Journey 033: Looking for Trouble
The pilgrims get a warning about the dangers that lie ahead, and one of the disciples begrudgingly goes on ahead to check it out.
Podcast: Play in new window | Download
Transcript
Welcome to the Chinese Lore Podcast, where I retell classic Chinese stories in English. This is episode 33 of Journey to the West.
Last time, Sun Wukong discovered that the Yellow Robe Demon was actually a god from heaven who had slipped away for a rendezvous with a celestial fairy who had cast herself down to the mortal realm to be born as the princess of the Kingdom of Precious Elephants. With help from the gods of heaven, he brought in Yellow Robes and handed him off for the Jade Emperor to deal with. Then, Sun Wukong flew back down to earth to tie up the loose ends.
He landed back at Yellow Robe’s former lair, where he sought out the princess and explained her own origins and those of Yellow Robe. Then, he heard Zhu Bajie and Sha Zeng shouting from the air, “Brother, if there are demons, save a few for us to kill!”
“I’ve already killed them all,” he told them.
“In that case,” Sha Zeng said, “there’s no lingering concerns here. Let’s escort the princess back to the court. Princess, close your eyes and we’ll work our magic.”
The princess did as instructed, and all she could hear was the sound of wind wooshing by. Within moments, she found herself standing in her home city. The three disciples brought her to the palace, where she was reunited with her father, mother, and sisters, and received greetings from the court officials.
“It’s all thanks to the boundless powers of Elder Sun,” she told her father. “He defeated the Yellow Robe Demon and rescued me.”
“What kind of demon was Yellow Robe?” the king asked.
Wukong told him, “Your prince consort was the Kui (2) Star from heaven. He had a love affair with a celestial fairy, so they descended to the mortal realm. This was no small thing. It was all predestined that they should wed. I reported that demon to the Jade Emperor, and the Jade Emperor found out that he had been missing from heaven for 13 days, which is 13 years down here. So he sent the rest of the 28 Constellations to bring Yellow Robe back to heaven, demoted him, and assigned him to work for Laozi. Meanwhile, I rescued your daughter.”
The king thanked Wukong profusely and then told him to go see his master. So the three disciples went to the room where San Zang was being kept. They rolled out the cage and removed the chains holding the tiger, aka San Zang. Wukong saw clearly that this was his master under the spell of the demon.
So Wukong chuckled and said to the tiger, “Master, you’re a good monk, so how did you end up showing such a vicious side? You spurned me for committing violence and dismissed me. You’re always kindhearted, so why do you look like this?”
Zhu Bajie chimed in, “Brother, since you’re here to save him, just do it. Don’t poke fun at him.”
“You’re such a meddler,” Wukong scoffed. “Well, you’re his favorite disciple, so why didn’t you save him and instead came to find me? I told you: Once I tamed the demon and got revenge for him cursing me, I was going to leave.”
Sha Zeng now kneeled and pleaded, “Brother, as the ancients said, ‘Even if you don’t respect the monk, then respect the Buddha.’ Since you’re here, please save him. If we COULD save him, then we won’t have dared to ask you to come all this way.”
Wukong helped him up and said, “How can I not save him? Quick, fetch me some water.”
So Zhu Bajie rushed over to their luggage and took out the purple gold alms bowl and filled it halfway with water. Wukong took it, muttered an incantation, and sprayed a mouthful of water on the tiger’s face. The spell was immediately broken, and the tiger reverted back to San Zang.
Opening his eyes, only now did San Zang see Sun Wukong. He grabbed hold of Wukong and exclaimed, “Wukong! Where did you come from?”
Sha Zeng now recounted everything, and San Zang thanked Wukong nonstop. “Good pupil, it’s all thanks to you! When we complete our mission, you will be the one most responsible for our success!”
Wukong laughed, “Enough! Enough! I can see your affection without those words.”
The king now thanked the four pilgrims again and threw a huge vegetarian feast. After receiving his hospitality, the pilgrims took their leave and continued West.
It was now the third month of spring again. A light breeze moved the willow leaves like silk, while birds sang happily and flowers blossomed everywhere. The pilgrims feasted their eyes on this beautiful scenery as they traveled. But before long, they saw yet another mountain standing in their way.
“Pupils, we must be careful,” San Zang said. “There’s a tall mountain ahead; there might be wild animals.”
“Master, monks shouldn’t talk like laymen,” Wukong said. “Don’t you remember that Master Crow’s Nest’s ‘Heart Sutra’? It said: ‘“When the mind is free of all attachments, there is no fear; and being beyond deluded thoughts and false imaginings, one is liberated from all confusion.’ As they say, ‘Sweep the pagoda of your heart, wash away the dust by your ears. Without enduring the hardest of challenges, how can one become the best of men?’ Don’t worry. As long as you’ve got me, even if the sky falls, I’ll guarantee your safety, much less a few wild animals!”
San Zang reined in his horse and replied:
“That year, by imperial command, I departed from Chang’an,
Remembering only that I went west to bow before the Buddha’s face.
In the Land of the Relic, golden statues gleamed in color,
Within the pagoda, jade-white radiance shone from sacred hairs.
I have sought to the ends of the earth for nameless streams,
And roamed all the world’s unreachable mountains.
Now, I chase mist upon mist, wave upon wave —
When will this weary body ever find rest?”
Wukong laughed and said, “Master, if you want rest, that’s not so hard. If you succeed on your mission, then you will have left the mortal realm behind. Then you’ll have lots of rest.”
That reminder about the payoff at the end of the journey seemed to rejuvenate San Zang and make him forget his fears. So the party continued forward and started ascending the mountain. It was a perilously steep peak. When they reached a point where the terrain had become difficult, San Zang reined in the horse and looked at the mountain. It was then that he noticed a woodcutter standing on a green hillside.
When the woodcutter saw the pilgrims, he approached them and shouted, “Hey you, the elder heading west! Stop for a minute and listen: There is a gang of vicious demons in this mountain. They are always eating travelers.”
Those words made San Zang so scared that he could barely stay steady in his saddle. He turned around and said to his disciple, “Did you all hear that woodcutter say there are vicious demons on this mountain? Who dares to go ask him for details?”
Wukong volunteered and walked up the hillside to greet the woodcutter. The woodcutter asked him what they were doing there, and Wukong said, “To tell you the truth, we were sent from the East to go West to fetch scriptures. That’s my master on the horse. He’s easily frightened. When he heard you say that there are vicious demons around, he sent me to ask. How old are those demons? Are they pros, or just amateurs? Please tell me, so I can order the local mountain and earth spirits to send them packing.”
The woodcutter laughed aloud toward the sky. “Turns out you’re a crazy monk,” he said.
“I’m not crazy; I’m telling the truth.”
“If you’re telling the truth, then how can you dare to say you’ll send the demons on their way?”
“Why are you so high on those demons’ powers, that you feel inclined to block our path with this nonsense? Are you their relative? Or their neighbor or friend?”
The woodcutter laughed again. “You crazy monk. What nonsense! I was giving you all a warning out of kindness. I was telling you so you can be prepared. But you’re twisting it all around. I don’t know where those demons are, but even if I did, where would you dare to send them to?”
“Oh, if they’re celestial demons, then I’ll take them to the Jade Emperor. If they’re earthly demons, then I’ll send them to the underworld. If they’re of the West, I’ll send them to Buddha. If they’re of the East, then I’ll return them to the sages. Spirits of the North are sent to the True Warrior, and those of the South are sent to the Lord of Fire Virtue. If it’s a flood-dragon spirit, then send it back to the Lord of the Sea. If it’s a ghostly fiend, then hand it over to the Kings of Hell. Everyone would have a destination. I have friends everywhere. I just need to send out a proclamation, and they would run away immediately.”
The woodcutter scoffed, “You crazy monk. It sounds like you might’ve learned some two-bit magic. But that’s only fit for taming run-of-the-mill demons, not these vicious ones.”
“How can you tell they’re vicious?” Wukong asked.
“This mountain stretches for 200 miles, and it’s called Flat-Top Mountain. There’s a cave in the mountain called Lotus Flower Cave. In the cave live two demon leaders. They’ve drawn up the likenesses of several monks and told their gang to capture them. They have declared openly that they want to eat the Tang monk. If you are from some other place, then you’d be ok, but if you are from the Tang kingdom, then don’t even think about crossing the mountain!”
“Oh, but we’re in fact from the Tang,” Wukong told the guy.
“Then the demons are looking to eat you all!”
“Oh great! How do they intend to eat us?”
“How … how do you want them to eat you?”
“Well, if they eat our heads first, then that’d be fine. But if they start by eating our feet, then that’d be … problematic.”
“What’s the difference?” the confounded woodcutter asked.
“You obviously haven’t experienced it. If they eat the head first, then I’m dead as soon as they bite off my head. Then it doesn’t matter how they cook me, I won’t feel any pain. But if they start by eating my feet and then working their way up, I’d be yearning for death. That’s why it’s problematic.”
“Monk, they won’t bother with so much trouble. If they catch you, they’ll throw you into a steamer and steam you alive!”
“Oh that’s good,” Wukong laughed. “Then I won’t feel any pain. It would just be a little stuffy.”
“Monk, don’t run your mouth. Those demons have five magical items and are very powerful. Even if you were a jade pillar propping heaven or a golden beam spanning the ocean, if you proceed ahead with the Tang monk, you’re going to lose your mind.”
“How much would I lose my mind?”
“At least three or four times over.”
“Oh that’s fine. We lose our minds 70 or 80 times a year. So three or four is nothing. It’ll pass just like that.”
Sun Wukong now strolled back to San Zang, bowed, and said, “Master, it’s no biggie. There are a few demons up ahead, but the people around here are cowards and fear them. But with me around, there’s no need to fear. Let’s go.”
Hearing this, San Zang pressed on ahead. But as they started to move, they noticed the woodcutter had vanished.
“Where did he go?” San Zang wondered.
“What horrible luck we have, to run into a ghost in broad daylight,” Zhu Bajie grumbled.
“He must have gone into the forest to look for firewood; let me have a look,” Wukong said as he trained his fiery-golden eyes on the distant peaks. But there was no sign of the man. But then, he looked up into the clouds and spotted a minor god, the Day Sentinel.
Wukong soared into the clouds and cursed, “You two-bit ghost! Why didn’t you just come out with whatever you had to say and instead tried to shapeshift and lead me on?”
The Day Sentinel hurriedly bowed and said, “Great Sage, forgive me for being late with my message. Those demons are indeed powerful. You must use your wits and carefully protect your master. If you let up at all, your mission will fail.”
Wukong dismissed the Sentinel but kept his warning in mind. As he flew back down to rejoin his party, he thought to himself, “If I relay the sentinel’s words truthfully to master, he’s going to do nothing but cry. I could just not tell him and just keep him in the dark while we move forward, but then if the demons do abduct him, then I’d have to spend time and effort getting him back. Hmm, maybe I should give Zhu Bajie a good gig. I’ll send him on ahead to face off against the demons. If he can beat them, then he gets the credit. But if he can’t and gets captured, then I can still go rescue him, and it’ll show off my skills. But Bajie might get lazy and refuse to go on ahead. And master is always protecting him. Let me trick him a bit.”
So Sun Wukong now put on a weepy face, squeezed out a few tears, and went back to see San Zang. As he approached, Zhu Bajie saw his face and immediately said to Sha Zeng, “Put down your load and let’s divide up the luggage.”
“Brother, why?”
“Let’s divide up the luggage. You can go back to being a demon at the Drifting Sand River. I’ll go back to the Gao Family Village to see my in-laws. Let’s sell the horse and use the money to buy a coffin for master. And we can all disband instead of going West.”
San Zang heard this and scolded Bajie from the saddle, “You idiot! Why are you suddenly spouting this nonsense while we’re walking?”
“Who’s spouting nonsense?! Don’t you see Sun Wukong crying as he’s walking back? He fears nothing, and yet he’s so worried that he’s crying. It must mean this mountain is treacherous and the demons vicious. How can softies like us pass through?”
“Don’t speculate wildly,” San Zang said. “Let me ask him first.”
So San Zan now said to Wukong, “If something is the matter, then let’s discuss it. Why are you so troubled? Are you trying to scare me with your crying?”
“Oh master, that woodcutter turned out to be the Day Sentinel. He said the demons are indeed vicious and that it’s impossible to pass through this treacherous mountain. We can’t go forward. Let’s try again some other time.”
San Zang was shaken by those words. He grabbed Wukong’s tiger-skin kilt and said, “But we’re already halfway into our journey. How can you talk of quitting now?!”
“It’s not that I’m a quitter, but I worry there are too many demons and that I can’t take them on alone. As the old saying goes, ‘Even if it’s a piece of iron, if you throw it into the furnace, how many nails can you really get?’ ”
“You’re right,” San Zang said. “It would be hard if you had to do this alone. As the military texts say, ‘It’s hard to win when you’re outnumbered.’ But we also have Bajie and Sha Zeng. You can command them as you see fit, and they can back you up in a fight. Together you can cleanse this mountain and lead me across. Won’t that work?”
Well, those were the exact words Sun Wukong was looking for. He wiped away his fake tears and said, “Master, if you want to cross this mountain, then Zhu Bajie must obey me in two things. Only then might we have a chance. Otherwise, we have no shot.”
But Bajie cut in and said, “Brother, if we can’t go forward, then let’s just disband. Don’t pull me into this.”
But San Zang told him to at least hear what Wukong had in mind. And Wukong told Bajie, “The first thing is you must protect master. The second thing is you must go scout the mountain.”
“Protecting master requires sitting down with him, while scouting the mountain requires walking,” Bajie said. “You can’t be asking me to sit and walk, sit and walk. How can I do either one well?”
“I’m not asking you to do both at the same time,” Wukong said. “Just do one of them first.”
“Ok, that’s not a bad idea. But what does each of those entail? Tell me first, so I can carry it out accordingly.”
“If you’re going to protect master, then when he needs to relieve himself, you must attend to him. If he wants to travel, you must hold him steady. If he wants food, you go beg for food. If he starves in the slightest, then you get a beating. If his face loses any color, then you get a beating. If he loses the slightest bit of weight, then you get a beating.”
That made Dum-Dum panic. “That’s too hard!” he said. “Attending to him and holding him steady are easy enough. It just means I won’t leave his side; that’s all. But if you want me to go knock on doors and beg for food, the people living along the road west don’t know that I’m a scripture pilgrim. They’d just think I’m some fat, feral hog. They might get a group together and surround me, capture me, and drag me back to their house for slaughter. Then they’ll preserve my flesh for the New Year. That’d be trouble.”
“Well, then you can go scout the mountain.”
“What does that require?”
“Just go into the mountain, find out how many demons there are, what mountain this is, and what cave they are in. That will help us get across.”
“Oh that’s easy! I’ll do that,” Bajie said.
So Dum-Dum tidied up his clothes, grabbed his rake, and strutted into the mountain. Watching him go, Sun Wukong couldn’t help but laugh. That prompted San Zang to scold him, “You unruly monkey! You show no care toward your brothers and always harbor jealousy toward them. You just tricked him into going to scout the mountain, and now you’re laughing at him!”
“Oh I’m not laughing at him. I bet you that he’s not going to scout the mountain, nor will he dare to face off against any demons. He’ll hide out somewhere for a while and then come back and lie to us.”
“How can you be so sure?”
“Oh I know him! If you don’t believe me, let me go follow him and have a look. I can help him deal with any demons, and I can also see if he’s really sincere.”
“Ok, but don’t play any pranks on him,” San Zang said.
So Sun Wukong turned into a tiny insect and flew off. He caught up to Bajie and hid under his ear. Completely oblivious to his new passenger, Bajie walked on for a couple miles. Then, he threw his rake down, turned around, pointed in the general direction of the other pilgrims, and started cursing, “You doddering old monk! You unscrupulous stable monkey! You sissy Sha Zeng! You’re all just taking it easy while sending me to come pave the way. We all want to attain the fruits of success on this mission, and yet I alone get sent to scout this BS mountain. Ha! Since we know there are demons, then let’s just try to stay out of their way and sneak through. But instead, we’re not even halfway across, and you’re sending me to go find them. What rotten luck! Let me go find a spot for a nap, and then I’ll go back and make up an answer for them as if I actually scouted the mountain, and that’ll be that!”
So, dragging his rake, he trudged on. He saw a clump of red grass in a canyon. So he went over, used his rake to make a little grass mat on the ground, and promptly plopped down. He stretched and shouted, “Now this is more like it! Even that stable monkey can’t be carefree like I am right now!”
And of course, this whole time, that stable monkey was perched behind his ear in the form of a bug. When Wukong heard those words, he couldn’t contain himself anymore. So he turned into a woodpecker with red beak and black claws. While Bajie snoozed, the woodpecker landed on his face and gave his lips a peck.
Dum-Dum sprang to his feet in a panic, shouting, “Demon! Demon! They stabbed me; my mouth hurts!”
He reached up to feel his mouth, and found that it was bleeding a bit. He now looked around but didn’t see any demons. Just as he was wondering aloud, he looked up and saw a woodpecker flying across the sky.
“Damn you!” Bajie cursed the bird. “It’s bad enough that stable monkey picks on me. You have to pick on me too?! Ah, I know. That bird must not recognized that I was a person. It thought my snout was some rotted branch, so it was looking for worms. Fine, let me tuck my snout into my shirt while I sleep.”
So Dum-Dum lay back down, pulled his robe over his face, and got back to dozing off. But the woodpecker came down again, and this time, it pecked him right behind his ear.
Clambering to his feet, Bajie fumed, “Damn bird! So annoying! This must be near its nest, so it’s probably defending its eggs from me. Fine, fine! The hell with sleep!”
So, dragging his rake, he trudged off. In his wake, Sun Wukong just about fell over laughing. “That idiot! His eyes were wide open but couldn’t recognize me!”
Then, Wukong turned back into a bug and again hid under Bajie’s ear. Dum-Dum went about a mile deeper into the mountain. There, he saw three large, green boulders the size of table tops. He put down the rake and bowed deeply toward the rocks.
“What’s this idiot doing?” Wukong secretly laughed. “Rocks aren’t people. They can’t talk or return his greetings. Why is he bowing?”
So, as it turns out, Zhu Bajie was doing some impromptu rehearsal and was pretend the three boulders were his fellow pilgrims. He now said to himself, “When I get back and see master, if he asks whether there are demons, I’ll say yes. If he asks what mountain this is, if I say it’s made of mud or earth or tin or copper or flour or paper or just painted, he’ll say it’s nonsense. So I’ll just tell him that this is Stone Mountain. If he asks what cave it is, I’ll say Stone Cave. And if he asks what kind of gate the cave has, I’ll say it’s an iron-studded gate. If he asks how big the cave is, I’ll say it has three sections. If he presses me further and asks how many studs were on the gate, I’ll just say my mind was occupied and I can’t recall clearly. Yeah, that’ll fool that stable monkey!”
Now that he had his cover story straight, Zhu Bajie picked up his rake and retraced his steps. Alas, Sun Wukong had heard every word and now flew back on ahead to see San Zang. When San Zang asked where Bajie was, Wukong chuckled, “Oh he’s busy spinning up his lies. He’ll be along.”
“But he’s a fool; how could he lie?” San Zang, skeptical of this report. “Are you playing tricks on him again?”
“Master, you keep defending him. You can just ask him,” Wukong protested. He then recounted the whole adventure, including the lie that Zhu Bajie had weaved.
Before long, Dum-Dum came back to the group. But he hadn’t even noticed them, because he had his head down while he walked, practicing the lie that he was going to tell.
“Hey Dum-Dum! What are you mumbling about?!” Wukong shouted.
Only now did Bajie look up and exclaim, “Oh, I’m here!”
He now kneeled in front of San Zang, who helped him up and said, “You must be tired.”
“Oh indeed!” Bajie moaned. “Walking and climbing mountains are the most exhausting tasks.”
“Are there any demons?”
“Oh there are! A whole gaggle of them!”
“And how did they treat you?”
“Oh they called me their grandaddy and served me some noodles and vegetarian food. And they said they’ll escort us across the mountain in style.”
Wukong cut in, “You must have fallen asleep somewhere and dreamt all this!”
That caught Bajie off guard and he muttered to himself, “Uh, uh, how did he know I took a nap?”
Wukong now stepped forward, grabbed Bajie by the collar, and demanded, “Come over here; I’ve got questions for you!”
Dum-Dum stammered, “Just, just ask. No need to get grabby!”
“What mountain is this?” Wukong asked.
“Uh, Stone Mountain.”
“What cave?”
“Stone Cave”
“What door?”
“An iron-studded door.”
“How big is the cave?”
“There are three levels inside …”
Wukong cut him off. “No need to say any more. I remember the rest. But master might not believe you, so let me tell him for you.”
“What?! You weren’t there! How could you know what I was going to say?”
Wukong laughed and said, “ ‘And if he asks how many studs there are on the door, then I’ll just say my mind was occupied and I couldn’t remember.’ Right?!”
Panicked, Dum-Dum fell to his knees. Wukong now continued, “Did you not bow to some boulders, pretend they’re us, and use them to rehearse your answers? Did you not also say, ‘Let me spin a lie to deceive that stable monkey?!’ ”
Dum-Dum could only kowtow nonstop and ask, “Brother, did you follow me?!”
Wukong now cursed him, “You lazy bum! I told you to scout the mountain because this is a serious situation, and yet you went to take a nap! If that woodpecker hadn’t woken you up, you would still be there, snoozing. And then you go and spin up this lie! Won’t that have done us in?! Bring your butt over here. I’m going to give you five whacks with my rod to make sure you don’t forget!”
To see how hard Sun Wukong is going to beat Zhu Bajie, tune in to the next episode of the Chinese Lore Podcast. Thanks for listening!
Music in This Episode
- “Luỹ Tre Xanh Ngát Đầu Làng (Guzheng) – Vietnam BGM” by VPRODMUSIC_Asia_BGM