Journey 031: Wait, You Can Talk?!
San Zang’s host meets a son-in-law he never knew he had and is informed that someone at his court is not who he seems to be, while Zhu Bajie makes a shocking discovery about a member of his traveling party.
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Transcript
Welcome to the Chinese Lore Podcast, where I retell classic Chinese stories in English. This is episode 31 of Journey to the West.
Last time, San Zang and his disciples had escaped the clutches of the Yellow Robe Demon. But then the two disciples went back to take on Yellow Robe in an attempt to rescue the princess of a nearby kingdom, aka Yellow Robe’s wife. The rescue attempt went badly, and the disciple Sha Zeng ended up being captured by the demon. After finding out that the disciples had been sent by his wife’s father, the king, Yellow Robe decided it was high time to meet the in-laws. So he transformed himself into a handsome young man and went to the Kingdom of Precious Elephants.
When he arrived, he went straight to the palace and told the official at the gates, “I am his highness’s third prince consort. Please let him know I’m out here waiting for his summon.”
The official reported this to the king, who was sitting in the main hall, chatting with San Zang. The king was puzzled. “I only have two prince consorts. Where did this third one come from?” he wondered.
“It must be the demon!” his officials said.
“So should I summon him in?” the king asked.
San Zang was alarmed, and he said to the king, “Demons have powers. He can probably see the future and the past. He might be able to fly. Whether or not you summon him, he’s coming in. So why not just summon him. It might avoid some unpleasantness.”
The king did as he suggested and summoned his visitor. Yellow Robe entered and kneeled to pay his respects. All the officials of the court were quite taken with his handsome appearance. Being mortals, and not particularly bright ones at that apparently, they immediately went from thinking he was a demon to thinking he was a good man.
The king was similarly impressed, and he asked, “Prince consort, where do you live? Where are you from? When did you marry my princess? Why have you waited so long to come see me?”
Kowtowing, Yellow Robe said, “My lord, your servant lives on Bowl Mountain to the east of here, in the Village of the Wavy Moon.”
“How far is your mountain from here?”
“Not far. Just a hundred miles.”
“A hundred miles?! How did my daughter get there and end up marrying you?”
“My lord, your servant has always loved to ride and shoot and makes his living by hunting. Thirteen years ago, I was out hunting with a few dozen servants. Suddenly, a fierce tiger appeared, carrying a woman on his back and running down a slope. I wounded the tiger with an arrow and brought the woman to my home, where I resuscitated her with warm water and saved her life. When I asked her where she was from, she never mentioned your highness. If she had said that she was your princess, how would I ever dare to marry her without your permission? I would’ve returned her to court and maybe earned a position for myself. But she said she was a commoner’s daughter. So I kept her at my estate. We fell in love and have been married for many years. When we got married, I was going to slaughter that tiger and feast with my relatives. But the princess told me not to kill it. She said it was fate for us to wed, and that the tiger was our matchmaker. So I spared the tiger and let it go. It ran off with the arrow wound. But who knew that over the years, it cultivated its Dao and took to seducing and harming people. I heard some years ago that several monks had come from the Great Tang Kingdom in search of scripture. That tiger must have killed them, took their papers, and took their form. Right now, it’s here in your court, deceiving you! My lord, the one sitting next to you is that tiger who abducted your princess 13 years ago! It’s not the real scripture pilgrim!”
Well, we already established that this king wasn’t the brightest candle in the parlor. He was taken in by Yellow Robe’s lies and said, “My good prince consort, how can you tell that this monk is the tiger that carried away my daughter?”
“My lord, living in the mountains, I eat tigers, wear tigers, and deal with tigers day and night. How can I not recognize it?”
“In that case, can you make it show its true form?”
“Let me borrow half a cup of clean water, and I can make it show its true form.”
The king ordered an attendant to fetch the water. Taking the cup in hand, Yellow Robe approached San Zang, cast a “Black-Eyed Body-Freezing Spell,” muttered an incantation, and sprayed a mouthful of water on San Zang, shouting, “Change!”
And on command, San Zang indeed turned into a fierce looking tiger. The king was scared out of his mind, and all his officials ran and hid. A few brave generals, however, charged forward with their soldiers and attacked the tiger with weapons. Fortunately for San Zang, he had the group of gods and spirits who were tasked with protecting him in secret, so the soldiers’ weapons did not harm him. After a long struggle, the soldiers captured the tiger alive, bound it with chains, and locked it in a steel cage in the palace.
The king now ordered a grand feast to be held to thank his new son-in-law for helping to tame the demon. After a long night of drinking, Yellow Robe went to rest in his quarters in the palace. He hand-picked 18 palace maids to keep him company and entertain him with song and dance. As he sat in his chamber, he was flanked by gorgeous women. By the time 9 p.m rolled around, he had gotten so drunk that his demonic nature started to show. He suddenly leaped up, roared with laughter, and showed his true form. What’s more, he also showed his true appetite, as he reached out, grabbed a maid who was playing the lute, and bit off her head. The other 17 women fled in fear, but did not dare to make a ruckus. And it was late, so no one dared to wake the king. They all just hid behind a wall and did not dare to make a sound. Yellow Robe, meanwhile, sat alone in his quarters, drinking and feasting on the flesh of the poor woman he had killed.
Elsewhere in the palace, everyone was talking about how the Tang monk turned out to be a tiger demon. They were even talking about it in the royal stables. At that moment, hitched in the stables was none other than San Zang’s horse, aka Little White Dragon. When he heard the stablehands chattering, he thought to himself, “My master is a good man. He must have been turned into a tiger by the demon. What to do? What to do? Brother Sun has long since departed. And there’s been no word from Zhu Bajie or Sha Zeng.”
When 9 o’clock rolled around, all was quiet. Little White Dragon finally couldn’t take it anymore. He sprang to his feet and said, “If I don’t save my master now, our mission will be forfeit!”
So he tugged furiously at his reins until they snapped. He then shook off his saddle, turned back into his dragon form, and took to the air. Umm, so it seems like he could do this at any time, and I for one could think of at least a few instances where it would’ve done the group a whole lot of good to have had a dragon around instead of a horse.
Anyway, from the sky, Little White Dragon surveyed the palace and saw a room that was brightly lit with candles. He went down for a closer look. Inside the room was Yellow Robe, chillin’ and drinkin’ and eating human flesh.
“This fiend has slipped up and shown his true form,” Little White Dragon chuckled. “He’s been seen through, his trick exposed, his balance lost. But at least he’s made progress in one thing — eating people. I don’t know where my master is, but I’ve run into this damn demon. Let me go take him on. If I can capture him, then there’d be plenty of time to save my master.”
So Little White Dragon turned into a gorgeous palace maid, which, again, you could do that?! Who knew? He walked into Yellow Robe’s chamber, bowed, and said, “Prince Consort, don’t kill me. I’ve come to pour wine for you.”
“Then bring me the wine!” Yellow Robe commanded.
So Little White Dragon started pouring, and pouring, and pouring. The wine reached the top of Yellow Robe’s cup, and then went above it. High above it, in fact. Eventually, the wine was four or five times the height of the cup but none spilled. This was Little White Dragon’s water magic, which delighted Yellow Robe.
“What skills you have!” the demon marveled.
“Oh I can make it go even higher,” Little White Dragon said.
“Keep pouring, keep pouring!”
Eventually, the wine got so high that it was like a pagoda, and still not a drop spilled. Yellow Robe put it to his mouth, took a gulp, and then took a bite out of the corpse of the poor palace maid he had been feasting on. He then asked, “Can you sing?”
“A little bit,” Little White Dragon said. He then sang a little tune and poured another cup for Yellow Robe.
“Can you dance?”
“I know a little bit of that, too, but I’m just so so, not that great.”
Yellow Robe now took off the sword he was wearing around his waist and handed it to Little White Dragon, asking him to do a sword dance. And so Little White Dragon started performing in front of him while Yellow Robe continued to chug. So, hats off to this dragon prince. It’s one thing to be able to shapeshift, which seemingly everyone in this novel not named San Zang could do. But it’s another thing to put on a convincing song-and-dance. Like, I can’t see Sun Wukong being able to do that.
Anyway, Yellow Robe was quite absorbed with the performance. But just as the show was getting good, Little White Dragon suddenly took a swing at him with the sword. Yellow Robe was alert enough to dodge the strike, grab a floor-length candlestand, and block the blade. That candlestand was made of iron and weighed something like 120 pounds, and Yellow Robe wielded it like a weapon.
The two of them now took their fight outside. Little White Dragon turned back into his humanoid form and flew into the air, where he and Yellow Robe tangled. After eight or nine exchanges, however, Little White Dragon was starting to falter, while Yellow Robe remained stout as ever. Little White Dragon now hurled the sword at his foe, hoping to strike him, but Yellow Robe quickly reached up and grabbed the sword with one hand while swinging the heavy candlestand with the other. Little White Dragon couldn’t dodge in time and took a blow on the back of his leg.
Wounded, he descended from the clouds and dove into a river to hide. Yellow Robe looked but couldn’t find his foe, so he returned to his palace with sword and candlestand in tow, and resumed drinking himself to sleep.
Little White Dragon, meanwhile, hid underwater for an hour. When he didn’t hear any movement above, he leaped back out and, grimacing in pain, flew back into the palace and turned back into his horse form. He then lay down in the stable, soaked through and bearing a bruise on his hind leg.
Let’s go check in on Little White Dragon’s fellow disciple Zhu Bajie, whom we had not heard from since the last episode. Last we saw him, he had just ditched his fellow disciple Sha Zeng in their fight against Yellow Robe and hid in a patch of thorns. Well, he eventually dozed off and didn’t wake up until the middle of the night. When he woke up, he rubbed his eyes, collected himself, and listened, but heard no sound.
Guessing from the stars that it was around midnight, he thought to himself, “If I try to go rescue Sha Zeng, I would be outnumbered. Ah screw it. Let me go back to the city to see master first and ask the king for some stout soldiers to help me save Sha Zeng tomorrow.”
So he flew back to the Kingdom of Precious Elephants. He landed in the palace in the dead of night. He looked around but didn’t see San Zang. He then noticed San Zang’s horse sleeping in the stable, soaked through and bearing a bruise the size of a plate on its back thigh.
“Bad things just keep piling up!” Zhu Bajie moaned. “This horse hadn’t even gone anywhere, so why is it sweating, and why does it have a bruise? Some villain must have abducted master and wounded the horse.”
When the horse heard Bajie’s voice, he called out, “Brother!”
Bajie was so shocked that he stumbled backward and fell on his rear. Then he scrambled to his feet and tried to run, but the horse leaned over and grabbed his shirt with its teeth and said, “Brother, don’t be afraid.”
“Uhh, brother, why did you start talking all of a sudden?” Zhu Bajie asked while trembling. “This can’t be good.”
“Do you know that master is in trouble?”
“No.”
“You and Sha Zeng boasted to the king about your skills and volunteered to go tame the demon. But that demon must have been too powerful for you. If you couldn’t beat him, then at least one of you should have come back to report what happened. But instead we had no word from you. That demon then turned into a handsome scholar, came into court, claimed to be the king’s son-in-law, and turned our master into a tiger. The court officials captured our master and locked him up. I was on pins and needles, and there was no sign of you for two days. I was worried about our master’s safety. So I shapeshifted to rescue him, but I couldn’t find him. Instead I found that demon in the palace. So I turned into a palace maid to fool him. When he asked me to do a sword dance, I tried to stab him, but he dodged it and defeated me with a candlestand. I hurled the sword at him, but he caught it and struck my leg with the candlestand. I hid in the river to stay alive. The bruise on my leg is from his candlestand.”
After hearing this account, Bajie lamented, “Oh what to do, what to do! Can you move?”
“If I can, what of it?”
“If you can move, then you should go back into the sea, and I’ll carry the luggage back to the Gao Family Village and go back to being their son-in-law.”
When he heard that, Little White Dragon gripped Bajie’s shirt again with his teeth, refusing to let go while tears welled up in his eyes.
“Brother, don’t get lazy!”
“But what then? Brother Sha has already been captured by the demon, and I’m no match for him. If we don’t disband now, when?!”
After pausing for a minute, Little White Dragon said while weeping, “Brother, don’t talk of disbanding. In order to save our master, you just need to go recruit someone.”
“Whom?”
“You should rush to Flower and Fruit Mountain and ask big brother Sun Wukong to come. He still has his great powers and can save our master. And he can avenge the defeat that we have suffered.”
“Brother, if it were someone else, then I can go invite them. But that monkey has a grudge against me. He blames me for convincing our master to recite the band-tightening spell when he killed that White Bone Demon. I was just messing around. I didn’t expect that old monk would really recite the spell and chase him away. That monkey must despise me. He won’t come. And if I say the wrong thing, that stick of his is so heavy. If he gives me a few whacks with it, I’d be dead!”
“He won’t beat you,” Little White Dragon said. “He’s an honorable, righteous Monkey King. When you see him, don’t say that master is in trouble. Just say, ‘Master misses you.’ Lure him here first. Once he gets here and sees the situation, he will no doubt become indignant and want to go up against that demon. Once he captures the demon, our master will be saved.”
“Alright, alright,” Bajie relented. “Since you’re so persistent, it’d make me look bad if I don’t go. If I can get that monkey to come, then I’ll return with him. But if he refuses to come, then don’t expect me to come back either.”
“Just go! And get him here!” Little White Dragon prodded.
So Bajie grabbed his rake, tidied up his clothes, and leaped into the air. After a short while, he crossed over the East Sea and descended on Flower and Fruit Mountain. He landed on the mountain and started looking for the way to Sun Wukong’s home.
As he was walking, he suddenly heard voices. He looked and saw Sun Wukong in a canyon, gathering his army. Wukong was seated on a cliff, and in front of him, more than 1,200 monkeys were lined up and chanting, “Long live the Great Sage!”
“What a life!” Bajie mumbled to himself. “No wonder he doesn’t want to be a monk and just wants to come home. Turns out he has such a great setup here, and so many little monkeys to serve him. If I had a mountain like this, I won’t want to be a monk either. But what should I do now? I have to talk to him.”
But still, Bajie was wary of Sun Wukong, so he sneaked to the edge of the crowd and blended into the throng of monkeys, joining them as they kowtowed to their king. But yeah, he blended in about as well as you imagine a big, fat pig would blend in with a troop of monkeys. And Sun Wukong, seated high above and blessed with sharp eyes, spotted him immediately.
“Who is that outsider down there kowtowing?” Wukong shouted. “Where did he come from? Apprehend him and bring him here!”
A swarm of monkeys leaped on Bajie and shoved him forward, making him kneel on the ground.
“Outsider, where did you come from?” Wukong asked.
Keeping his head down, Bajie mumbled, “I’m not an outsider; I’m an old acquaintance.”
“All my monkeys look similar. But you have a strange face. Your features are all jumbled like a heap of thunder clouds. You must be some demon from elsewhere. If you came to join my forces, then you should announce your credentials and your name, so that I can keep you around in my service. But how dare you bow before I have decided to keep you?”
Bajie grumbled, “Have you no shame, putting on such airs?! We were fellow disciples for a few years after all. How can you pretend to not recognize me and call me an outsider?”
Wukong chuckled and asked him to lift his head. Bajie did so and stuck his snout forward.
“See me now?! If you don’t recognize me, you should at least recognize my snout!”
Wukong couldn’t help but laugh and exclaim, “Zhu Bajie!”
“Right, right! It’s me, Zhu Bajie.”
“What are you doing here instead of following the Tang monk? Oh, did you offend master and get dismissed as well? If you have a letter of dismissal, let me see it.”
“No, I didn’t offend him. He didn’t write any dismissal letters, and he didn’t chase me away.”
“In that case, what are you doing here?”
“Uh, master misses you, and sent me to come ask you to go back.”
“Ha, he doesn’t miss me, and he doesn’t want me back,” Wukong scoffed. “He had sworn an oath to heaven and personally wrote a dismissal letter, so how could he be missing me or sending you to come so far to ask me to go back? I’m not going.”
“No, he really does miss you,” Bajie fibbed.
“How does he miss me?”
“He was riding on his horse and said, ‘Disciples.’ But I didn’t hear him, and Sha Zeng also was deaf. So master started thinking about you. He said that we were useless, and that you were the clever, sharp one, that you always answered him. So he missed you and sent me to come invite you back. You must go, on account of his sincerity and my having come all this way.”
At that, Wukong leaped down from the cliff, took Bajie by the hand, and said, “Good brother, you’ve come all this way. Come with me for a stroll.”
“Brother, it’s such a long journey, I worry that master is going to get antsy. I shouldn’t dally.”
“You’ve come all this way, at least have a look at my mountain.”
Bajie dared not refuse, so he followed Wukong. Hand-in-hand they walked, with the troop of monkeys following behind. Wukong led Bajie to the most scenic spots on the mountain, which had by now regained its former glory and beauty.
“Brother, this truly is the best mountain in the world!” Bajie said with delight.
“Good brother, is this a decent place to while away the days?” Wukong asked.
“Oh brother, listen to you. Your mountain is a blessed realm, much more than just a place to while away some days.”
As they talked and joked, they descended from the peak. On the side of the path, a few monkeys kneeled with trays of purple grapes, fragrant dates, yellow loquats, and red bayberries, shouting, “Great Sage, please eat.”
Sun Wukong laughed and said, “My brother here has a huge appetite, but fruit is not really his thing. Oh well. Please don’t mind it too much and have a few as dessert.”
“I may have a big appetite, but I roll with the local customs,” Bajie said. “Bring them over here and let me try a few.”
After they feasted on the fruits, the sun was now high in the sky. Bajie was worried about any more delays, so he prodded, “Brother, master is waiting for us. C’mon back with me now.”
But Wukong ignored him and just said, “Good brother, why don’t you come see my Water Curtain Cave?”
“Thank you for your hospitality, but master is waiting, so I can’t go to your cave.”
“Well in that case, I shouldn’t keep you any longer. Let’s part ways here.”
“Brother, you’re not coming?”
“Why would I? Here, I’m under no one’s command and live carefree. Why would I want to be a monk? I’m not going. You go on back by yourself. Tell the Tang monk to stop thinking about me.”
Well, Zhu Bajie did not dare to press the matter, lest he riled up Sun Wukong and got a taste of his rod. So he had to just take his leave and find his way off the mountain.
As soon as Zhu Bajie was out of sight, Sun Wukong sent two clever little monkeys to tail him and eavesdrop. Well, after he had shuffled about a mile away, Zhu Bajie turned, pointed in the direction of Sun Wukong, and cursed, “You damn monkey! You don’t want to be a monk; you just want to be a demon! Stupid ape! I came to invite you, and yet you refuse to go! Well, screw you!”
And so he went on, trudging along and cursing Sun Wukong with every step. Unbeknownst to him, the two little monkeys rushed back and reported his every word to Sun Wukong. Wukong flew into a rage and ordered his monkeys to go bring Zhu Bajie back. The next thing you know, Zhu Bajie found himself besieged by a simian swarm, knocked to the ground, seized by the mane, ears, and tail, and dragged back before Sun Wukong.
“Alas, alas,” Zhu Bajie lamented as he was being brought back. “I’m going to get it now.”
When the monkeys brought him back to the entrance of the Water Curtain Cave, Sun Wukong was sitting on the cliff again. This time, he cursed, “You damn fool! If you’re going to leave, then go! Why did you have to curse me?!”
Bajie kneeled and said, “Brother, I wasn’t cursing you. If I did, may I bite through my tongue. I was just saying that since you refuse to go, I’d have to tell master the bad news. That’s all. How would I dare to curse you?”
“How can you fool me?!” Wukong scoffed. “When I tilt my left ear up, I can hear the immortals of heaven speaking. When I turn my right ear down, I can hear the kings of hell and their minions deliberating. How could I not hear you cursing me while you were walking?”
“Brother, you’re a slippery little vermin. You must have turned into some critter or another and followed me!”
“Little ones, bring out the big sticks!” Wukong now barked. “Give him 20 strokes in the front and 20 in the back, and then I’ll use my rod to send him on his way!”
Zhu Bajie panicked and started kowtowing and pleading, “Brother, on account of our master, please spare me!”
“Oh yeah, I was just thinking about our master and how he treated me.”
“Brother, forget master! On account of the Bodhisattva Guanyin, please spare me!”
When he heard Guanyin being name-dropped, Wukong had a bit of a change of heart. He told Bajie, “Brother, in that case, I won’t beat you yet. But come clean; don’t lie to me. Where did the Tang monk run into trouble? Why are you here, lying to me?”
“Brother, he’s not in trouble; he really does miss you,” Zhu Bajie said, still trying to keep up the deception.
“You thick-headed fool! You really do want a beating, don’t you?! I may be here in person, but my mind is always with master. He faces trials and tribulations with every step. Tell me the truth now, and spare yourself the beating!”
To see if Zhu Bajie will come clean or if Sun Wukong has to beat the truth out of him, tune in to the next episode of the Chinese Lore Podcast. Thanks for listening!
Music in This Episode
- “Luỹ Tre Xanh Ngát Đầu Làng (Guzheng) – Vietnam BGM” by VPRODMUSIC_Asia_BGM
- “Slow Times Over Here” by Midnight North (from YouTube audio library)
- “Dark Toys” by SYBS (from YouTube audio library)
- “Ravines” by Elphnt (from YouTube audio library)