Gods 056: Flap and Flop
The Shang commander gets some help from a feathered friend, while the novel’s author recycles his old material.
Transcript
Welcome to the Chinese Lore Podcast, where I retell classic Chinese stories in English. This is episode 56 of Investiture of the Gods.
Last time, the Shang sent yet another army against Western Qi, this one led by the commander Zhang (1) Shan (1). Western Qi sent the former Shang commander Deng (4) Jiugong (3,1), who recently defected, to go fight him. The two traded blows outside the city for 30-some bouts without a winner.
Seeing that her father was starting to falter, Deng Jiugong’s daughter Deng Chanyu (2,4) galloped out and hurled a pebble. It struck Zhang Shan in the face and almost knocked him off his horse. Zhang Shan quickly retreated back to his camp in defeat, and the Zhou forces returned to the city in triumph.
The next day, Zhang Shan was still seething as he tended to his injury when word came that a Daoist was seeking an audience. He summoned the man in and saw that he had his hair tied up in two coils and wore a sword on his back. They traded greetings, and the Daoist asked Zhang Shan about the big bruise on his face.
“A female warrior took a cheap shot at me on the battlefield yesterday,” Zhang Shan told him.
The Daoist now took out some ointment and applied it to the bruise, and it healed almost immediately. That prompted Zhang Shan to ask the Daoist for his name.
“I hail from Penglai (2,2) Island. My name is the Winged Celestial,” the Daoist said. “I have come to lend you a hand.”
Zhang Shan thanked him, and the next day, Winged Celestial went to the foot of the city and asked to speak with Jiang Ziya. When the guards reported this to Jiang Ziya, he said, “Western Qi is destined to face attacks by 36 armies. We have weathered 32 of them, and there are four left. Looks like I have to go out and meet this one, too.”
So he and his army rode out and lined up, looking quite impressive. Across the way, they saw a Daoist with strange features, a beak-like mouth and sunken cheeks, vicious eyes that glowed, and a gourd and a sword on his back.
Jiang Ziya exchanged greetings with this Daoist and asked for his name and reason for being here. The man replied, “I am the Winged Celestial from Penglai Island. Jiang Ziya, let me ask you this: Are you not a disciple of the Chan sect? What skills do you have, that you would dare to curse my name in front of others and boast that you will pluck my feathers and rip out my bones and tendons? We have never crossed paths, so why must you badmouth me like this?”
Jiang Ziya bowed and said, “My Daoist friend, maybe you have the wrong man? We have never crossed paths, so how would I even know about you? Someone must be spreading lies and falsely accusing me of offending you. We have never met, so why would I say such things? Please think it through.”
Winged Celestial contemplated this and thought, you know, he does have a point. He then said to Jiang Ziya, “Your words may be reasonable, but this could not have come from thin air. In any case, you watch yourself from now on. If you cause any more trouble, I’m going to have it out with you. You may go!”
Jiang Ziya was like, well, that was the easiest battle I’ve had yet. He was just about to get back on his ride and return to the city, but lotus boy Nezha was pissed.
“How dare that scoundrel act so disrespectful toward you, Daoist Uncle!” he fumed as he rolled forward on his fire wheels and stabbed at Winged Celestial with his fiery spear. Winged Celestial chuckled, “Heavenly Primogenitor, your disciples are such bullies!” He now drew his sword and fought Nezha. From the Zhou side, Huang Tianhua, Thunderbolt, Tuxing Sun and Yang Jian all rushed out to join the fight as they encircled Winged Celestial.
After a few exchanges, Nezha saw that Winged Celestial was no ordinary foe, so he staged a preemptive strike by hurling his Universal Ring at his opponent. The ring struck Winged Celestial’s shoulder armor, making him furrow his brow as he tried to turn and flee. But just then, Huang Tianhua let loose his Heart-Piercing Needle, which flew through Winged Celestial’s right arm. Tuxing Sun, meanwhile, landed several blows to his legs with his staff, and Yang Jian’s Sky-Barking Hound sank its teeth into his neck.
Besieged from all sides, Winged Celestial let out a loud cry and fast-traveled away. While Jiang Ziya and company returned to the city in victory, Winged Celestial limped back into the Shang camp, where Zhang Shan met him and said, “Master, you were ambushed by those villains today and suffered injuries.”
“No worries,” Winged Celestial replied. “I was just caught off guard.” He quickly retrieved a couple magic pills from his flower basket and swallowed them with some water, and his wounds healed momentarily.
He now told Zhang Shan, “On account of compassion, I didn’t want to take their lives, and yet they decided to harm me. They are bringing their own doom upon themselves. Bring me some wine. Let’s drink to our hearts’ content. And then late tonight, I’m going to turn Western Qi into an ocean.”
Zhang Shan was delighted at that promise, so he laid out a banquet. Meanwhile, inside Western Qi, Jiang Ziya and company were discussing their victory when suddenly, a wind blew several pieces of tiles off the roof. Jiang Ziya quickly burned some incense and cast a divination with a gold coin, and the results left him terrified.
He hurriedly bathed, changed clothes, and kowtowed in the direction of Kunlun Mountain. Then, he let his hair down, pulled out his sword, and uttered an incantation. And just like he did once before, he moved the water of the North Sea to act as a shield over Western Qi. Meanwhile, his master, Heavenly Primogenitor, had seen what was going on from his palace on Kunlun Mountain, so he sprinkled some of his sacred water on top of the water from the North Sea and ordered four deities known as the Divine Chanters of Truths to protect the city.
Around 7 o’clock that night, Winged Celestial told Zhang Shan to put away the wine. He then walked out of the camp and showed his true form, which was a giant golden-winged roc, which was a huge mythical bird. He now soared into the air, where his wings blocked out half the sky. As he flew over the city, he looked down and saw the North Sea hovering above it.
Winged Celestial couldn’t help but laugh and scoff, “Jiang Ziya you fool! You don’t know my powers. I just need a few flaps of my wings to blow away the waters of the four seas, much less just one sea!”
And so, he started to flap his wings, but there was just one problem: The water wasn’t going anywhere, thanks to the extra power boost that Heavenly Primogenitor had provided. Winged Celestial now flapped his wings frantically about 70 or 80 times, but to no avail. By the time 5 a.m. rolled around, the waters of the North Sea were almost lapping at his claws, and he was exhausted from a night of nonstop flapping.
“If this goes on until dawn and other people see it, it’s gonna look really bad for me,” he thought to himself in shame.
Too embarrassed to go back to camp to face Zhang Shan after all the boasting he had done, Winged Celestial now flew off in a huff. After a while, he flew past an exquisite mountain cavern that looked like the abode of immortals. He noticed a Daoist seated with his back leaning against the walls of the cave. He thought to himself, “Why don’t I catch that guy and eat him to sate my hunger, and then figure out what to do.”
So he now swooped down toward the Daoist, but the Daoist merely pointed at him, and Winged Celestial immediately crashed to the ground. The Daoist opened his eyes and said, “You are so rude. Why did you try to harm me?”
“To tell you the truth, I was on my way to go fight against Western Qi,” Winged Celestial said. “I got hungry and wanted to eat you. But I didn’t realize how powerful you were. My apologies!”
“If you were hungry, all you had to do was ask me, and I’d tell you where to go find food,” the Daoist said. “Why did you have to try to harm me? So rude! In any case, I’ll tell you: There is a mountain 70 miles from here, called Purple Cloud Cliff. Daoists from all the sacred mountains go there for delicious vegetarian meals. You should go at once, or you’ll be late.”
Winged Celestial thanked him for the tip and took to the air again. Soon, he approached the mountain and saw numerous Daoists gathered there, while a young acolyte was hurrying back and forth with plates of food for them. Winged Celestial descended and said to the acolytes, “Greetings. I have come for a meal.”
The acolyte said, “Oh no. Master, you should’ve come earlier. The food is all gone.”
“How can it be all gone as soon as I show up?”
“We had food earlier, but you’re late, and all the food has been given to the others. You’ll have to wait till tomorrow.”
“You just have it out for me!” Winged Celestial said angrily. “Well, I demand to be fed!”
As the two started to argue, a Daoist in yellow came over and asked what’s up. The young acolyte said, “This master arrived late, but he insists on having food. But we don’t have any more. That’s why we were arguing.”
“Do we still have some cakes left?” the Daoist in yellow asked.
“We do have some cakes, but no other food,” the young acolyte replied.
“Cakes will do fine; just bring them quickly!” Winged Celestial said.
So the acolyte brought the cakes, and Winged Celestial, in his famished state, devoured about 80 of them in one sitting. And then he asked for more, so the acolyte brought another dozen or so, which he also devoured, consuming a total of 108 cakes.
With his hunger sated, Winged Celestial thanked his hosts, assumed his real form, and flew back toward Western Qi. On the way, he once again passed by the exquisite cavern. That same Daoist was still sitting there, and now, he pointed at Winged Celestial, and the latter immediately tumbled to the ground, crying out in pain as his innards felt like they were being torn asunder.
As Winged Celestial rolled around and cried out in agony, the Daoist got up, slowly approached, and said, “How did you end up like this after going to the feast?”
“I ate some cakes, and now my stomach hurts!”
“In that case, you should try to throw up the cakes, since they obviously don’t agree with you.”
So Winged Celestial opened his beak to vomit, but he was shocked by what came out. It was a string of shining white beads the size of eggs, resembling a silver cord. He tried to pull this string out, but it felt like the other end was latched to his heart, and every tug sent waves of pain through his innards.
By now, Winged Celestial was catching on to the fact that something wasn’t quite right here. Just then, the other Daoist rubbed his own face and shouted, “You scoundrel! Do you recognize me?!”
Winged Celestial looked and saw that it was none other than Master Burning Lamp, one of the Chan sect’s senior members.
“You scoundrel!” Burning Lamp continued. “On my master’s command, Jiang Ziya is helping the sage lord to put down the chaos, save the people, and punish the wicked. Why did you act so viciously to help evil? You even tried to eat me!”
He then summoned a divine bodyguard and told him, “Tie this beast up and hang him in that pine tree. Once Jiang Ziya has put down the Shang, then maybe I’ll let you down!”
Winged Celestial pleaded, “Master, please show compassion and spare me! I was a fool and was misled by others. I will never dare to have designs on Western Qi again.”
Burning Lamp told him, “You’ve attained the Dao for a long time, so how can you not recognize destiny and confuse right and wrong? And you even allow yourself to be misled by others? That is truly despicable and unpardonable!”
Winged Celestial kept pleading, “Please take pity on the fact that I’ve spent millennia cultivating my Dao!”
“If you’re willing to change your ways and follow the path of the righteous, then you must accept me as your master. Then I will release you,” Burning Lamp said.
Winged Celestial immediately agreed, so Burning Lamp pointed at him, and 108 prayer beads came pouring out of Winged Celestial’s beak. Once released, Winged Celestial pledged himself to Burning Lamp as a disciple and followed him back to his mountain abode.
So let’s leave Western Qi for now and hop on over to Peach Orchard Cave on Nine Immortals Mountain, where Grand Completion, a member of the Chan sect’s class of 12, resided. Since he broke the prohibition against killing to help Jiang Ziya, he has been staying in the cave in quiet meditation and ignoring the outside world. But one day, White Crane Acolyte, the attendant to his master Heavenly Primogenitor, showed up and announced that Jiang Ziya would soon be appointed to lead a punitive expedition against the Shang, and that members of the Chan were to go to Western Qi to see him off.
After White Crane Acolyte left, Grand Completion was suddenly reminded of one of his disciples. This was Yin (1) Jiao (1), the former crown prince of the Shang. Like his younger brother, he had run afoul of King Zhou, his psychopath of a father, after Daji conspired to frame and kill Yin Jiao’s mother, the queen. When Yin Jiao was about to be executed, Grand Completion whisked him away and took him in as a disciple.
Now, Grand Completion thought to himself, “Since Jiang Ziya is going to invade the east, I can send Yin Jiao to help him on the campaign. That way, Yin Jiao can return to his home soil, and he can capture Daji to avenge his mother.”
Grand Completion obviously was a little slow on the happenings of the world; otherwise he would’ve heard what happened to Yin Jiao’s little brother Yin Hong and thought twice about this plan. But in any case, he summoned Yin Jiao and told him, “The Martial King will soon invade the East and convene with the other nobles to punish the wicked. This is your time to seek revenge. I want to send you to go help pave the way. Will you do it?”
“Master, I may be King Zhou’s son, but Daji has wronged me,” Yin Jiao said. “My father listened to her wicked words, killed my mother, and tried to kill his own sons. I have never forgotten my mother’s innocent death. Today, you have shown great compassion in giving me this task. How can I not go? If I refused, what would be the point of living?”
Grand Completion now told him, “Go to Lion Cliff outside the cave and find a weapon. Then I will teach you some Daoist magic before you go.”
So Yin Jiao went out to Lion Cliff to look for a weapon. There, he saw a cave next to a white stone bridge. Inside the cave was a hall with twin doors, lofty chambers, green meadows, willow trees, and lotus flowers.
“Hmm, I haven’t been here before; let me check it out,” Yin Jiao thought to himself.
So he crossed the bridge and approached the cave entrance. As he got near, the twin doors automatically swung open, revealing a stone table. There weren’t any weapons on the table, but rather six or seven steaming hot beans. Yin Jiao picked one up and ate it, and tasted its sweet, uncommon aroma. It was so delicious that he couldn’t help but gulp down the rest of the beans.
Having polished off these legumes of mysterious origins, he now left the cave to resume his search for the weapon that his master had promised. When he crossed back over the stone bridge, he turned around and was stunned to find that the cave had disappeared.
Just as he was puzzling over this, he suddenly felt his bones rattling. Before he could react, an extra arm had poked out from his left shoulder. Yin Jiao turned pale. But just then, another arm poked out from his right side, and then another, and another. And suddenly, an extra head emerged from his neck, while more limbs started to appear. By the time it was all said and done, he found himself with three heads and six arms. This left him speechless, despite his two extra mouths.
Just then, his master’s attendant came by and said, “Daoist brother, our master is calling for you.”
When Yin Jiao approached, Grand Completion saw that in addition to his new heads and appendages, he now had a blue face, red hair, protruding fangs, and a third eye. Grand Completion clapped and laughed, saying, “Amazing! Thanks to the sage lord’s good fortunes, we have been blessed by heaven with an uncommon man.”
He now led Yin Jiao into the peach orchard and taught him how to fight with a halberd. He then told his disciple, “You go on first to Western Qi, and I will be along shortly.”
Grand Completion then gave his disciple three magical macguffins: His Heaven Churning Seal, his Soul Dropping Bell, and his Yin Yang Swords. Yin Jiao thanked his master and was about to take his leave, but Grand Completion said, “Hold on. I have something to say to you. I have given you all my magical treasures. You must act in accordance with the will of heaven and men. Go help the Zhou march east and punish the wicked. Do NOT change your mind, hesitate, or violate heaven’s will. Or it would be too late for regrets.”
“Master, you don’t need to worry,” Yin Jiao said. “The Martial King is a sage lord, while my father is a muddle-headed tyrant. How can I mistake them and go against your teachings? If I break my word, may I be executed with a plow.”
So first, executed with a plow? That’s a rather implausible way to go. And second, considering how this is shaping up to be a callback to what happened to Yin Jiao’s little brother, I guess being plowed to death is probably not so far-fetched after all.
In any case, Yin Jiao left the mountain and began fast-traveling toward Western Qi. Along the way, he made a pit stop on a tall mountain with towering peaks and cliffs covered with pine trees. Monkeys howled in the forests, and serpents and sprites wandered in the valley streams. Mountain birds flew overhead, and deer and foxes scampered about.
Just as Yin Jiao was taking in the scenery, he suddenly heard the sound of a gong from some nearby woods. He saw a man with a blue face and red hair dashing out atop a red horse, dressed in golden armor and red battle robe. He had three eyes and wielded two wolf-toothed maces.
As this guy galloped up the mountainside, he noticed that Yin Jiao also had three eyes, not to mention three heads and six arms. So he shouted, “Who are you, three-eyes?! How dare you look around my mountain?”
“I am none other than Yin Jiao, the crown prince of King Zhou.”
When the man heard that, he quickly dismounted, kneeled, and said, “My prince, why have you come to White Dragon Mountain?”
“I am going to Western Qi to see Jiang Ziya on my master’s command.”
Just then, another man galloped up the mountain. He also had three eyes and wore a helmet and a pale yellow robe. He wielded a steel spear, rode a white horse, and had a fair complexion with a long mustache and beard.
“Who is that?” the man shouted.
“Come and pay your respects to the crown prince!” his blue-faced comrade replied.
So this man also dismounted and kneeled. The two of them then invited Yin Jiao to their base. There, they asked Yin Jiao to take the center chair in the main hall, while they kneeled again. Yin Jiao helped them to their feet and asked for their names.
The blue-faced man replied, “My name is Wen (1) Liang (2), and the clear-faced man here is Ma (3) Shan (4).”
“You two have uncommon appearances; you must have the ambitions of heroes as well,” Yin Jiao said. “Why don’t you follow me to Western Qi and help the Martial King attack the Shang?”
“But why are you helping the Zhou attack the Shang?” the two men asked.
“The Shang has run its course, while the house of Zhou is ascendant. Besides, my father has committed 10 great offenses against the realm, and all the nobles of the land are following the will of heaven and man. The good will punish the wicked, and the unvirtuous will give way to the virtuous. This is the way, and it cannot change for my family’s sake.”
“To hear your highness talk, you truly place the world before your family,” Wen Liang and Ma Shan said. “That is the action of a true man!”
So they now threw a feast to celebrate. Then, Yin Jiao ordered his new recruits’ bandits to change their colors to those of the Zhou. They burned their base and set out again toward Western Qi along the main thoroughfare. Yeah, this is not shaping up to be like his little brother’s experience AT ALL!
While Yin Jiao’s entourage was traveling, the guards at the front suddenly came to report, “A Daoist is approaching on a tiger and has asked to see your highness.”
Uh oh, we all know who this was and what’s coming. Yin Jiao ordered his army to halt and summoned the Daoist, who was of course Shen Gongbao. Shen Gongbao now came over, introduced himself and asked where Yin Jiao was headed.
“On my master’s command, I am heading to Western Qi to help the Zhou. My Daoist Uncle Jiang Ziya will soon be appointed to lead an expedition against the Shang, so I’m going to help him.”
Shen Gongbao smiled and said, “Tell me, who is King Zhou to you?”
“He’s my father.”
“What? Again?!” Shen Gongbao scoffed. “How can a son help outsiders wage war on his own father?! This goes against all rules of propriety. Your father will soon pass on, and as his crown prince, you should inherit his enterprise and do honor to your ancestors. How can you help others extinguish your own kingdom and destroy your own ancestral temples? This is unheard of. After you die, how can you face the spirits of all the former kings of the Shang? In my view, you possess treasures that can pacify the realm and an appearance that can bring order to the universe. Listen to me: Protect what’s yours and eliminate the unjust house of Zhou. That’s the right path.”
To this Yin Jiao said, “Master, you may be right, but this is the will of heaven. My father is unjust and has lost the mandate of heaven and the hearts of the people. The Martial King is ascendant, and all the nobles have pledged their allegiance to him. My master instructed me to go help Jiang Ziya on his eastern expedition. How can I disobey my master? I cannot follow your advice.”
Wait, what’s this? Yin Jiao is actually not moved by Shen Gongbao’s wicked tongue? Well, just wait. Shen Gongbao now took a different tack.
“My prince, you say that Jiang Ziya is virtuous. Where has he shown this virtue?” Shen Gongbao asked.
“Jiang Ziya is fair and just,” Yin Jiao replied. “He treats talented men with respect and acts with compassion, honor, and humanity. He is a kind, virtuous gentleman. All under heaven respect him, so how can you slight him?”
“Ah, you’re in the dark,” Shen Gongbao retorted. “I have heard that if one is virtuous, one does not end another’s family or kill the innocent and then brag about it. Sure, your father has wronged the world, but what about your brother Yin Hong? I heard that he had gone to help the Zhou, but that Jiang Ziya didn’t want to share the credit with him, so he used his magic map to turn your brother into ashes. Is that the act of a virtuous man or an unvirtuous man? You have forsaken your flesh and blood to help the enemy. I can’t stand to see it.”
Those words shocked Yin Jiao. “Master, is this true?” he asked.
“Everyone knows about it; how could I make it up?” Shen Gongbao replied. “To tell you the truth, right now, Zhang Shan is leading a Shang army at Western Qi. You just need to go ask him. If Yin Hong is ok, then you can still go to Western Qi. But if Yin Hong truly is dead, then you should avenge your brother, and I will recruit another talented man to help you.”
Having done his dirty deed, Shen Gongbao got back on his tiger and rode away, leaving Yin Jiao in a state of uncertainty as he continued his march to Western Qi. Along the way, Yin Jiao thought to himself, “My brother has never done wrong to the world, so why would Jiang Ziya kill him? This must be false. But if Jiang Ziya really did so, then I swear I will avenge my brother.”
To see which way Yin Jiao will go once he gets to Western Qi, tune in to the next episode of the Chinese Lore Podcast. Thanks for listening!
Music in This Episode
- “Sao Meo” by Doug Maxwell / Zac Zinger
- “Dark Toys” by SYBS (from YouTube audio library)
- “Ravines” by Elphnt (from YouTube audio library)