as you can imagine, did not take kindly to the whole “eradicate” part directed toward him, so he cursed Lu Ya and attacked with his staff, and Lu Ya met him with sword in hand. After just a few exchanges, Zhao Gongming unleashed his magic scissors, but Lu Ya saw it, shouted, “Perfect!”, turned into a rainbow and ran away. This only added to Zhao Gongming’s aggravation, and he returned to camp while gritting his teeth.
When Lu Ya returned to the pavilion, he told the other Daoists, “I have a way to deal with Zhao Gongming, but I must trouble Jiang Ziya to help.”
He then opened his flower basket and took out a letter stamped with seals and charms. He wrote down a set of instructions: “Go to Qi Mountain and set up camp there. Within the camp, erect a terrace. On it, build a straw effigy and write Zhao Gongming’s name on it. Put a lamp by its head and another by its foot. Then, worship it three times a day, recite the charms, and burn the spells stamped on the paper. At noon on the 21st day, I will come and help you finish him off.”
So if this sounds familiar, it’s because this is pretty much what one of the Jie sect Daoists did to try to kill Jiang Ziya just a couple episodes back. So turnabout is fair play. Jiang Ziya secretly led 3,000 troops, along with the officers Nangong Kuo and Wu Ji, and did as instructed.
Over the next three to five days, Zhao Gongming suddenly started feeling very irritable and restless. He kept walking around the tent, scratching this or that part on his body. Seeing this but unable to do anything about it, Grand Tutor Wen was also unhappy and not in the mood to worry about military affairs.
One of the other Jie Daoists, Bai (2) Li (3), came and said to Wen Zhong, “Brother Zhao has become restless for no reason. Maybe he should stay in camp for now, and let me use my Vehement Flames formation to deal with the Chan sect.”
Wen Zhong tried to dissuade him since, didn’t you see what happened to the other six guys? But Bai Li shouted, “None of our formations have succeeded, and now we are just sitting around doing nothing? When would we succeed at this rate?!”
So he ignored Wen Zhong’s entreaties and went into his formation. As bells rang, he galloped out on his deer and challenged for battle. Burning Lamp and others came out, and Bai Li dared them to attack his formation. No one on the Chan side volunteered to go. I guess they finally wise up about what happens to whoever gets sent into a formation first. But then Lu Ya asked, “What’s the name of that formation?”
Burning Lamp told him it was the Vehement Flames, and Lu Ya chuckled and said, “Let me go try it out.” He then walked out humming a song. Bai Li asked for his name. Lu Ya said, “There must be intricate magic within your formation. I am Lu Ya, and I have come to meet you.”
Bai Li now attacked without a second word, and Lu Ya returned his blows with his sword. After a few bouts, Bai Li predictably retreated into his formation, and Lu Ya followed him in. Bai Li ascended a terrace and started waving three red pennants, summoning fires from the sky, the earth, and the human world.
Alas, what Bai Li did not know was that Lu Ya had been refined by the fire of fires, so he was basically like Daenerys Targaryen when it came to fires. After four hours, he was still not even singed in the slightest, and he just kept singing.
After four hours of song, Lu Ya finally took action. He held up a gourd that shot a beam of light high into the air. It formed something that was 7 inches long and had eyes and eyebrows. Its eyes shot out a white beam of light, and when it hit Bai Li on the head, it knocked him unconscious. Lu Ya then bowed from inside the flames and said, “My precious, please turn around!”
The object spun around with its beam, and Bai Li’s head hit the ground. Lu Ya now packed away his gourd and strolled out of the formation. Before he had gotten far, another of the Jie sect Daoists, Yao (2) Bin (1), rode out and shouted, “Lu Ya, don’t go anywhere! Here I come!”
This Yao Bin had set up the Soul Snatcher formation and was the guy who had put the hex on Jiang Ziya previously. He had a golden face, red beard, a huge mouth, and protruding teeth. He now galloped toward Lu Ya on his deer, brandishing a staff.
Burning Lamp now said to Jiang Ziya, “Send the officer Fang Xiang to attack the Soul Snatcher formation.”
Sigh. I see Burning Lamp is back to his old “being liberal with the cannon fodder” ways. Jiang Ziya told Fang Xiang to attack the formation, adding, “It would be a great service!” while neglecting to mention that it was basically a suicide mission for a mere mortal like Fang Xiang. But Fang Xiang charged out as commanded and attacked with his halberd. He was a stout warrior, so Yao Bin was no match for him when it came to trading blows with weapons. So Yao Bin quickly fell back into his formation. Fang Xiang followed him in, and was immediately hit with a shower of black sand, which promptly killed him.
Yao Bin then went back out and shouted, “Master Burning Lamp, you’re a famous Daoist. Why did you send a mortal to a pointless death? Send a learned and skilled Daoist master instead.”
So Burning Lamp now dispatched Master Pure Essence, a member of the class of 12. Pure Essence went out and said to Yao Bin, “You tried to steal Jiang Ziya’s soul before, and I twice went into your formation to save him. And now you’ve killed Fang Xiang. You are truly despicable.”
Yao Bin retorted, “Your magic map’s powers were only so so. They didn’t keep me from taking the map. Your sect’s powers are meager.”
Pure Essence replied, “It’s all preordained by heaven. You are meeting your end today, and there is no escape, and it’s too late for regret.”
Yao Bin became furious and attacked, and after a few exchanges, he again retreated to his formation. Pure Essence entered the formation, for the third time. He knew full well its powers, so he put a cloud over his head for protection, and then wrapped himself in his magic Daoist robes. The robe shined brightly and repelled the blast of black sand that Yao Bin sent his way.
Seeing his magic neutralized, Yao Bin was incensed and was just about to come down from his terrace to fight via traditional means. But Pure Essence now whipped out his Yin Yang Mirror and pointed it at Yao Bin. Yao Bin immediately collapsed and fell from his terrace.
Bowing toward East Kunlun Mountain, Pure Essence said, “Your disciple must break the prohibition on killing,” and then cut off Yao Bin’s head with his sword. He then took back the magic map that Yao Bin had taken from him in their last encounter, exited the formation, ad went off to return the map to Master Laozi.
Meanwhile, the loss of two more Daoist friends had Grand Tutor Wen fuming. He stamped his foot and sighed, “Who knew I would doom one friend after another?” He now huddled with the last two remaining Daoists from Golden Turtle Island and told them while weeping, “I was saddled with the order to wage this campaign and as a result, doomed you all to this calamity. I have received the kindness of the state, so I have to do this. But you all had no reason to endure this disaster. How can I live with myself?!”
In the meantime, Zhao Gongming’s condition had only worsened. He was now sleeping constantly, thanks to the hex that Jiang Ziya was putting on him from Qi Mountain. After half a month, Zhao Gongming was unconscious and snoring all the time.
One day, Wen Zhong went into his camp and saw that his condition had not changed. Wen Zhong gave him a light shove and said, “Daoist brother, you are an immortal. Why are you sleeping constantly?”
Zhao Gongming, with his eyes closed and still snoring, answered, “I’m not sleeping.”
The remaining two Daoists from Golden Turtle Island now said to Wen Zhong, “This is not good. Someone must be putting a curse on him. You should get a gold coin and cast a divination.”
Wen Zhong did as they suggested and was alarmed at the result. “A sorcerer is putting a hex on him from West Qi Mountain. What should we do?”
“This must be Lu Ya’s doing,” said Wang (2) Bian (4), one of the two Daoists. “We must go there and seize his effigy. Only then can we save him.”
“That won’t do,” Wen Zhong said. “Since that’s the enemy’s intent, they must be prepared. We can only act in secret, not by force.”
He then went back inside and told Zhao Gongming what they think was happening. Zhao Gongming was stunned and asked, “Daoist brother, I came here for your sake. How will you save me now?”
This stabbed at Wen Zhong’s heart. Zhang Jie, the other remaining Daoist, said, “Brother Wen, no need to panic. We will send Brother Zhao’s two disciples to Qi Mountain in secret tonight to steal his effigy.”
That night, while Burning Lamp and other Chan Daoists were meditating in the pavilion, Lu Ya suddenly felt a disturbance in the force. He did a quick divination with his fingers and said to everyone, “Wen Zhong has discovered our gambit and has sent two men to Qi Mountain to steal Zhao Gongming’s effigy. If we lose that effigy, our lives will be forfeit. We must send capable men to warn Jiang Ziya to be on guard.”
So Burning Lamp immediately dispatched Yang Jian and Nezha. Nezha sped off first on his hot wheels, and Yang Jian followed on horseback.
Meanwhile, Zhao Gongming’s two disciples fast-traveled to Qi Mountain around 9 p.m. that night. From the air, they spotted Jiang Ziya with his hair hanging down, walking around his terrace and chanting spells. When they saw him bowing down, they swooped down from the air, grabbed the effigy, and sped off like the wind.
When Jiang Ziya rose from his bow and looked up, he was shocked to see that the effigy had vanished. Just then, Nezha rushed onto the scene to say, “Hey Lu Ya sent me here to tell you that Wen Zhong is sending someone to steal effigy. If that effigy is gone, we’re all done for, so make sure you don’t … oh … ah crap.”
Jiang Ziya told Nezha that the effigy had just vanished and told him to go chase it down. So Nezha sped off.
Meanwhile, Yang Jian was a little ways behind Nezha on horseback. As he was traveling, he suddenly felt a strange gale blowing. He had a pretty good inclination what that was, so he dismounted, grabbed a handful of dirt and grass, and tossed it into the air, shouting, “Strike!” He then sat down and waited.
Meanwhile, Zhao Gongming’s two disciples were delighted at their success. As they fast-traveled away, they soon saw the Shang camp up ahead, with one of Wen Zhong’s generals keeping watch outside. The two disciples now rushed into the camp and saw Grand Tutor Wen. He asked them how it went, and they told him “mission accomplished.” Wen Zhong was ecstatic and asked to see the effigy. They offered it up, and he took a look and stashed it in his sleeve and told them, “Go check on your master and give him an update.”
The two disciples headed toward the back of the camp, but suddenly, they heard the sound of thunder behind them. When they turned around, the camp had disappeared, and in front of them was Yang Jian, seated atop a white horse and wielding a long spear, shouting, “Return the effigy!”
So the camp was just an illusion that Yang Jian had whipped up with his little trick. The two disciples were irate and attacked with their swords. Yang Jian, however, was way above their league, and then Nezha showed up as well. Before long, Nezha ran his spear through one disciple, while Yang Jian stabbed the other, and both bit the dust.
Nezha told Yang Jian what Jiang Ziya had said about the effigy being stolen, and Yang Jian told him how he had used a little trick to get it back. The two then returned to Qi Mountain. By now, it was starting to get light out, and Jiang Ziya was brooding in camp over his screwup. But then word came that Yang Jian and Nezha were back. He summoned them in, and Yang Jian recounted how he got the effigy back. Jiang Ziya was ecstatic and praised them both. Yang Jian then returned the effigy, and this time, Jiang Ziya made sure to keep a close watch on it morning, day, and night.
Over in the Shang camp, Wen Zhong was waiting for news of the effigy heist. But when morning came and the two disciples had not returned, he sent one of his generals to go see what happened. Word soon came back that the two disciples turned up dead on the way. Wen Zhong smacked his desk and shouted, “With them dead, there’s no hope in getting the effigy back now!”
He stamped his foot and wept bitterly. The two Daoists from Golden Turtle Island came in and saw him weeping, and asked what happened. When he told them, they were speechless. Together, they went to check on Zhao Gongming, who was still snoring nonstop. With tears in his eyes, Wen Zhong told him what happened. Now, THAT literally made Zhao Gongming sit up. With his eyes glowering and covered in cold sweat, he shouted, “Alas! I wish I had listened to my sister. Turns out I really did bring doom on myself! I had spent millennia cultivating my Dao and becoming immortal. Who knew I would suffer this calamity and die at Lu Ya’s hand. What a pity! Brother Wen, I don’t think I’ll make it. It’s too late for regrets! After I die, please use my robe to wrap up the Golden Dragon Scissors and tie up the bundle. When I die, my sisters will come to see my remains. You can return the scissors to them then. When they see my robe, it would be like seeing me.”
And then, with tears rolling down his cheek, he suddenly shouted, “Sister High Firmament! I wish I had listened to you! Turns out you were right!”
And then, he became unable to talk. The sight of Zhao Gongming’s suffering filled Wen Zhong with pain and fury. And Wang Bian (4), the Jie Daoist who had set up the Red Water formation, was furious as well. He stomped out, got his formation ready, and went out to the front lines and yelled, “Which Chan Daoist dares to test my Red Water formation?!”
Burning Lamp and others now came out to meet the challenge. Burning Lamp said to Cao (2) Bao (3), one of the two guys who had helped him fend off Zhao Gongming in the last episode, “Daoist brother, you go break this formation.”
“I would never refuse a mission for the true sage lord,” Cao Bao replied. He then went out. Now, Wang Bian recognized Cao Bao and said to him, “Brother Cao, you are a hermit. This has nothing to do with you. Why are you sticking your neck out for this?”
“You all are helping the wicked against the good and refusing to heed the will of heaven,” Cao Bao replied. “Zhao Gongming is on the brink of death because of it, and most of your formations have been broken. Heaven’s will is plain to see.”
You know what else is plain to see? How this fight will turn out. To see if we get another formulaic showdown, tune in to the next episode of the Chinese Lore Podcast. Thanks for listening!
Music in This Episode
- “Sao Meo” by Doug Maxwell / Zac Zinger
- “Ravines” by Elphnt (from YouTube audio library)
- “Dark Toys” by SYBS (from YouTube audio library)