Gods 033: Head to Head
Jiang Ziya goes back to his master for help, and gets tasked with an errand instead.
Transcript
Welcome to the Chinese Lore Podcast, where I retell classic Chinese stories in English. This is episode 33 of Investiture of the Gods.
Last time, the Shang (1) sent an army led by Zhang Guifang (4,1), the commander of Green Dragon Pass, to attack the kingdom of Zhou (1). Things did not get off to a good start for the Zhou, as Zhang Guifang’s vanguard general killed a brother of the Martial King.
When word of this opening defeat got back to the Zhou capital, Jiang Ziya was quite unhappy, the Martial King was very melancholy, and all the officers seethed with anger. The next day, Zhang Guifang lined up his army outside the city and demanded to speak with Jiang Ziya.
“If you don’t enter the tiger’s den, you cannot capture the tiger cub,” Jiang Ziya said. He then ordered his army to march out. Across the field, they saw Zhang Guifang, dressed in silver armor, riding a white horse, and wielding a long spear, glistening like ice and snow. For his part, Zhang Guifang took note of how orderly and valiant Jiang Ziya’s troops looked as they lined up. And then, he saw Flying Tiger under the main canopy, and he felt a surge of anger.
Zhang Guifang now rode out and said to Jiang Ziya, “You used to be an official in the Shang court and received the court’s kindness. So why did you betray the court and why are you helping Ji Fa commit misdeeds, take in the traitor Flying Tiger, and devise a wicked scheme to make the Chao brothers surrender to you? Your crimes are severe, and not even death is punishment enough. I have come on the king’s decree to bring you to justice. Surrender now and pay for your betrayal. If you dare to resist the heavenly troops, it will be too late for regrets when we are trampling your state into the ground.”
To this, Jiang Ziya simply chuckled and replied, “Sir, you are mistaken. Have you not heard the saying, ‘Good officials choose which lord they serve, and good birds choose which branch they perch on?’ The entire realm is in rebellion, not just us. Even a loyal official like you cannot abide by King Zhou’s wickedness. Our lord and our vassals, on the other hand, follow the laws and customs. Today, it’s you who are invading us, not the other way around. So you are already in the wrong and made yourself a laughingstock. It’s truly a pity. Listen to my advice and go home. That is your best course of action. Don’t bring trouble on yourself and regret it.”
Zhang Guifang said, “I heard that you spent some time cultivating your Dao on Kunlun Mountain. How can you not understand that heaven and earth never stop changing. Your words are like a child’s nonsense. It’s meaningless. It’s not the words of a wise man.”
Zhang Guifang then turned to his vanguard general Feng (4) Lin (2) and said, “Go apprehend Jiang Ziya.”
Feng Lin immediately charged out. From the other side, the general Nangong Kuo galloped out and they started trading blows. As their fight got hot and heavy, Zhang Guifang kept staring at Flying Tiger and finally couldn’t restrain himself anymore. So he rode right at Flying Tiger, who did not shy away. Flying Tiger rode out on his magic cow and cursed, “You wretch! How dare you come at me?!” And the two started to tangle as well.
After about 15 bouts, Zhang Guifang suddenly shouted, “Flying Tiger, dismount now!”
Now, remember that Flying Tiger was the one who had warned everybody just a couple days earlier that Zhang Guifang had this sorcery that allowed him to call someone’s name in battle and make that person fall off his saddle immediately. Well, apparently he forgot his own warning, because he came out to fight Zhang Guifang even though Zhang Guifang knew his name. And now, Flying Tiger crashed to the ground as soon as Zhang Guifang called his name, and the Shang soldiers swarmed forward to try to capture him.
Seeing this, Flying Tiger’s sworn brother Zhou (1) Ji (2) quickly dashed out to attack Zhang Guifang, while Flying Tiger’s two younger brothers rushed out and saved him. Zhang Guifang, meanwhile, turned and rode away after fighting Zhou Ji for a bit. Zhou Ji gave chase, but hey guess what? Zhang Guifang also knew who he was, so Zhang Guifang now shouted, “Zhou Ji, dismount at once!”
And right on cue, Zhou Ji fell off his horse, and before anyone else could come to his rescue, the enemy’s soldiers had already tied him up and hustled him into their camp.
Meanwhile, the Shang vanguard general Feng (4) Lin (2) was still engaged in dogged fight against Nangong Kuo. Suddenly, Feng Lin turned and rode away, and Nangong Kuo gave chase, even though we see how that almost never ends well in this novel. Feng Lin now pulled the same trick he used to kill the Martial King’s brother yesterday. He turned around and opened his mouth, and outshot a gust of black smoke, along with a large bead that struck Nangong Kuo and knocked him off his horse. The Shang soldiers rushed in and captured him as well. Zhang Guifang now returned to camp in victory, while Jiang Ziya retreated back inside the capital and sulked over losing two more generals.
Outside the city, Zhang Guifang had his two prisoners brought in, but both refused to kneel. When he demanded that they show him respect, Nangong Kuo roared, “You crazy wretch! I have dedicated my life to my kingdom. I’m not afraid to die! Even though I fell for sorcery and was captured, it wasn’t your doing. So shut your mouth!”
Zhang Guifang ordered his men to lock up the two prisoners. Once he sacked the city, they and other prisoners would be taken back to the capital for the king to deal with.
The next day, Zhang Guifang again went to challenge for battle, but this time, he was greeted by a closed for business placard on the city wall. Jiang Ziya wasn’t about to lose more of his officers to the enemy’s sorcery. Seeing this, Zhang Guifang had a good laugh and told his troops to stay put outside the city.
Meanwhile, on a mountain far away, in the Golden Light Cave, the Daoist master Fairy Primordial, aka the master of Lotus Boy Nezha, suddenly felt a disturbance in the force, and he knew what it was. He immediately told his acolyte to summon Nezha. He told Nezha, “This is no place for you to stay long term. You should hurry to Western Qi to join your Daoist uncle Jiang Ziya, so that you can make a name for yourself. Right now, Western Qi is about to be attacked by 36 armies. You should go assist the sage lord and fulfill heaven’s omens.”
Nezha was delighted, so he quickly took his leave and rode toward Western Qi on his wind and fire wheels. When he arrived at the capital, he went to the prime minister’s residence. When the men told Jiang Ziya that a young Daoist was there to see him, Jiang Ziya quickly invited him in. Nezha came in, bowed, and called Jiang Ziya uncle.
“Who are you? Where did you come from?” Jiang Ziya asked.
“I am a disciple of Fairy Primordial of the Golden Light Cave. My name is Nezha. I have left my master’s mountain on his orders so that I may serve under your command.”
Jiang Ziya was delighted. Before he could even say anything, though, Flying Tiger had already rushed out and thanked Nezha for his prior assistance.
“Who is attacking you?” Nezha asked.
“Zhang Guifang of Green Dragon Pass,” Flying Tiger said. “He has incredible sorcery and has captured two of our officers. So Prime Minister Jiang hung up a placard ordering that no one is to answer the challenge for combat.”
“Well, since I came here to help, I shouldn’t just stand and watch,” Nezha said. “Uncle, avoiding battle is no long-term strategy. I’m willing to go fight and capture Zhang Guifang.”
Jiang Ziya agreed, and ordered his men to take down the placard. When Zhang Guifang heard about that, he said to his vanguard general Feng Lin, “Jiang Ziya had been avoiding battle for days. I wonder where he got reinforcement from that he’s now taken down the sign. You go challenge for battle and find out.”
So Feng Lin rode out and demanded combat. Nezha was ready to answer the call, but Jiang Ziya again cautioned him about Zhang Guifang’s sorcery. Nezha just said, “I’ll see what happens and act accordingly.” He then rolled out on his hot wheels.
When Feng Lin saw this boy approach on a pair of wheels, he asked who he was. Nezha replied, “I am Nezha, Prime Minister Jiang’s Daoist nephew. Are you Zhang Guifang, the one who can make someone fall off their horse just by calling their name?”
“No. I am his vanguard general Feng Lin.”
“Oh, well then, I’ll spare your life. Go tell Zhang Guifang to come out!”
You can imagine how Feng Lin reacted to that slight, and soon, he and Nezha were going at it. After 20 bouts, Feng Lin thought to himself, “Nezha seems like he’s got some uncommon Daoist essence. If I don’t strike first, I might lose to him.”
So Feng Lin feigned a blow and then turned and rode away. Nezha gave chase, and suddenly, Feng Lin turned and spat out his black smoke and bowl-sized bead straight at Nezha’s face. But Nezha just scoffed and said, “That’s no legit magic.” He simply pointed with his finger, and the smoke dissipated.
Seeing his sorcery broken, Feng Lin became incensed and turned around to fight some more. But now Nezha unleashed his Universal Ring, and it struck Feng Lin on his left shoulder, breaking his bones and almost knocking him off his horse. Feng Lin quickly ran back to camp, while Nezha stood right in front of the camp gate and demanded to see Zhang Guifang.
When Zhang Guifang heard what happened, he was outraged and rode out to meet Nezha.
“You with the wheels! Are you Nezha?” he asked.
“That’s me.”
“Are you the one who injured my vanguard general?”
“You scoundrel!” Nezha shouted. “I heard that you could make someone fall out of their saddle just by calling their name, so I came to see for myself!”
Nezha then raised his spear and made straight for Zhang Guifang, who quickly raised his own spear to counter. The two engaged in a dogged fight for about 40 bouts. Even though Zhang Guifang was a skilled warrior, he was no match in a slugfest against Nezha, who was basically half immortal, so he turned to sorcery.
“Nezha, get off your wheels right now!” Zhang Guifang shouted.
When he heard the shout, Nezha was startled for a second, until he realized that nothing happened. That stunned Zhang Guifang. He thought to himself, “My master taught me this trick, and it has always worked. Why isn’t it working today?”
He then shouted again, but again to no avail. When he shouted a third time, Nezha was like, oh please.
“You wretch!” Nezha cursed. “You think if you kept yelling, you can make me fall?”
Zhang Guifang was incensed and put up a dogged fight. But Nezha’s spear now flashed so quickly that it looked like a silver dragon churning the sea and snow flurries flying through the air. Zhang Guifang was back on his heels, and then came Nezha’s Universal Ring, which hit him on his left arm and broke it. Zhang Guifang nearly fell off his horse, and quickly fell back into camp. Seeing that both himself and his vanguard general were injured, he had no choice but to dispatch an urgent message to the Shang capital, asking Grand Tutor Wen to send help.
When Nezha returned to the city, he told Jiang Ziya what happened, and how Zhang Guifang called his name three times but to no effect. All the other officers were befuddled why Nezha didn’t fall for that sorcery. Little did they know that Zhang Guifang’s sorcery worked on mortals by dispersing their soul, but Nezha didn’t have a mortal coil or a mortal soul. His body was respawned from lotus, and whatever lotus-based soul he had, it was immune to Zhang Guifang’s magic.
While Nezha’s victory temporarily relieved the pressure for now, Jiang Ziya thought to himself, “If the Shang sends an even larger army as reinforcement, we would be in trouble.”
So he bathed, changed clothes, and went to see the Martial King Ji Fa. He told Ji Fa, “I have come to take my leave so that I may make a quick trip to Kunlun Mountain.”
“But the enemy is at our gates,” Ji Fa said. “We have no one to lean on. Minister father, you must not tarry on the mountain and make me anxious.”
“I’ll be gone for just two or three days,” Jiang Ziya said. “I’ll be back very soon.”
Ji Fa consented, and Jiang Ziya went back to his residence and told Nezha, “You stay here and help defend the city. There’s no need to fight the enemy. Wait for me to return, and then we’ll figure out our next step.”
Then, Jiang Ziya used the earth element to fast-travel to Kunlun Mountain, the abode of his former master, Heavenly Primogenitor, the founder of the Chan sect of Daoism in this novel. As he ascended the mountain, he took in the views. Amid the fog and clouds, ancient cypress trees covered the mountainside with greenery, while exotic plants dotted the landscape. Now and then, you could hear the call of a crane echoing across the peaks, while deer and monkeys appeared here and there and quickly vanished from sight. It was a truly idyllic scene.
“It’s already been 10 years since I left the mountain,” Jiang Ziya thought to himself. “And now, everything feels as though it’s new to me again.”
When he reached Unicorn Cliff, he traveled the rest of the way on foot. Upon reaching the Jade Emptiness Palace, he did not dare to enter unannounced, so he stood outside waiting for a long time before he saw his master’s attendant, the White Crane Acolyte. Jiang Ziya asked the acolyte to announce him to Heavenly Primogenitor. The acolyte did so, and Heavenly Primogenitor nodded and said, “I’ve been expecting him.”
When Jiang Ziya came in, he kowtowed and said, “Master, may you live forever,” which seems like a rather odd thing to say to an immortal.
Heavenly Primogenitor replied, “This is perfect timing. Since you’re here, I’ll ask the Immortal of the South Pole to give you the List of Creations. Go to Qi Mountain and build a Terrace of Creation, and hang this list there so that you may achieve your life’s mission.”
Of course, this wasn’t why Jiang Ziya had come. He now kneeled and said, “Right now, Zhang Guifang is using his sorcery to attack Western Qi. My Daoist skills are meager and cannot stop him. I hope you will exercise compassion and give me some guidance.”
But Heavenly Primogenitor said, “You have become a prime minister and are reaping the rewards of the state. You are even called Minister Father. These are affairs of the mortal realm, how can a Daoist like me try to resolve everything for you? Western Qi is led by people with virtue, so there is no need to fear sorcery. When things get dire, someone will help you. There’s no need to ask me about these matters. You may go.”
Jiang Ziya did not dare to press further, so he took his leave and left the palace. But no sooner had he walked out the door than the White Crane Acolyte rushed out and told him that the master was summoning him back. Jiang Ziya quickly returned and kneeled in front of his master again.
Heavenly Primogenitor told him, “When you leave here, on your journey back, if anyone calls out to you, you MUST NOT answer them. If you do, then you will have 36 armies attacking you. Also, in the Eastern Sea District, someone is waiting for you. Take care. You may go.”
So Jiang Ziya left the palace once more, and the Immortal of the South Pole saw him out. Jiang Ziya lamented about how their master had refused to help him, but Immortal of the South Pole told him, “Heaven’s will cannot be changed. Just remember: If anyone calls out to you, you must not answer them. This is important! Alright, I’ll take my leave right here.”
So Jiang Ziya bid his senior apprentice goodbye and left, holding on to the List of Creations that his master had bestowed upon him. As he approached Unicorn Cliff, he had just started to fast travel when suddenly, he heard someone from behind call out, “Hey, Jiang Ziya.”
“Wow, someone really is calling my name; I must not answer,” Jiang Ziya said to himself as he continued to travel forward.
The person behind him called out again, “Mr. Jiang Ziya!”
Again, Jiang Ziya did not answer. Then the person shouted, “Prime Minister Jiang!”
And still, no answer. This man called out Jiang Ziya’s name three or four more times, and when there was still no answer, he shouted, “Jiang Ziya, you are a fairweather friend! Now that you are a prime minister, you have forgotten about the 40 years we spent together studying at the Jade Emptiness Palace. Why do you refuse to acknowledge me even though I’m calling your name?!”
When he heard those words, Jiang Ziya couldn’t help but turn around and look — which was, you know, exactly what his all-knowing master warned him not to do. He saw that it was a fellow apprentice, Shen (1) Gongbao (1,4).
“Brother,” Jiang Ziya said, “I didn’t realize it was you calling my name. I was following our master’s instructions. He told me that if someone called out my name, I must not answer. That’s why I didn’t respond. Please excuse me.”
“What’ve you got there?” Shen Gongbao asked.
“It’s the List of Creations.”
“And where are you going?”
“Back to Western Qi to construct the Terrace of Creation, where I will hang this list.”
Shen Gongbao now asked, “Brother, who are you serving these days?”
Jiang Ziya laughed and said, “Brother, what kind of question is that? I’m in Western Qi, holding the position of prime minister. On the dying instructions of the former Grand Duke of the West, I elevated his son Ji Fa to the Martial King. Right now, the kingdom of Zhou possesses two-thirds of the realm, and all the nobles of the land are pledging their allegiance to us. I am serving the Martial King helping him defeat King Zhou (4). It is in accordance with heaven’s omens. Have you not heard that a phoenix appeared on Qi Mountain, indicating that the true king resides there? The Martial King’s virtue rivals that of the ancient sage kings. And the Shang’s fortunes are waning; they will be done after this generation. Why do you even ask?”
Shen Gongbao, however, told him, “You claim that the Shang’s fortunes are at an end, but I am on my way down the mountain to go help them. If you are helping the Zhou, then I will do all I can to stop you.”
“Brother, what kind of thing is that to say?” Jiang Ziya said. “How can I go against our master’s instructions?”
“Listen,” Shen Gongbao said, “I have an idea that will work out for everyone. Why don’t you come with me and help the Shang exterminate the Zhou. We would be working together and there would be no conflict between us. Isn’t that an ideal solution? What do you think?”
Jiang Ziya now said sternly, “Brother, you’re mistaken. Listen to my advice and do not disobey our master’s instructions. Besides, no one dares to go against heaven’s will. Your suggestion is illogical. Please, be on your way!”
Shen Gongbao now got irritated and said, “Jiang Ziya, what skills do you have that you can protect the Zhou? You’ve only been cultivating your Dao for a measly 40 years. Listen to what I can do: I can move mountains, stir up the oceans, subdue dragons and tigers, fly on a crane, to the Ninth Heaven, plant lotus flowers in fire, and ride on auspicious light for thousands of years.”
“Well, you’ve got your skills and I’ve got mine,” JIang Ziya countered. “It’s not the number of years that matters.”
“Look, your have no powers beyond the five elements and moving mountains and stirring up seas,” Shen Gongbao said. “How can you compare to me? For instance, I can cut my head off, throw it up into the air, have it travel 10,000 miles, then catch it and put it back on my neck, and I’d still be just fine. As for your powers, you’ve squandered the time you spent cultivating your Dao. What skills can you claim that would make you think you can help the Zhou exterminate the Shang? Listen to me, and burn that List of Creations, and follow me to the Shang capital. You will be assured of at least the rank of prime minister.”
Now, when he heard this last boast, Jiang Ziya thought to himself, “One’s head is the most important organ of the body. What rare magic he has that he can cut it off, let it wander, and still reattach it.”
So he said to Shen Gongbao, “Brother, why don’t you cut off your head right now. If you can indeed toss it into the air and then reattach it, then I will burn the List of Creations and follow you to the Shang capital.”
“You can’t go back on your word,” Shen Gongbao pressed him.
“A true man’s promise is weightier than Mount Tai (4). Of course I won’t go back on it.”
So Shen Gongbao now removed his headscarf, pulled out his sword, grabbed his hair with his left hand, and with one swing of his right hand, sliced off his own head. And sure enough, he remained upright. He now threw his head skyward, and it sailed high into the air, and it seemed to just keep going up and up.
Jiang Ziya was dazed by this demonstration as he watched the head fly higher and higher. But suddenly, a white crane flew across the sky, snatched the head in its beak, and flew off.
“Oh crap!” Jiang Ziya stamped his foot and shouted. “A crane’s got a hold of your head!”
Just then, he felt someone smack him on his back. He turned and saw that it was his senior apprentice, the Immortal of the South Pole.
“Brother, what are you doing here?” Jiang Ziya asked.
“You’re such an idiot!” the Immortal of the South Pole said as he pointed at Jiang Ziya. “Shen Gongbao is a sorcerer. This is child’s play for him, and you made a promise based on this? Listen, if he doesn’t reattach his head in three hours, he will bleed to death. Our master told you to not answer if someone called your name, so why did you answer? And now you’re going to have to deal with 36 armies. Just now, I was looking from the gates of the Jade Emptiness Palace and saw you talking to Shen Gongbao. He was going to use this little trick to get you to burn the List of Creations. What the hell are you going to do if you actually burned it? That’s why I told the White Crane Acolyte to transform into a crane, snatch his head, and fly to the South Sea. After three hours, that troublemaker will be dead, and then you’ll have no worries.”
But Jiang Ziya now said, “Brother, why don’t you spare him? A Daoist must always be compassionate. He has spent many years cultivating his Dao. It would be a shame for it to be destroyed in an instant.”
“You may want to spare him, but he’s not going to spare you!” the Immortal of the South Pole scoffed. “Don’t you regret it when you have 36 armies attacking you!”
“Even if there will be armies attacking me in the future, I can’t allow that to make me forget about compassion and act dishonorably and cruelly,” Jiang Ziya said.
After much pleading, the Immortal of the South Pole relented. He waved his hand, and the white crane opened its beak, and Shen Gongbao’s head fell from the heavens. It landed squarely on his neck, much to his relief.
Except, there was just one problem. Shen Gongbao’s head landed face down on his neck, which I’m sure made for all sorts of grotesque physical comedy. He now groped around, grabbed his own ears, and turned his head back into its proper position. When he opened his eyes, he saw the Immortal of the South Pole, who now cursed him, “You damn troublemaker! You were going to use your sorcery to trick Jiang Ziya into burning the List of Creations, and you were trying to pressure him into abandoning the Zhou and helping the Shang. Why?! I should take you back to the Jade Emptiness Palace and let your master deal with you! Hurry up and scram!”
He then turned to Jiang Ziya and told him to be on his way as well. Shen Gongbao, meanwhile, was embarrassed and dared not talk back to the Immortal of the South Pole. Instead, he hopped on his ride, which was a tiger, and pointed at Jiang Ziya, saying, “Go on. I’ll turn your Western Qi into a sea of blood and a mountain of bones!” And then, Shen Gongbao rode off, seething all the while.
Well, that was a helluva threat. To see what will come of it, tune in to the next episode of the Chinese Lore Podcast. Thanks for listening!
Music in This Episode
- “Sao Meo” by Doug Maxwell / Zac Zinger
- “Ravines” by Elphnt (from YouTube audio library)