Gods 013: Slings and Arrows

Li Jing gets another visit from an angry neighbor about his troublesome son.

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Transcript

Welcome to the Chinese Lore Podcast, where I retell classic Chinese stories in English. This is episode 13 of Investiture of the Gods. 

Last time, we took a break from King Zhou’s regularly scheduled destruction of his own empire to go meet a provincial officer at Chentang (2,2) Pass named Li (3) Jing (4), who was doing all he could to keep his little corner of said empire from descending into chaos. We also met Li Jing’s superhuman third son Nezha (2,1), who at the tender age of 7 was powerful enough to literally make waves, kill a dragon king’s minion, and rip the spine out of that dragon king’s son, who came to tell him to stop stirring up the waves that were shaking the dragon king’s palace.

So when Li Jing got home that day, he was confronted by an angry dragon king. Li Jing couldn’t believe the accusations at first, but when the dragon king insisted, he went into his private quarters to talk to his wife.

“Who is the visitor in the parlor?” his wife asked.

“My old friend Ao (2) Guang (1) the dragon king,” Li Jing told her. “Someone killed his son, and he said it was Nezha who did it. Where is Nezha? I’ll have him go sort things out.”

Li Jing’s wife went “uh oh” in her head. She knew her son had gone outside the city earlier that day, and now she realized what kind of trouble he was getting into. She didn’t dare to tell her husband and just said, “He’s in the rear garden.”

Li Jing went to his garden and called out Nezha’s name, but there was no answer. He went searching around the garden for almost an hour. When he came upon a pavilion, he saw the door was closed. He called out his son’s name again from the entrance, and this time, Nezha heard him and came out from inside.

“My son, what are you doing here?” Li Jing asked.

Nezha answered, “I had nothing to do today, so I went out of the city to play in the river. It was really hot, so I got in the water to take a bath. But then some yaksha showed up. I didn’t even do anything, but he was cursing me and took a swing at me with his ax. I killed him with my bracelet. And then some little lord showed up and stabbed at me with his halberd. I used my Sky Muddling Damask to drag him onto land and hit him with my bracelet. It made him reveal his true form. He was a dragon. I figured dragon spines are the most precious thing, so I ripped out his spine. I was just working on turning it into a belt for you.”

The more Nezha talked, the wider Li Jing’s mouth grew, until Li Jing was standing there with mouth agape, unable to speak. After a long silence, he shouted, “You scourge! You have caused a whole heap of trouble! Go see the dragon king right now and answer for your actions.”

“Don’t worry, father,” Nezha said. “Ignorance is not a crime, and I haven’t damaged that dragon spine yet. If he wants, he can have it back in mint condition. I’ll go see him.”

So Nezha went to the parlor, bowed to the dragon king Ao Guang and said, “Uncle, I didn’t know any better and made a mistake. Please forgive me. Here is the spine, untouched.”

Yeah, for some reason, that apology and the sight of his dead son’s spine did nothing to appease Ao Guang. He said to Li Jing, “You have raised a wicked child, and yet you dared to say I was mistaken?! Do you think his confession is enough to let this matter drop?! My son is part of the pantheon of gods. And my yaksha was also appointed by the emperor of heaven. How can I allow you and your son to kill them without cause? Tomorrow, I’m going to see the Jade Emperor of Heaven and demand retribution!”

As Ao Guang stomped off, Li Jing stamped his foot and cried, “This is a calamity!”

His lament caught the attention of his wife, who asked the attendants what happened. When they told her, she hurried to the parlor. When he saw her, Li Jing dried his tears and fumed, “I failed to attain immortality, and now you have given birth to such a ‘good’ son who has brought disaster upon our entire house!”

Uhh, dude, I think you’re responsible for at least half that child? In any case, Li Jing went on.

“A dragon king is a god and controls the rain. How can one kill a dragon? Tomorrow, the Jade Emperor will surely rule in his favor. Within three days, you and I will both be killed!”

At that, he started weeping again. His wife also broke down in tears. As she cried, she pointed at Nezha and said, “I carried you in my belly for three-and-a-half years. How much suffering did I endure before you were born? Who knew you would be a curse upon our house?!”

Seeing both his parents in tears, Nezha felt uneasy. He fell to his knees and said, “Father, mother, I’m no ordinary child. I am a disciple of Fairy Primordial of the Golden Light Cave on Qianyuan (2,2) Mountain. I have the magical items that my master gave me. I figure not even Ao Guang can do anything to me. I’ll go to Qianyuan Mountain right now and consult with my master. He will know what to do. As the old saying goes, ‘One must answer for his actions.’ I would never let you suffer for my deeds.”

Nezha then walked out of the house, grabbed a handful of soil, tossed it into the air, and disappeared. One of the entry-level skills you learn as a Daoist disciple is how to fast travel using the five elements, which included earth. So Nezha fast-traveled to the Golden Light Cave and requested an audience with his Daoist master, Fairy Primordial. When he was summoned, he went in and kneeled in front of his master’s couch. 

“What are you doing here?” Fairy Primordial asked.

“Master, it has been seven years since you bestowed life upon me,” Nezha said. “Yesterday, I was bathing in the Nine Bends River when Ao Guang’s son appeared and insulted me. In a fit of anger, I killed him. Now, Ao Guang wants to bring his grievance to the jade emperor of heaven. My parents are scared, and I feel bad. I had no choice but to come and beg you. Please help me, on account of my ignorance.”

Fairy Primordial thought to himself, “Even though Nezha didn’t know any better when he killed the dragon king’s son, this is also destiny. That Ao Guang may be king among dragons, but he’s only responsible for the rain and clouds. He should understand the bigger picture of the will of heaven. It’s really inappropriate for him to involve heaven in such a trivial matter.”

So he told Nezha to unbutton his shirt. He then drew an invisibility charm across Nezha’s chest with his fingers and told him how to proceed, finishing with, “Once you’re done, go back to the city and tell your parents that if there’s any more trouble, your master will take care of it. You will never drag them into it. Now, go on.” So Nezha took his leave and headed off.

Later that day, outside the south gates of heaven, Ao Guang the dragon king arrived, ready to lodge his complaint with the Jade Emperor. He saw that the gates were still closed and no one else was around. He figured he was early and that the gatekeepers hadn’t clocked in for the day yet, so he just waited.

Suddenly, he felt a jarring blow to his back, so hard that it knocked him face down on the ground. Before he could get up, he felt someone’s foot on his back, pinning him to the ground. He turned his head and saw that it was none other than Nezha, who had been waiting in ambush, helped by his master’s invisibility charm.

Unable to move, Ao Guang cursed, “You damn scoundrel! You’ve got some gall! You’re a prepubescent brat, and yet you dared to kill a yaksha appointed by heaven and my third son. What did my son do to you? How dare you rip out his spine?! That alone is unpardonable. And now you dare to ambush the god in charge of rain right outside the gates of heaven? Even if you were turned into minced meat, it would not be sufficient punishment for your crimes!”

These insults did nothing calm down Nezha, who was tempted to end Ao Guang with a bonk on the head with his magical bracelet, but his master’s instructions were clear, so he just kept his foot on Ao Guang and said, “Go on, keep shouting. It’ll be no big thing for me to kill you, too, old eel! Don’t you know who I am? I am the Pearl Spirit, a disciple of Fairy Primordial. I was incarnated as the son of Li Jing at Chentang (2,2) Pass, because spoiler spoiler spoiler. I was just taking a bath in the Nine Bends River, and your people tried to bully me. I killed two of them in a fit of anger. What’s the big deal? For that, you’re here to lodge a complaint to heaven?! Considering who my master is, it would be nothing to kill you, too, you old fool!”

Ao Guang was getting pissed now as well, and he shot back, “You brat! You want to beat me? Go ahead!”

Alright, you asked for it. Nezha raised his fist and started pummeling Ao Guang. After 20 punches, Ao Guang was screaming in pain.

“You stubborn old fool!” Nezha scoffed. “Without a beating, you won’t learn to fear me.”

As he cursed, Nezha pulled open one side of Ao Guang’s robes, exposing the scales on his abdomen. He then ripped off about 50 pieces of dragon scales. Now dripping blood and tormented by pain, Ao Guang finally begged for mercy.

“You want me to spare you? Then don’t file your complaint,” Nezha said. “Come with me to Chentang Pass, and I’ll spare you. Otherwise, I’ll kill you with my magical bracelet. With my master backing me, I am not afraid of you.”

Given the situation, Ao Guang was in no position to refuse. So he agreed to Nezha’s conditions. Nezha took his foot off the dragon king, but told him, “I have heard that dragons can make themselves as big as a pillar that holds up heaven, or as small as a mustard seed. If you try to escape, how can I find you? Turn yourself into a small snake, and I’ll bring you back home with me.”

Ao Guang had no choice but to comply. He turned himself into a tiny green snake, and Nezha put the dragon king in his sleeve and left heaven.

Later that day at Chentang Pass, Li Jing was sulking in his house when his guards reported that Nezha had returned. Li Jing received the news without cheer. Nezha came in, saw his father sitting there with furrowed brow, and immediately apologized.

“Where have you been?” Li Jing asked.

“I went to the south gates of heaven to convince Uncle Ao Guang that he didn’t need to file a complaint,” Nezha said.

“Nonsense!” Li Jing barked. “Who do you think you are, that you would even dare to enter the domain of heaven? This is all a lie to deceive your parents! How despicable!”

“Father, there’s no need to get worked up,” Nezha said. “Uncle Ao Guang can be my witness.”

“You’re still spouting nonsense! Where is Ao Guang right now?”

“Right here!” Nezha said as he reached into his sleeve. He took out a green snake, chucked it to the ground, and immediately Ao Guang materialized, much to Li Jing’s shock.

“Brother, what happened?” he asked Ao Guang.

If Ao Guang was pissed before, you can imagine the mood he was in now. He recounted what happened outside the gates of heaven and showed Li Jing the bare patch on his abdomen where Nezha had ripped off all the scales.

“You have raised a wretch!” Ao Guang told Li Jing. “I’m going to assemble the dragon kings of the four seas and return to heaven to demand justice. We’ll see what you have to say then!”

And with that, Ao Guang turned into a wisp of smoke and disappeared. Li Jing stamped his foot and lamented, “This has gotten even more out of hand! What should I do now?!”

Nezha kneeled and said, “Father, mother, don’t worry. When I went to see my master, he told me that I am no ordinary child, that I was put on this earth to serve a special lord. Even if I killed all the dragon kings of the four seas, it would be no big deal. And if something serious did happen, my master would handle it. There’s no need for you to worry.”

Now, because Li Jing himself had once studied under a Daoist master, he knew a thing or two about the ways of heaven and destiny. Also, he figured that his son must have been endowed with some special abilities if he could ambush a dragon king outside the gates of heaven. Still, he could not help but feel seething anger toward his son. Sensing this and wanting to break up this awkward scene, his wife told Nezha, “What are you still standing here for? Go to the back already.”

So Nezha went to the back garden and sat around for a bit. But he was bored out of his mind, so he left the garden through the back door and went to the command tower on the city walls to catch a cool breeze to escape the heat. He hadn’t been to this part of the walls before, and he loved the view. As he was looking around, he suddenly noticed a bow and three arrows hanging from a weapons rack. Ooh, a new toy!

“My master said I’m going to be a great warrior, so why don’t I start practicing?” he thought to himself. So Nezha picked up the bow and notched an arrow. He aimed toward the southwestern sky, pulled back the bowstring and let fly. With a twang, the arrow soared into the sky and vanished from view. Wow, that really took off, didn’t it?

Let’s skip over to another part of the land, to a place called Skeleton Mountain. On this mountain, there’s a cavern called White Bone Cave. The occupant of the cave was a Lady Lady Stone. Now, remember that in the last episode, when I was giving a brief overview of the different sects of Daoism in this novel, I mentioned there was a Grandmaster of Heaven who founded the Jie (2) sect. This Lady Stone was an adherent of that sect, and she had some disciples of her own. Among them were two young lads, one named the Blue Cloud Acolyte and the other named the Colorful Cloud Acolyte. 

One day, the two young acolytes were out on the mountain collecting herbs. Blue Cloud was walking toward the edge of a cliff with flower basket in hand when suddenly, an arrow came down from the sky and pierced his throat. Blue Cloud immediately dropped dead.

Moments later, the other acolyte, Colorful Cloud, came along and found his comrade dead with an arrow through the throat. He hurried back to the cave and told Lady Stone, who rushed out to see for herself. She found Blue Cloud and examined the arrow that killed him. On the shaft of the arrow were etched characters that said, “Li Jing, Commander of Chentang Pass”.

So, unbeknownst to Nezha, it was no ordinary bow-and-arrow set that he found on the command tower of Chentang Pass that day. They were sacred weapons called the Universal Bow and the Sky Shocking Arrows. They were used by the Yellow Emperor, the mythical founder of Chinese civilization, to subdue his foes. When Nezha shot one of the arrows, he had no idea it would go so far, or the trouble that one shot would bring.

Lady Stone knew who Li Jing was, and she was incensed. “Li Jing,” she cursed, “you failed at becoming an immortal, so I once recommended to your master that he should send you off to pursue wealth and rank in the mortal realm. Now, you’ve made it. But instead of thanking me, you killed my acolyte. You have repaid my kindness with wickedness!”

She now told Colorful Cloud to watch over the cave while she went to take care of this. She then hopped on her blue phoenix and flew to Chentang Pass. Hovering above the pass, she shouted, “Li Jing, come out!”

Not knowing who it was, Li Jing went outside and looked up. When he saw Lady Stone, he quickly kneeled and paid his respects. “I didn’t know your ladyship was coming,” he said. “Please pardon me for not welcoming you.”

Lady Stone scoffed, “A fine thing you’ve done! And you still dare to run your mouth?!”

Before Li Jing could ask what she meant, Lady Stone unleashed one of her magical items, a Cloud Radiance Handkerchief, which could envelope anything. She then ordered one of her divine bodyguards to bring Li Jing back to her cave. So her bodyguard picked up Li Jing and brought him all the way back to the White Bone Cave and threw him on the ground. Lady Stone sat down on her cushion, and her guards forced Li Jing to kneel in front of her.

“Li Jing,” Lady Stone said, “you may not have succeeded in your pursuit of immortality, but you have already struck it rich in the mortal realm. And yet, how have you repaid me? Instead of repaying my kindness, you harbored ill intent and killed my acolyte Blue Cloud with an arrow. What do you have to say for yourself?!”

Li Jing was like, I did what to who now? And Lady Stone said nice try buddy and brought out the arrow with his name on it. As soon as he saw the arrow, Li Jing was stunned.

“The Universal Bow and the Sky Shocking Arrows are treasures passed down from the Yellow Emperor,” he said. “No one is even strong enough to pick them up. It’s just my rotten luck that such strange things have occurred. I’m innocent, even though I can’t prove it. Please release me, and I’ll go back and find out who shot the arrow and bring them here to sort this out. If I can’t find that person, then I will die without complaint.”

“In that case, I’ll let you go for now,” Lady Stone said. “If you can’t find out who did it, then I’m going to take this up with your master. Get out of here!”

So Li Jing took the arrow with him and fast-traveled back to Chentang Pass via the earth element. Now, his wife didn’t know what happened; she just heard that he had been snatched up into the air and disappeared, so she was panicking when he returned. As soon as she saw him come in, she asked him what happened.

Li Jing stamped his foot and sighed. “My wife, I have served as an officer for 25 years. Who knew that my luck would take a turn for the worse today? On our command tower there is a Universal Bow and three Sky Shocking Arrows. They are sacred treasures. But someone shot one of the arrows and killed one of Lady Stone’s disciples. The arrow has my name etched on it, so she came and captured me just now, demanding that I pay for her disciple’s death with my life. After much begging, I convinced her to release me so I can come back and find out who did it and bring that person to her to sort this out. Could it be Nezha again? No one else can even lift that bow.”

His wife, though, said, “No way. Could it be the dragon king Ao Guang causing trouble again? I dont’ think even Nezha can lift the bow.”

Li Jing thought about it for a while, and an idea came to him. He told the attendants to summon Nezha. When he showed up, Li Jing said to him, “You told me that your master commanded you to serve a wise lord. So why don’t you go learn some archery and horse-riding skills as preparation?”

“Father, that’s my ambition, too,” Nezha said. “In fact, just now, I saw a set of bow and arrows on the command tower, so I shot one of the arrows. It flew through the air in a red streak of light and then disappeared.”

Li Jing exploded when he heard that. “You rotten child! We are still dealing with the fallout from you killing the dragon king’s son, and now you’ve caused another disaster!”

Hearing his father’s angry words and seeing his mother fall silent, Nezha was confounded and asked what was up. Li Jing recounted what happened with Lady Stone just now and told him, “Turns out you’re the one who shot the arrow! You go see her yourself and explain this!”

Nezha laughed and said, “Father, no need to be angry. Where is Lady Stone’s residence? Where is her disciple? How did I kill him? I can’t stand such false accusations.”

“She lives in White Bone Cave on Skeleton Mountain,” Li Jing said. “Since you killed her disciple, you go see her!”

“You’re right, father,” Nezha said. “Let’s go together to that White Bone Cave. If it turns out she’s wrong, then I’m going to destroy her place before I come home. Please go ahead, and I’ll be right behind you.”

So father and son fast-traveled to Skeleton Mountain, and Li Jing told Nezha, “Wait out here while I go in to see her ladyship first.”

But Nezha chuckled and said, “I’m not going anywhere. Let’s see what she can do with me. Her accusations are baseless.”

So Li Jing went inside and paid his respects to Lady Stone.

“Did you find out who killed my acolyte?” she asked.

“Turns out it was my no-good son Nezha,” he said. “I dare not disobey your command. I have brought him here. He’s waiting outside for you to deal with.”

Lady Stone now told the acolyte Colorful Cloud to go summon Nezha. So Colorful Cloud went outside. But Nezha was out there thinking, “This is the enemy’s territory, so I’m at a disadvantage. I should stage a preemptive strike.”

So as soon as he saw someone come out from the cave, he hurled his magic bracelet at them. That unfortunate someone was Colorful Cloud, and he took the blow right on his neck. He let out a cry and fell to the ground.

Lady Stone heard the commotion and rushed out, just in time to see her acolyte gasping for breath. She was incensed.

“You wretched brat!” she cursed. “How dare you try to kill another of my disciples?!”

As she spoke, she made straight for Nezha. She was wearing a headdress in the shape of a fish tail, cloaked in a red robe embroidered with the eight trigram symbol and a silk belt, and wielding a sharp sword. When he saw her charging, Nezha hurled his bracelet again. But Lady Stone recognized it as the Universal Ring from the Fairy Primordial.

“Ah, so it’s you!” she cried as she reached up and snatched the bracelet out of the air. Nezha was shocked, and quickly slinged his other magical weapon, the Sky Muddling Red Damask, at her. But Lady Stone laughed and simply raised her arm, and immediately, the damask fell harmlessly into her sleeve.

“Nezha, throw me a few more of your master’s treasures,” she shouted at him. “I’ll show you my skills.”

Nezha was stunned and found himself without anything to defend himself, so he turned and fled. Lady Stone shouted to Li Jing, “This is none of your business; you can go on home.” And then she took off after Nezha.

After fleeing for a long while, Nezha made his way to his master’s residence, the Golden Light Cave on Qianyuan (2,2) Mountain. He rushed inside and kneeled in front of Fairy Primordial.

“Nezha, why are you in such a panic?” his master asked.

“Lady Stone falsely accused me of killing her disciple, and she’s trying to kill me. She even took your Universal Ring and your Sky-Muddling Damask. Now, she’s hot on my trail. She’s outside the cave. I had no choice but to come beg you to save me!”

“You brat!” Fairy Primordial scolded him. “Wait in the peach garden in the back while I go take a look.”

So Fairy Primordial went outside and found an angry Lady Stone rushing this way with sword in hand. When she saw him, however, she stopped and bowed to pay her respects, and he did likewise.

“Daoist brother,” Lady Stone said, “Your disciple killed one of my acolytes and wounded another.”

“Nezha is in my cave,” Fairy Primordial told her. “If you want him to come out, it’s no problem. Go to the Jade Emptiness Palace to see my master. If he tells me to give Nezha to you, then I’ll do it. This is not me covering for one of my own. That Nezha was put on this earth to serve a wise lord.”

So, Fairy Primordial was a disciple of the Chan sect of Daoism, founded by the Heavenly Primogenitor, one of the three highest gods in the Daoist pantheon. And Lady Stone did not appreciate the implication here.

“You’re wrong, Daoist brother,” she said. “Don’t try to frighten me by invoking your master’s name. How can you allow your disciple to act so wickedly and kill my acolyte, and then try to scare me? Do you think I’m not your equal?”

So things were quickly coming to a head here. To see how this will get sorted out, tune in to the next episode of the Chinese Lore Podcast. Also, if you are enjoying this show, please take a minute and go give it a five-star rating and review on Apple Podcasts or your podcast-listening app of choice. Thanks for listening!

Music in This Episode

• “Sao Meo” by Doug Maxwell / Zac Zinger
• “Ravines” by Elphnt (from YouTube audio library)
• “Dark Toys” by SYBS (from YouTube audio library)
• “Day of Recon” by Max Surla/Media Right Productions (from YouTube audio library)
• “The Quiet Aftermath by Sir Cubworth (from YouTube audio library)