Journey 035: Trade Deficit
Sun Wukong offers his would-be captors a deal that’s too good to be true.
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Transcript
Welcome to the Chinese Lore Podcast, where I retell classic Chinese stories in English. This is episode 35 of Journey to the West.
Last time, Silver Horn, the second-in-command of the demons in Lotus Flower Cave on Flat Top Mountain, pinned Sun Wukong under three giant mountains and captured everyone else in the traveling party. But before he and his brother Golden Horn could sit down to a feast of San Zang’s flesh, they wanted to first finish off Sun Wukong so they could rest easy. To that end, they sent out two demon lackeys with two of their treasures, a magic gourd and a magic vase. The lackeys were to turn the items upside down and call Sun Wukong’s name. As soon as Wukong answered, he would be sucked into either the gourd or the vase, where he would be dissolved into pus in a matter of hours.
While the demon lackeys set off, let’s go check in on Sun Wukong. He was presently pinned under the three mountains and thinking to himself, “Well this brings back memories.”
“Oh master,” he called out. “I remember when you came to Twin Borders Mountain and pulled off the Buddha’s decree, rescuing me from my suffering and taking me into the Buddhist school. Thanks to the Bodhisattva’s guidance, we have been together through thick and thin. Who knew that we would run into more demons here and that I would be pinned under a mountain again. Oh pity! If you die, it would be your just deserts. But pity Sha Zeng, Bajie, and Little White Dragon! As the saying goes, ‘A tall tree that invites the wind is shaken by the wind, and a famous man is destroyed by fame.’ ”
As he lamented, Wukong’s tears fell like rain. But his lament alarmed a gaggle of minor deities — the local mountain and earth spirits and the protectors of the four quarters and the center. One of those protectors, the Gold-Headed Protectors, asked whose mountains these were, and the earth and mountain spirits raised their hands. When the Gold-Headed Protector asked who was pinned under their mountain, the spirits said they didn’t know.
“You don’t know?!” the Gold-Headed Protector said. “That’s Sun Wukong the pilgrim, the Great Sage Equal to Heaven who turned the Jade Emperor’s palace upside down 500 years ago. He has turned to the proper path and is a disciple of the Tang monk now. How can you let a demon borrow your mountains to crush him? You’re done for! If he gets out, how would he ever spare you? At the very least, you will all be punished, and we would get blamed too.”
That struck fear into the hearts of the mountain and earth spirits. “We really had no idea!” they pleaded. “We just heard that demon utter the incantation for moving mountains, so we moved the mountains here. We didn’t know it was the Great Sage!”
The Gold-Headed Protector told them, “Don’t be afraid. As the laws say, ‘You can’t be punished for what you didn’t know.’ I’ll speak up for you. Let him out so he won’t kill you all.”
“What? Why would he beat us if we free him?”
“You don’t understand. He has a golden rod that’s deadly. If it hits you, you’re dead. If it touches you, you’re wounded. If it taps you, it’ll break your sinews. If it scrapes you, it’ll rip your skin off!”
So the fearful earth and mountain spirits, after some deliberation with the five protectors, approached the entrance to the three mountains and called out, “Great sage! We are the mountain and earth spirits and the five protectors!”
“Yeah, so?” Wukong shot back.
“Great Sage! We’re going to lift the mountains and free you. Please pardon our offense!”
“Ok, if you lift the mountains, I won’t hit you,” Wukong said.
So the earth and mountain spirits shouted, “Up!” and all the gods uttered incantations that returned the mountains to their original locations. Sun Wukong sprang to his feet, dusted himself off, tidied up his clothes, and then pulled out his golden rod and shouted toward the earth and mountain spirits: “Stick your feet out. I’m going to give you each two whacks so I feel better!”
“Great Sage, you had just said you’d pardon us!” the spirits said in alarm. “How can you go back on your word?!”
“You damn earth and mountain spirits!” Wukong cursed. “You’re afraid of that demon, but not me?!”
The earth spirit pleaded, “That demon is very powerful. He knows how to recite incantations that summon us to his cave. We have to take turns being on duty for him!”
Wukong was taken aback by that, and he looked up and shouted to the sky, “Oh heaven, heaven! I was born from a boulder on Flower and Fruit Mountain that dated back to creation! And I also studied under a noted master and learned the secrets of immortality. I could change at will, I tamed tigers and dragons, I turned heaven upside down, and I earned the moniker Great Sage. But even I never summoned earth and mountain spirits at will. How dare this demon treat them as his servants and slaves?! Oh heaven, since you gave birth to me, why did you then give birth to this demon?”
Now, this was a little melodramatic, not to mention untrue, because as we’ve seen throughout the novel, Sun Wukong totally summons mountain and earth spirits at will. But anyway, in the midst of his lament, Wukong suddenly saw a glow coming from a nearby canyon. He asked the mountain and earth spirits what that was.
“That’s the glow of the demons’ magic treasures,” the earth spirit said. “They must be coming with those treasures to capture you.”
“Well, that sounds like a fun toy!” Wukong said. “Tell me this: Who do these demons associate with?”
“They like to refine elixirs of immortality. So they’re good friends with Daoists of the Quanzhen (2,1) Sect.”
“Ah, no wonder that demon turned himself into a Daoist priest when he abducted my master. Alright, I’ll give you all a rain check on that beating for now. Be on your way.”
Once the mountain and earth spirits took their leave, Wukong turned himself into an old Daoist priest, sporting two coils on his head, a patched up robe, a fish drum, and a sash around his waist. And then, he waited by the side of the road.
Soon, Meticulous Imp and Clever Bug, the two demon lackeys tasked with bringing in Sun Wukong, came down the path. As they walked past him, Wukong stuck out his golden rod and tripped them up. The two lackeys fell on their faces. When they got to their feet, they looked around and saw this old Daoist priest.
“If our lords didn’t hold you Daoist priests in such high regard, there would be trouble right now,” they warned the priest.
“What trouble?” the old priest said with a smile. “When Daoists run into each other, we’re all one big family.”
“Well, why were you just lying asleep here and tripping us?”
“Heh, when young acolytes meet an old priest, it’s only right that they trip and fall to their knees to pay their respect.”
“Our lords only demand a couple taels of silver as a sign of respect at a first meeting. How come you’re demanding people trip and fall to pay their respect to you? You have strange customs. You must not be a priest from around here.”
“Indeed. I’m from Penglai Mountain?”
“Penglai Mountain is an immortal realm on an island on the sea,” the lackeys said in astonishment.
“Well, I AM an immortal, after all.”
The two lackeys now changed their tune and said with deference, “Old immortal, we were blind and didn’t recognize you. Please forgive us for offending you with our words.”
“I don’t hold it against you. As the saying goes, ‘An immortal doesn’t touch mortal ground.’ How could you have known? I came to your mountain today to find a virtuous man on whom to bestow immortality. Which of you will go with me?”
Both lackeys immediately raised their hands, and Wukong asked them where they came from.
“We’re from the Lotus Flower Cave.”
“And where were you going?”
“On our lords’ command, we were on our way to capture the pilgrim Sun Wukong.”
“Who?”
“Sun Wukong.”
“Oh, the Sun Wukong who’s accompanying the Tang monk on their pilgrimage to fetch scripture?”
“Exactly. Do you know him?”
“Yeah I know him. That monkey is kind of rude. Even I find him detestable. Let me go with you to help you capture him.”
“Oh master, we don’t need your help. Our two lords have some powers. They’ve pinned him under three big mountains. He can’t even move. And now our lords have sent us with two magic items to bottle him up.”
“Oh, what magic items?”
Clever Imp said, “I’m carrying the Red Gourd, while he’s carrying the Jade Vase.”
“And how will you bottle up Sun Wukong?”
“We just need to point the mouth of the gourd or vase toward the ground and call his name. If he answers, he’ll be sucked in. And then we just slap on this sacred seal with Laozi’s name on it, and he’ll dissolve into pus in a few hours.”
That explanation alarmed Sun Wukong. He thought to himself, “When the guardian gave us a warning, he said the demons had five magical treasures. These must be two of them. I wonder what the other three are.”
He now smiled and said to the demon lackeys, “Can I have a look at your treasures?”
The two ironically named lackeys didn’t think twice and eagerly pulled out their treasures and handed them to Wukong. Wukong was like ‘I can’t believe that worked,’ and was just about to make off with them, but then he thought, “Wait, if I just steal them, it’ll sully my reputation and make me look like a common thief.”
So he handed the treasures back to the lackeys and said, “You haven’t seen MY treasure yet.”
“Master, what treasure do you have? Please let us mortals have a glimpse,” the lackeys asked.
Wukong now secretly plucked a hair from his tail, gave it a shake, and muttered, “Change!” It turned into a giant purple-gold red gourd. He pulled it out and said, “See my gourd?”
Clever Imp took the gourd, looked it over, and said, “Master, your gourd is big and looks nice, but it’s not useful.”
“What do you mean?”
“Well, our two treasures can each hold 1,000 people.”
Wukong chuckled, “What’s so special about bottling up people? My gourd can bottle up the sky!”
“How can you bottle up the sky?”
“It can indeed.”
“You must be lying. Show us and we’ll believe you.”
“If the sky annoys me, I would bottle it up seven or eight times in the course of a month,” Wukong bragged. “If it stays on my good side, then I’ll maybe bottle it once every six months.”
Clever Bug now said to Meticulous Imp, “Brother, if this treasure can bottle up the sky, we should swap your gourd for it.”
“But how would he be willing to trade something that can bottle up the sky for something that only bottles up people?”
“If he’s not willing to trade one-for-one, then let’s throw in the vase, too.”
Listening to them talk amongst themselves, Wukong was secretly rejoicing, as a two-for-one deal was beyond even his expectations. He now asked Clever Bug, “If my gourd can hold the sky, then you will swap your items for it?”
“Only if it can actually hold the sky,” Clever Bug said. “If I go back on my word, then you own me.”
“Alright, alright, then I’ll bottle up the sky as a demonstration.”
Wukong now lowered his head and muttered an incantation that summoned the Day Sentinel, the Night Sentinel, and the Five Protectors, members of that gaggle of gods who are supposed to protect San Zang in secret. He told them, “Go relay this message to the Jade Emperor: Tell him that I’ve run into some obstacles while escorting the Tang monk to the West. I’m trying to steal the demons’ magic treasures. Please ask him to help me by lending me the sky so I can bottle it up for an hour or so. If he dares to utter so much as half a no, then I’ll pay him a visit and have it out with him!”
The Day Sentinel flew up to heaven and relayed this message to the Jade Emperor, who was both put out and confused. “That unruly monkey just spouts such insolence! The Bodhisattva Guanyin had come to tell me that he was protecting the Tang monk, so I dispatched a group of gods to take turns protecting them. But now he’s come to ‘borrow’ the sky so he can bottle it up? How can he bottle up the sky?”
Just then, from the ranks of his celestial generals stepped forth Nezha, aka lotus boy. He said to the Jade Emperor, “Your highness, it can be done.”
“How?”
“When heaven and earth were separated, the sky rose upward while the earth sank. Given that the sky is so light that it rose into the heavens, it is indeed difficult to bottle it up. But Sun Wukong is protecting the Tang monk to go west for scriptures. This would be an immense blessing, so we should help him.”
“But how would you help him?”
“If you would give the command, then I can go to the north gate of heaven and ask the True Martial God to lend us his Black Vulture Banner. Then we can spread that banner outside the south gate to block out the sun, moon, and stars. It would be pitch black and one won’t be able to see anything. That would be enough to fool the demons into believing that the sky was bottled up, and Sun Wukong will succeed.”
The Jade Emperor signed off on that monkey scheme, so Nezha went to the north gate to borrow the banner, while the Day Sentinel went back and whispered in Wukong’s ear, “Nezha is coming to help you.”
Wukong looked up and saw auspicious clouds gathering, which was a sign that a god was hovering nearby. So he turned to the demon lackeys and said, “Ok, I’m going to bottle upthe sky now.”
“Just do it already; quit stalling,” the lackeys said skeptically.
“I was reciting incantations just now,” Wukong told them. Then, while the lackeys watched closely, he chucked his fake magic gourd skyward. Since that thing was actually a single strand of monkey hair, it was lighter than a feather and got swept up by the mountain winds. It took a long while for it to come back down. Meanwhile, at the south gate of heaven, Nezha unfurled the magic banner, blocking out the sun, moon, and stars. Darkness descended upon the earth.
The two demon lackeys were terrified. “It was daytime just now; how did it turn so dark?” they wondered aloud.
“Since I’ve bottled up heaven, the time of day has no relevance,” Wukong explained. “Of course it would be dark.”
“But how could it get SO dark?!”
“The sun, moon, and stars are all inside my gourd. There’s no light outside, so how can it not be pitch black?”
“Master, where are you?” the lackeys asked.
“I’m right in front of you.”
Reaching out with their hands, the lackeys said, “We can only hear you; we can’t see you. Where are we?”
Wukong led them on. “Don’t move a step. You’re on the edge of the Bohai (2,3) Sea. If you slip and fall in, you won’t hit bottom for days.”
“Master, enough, enough! Release the sky! We see how you can bottle it up now. If we fall into the sea, then we would be lost!”
Wukong now uttered an incantation, signaling Nezha to lower the banner. Immediately, sunlight returned and it was bright as day again.
“Miraculous!” the lackeys said. “We would be idiots if we didn’t swap for it!”
So Meticulous Imp handed over his Red Gourd, while Clever Bug gave up his Jade Vase. Wukong took them both and gave the lackeys his fake magic gourd in return. But he wasn’t done. He now secretly turned another hair into a string of copper coins and handed it to the lackeys, telling them, “Acolytes, take this money and go buy a piece of paper.”
“Why?”
“I need to write up a contract. Because you are trading two items for my one, I worry that you’ll think it was a bad deal and get buyer’s remorse. So we must each sign the contract.”
“But we have no brush or ink; how can we write a contract? How about we just swear an oath?”
“What kind of oath?”
“We are trading our two people-bottling treasures for your one sky-bottling treasure. If we have any regrets later, may we be stricken with pestilence all year round.”
Wukong laughed and replied, “Ok, I will also never regret it. And if I do, then may I also suffer pestilence year round just like you.”
Oath sworn, the two lackeys happily took their new magical macguffin. Wukong, meanwhile, soared up to the south gate of heaven and thanked Nezha for his help.
The two demon lackeys, meanwhile, were busy looking at their new treasure when they suddenly peeked up and noticed that the old Daoist priest had disappeared.
“Brother,” Clever Bug said, “even immortals spout nonsense. He said once we swapped treasures with him, he was going to make us immortal. Why did he disappear without saying a word?”
Meticulous Imp, however, said, “We still came out ahead on the deal. Give me that gourd. Let me bottle up the sky and show off a bit.”
So he took the big gourd in hand and tossed it skyward just like the old priest had done, but instead of floating up in the air, the gourd just plopped right back to the ground.
“Why didn’t it work?!” Clever Bug said in a panic. “Could it be that Sun Wukong pretended to be the immortal and swapped a fake treasure for our real ones?”
“Don’t speak nonsense!” Meticulous Imp said. “That Sun Wukong is pinned under three mountains. How could he get out? Give me that. Let me recite that incantation the priest had muttered and try again.”
So he hurled the gourd skyward again and this time, he muttered, “If you dare to utter so much as half a no, then I will pay you a visit and have it out with you!”
But before he even finished his sentence, the gourd had hit the ground again. And now, both lackeys started shouting that they had been had.
All this time, Wukong was up in the air, and he heard every word. He figured he had toyed with the lackeys long enough, so he did a little shimmy and retracted the hair that he had turned into the gourd. The two demon lackeys now found themselves literally emptyhanded.
“Brother, where’s the gourd?!” Meticulous Imp asked.
“You were holding it. Oh heaven! How did it disappear?!”
They now searched the ground beneath their feet, looked in the nearby grass, and searched their own clothes, but could find no trace of the gourd.
Ah crap!
“What now?!” they moaned. “Our lord gave us their treasures and told us to go bring in Sun Wukong. But not only did we not bring him in, we’ve lost the treasures. How can we report back? Our lord would beat us to death! What to do?! What to do?!”
“Let’s just leave,” Clever Bug said.
“And go where?” Meticulous Imp asked.
“Who cares where?” Clever Bug answered. “If we go back and say we lost the treasures, it would be the end of us.”
“No, we shouldn’t leave,” Meticulous Imp insisted. “We should still report back. The two lords have always liked you. I’ll pin my fate on you. If you’re able to convince our lords to spare us, then we get to live. If not, even if they beat us to death, at least we would die here and not be caught between two fires. C’mon let’s go back.”
So the two lackeys started heading back to their cave. Sun Wukong, meanwhile, turned into a little fly and followed them. Oh by the way, he also shrank his newfound treasures down to his size and took them with him, even in insect form.
Soon, the lackeys arrived back at their cave. Their demon leaders, Golden Horn and Silver Horn, were drinking at the time. While the two lackeys kneeled, Sun Wukong perched on the door and listened in.
When the demon leaders asked how their mission went, the two lackeys kowtowed and dared not answer. After being pressed repeatedly, the two lackeys fessed up and said, “We deserve to die! We deserve to die! We were walking with the treasures when we suddenly ran into an immortal from Penglai Island. He asked us where we were going. We told him that we were on our way to capture Sun Wukong. That immortal said he also detested Sun Wukong and wanted to help us. We said we didn’t need his help and explained to him that we had magic treasures that can bottle up people. But that immortal also had a gourd that could bottle up the sky. We figured it would be a good trade to swap items that can bottle people for something that can bottle the sky. We originally were going to swap gourd for gourd, but then Clever Bug threw the Jade Vase into the deal too. But who knew that immortal’s possessions are not to be touched by mortal hands? Just as he was giving a demonstration, he and the gourd both disappeared. Please spare us!”
Golden Horn flew into a rage. “Ah dammit! That must have been Sun Wukong pretending to be an immortal and fooling you all! That monkey is powerful and knows everyone. Some two-bit god must have let him out, allowing him to steal our treasures!”
Silver Horn tried to console him. “Brother, calm down. That monkey is insolent and powerful. If he got out, so be it, but why did he have to steal our treasures? If we don’t have the skills to capture him, then we don’t deserve to be demons on the road West!”
“But how will we capture him?” Golden Horn asked.
“We had five magic treasures,” Silver Horn explained. “Even though we lost two, we still have three left, enough to capture him.”
“Which three?”
Uhh, you don’t know your own magic macguffins? Well, since Golden Horn set him up perfectly to deliver more exposition, Silver Horn did not disappoint. He said, “I still have the Seven Star Sword and the Banana Fan with me. And the Dazzling Golden Cord is with our old mother in the Crushed Dragon Cave on Crushed Dragon Mountain. Let’s send two lackeys to go invite our old mother to come join us in feasting on the Tang Monk, and ask her to bring the cord with her so we can capture Sun Wukong.”
“Who should we send?” Golden Horn asked.
“Not these two useless ones!” Silver Horn said. He then shouted at Meticulous Imp and Clever Bug to get up. The two said to each other, “What great luck! We didn’t get a beating or even a scolding.”
Silver Horn then summoned two other trusted lackeys, named Mountain Tiger and Ocean Dragon. The two came forward and kneeled, and Silver Horn instructed them, “You must be careful.”
“We will!” they said.
“And mind the details.”
“We will.”
“Do you know the way to our mother’s home?”
“Yes.”
“Then set off for her home at once. Relay our respect, and invite her to come eat the Tang monk’s flesh. And ask her to bring her Dazzling Golden Cord so we can capture Sun Wukong.”
So these two other demon lackeys set out as ordered. Sun Wukong heard everything, so he flew behind them, caught up, and hid on one of the lackeys. After they had gone about a mile, he was thinking about killing the two lackeys, but then he thought better of it.
“It’s no trouble to kill these two,” he thought to himself, “but those demons’ mother has that Dazzling Golden Cord, and I don’t know where she lives. Let me try to ask these two first.”
So he flew off the lackeys, let them get about 100 hundreds ahead of him, and then turned himself into a demon lackey, donning a fox-skin hat and his tiger-skin kilt. He now caught up to the other two lackeys and said, “Hey guys, wait up.”
The lackey Ocean Dragon looked back and asked where he was from.
“Good brother, don’t you recognize your own family?”
“You’re not part of our clan.”
“How can you say that? Take a closer look.”
“Mmm, I don’t recognize you. We haven’t met before.”
“That’s right, you won’t recognize me,” Wukong said. “I’m stationed outside the cave.”
“Ah, that’s why we haven’t met you,” Ocean Dragon said. “Where are you going?”
“Our lord sent you to invite his mother to come eat the Tang monk and to bring her Dazzling Golden Cord to capture Sun Wukong. He was worried that you two would dilly and dally. So he sent me to prod you to hurry up.”
The two real demon lackeys were taken in by that spiel, so they hurried forward with Wukong alongside them. After they traveled for another three miles or so, Wukong asked how much farther they had to go. Ocean Dragon pointed ahead and said, “It’s just up ahead in that dark forest.”
Wukong looked up and saw that the dark forest wasn’t far off. So he now stopped and let the two lackeys go ahead of him. And then, he pulled out his golden rod, snuck up behind them, and flattened both demons into meat patties.
This done, he hid the bodies in the tall grass on the side of the road. He then pulled a hair off himself and turned it into a doppelganger of Mountain Tiger, one of the lackeys. He himself took the form of the other lackey, Ocean Dragon. These two imposters now continued forward to Dragon Crushing Cave to invite the demon lords’ mother.
To see what more shenanigans Sun Wukong has in store, tune in to the next episode of the Chinese Lore Podcast. Thanks for listening!
Music in This Episode
- “Luỹ Tre Xanh Ngát Đầu Làng (Guzheng) – Vietnam BGM” by VPRODMUSIC_Asia_BGM
- “Day of Recon” by Max Surla/Media Right Productions (from YouTube audio library)