Journey 048: Rain Makers
The pilgrims get into a duel of magic against the local Daoist priests.
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Transcript
Welcome to the Chinese Lore Podcast, where I retell classic Chinese stories in English. This is episode 48 of Journey to the West.
Last time, the pilgrims were preparing to intervene in the Slow-Cart Kingdom, where the king revered Daoism and spurned Buddhism to a fanatical degree. But the night before they were to appear in the royal court, Sun Wukong, Zhu Bajie, and Sha Zeng crashed the Daoists’ temple, pretended to be the three highest figures in the Daoist canon, chucked the idols of said Three Purities into the latrine, and helped themselves to the sacrificial offerings in the temple. The Daoist priests thought their revered celestials had appeared in person, so they begged for some holy water. Sun Wukong was like, uhh, sure, I’ve got some “holy” water for you. The three Daoist masters presented vessels for receiving said holy water and left the hall as instructed. As soon as they were gone, Wukong and his fellow disciples urinated into the containers and sat back to watch literal toilet humor.
Once the Daoist priests carried their vessels outside, they got a cup, and Tiger Immortal, the senior member of the trio of Daoist masters, scooped out a cup of holy water from his vat and chugged it. As he smacked his lips with a weird look on his face, Deer Immortal asked him, “Brother, how does it taste?”
“Not great,” Tiger Immortal replied. “It kind of stinks.”
“Hmm, let me try a sip,” Goat Immortal said. He then took a sip from another container and said, “It kind of tastes like pig urine.”
Inside the hall, Wukong heard them talking. Realizing that the jig was up, he figured, “We might as well leave our name now we’ve tricked them.” So he shouted, “Priests! Stop your wishful thinking! How would the Three Purities descend upon your mortal realm? I’ll let you know our true identies. We are monks from the Tang Kingdom, going West on an imperial decree. We were bored tonight, so we came here, ate your offerings, and were sitting around shooting the breeze. And then you kowtowed and prayed to us, so we had to give you something. That’s no holy water; it’s our pee!”
When the priests heard this, I assume they probably wretched and puked. And then they blocked the door and started throwing rocks, tiles, and anything else they could find into the hall at the three pilgrims. But Wukong, with Bajie and Sha Zeng in tow, charged out and flew off on a beam of light. They made their way back to the Buddhist monastery where they were lodged. Taking care not to wake up their master San Zang, the three sneaked back into their room and went to sleep.
When dawn rolled around, San Zang got up and called out to his disciples, “Come with me to get our travel papers.” Sun Wukong and his fellow disciples got up, got dressed, and told him, “Master, the muddle-headed king of this country listens to those Daoists. He reveres Daoism and hates Buddhism. If you say anything wrong, he might not grant you travel papers. Let us protect you and head into court together.”
San Zang was delighted. He donned his fancy cassock, Sun Wukong carried their travel documents, Sha Zeng carried the alms bowl, and Bajie carried San Zang’s Buddhist staff. They told the monks at the monastery to keep an eye on their luggage and horse, and then headed off to the palace. They introduced themselves to the officer at the gate, telling him that they were monks sent by the Tang Kingdom in the East to fetch scriptures, and that they were there to get their travel papers.
When the officer reported this to the court, the king said, “These monks must have come to seek death! Why have they not been arrested yet?”
But the royal tutor stepped forth and said, “The Great Tang of the East is a large central kingdom. It’s quite far from here, and the journey is plagued by demons. These monks must have some power to dare to come west. On account of them having come so far, I hope your highness will summon them, examine their travel documents, and grant them passage, so as not to miss the opportunity to form an amicable bond.”
The king agreed, so he summoned San Zang and company. The pilgrims came in and presented their travel documents to the king. As he was examining it, the gate officer reported that the three “Preceptors of the Nation” had arrived. The king hurriedly put away the travel papers, descended from his throne, and greeted the three Daoist masters with a bow. San Zang turned and saw the three Daoist priests swaggering in, followed by a pair of young acolytes whose hair was tied up in twin coils. As they walked, all the court officials bowed to pay their respects and did not dare to look them in the eye.
The three Daoists entered the hall and didn’t even pay their respects to the king. The king asked respectfully, “Preceptors, I had not extended an invitation to you. What made you grace us with your presence?”
Tiger Immortal said, “We came to inform you of something. Which kingdom do these four monks hail from?”
“They are sent by the Great Tang Kingdom in the East to go West for scriptures. They came to get their travel papers.”
The three Daoists clapped and laughed aloud, “We thought they had run away; turns out they’re still here!”
“Precptors, what do you mean?” the king asked with alarm. “They had just introduced themselves. I was about to arrest them and send them to you as laborers. But on the advice of my tutor, I figured that they had come from afar and I shouldn’t spurn the good will of the central kingdom. So I summoned them in. I didn’t expect you would show up. Did they offend you? What offense have they committed?”
The priests laughed and told him, “Your highness, yesterday they killed two of our disciples outside the east gate, released 500 monks, and smashed our carts. And then last night, they stormed into our sanctuary, damaged the idols of the Three Purities, and stole all the offerings. They even left some pee and tricked us into each taking a sip. We realized it didn’t taste right and were about to capture them, but they ran away. Turns out they’re here! As the saying goes, ‘Enemies always run into each other’!”
The king became irate when he heard this and ordered that the pilgrims be executed. But Sun Wukong put his palms together and shouted, “Your highness, please calm your thunderous rage and allow us to explain.”
“You have offended our preceptors. Their words cannot be wrong!” the king barked.
“They accused us of killing two of their disciples yesterday, but who is their witness?” Wukong replied. “And even if we unjustly assume responsibility for that crime, only two of us should die for it. The other two should still be sent on their way to fetch scriptures. And they accused us of destroying their carts and releasing the imprisoned monks. They also have no witnesses for that accusation, and that’s not a capital offense anyway. Just punish another of us for it. And they accused us of damaging the Three Purities and causing a row in their sanctuary. That’s just them trying to frame us.”
“How so?” the king asked.
“We are from the East and only got here yesterday. We don’t even know the roads around here, so how could we have known what they were up to in their temple last night? They say we left them some pee. Well, then they should’ve caught us then and there. But now, they’re framing us after the fact. Anyone can pretend to be someone else, so how can they finger us? I hope you will investigate this matter closely.”
That king wasn’t the sharpest tool in the shed, so this spiel by Wukong left him uncertain what to do. Just then, the gate officer reported that a bunch of old local residents were requesting an audience. The king summoned them in. It was a group of about 40 old men who lived in the area. They kowtowed and said, “Your highness, it hasn’t rained all spring. We worry that the summer will bring drought, so we have come to ask one of the preceptors to pray for rain and provide relief for the people.”
“You all may leave now; rain will arrive soon,” the king told them.
Once the civilians left, the king said to the pilgrims, “Do you know why I revere Daoism and hate Buddhism? A few years back, when we were praying for rain, the monks of our kingdom could not deliver a single drop of rain. Fortunately, our national preceptors were sent by heaven, and they summoned rain and ended the drought. I should punish you for insulting our preceptors, but I will spare you for now. Do you dare to make a wager with our preceptors over who can summon the rain? If your prayers can summon rain to quench my people, I will pardon your crimes, give you travel papers, and allow you to continue West. If you can’t deliver any rain, then I will have you executed in public.”
Wukong chuckled and told him, “Actually, I do know a bit about praying for rain.”
So the king ordered his men to prepare the ceremonial altar ground and sent word that he was going to watch both sides do their thing from the Five Phoenix Tower. So his court officials accompanied him up the tower and he sat down. San Zang, accompanied by his disciples, stood at the foot of the tower, while three Daoist priests sat down next to the king up top.
Momentarily, word came that the altar was ready. Tiger Immortal now took his leave of the king and descended the tower. But Wukong stopped him and said, “Sir, where are you going?”
“To ascend the altar and pray for rain,” Tiger Immortal replied.
“Well aren’t you full of yourself? Why don’t you let us distant visitors go first? Alright alright. Like they say, ‘A strong dragon doesn’t step on the local snakes.’ You can go first, but we must get something clear up front.”
“What?”
“Well, if we both ascend the altar and pray for rain, then who’s to say whether the rain came because of you or me? Who gets the credit then?”
Hearing this from atop the tower, the king said to himself, “Hmm, that little monk speaks with some sense and substance.”
Down below, Sha Zeng chuckled under his breath, “Oh he’s got a whole bellyful of substance that he hasn’t shown you yet.”
Tiger Immortal now said, “There’s no need to worry. His highness will know who gets the credit.”
“Well that may be, but we are monks from afar. We’ve never met you all before. If you try to cheat us later, it won’t be good. We should work it out in advance.”
“Fine. When I go up to the altar, just watch my command tokens for the signal: When I strike the first token, the wind will rise. With the second token, clouds will gather. When the third token sounds, there will be thunder and lightning. And with the fourth token, rain will fall. With the fifth token, the rain will cease and the clouds will disperse.”
“How wonderous!” Wukong said with a laugh. “I’ve never seen such a thing. Please, go on!”
So Tiger Immortal strode toward the altar, with San Zang and his disciples following behind. They saw a high terrace, about three yards tall. Twenty-eight ceremonial flags were erected on each side, and the top of the terrace was lit up by candles. Next to the incense urn was a golden placard, on which was written the name of the god of thunder. Below it were five large vats, each filled with clear water. On the water floated willow branches. Each branch held up a metal tablet, on which was inscribed the talisman of the Department of Thunder. To the left and right were five large wooden stakes, on which was written the names of the Thunder Envoys of the Five Directions. Each stake was flanked by two Daoist priests, each holding an iron hammer, waiting to strike the stake. Behind the terrace were numerous other Daoist priests, all busy writing ritual documents. In the center was a furnace for burning paper sacrifices, and there were several effigies of the spirits who assist the rites.
Tiger Immortal went up the terrace and stood at the top. Next to him, a young priest carried a few sheets of yellow paper inscribed with talismanic writing and a sword. Tiger Immortal took the sword, muttered an incantation, and burned a paper talisman over a candle. Beneath him, the priests burned an effigy and a ritual document. And then, the first token was struck, and as it sounded, wind indeed whipped up.
“Oh crap!” Zhu Bajie muttered at the foot of the terrace. “That priest has some real skills. The wind really did start when he sounded the first token.”
“Brother, quiet!” Wukong said. “Don’t talk to me again. Just protect master. I need to take care of something; I’ll be right back.”
Wukong then plucked a hair off himself, blew on it, and turned it into a doppelganger of himself, standing next to San Zang. The real Wukong, meanwhile, secretly flew up into the sky and shouted, “Who is making that wind?”
That would be Granny Wind and Lord Xun (4), the heaven-appointed windmakers. When they heard Wukong shouting, they hurriedly tied up the mouths of the wind bags they used to perform their magic and went to greet Wukong. He told them, “I am protecting the Tang monk on his way west for scriptures. We were passing through the Slow-Cart Kingdom and made a wager with some demon Daoists about who can summon the wind. Why are you helping those priests instead of me? I’ll spare you for now. Make the wind stop at once. If there’s so much as a breeze that makes that priest’s beard sway, you will each get 20 whacks with my rod!”
The wind gods, of course, obeyed him. Down below, the air became completely still. Zhu Bajie now shouted toward the top of the terrace, “Hey priest! You should quit! Your token sounded, but where’s the wind? Why don’t you c’mon down and let us have a try?”
Tiger Immortal now brandished his second command token, burned another talisman, and struck the token. Clouds promptly started to gather … until Sun Wukong shouted up in heaven, “Who’s making the clouds?”
The two cloud gods hurriedly paid their respects to him. He made similar threats as before, and the clouds immediately dissipated. Looking up from below, all people could see was the bright sun, with not a single cloud in sight.
“This priest is only skilled at fooling the king and his people. He has no real skills,” Bajie chuckled. “He has sounded the second token, but where are the clouds?”
Tiger Immortal was getting restless. Brandishing his sword, he now let his hair down, recited a spell, burned another talisman, and struck his third command token. But up above, the proprietors of thunder and lightning were too busy making nice with Sun Wukong to notice.
“Who told you guys to show up?” Wukong asked them.
“That priest’s magic is real,” said Lord Deng (4), a member of the Department of Thunder. “He dispatched a ritual document and burned a talisman. That caught the Jade Emperor’s attention, and so he sent word for us to answer the prayer by providing thunder and lightning.”
“In that case, just hold on a bit,” Wukong told them. “Wait for my signal.”
Hearing no thunder and seeing no lightning, Tiger Immortal now added more incense, candles, and incantations as he struck his fourth command token to summon the rain. Well, as we’ve established, rain comes from the Dragon Kings of the Four Seas, and we all who they are chummy with, or afraid of. Up in the sky, Wukong was catching up with them and asked them to lend him a hand. After they agreed, he told the Dragon King of the West Sea, “Thanks for your son saving my master some days back.”
“My scoundrel nephew is still locked up in the sea,” the dragon of the west said. “I haven’t dared to punish him myself. I was waiting for your instructions.”
“Oh just do whatever you want. But help me today. That priest has struck his token four times. It’s my turn. But I’m not going to send documents, burn talismans or strike tokens. You all just need to lend a hand.”
Lord Deng said, “Who would dare to disobey your command? But we do need a signal. Otherwise everything would be chaotic and it would make you look bad.”
“My rod is your signal.”
The God of Thunder panicked, “Granddaddy, how can we endure that rod?”
“No! I’m not going to hit you with it. When I point the rod up the first time, unleash the winds. The second time, bring the clouds. The third time, let loose the thunder and lightning. And the fourth time, make it rain.”
All the weather gods obeyed, and so Wukong flew back down, and took the place of his doppelganger without anyone noticing. He then shouted to Tiger Immortal, “Sir, four tokens have sounded, and yet there are no winds, clouds, thunder, or rain. I think it’s my turn.”
Given his performance issues, Tiger Immortal couldn’t very well just squat atop the altar. So he came down with pouty lips and went back up to the tower to see the king. Wukong went with him. The king asked Tiger Immortal, “I was listening attentively. I heard you strike the tokens four times, but I didn’t see any wind or rain. How come?”
“The dragon kings weren’t home today,” Tiger Immortal said.
You know, I have to give the guy credit for having the gall to try such a ludicrous excuse. But Sun Wukong spoke up, “Your Highness, the dragons are home; it’s just that this preceptor has no powers and couldn’t invite them here. Let us monks show you how it’s done.”
“Then please ascend the altar. I will wait here for the rain,” the king told him.
So Wukong went back to the altar, pulled San Zang toward the steps, and said, “Master, please go up.”
“But I don’t know how to summon rain,” San Zang said, bewildered.
Zhu Bajie chuckled, “He’s trying to do you in, master. If you can’t make it rain, the king is going to pile up fire wood and burn the whole altar down!”
But Wukong told San Zang, “Just recite scripture, and I will help you.”
Thus reassured, San Zang climbed the steps to the top, sat down, collected himself, and started reciting lines from a Buddhist sutra. Just then, an official on horseback galloped onto the scene and asked, “Hey monk, why are you not striking tokens or burning talismans?”
Wukong shot back, “No need for that. We monks do it quietly.”
While the official reported back to the king, Sun Wukong heard that San Zang was coming to the end of his scripture recital, so he pulled out his golden rod and pointed it straight up toward the sky. The wind gods saw the signal and promptly opened up their wind bag and let loose a gale so strong that it sent pebbles flying. Trees were toppled, the Five-Phoenix Tower shook, the court officials were startled, and the streets emptied as everyone ran for cover.
Wukong then pointed again, and this time, clouds blocked out the heavens and it was so dim that it was hard to see. He then pointed again, and thunder roared while lightning crashed, striking fear into the entire city as every household lit incense, burned paper money, and prayed.
Amid the thunder and lightning, you could hear Sun Wukong shouting to the heavens, “Lord Deng, take a good look and find all the greedy, corrupt officials and no-good, unfilial sons. Strike them down and make an example of them!”
Then, as another thunder rolled, he pointed his rod skyward once more. Now, the dragon kings unleashed a torrential downpour. It was as if they had lifted up the Yangzi River and poured it down toward earth. The deluge lasted from morning to noon, flooding the city’s streets.
At last, the king shouted out a decree, saying, “Enough! Enough! Any more rain and it will kill the crops and backfire.”
HIs courier at the foot of the tower heard this and galloped to the altar, where he asked San Zang to make it stop. Wukong now pointed up again, and immediately, the rain, thunder, clouds, and winds all vanished.
The king was delighted, and all his court officials praised San Zang, “What a monk! Truly, no matter how good you are, there’s always someone better. Even though our preceptors can summon rain, it takes them half a day to get a drizzle. But look at how that monk made it happen immediately, and then made it stop immediately. There isn’t a cloud in the sky for miles now.”
The king now ordered that the party return to the palace and prepare the travel papers for the pilgrims. But just then, the three Daoist priests blocked his path and said, “Your highness, those monks can’t claim credit for this rain; this was OUR doing!”
“Well, you said the dragon kings weren’t home and that’s why you couldn’t summon rain,” the king said. “But then the monks went to the altar, prayed quietly, and rain immediately came down. So how can you claim credit?”
Tiger Immortal said, “I had sent the ritual documents, burned the talismans, and sounded the tokens. How could the dragons dare to not come? It must’ve been that the other weather gods weren’t around, so they had to scramble here after hearing my command. It’s just that they got here right after the monks and I switched places. So their turn on the altar coincided with the rain. I was the one who summoned the dragons and brought the rain. They had nothing to do with it.”
Well, this guy is really doubling down here, but that king was such a tool that he was again in a state of indecision after hearing this. But Wukong stepped forth and said, “Your highness, these little gimmicks aren’t real powers, so who cares who gets the credit. Right now, the dragon kings of the four seas are still in the sky. I haven’t dismissed them yet, so they don’t dare to leave. If your preceptor can get them to show themselves, then he can claim all the credit.”
The king was delighted. “I’ve been on the throne for 23 years, but haven’t seen what a real dragon looks like. Either side: Whichever one of you, be it the Daoists or the Buddhists, can get the dragons to show themselves will get the credit. Whoever fails will get punished.”
So, first of all, really? If you can’t make a supernatural dragon show themselves you get punished? This king has truly just lost his mind. But also, summoning dragons was way beyond the Daoist priests’ abilities. Tiger Immortal shouted for the dragon kings to show themselves, but the dragon kings were like, uh yeah, we’re going to stay on Sun Wukong’s good side and just ignore you.
After some fruitless attempts, Tiger Immortal gave up and told Sun Wukong to try. Wukong looked up and shouted to the Dragon King of the East Sea, “Hey Ao (4) Guang (2), where are you? You and brothers show your true form!”
Within an instant, four dragons could be seen soaring through the clouds and flying above the main hall of the palace. The king burned incense in the hall, while all the officials kneeled on the front steps.
“Thank you for gracing us with your presence,” the king said. “Please go back, and I will offer my thanks another day.”
Wukong shouted to the weather gods, “All of you may leave. This king will thank you another day.”
So the dragon kings and the other gods went their separate ways. The king then stamped the pilgrims’ passport and was just about to hand it to them and let them go when the three priests kneeled in the hall. The king was taken aback. He got out of his throne, helped the priests to their feet and asked, “Preceptors, why such grand courtesy today?”
“Your highness, since the three of us arrived here, we have been supporting your state and protecting your country and people for 20 years. Today, this monk used some magic to ruin our reputation. How can you pardon them for murder just because of a round of rain? Aren’t you disrespecting us? Please hang on to their travel papers for now, and let us challenge them to another wager.”
King Dunce again listened to the priests and put the travel papers away. He then asked the priests what they would wager on. Tiger Immortal said, “I will challenge him to a contest of meditation.”
The king was like, “Umm, dude, he’s a monk. Meditating is what they do. How are you going to beat them in that?”
But Tiger Immortal said, “My meditation is different than normal meditation. It’s called “Divinity atop the cloud ladder.”
“What does that mean?”
“Take 100 tables. Build two meditation platforms of 50 tables each. Stack the tables one on top of the other. Then, one cannot use their hands to climb up, nor can they use ladders. We must each fly up to the top of our tower on a cloud, and then sit absolutely still for hours.”
Seeing that this was no ordinary meditation challenge, the king now asked the pilgrims if they were up to it. Uncharacteristically, Sun Wukong fell into silence. To see what’s bothering him, tune in to the next episode of the Chinese Lore Podcast. Thanks for listening!
Music in This Episode
- “Luỹ Tre Xanh Ngát Đầu Làng (Guzheng) – Vietnam BGM” by VPRODMUSIC_Asia_BGM
- “Dark Toys” by SYBS (from YouTube audio library)
- “Ravines” by Elphnt (from YouTube audio library)