Journey 004: Loot Thy Neighbor

Sun Wukong goes looking for a weapon befitting his newfound powers.

• Subscribe
• Transcript
• Characters
• Music
• This episode according to ChatGPT

Transcript

Welcome to the Chinese Lore Podcast, where I retell classic Chinese stories in English. This is episode 4 of Journey to the West.

Last time, the Monkey King received the name Sun Wukong and learned a huge bag of tricks from Patriarch Puti (2,2), like the secret to eternal life, the 72 transformations, and the power of flight. When Puti kicked him out of the sanctuary for seemingly rather specious reasons, Sun Wukong returned to his home on Flower and Fruit Mountain, only to find that his clan of monkeys were being harassed by a demon calling himself the Demon King of Chaos. So Wukong went to settle the score against this giant of a foe.

When the demon king came out of his cave and asked where his foe was, Wukong shouted, “Hey, your eyes are huge enough. How come they can’t see me?!”

Sizing up his opponent, the demon king laughed, “You’re not even 4 feet tall and not even 30 years old. And you have no weapons. How dare you challenge me?”

“You damn demon! Turns out you’re blind!” Wukong cursed. “You think I’m small? Well, it won’t be hard for me to get big. You scoff that I have no weapons? Well, my fists are big enough to cover the moon! Come have a taste!”

As he spoke, he leaped forward and started swinging. The demon king parried a couple of punches and chuckled, “Look at how short you are and how tall I am. And you’re using your fists while I have a cutlass. Even If I killed you with my cutlass, people would mock me. Let me set it aside and trade some fisticuffs with you.”

“That sounds reasonable. Good man! Let’s go!” Wukong said.

So the Demon King of Chaos put down his weapon and started swinging with his fists. Wukong charged right into him and they started going at it. Well, the demon king had the longer reach, but it was easy to miss with those long swings. Wukong, meanwhile, got right up into him and landed a few firm jabs on his chest and ribs.

Smarting from those punches, the demon king decided it was time to stop being gracious. He now picked up his cutlass again and swung at Wukong’s head. Wukong quickly dodged the swing. Seeing how vicious his foe was coming on, Wukong now plucked a handful of hairs from his own body, chewed them up in his mouth, sprayed them into the air, and shouted, “Change!”

Instantly, the fur turned into about 300 little monkeys. So … umm … surprise! This was another one of the magic powers that Wukong had picked up during his studies. Every one of the 54,000 hairs on his body can be turned into whatever he wished. In this case, that was monkeys, lots and lots of little monkeys. They were all incredibly nimble, able to dodge any attacks. They now surrounded the demon king and started pulling, tugging, tickling, kicking, poking his eyes, pinching his nose. You name it, they did it. 

While the demon king was spinning all around trying to fend off this simian horde, Wukong seized his cutlass, told his little monkeys to get out of the way, and brought the blade down on his foe’s head. In the blink of an eye, the demon king was sliced in half from top to bottom.

Wukong now led his gang of monkeys into the demon king’s cave and slaughtered all the demon lackeys. This bloody conquest completed, he undid his magical spell, and all the little monkeys reverted back to hairs on his body. But there were still about 50 monkeys in the cave. As it turns out, these were the ones that the demons had captured during their previous raids.

These monkeys wept and told Wukong, “After you left, we had been harassed by the demons, and they abducted us, along with a bunch of our stone basins and bowls. Look at all the stuff that they took from us!”

“Since it’s all our stuff, carry them outside,” Wukong ordered.

Once they had done so, he started a fire in the cave and reduced everything inside to ashes. He then told the other monkeys to follow him home.

“Great King, when we were brought here, we could only hear the wind whooshing past our ears,” they said. “We don’t know how to get home.”

“That was the demon’s magic; it’s no big deal,” Wukong said. “Now, I know all the tricks. Just close your eyes; don’t be afraid!”

And then he uttered a spell, and a huge gale whipped up. When the wind died down, he shouted, “Little ones, open your eyes.”

When the other monkeys opened their eyes, they saw that they were indeed back home on Flower and Fruit Mountain. Ecstatic, they dashed back to their cave and reunited with their comrades. They then welcomed their king back in style. He regaled them with the tale of how he vanquished the Demon King of Chaos, and they all praised him.

He told them, “After I left here, I followed wherever the tides took me and drifted across the East Sea. I went to the Southern Continent, learned to emulate humans, wore their clothing, and walked around for eight or nine years without having learned anything about the Dao. Then I traversed the West Sea and arrived on the Western Continent. After much searching, I met a sage who taught me the secret of immortality.”

“What incredible good fortune!” the monkeys rejoiced.

“Oh, also,” he added, “we all have a family name now. My last name is Sun, and my Daoist name is Wukong.”

The monkeys all cheered at this news, and they said, “If the Great King is the Elder Sun, then we are all Junior Suns — the Sun Family, the Sun Nation, and the Sun Cave!”

They now paid their respects to Elder Sun with coconut and grape wines, as well as flowers and fruits. From that day forth, Sun Wukong drilled his troupe of monkeys in martial skills and instructed them to make weapons from bamboo and wood. They also made banners and set up camps and scouts. So now, not only does this clan of magic monkeys have a governing apparatus like that of a human imperial court, they were also building an army. 

One day, Sun Wukong said to his minions, “What we’re doing here might alarm the leaders of men and beasts. They might think we’re planning to stage a revolt, which might prompt them to attack us. All we have are bamboo and wood weapons. How can we go up against them? We must have real weapons. But how?”

So, back up a sec. You’re a troupe of monkeys, living on an island, in the middle of an ocean. Who exactly would you rebel against? Whose governance were you under to begin with? But nevermind that. All the monkeys panicked when they heard what Sun Wukong had said. 

“Great King, you’re quite right, but where can we get weapons?” they asked.

Just then, four old monkeys came forth. These were two female monkeys with red bottoms and two gibbons with bare backs. They said, “Great King, if you want sharp weapons, that’s not so hard.”

“How so?”

“If you go east from here and cross over about 70 miles of water, you’ll be in the kingdom of Aolai (4,2). They have a king, and the city has countless soldiers and civilians. There must be some blacksmiths there. You can go there and buy some weapons or have some made, and then train us on how to use it to defend our mountain. That would ensure our long-term security.”

Wukong was delighted at this suggestion, so he told his troupe to hang tight while he took a little trip. He then summoned a somersault-cloud and arrived above the capital of Aolai. And just as his senior advisers had told him, it was a bustling city with tens of thousands of people going to and fro.

“There must be weapons here,” Wukong thought to himself. “But why buy them when I can just use a little magic and steal some?”

So he muttered a spell and blew a breath toward the ground. All the sudden, a wild gale whipped up, sweeping sand and pebbles into the air. Everyone ran for cover and hid indoors. Once the streets had emptied, Wukong descended from the clouds, strolled through the palace, and found the armory. When he opened the doors, he was greeted with countless weapons of every type.

“Hmm, how many weapons can I carry by myself?” he thought to himself. “I need to use a little duplication magic here.”

So he pulled a handful of fur off himself, chewed it up, spat it out, muttered a spell, and shouted, “Change!” The hairs turned into thousands of little monkeys, and each of them grabbed as many weapons as it could. Wukong then flew back up into the sky, changed the direction of the wild gale he had summoned, and brought all the little monkeys back home with him.

All the real monkeys back on Flower and Fruit Mountain were just horsing around when they suddenly heard the sound of winds whooshing all around, followed by a torrent of little monkeys descending from the sky. The real monkeys were scared and ran for cover. Momentarily, Wukong descended, gave his body a shake, and all the little monkeys turned back into hairs on him. In their wake, they left a giant pile of weapons.

“Little ones, come get your weapons!” Wukong shouted.

All the monkeys came back out and asked how he came by such a bounty. Wukong told them, oh I used a little magic and stole them. All the monkeys praised his powers and then went to squabble over who got which shiny, deadly toy, which occupied them for the rest of the day.

The next day, they pitched camp like a real army. Wukong counted up their numbers, and they totaled more than 47,000. That’s a whole lotta armed monkeys, and this did not escape the notice of all the other wild beasts on the mountain. A lot of these animals were demons as well, and there were 72 other demon kings who ruled their own caves on this mountain that’s apparently full of holes. They all now came to pay their respects to Sun Wukong, recognizing him as their king of kings and agreeing to pay him tribute on the regular. Some even joined the monkeys in their military exercises and provided provisions. So this troupe of monkeys that were living in what seemed like paradise on earth had now reorganized their society into some facsimile of a human monarchy and turned themselves into an imperialistic military power. Umm … way to go?

One day, while the monkeys were again having fun putting on military exercises, Wukong said to them, “You all have become handy with your weapons, but this cutlass of mine is too cumbersome. I’m not happy with it. What should I do?”

His four senior advisers had an answer for this, too. “Great King, since you’re an immortal, common weapons are not suitable for you. But can you go underwater?”

“After I started cultivating the Dao, I attained the power of the 72 transformations, and I can soar with the clouds. I can disappear at will and go wherever I want, be it up into the heavens, down into the earth, following the sun and moon, or entering metals or rocks. Water cannot soak me, and fire cannot burn me. Where can’t I go?”

“Since you have such powers,” the old monkeys said, “the water that flows under our bridge leads straight to the dragon palace under the East Sea. If you’re willing to go there, you can seek out the old dragon king and ask him for a weapon. Won’t that be great?”

“I’ll be right back!” an excited Wukong said as he rushed to the bridge, cast a spell that allowed him to breathe underwater, and leaped off the bridge. He swam all the way to the bottom of the East Sea. There, he encountered a Yaksha, which is a type of nature spirits that show up in Buddhist, Hindu or Jain mythology. In the universe of the Journey to the West and other Chinese literature of the same canon, they are servants to the dragon kings that rule various bodies of water. Those of you who listened to the Investiture of the Gods on this podcast might remember that lotus boy Nezha killed one of these Yakshas, starting some serious beef with the dragon king. 

Wukong’s encounter with the Yaksha went much better. The Yaksha blocked his path but asked nicely who he was so that the Yaksha could properly announce his arrival.

“I am Sun Wukong, a sage from Flower and Fruit Mountain,” the Monkey King said. “I’m your old dragon king’s near neighbor. How come you don’t recognize me?”

Hearing this, the Yaksha rushed into the crystal palace and said to the dragon king, “My lord, there’s a sage from Flower and Fruit Mountain outside named Sun Wukong. He said he’s your near neighbor. He’s approaching.”

Now, this dragon king’s name was Ao (4) Guang (3). He held dominion over the East Sea and was the eldest of the four dragon kings who oversaw the Four Seas. He’s also the same dragon king that Nezha had offended in Investiture of the Gods, but that’s all ancient history at this point. He now got up and went outside with his family and his officers and guards to welcome his visitor and invited Wukong into the palace.

Once he offered his guest a seat and tea, Ao Guang asked, “Great immortal, when did you attain the Dao? What kind of powers do you wield?”

“After I was born, I followed the Dao and made myself immortal,” Wukong said. “Recently, I’ve been training my little ones to protect our cave, but I didn’t have any weapons. I’ve long heard that you, good neighbor, are living the high life in this gorgeous palace. I figured you must have lots of powerful weapons, so I came to ask for one.”

Well, the dragon king wasn’t exactly thrilled with Wukong just dropping by to bum a magic weapon from  him, but he also thought it would look bad to refuse. So he ordered his mandarin fish commander to present a large cutlass to his guest. But Wukong said, “I don’t know how to use a cutlass. Please give me something else.”

Ok. So Ao Guang told a couple of his strong eel guards to bring out a nine-pronged pitchfork. Wukong picked it up, twirled it around for a bit, set it down, and said, “Too light, too light! And it doesn’t feel right. Please give me something else.”

Ao Guang chuckled, “Great immortal, you may not realize it, but that pitchfork weighs 3,600 catties.”

A catty, by the way, is a Chinese unit of measure for weight, and it’s about 1.3 pounds. So 3,600 catties were more than 4,700 pounds. But Wukong was not impressed and insisted on something else. Ao Guang was wary of him and ordered his carp commander to bring out a halberd that weighed more than 9,500 pounds. 

Wukong picked this up, swung it around a few times, and stuck it into the ground, saying, “It’s still too light, too light!”

Ao Guang was getting worried now. “Great immortal,” he said, “that’s the heaviest weapon I have.”

But Wukong refused to take no for an answer. He laughed, “The ancients said, ‘The Dragon King of the Sea has no shortage of treasures!’ Go take another look. If you find something good, give it to me.”

“But I don’t have anything else!” a frustrated Ao Guang said. 

Just then, his wife and daughter pulled him aside and said, “This immortal looks like he’s no ordinary character. In our sea, we do have that piece of magic metal used to measure the depth of the Heavenly River. In recent days, it’s been glowing. Could it be due to the coming of this immortal?”

“That piece of metal was used by the ancient sage king Yu (3) to measure the depth of the rivers and seas when he was bringing the floods under control,” Ao Guang said. “What use could it be as a weapon?”

“Who cares if this guy can use it or not,” his wife said. “Just give it to him. He can refashion it however he sees fit. Just get him out of here.”

And by the way, this sage king Yu that Ao Guang just mentioned was one of the legendary ancient sage rulers in Chinese mythology. His greatest accomplishment was that he managed to quell the floods of the Yellow River that were plaguing the people. For this legendary feat of hydraulic engineering, he was tabbed by the previous ancient sage king to be the successor to the throne. But then he passed the throne to his own son, starting the first Chinese dynasty, the Xia.

Anyway, the dragon king now told Wukong about this piece of metal, and Wukong asked him to bring it out.

“It’s way too heavy to move,” Ao Guang said. “You have to go see it for yourself.”

So Wukong had him lead the way. As they approached, they saw that the metal was indeed glowing and emitting beams of golden light.

“That’s it right there, the glowing thing,” Ao Guang said as he pointed.

Wukong pulled up his sleeves, approached the metal, and put his hands on it. It was a huge round metal column, more than two yards tall and thick as a barrel.

Wrapping his arms around the column, Wukong said, “This is a bit too thick and too long. It needs to be shorter and narrower.”

No sooner had those words left his mouth did the column suddenly shrink a few feet and become narrower. Hmm. How strange.

Wukong tried it out again and said, “It would be even better if it’s narrower still.”

And on command, the metal shrank again, and now, it was just to his liking. He picked it up and saw that it had a golden band around each end. In the middle was a section of black steel, engraved with the characters that said, “Compliant Golden-Band Rod.” This has also been called a cudgel in some translations. This thing weighed more than 17,850 pounds. Finally, Wukong had found something to his liking.

“This treasure must do whatever I wish,” he thought to himself.

As he walked, he muttered again, “It would be even better if it was a bit narrower and shorter!”

By the time he got outside, the rod was now just a couple yards long and about the thickness of a small bowl. Wukong now started twirling it in the crystal palace, and the sight of this struck fear into the heart of the dragon king and his kids, while his turtle minions hid their heads in their shells and his guards all ran for cover.

After having sufficient fun with his new toy, Wukong sat down in the dragon king’s throne with the rod in hand and said to his host while smiling, “Thank you, good neighbor, for your gift!”

“Oh it’s nothing; don’t mention it,” Ao Guang replied, ready to see his uninvited guest out. But Wukong said, “This rod is nice, but I have another request.”

Oh god, what now, Ao Guang asked with trepidation.

“If you didn’t have this rod, that’s one thing,” Wukong said. “But now that I have this weapon, I’m missing a suitable outfit to match. If you have armor, give me a suit, and I’ll thank you double.”

“I don’t have any armor,” Ao Guang said.

“Look, a good guest doesn’t bother a second host,” Wukong said. “If you don’t give me a suit of armor, then I’m not leaving.”

“Please go to another sea; they might have some.”

“Visiting three houses is not as good as sitting in one,” Wukong insisted. “Please find a way to give me some armor.”

“But I really don’t have any! If I did, I would give it to you!” Ao Guang protested.

“If you really don’t have any to give me, then I’ll have to give you a taste of this rod!” Wukong threatened.

Ao Guang panicked and pleaded, “Great immortal, please don’t! Let me check with my brothers. Maybe they have some to give you.”

“Where are your brothers?”

“They’re the dragon kings of the South, North, and West Seas.”

“I don’t want to go to all those places! As the saying goes, ‘Having two things in hand is better than being promised three.’ Just find something and give it to me.”

“You don’t need to go anywhere. I have a steel drum and golden gong here. I use them to signal my brothers in case of emergency, and they would arrive momentarily.”

“Well in that case, hurry up and bang the drum and ring the gong!”

So the dragon king quickly dispatched an alligator general to go ring the gong and a turtle general to go beat the drum. And just as he promised, his three brothers showed up outside the palace within moments.

“Brother, what’s going on?” the dragon king of the South Sea asked.

“Oh brother!” Ao Guang lamented. “Some sage from Flower and Fruit Mountain showed up, calling me his neighbor and begging me for a weapon. He complained about everything I showed him being too light, and then he took the magic metal that was used to measure the depth of the Heavenly River. And now he’s squatting in my palace, demanding some armor. I don’t have any, so I invited you here. If you have any armor, give him a set so I can get him to leave.”

The dragon king of the South Sea was irate when he heard this. “Let’s summon our troops and capture him!”

“Capture him? Capture him?!” Ao Guang scoffed. “That magic rod he has, if it hits you, you’ll die. Even if it grazes you, it’ll leave a mark!”

The dragon king of the West Sea now chimed in, “We can’t fight him. Let’s just give him some armor and get him out of here. Then we can go to Heaven and lodge a complaint so that the Jade Emperor can take care of him.”

“Quite right,” the dragon king of the North Sea agreed. “I have a pair of Cloud-Stepping Boots here.”

“And I have a suit of golden armor with me,” the dragon king of the West Sea said.

“And I have a Phoenix Wing Purple Gold Helmet,” the dragon king of the South Sea added.

Well, it sure is convenient that each Ao Guang’s brothers seems to travel with a single piece of armor as a rule, just for the heck of it. And it’s even more convenient that they all traveled with different pieces of armor that combined to form a full set. They now went inside and presented this suit of armor to Sun Wukong. He put it on, and then stomped out of the palace while twirling his rod, shouting back to the dragon kings, “Sorry for the trouble!” and then disappeared.

Back in the Water Curtain Cave on Flower and Fruit Mountain, the four old monkeys and all the rest of the troupe were waiting by the bridge when suddenly, Sun Wukong leaped out of the water, but with not a single drop on him. Glowing with a golden aura, he walked onto the bridge. All the monkeys kneeled and welcomed him, praising his appearance.

With his face glowing, Wukong ascended his throne, and put his rod down. The other monkeys tried to pick it up to check it out, but they were like a swarm of dragonflies trying to lift a tree, and the rod did not budge at all.

“Wow! Where did you get something this heavy?!” they asked.

Wukong stepped forth, picked up the rod with ease, and chuckled, “Everything has its rightful owner. This treasure had been hidden under the sea for who knows how long. Recently it started glowing. That dragon king thought it was some piece of metal for measuring the depth of the sea. They couldn’t move it, so they asked me to go get it myself. It was really tall and really thick. But as soon as I picked it up and wished for it to be shorter and narrower, it started to shrink until it was the right size. It has a name engraved on it — the Compliant Golden-Band Rod, and it weighs more than 17,850 pounds. Stand aside, and watch me make it change.”

He then held the rod in his hand and said, “Smaller, smaller, smaller!”

And on cue, the rod shrank until it was the size of a sewing needle, small enough for him to hide it in his ear.

“Great king, bring it back out again!” his minions shouted.

So he took out the needle, put it in his palm, and said, “Larger, larger, larger!” And the rod expanded back to its weapon-ready size. 

Wukong then walked outside the cave, held the rod in his hand, bent his back slightly and shouted, “Grow!”

At that, he grew to an immense size, tens of thousands of yards tall. His head was the size of a mountain, his back was like a peak, his eyes glowed like lightning, his mouth was a blood-red basin, and his teeth were like swords and halberds. The rod in his hand grew accordingly and seemed big enough to reach the tallest tiers of heaven and the deepest levels of hell at the same time. 

All the wild beasts and demon kings on the mountain were awed and frightened, and they fell to their knees. A few moments later, Wukong shrank back down to his normal size, shrank his rod back to the size of a needle, and tucked it back inside his ear for safekeeping. He then returned to his cave, greeted by the other awestruck demon kings.

So now Sun Wukong was literally king of his own hill, not to mention the owner of a powerful weapon and a spiffy suit of armor. To see which other neighbors he’ll drop in on, tune in to the next episode of the Chinese Lore Podcast. Thanks for listening!

Music in This Episode

• “Luỹ Tre Xanh Ngát Đầu Làng (Guzheng) – Vietnam BGM” by VPRODMUSIC_Asia_BGM
• “The Quiet Aftermath by Sir Cubworth (from YouTube audio library)
• “Ravines” by Elphnt (from YouTube audio library)
• “Day of Recon” by Max Surla/Media Right Productions (from YouTube audio library)