Gods 052: Biological Warfare
Under siege from an invisible foe, Western Qi seeks help from a guy who married his sister, a guy who had a transparent stomach, and a guy who invented math.
Transcript
Welcome to the Chinese Lore Podcast, where I retell classic Chinese stories in English. This is episode 52 of Investiture of the Gods.
Last time, Jiang Ziya seemed to be on his way to an easy victory as the enemy commander Su Hu was about to come over to his side. But then, a Jie sect Daoist named Lü (3) Yue (4) and his four disciples showed up. Each of those disciples faced one of Jiang Ziya’s Chan sect Daoist warriors in battle, and each cast some sort of spell on his opponent, afflicting them with strange maladies.
As it turns out, strange illnesses were these guys’ bread and butter. The first disciple, Zhou (1) Xin (4), specialized in headaches. The second disciple, Li (3) Qi (2), was a master of hot tempers. The third, Zhu (1) Tianlin (1,2), used a magic sword that made his opponents dizzy. The fourth, Yang Wenhui (2,1), wielded a weapon called the Plague-Spreading Whip.
But Jiang Ziya was ignorant of all this. He lamented to Yang Jian, “My master said there would be 36 armies attacking Western Qi. By my count, we have withstood 30 of them. But now we’ve run into these Daoists that have left four members of our sect in so much pain that I can’t bear it. What should we do?”
Just then, word came that a Daoist with three eyes was outside the city, demanding to speak with Jiang Ziya. Nezha and Yang Jian both fretted, “They’ve sent someone different every day for five straight days now. How many Jie sect people do they have in their camp? Daoist uncle, you should go meet this guy and find out.”
So after a few explosives sounded, the city gates swung open, and Jiang Ziya rode out with his officers and soldiers. Across the way, they saw a Daoist under a yellow banner. He was clad in a red robe and had a blue face and red hair. All three of his eyes were wide open, and he rode on a camel and carried a sword. This was Lü Yue.
“Is that Jiang Ziya over there?” Lü Yue shouted.
Jiang Ziya answered in the affirmative and asked, “Daoist brother, where do you hail from? Have you not seen how all the previous campaigns against Western Qi have failed? What are you doing here? The Shang king is wicked, and the house of Zhou (1) is ascendant. All the realm can see this. As has always been the case, people’s hearts follow the true lord, so why must you persist in your resistance? As the saying goes, ‘Those who follow heaven survive, while those who disobey perish.’ The Zhou has seen a phoenix appear on Qi Mountain, and numerous heroes have emerged in our land. You don’t need a divination to know what that means. So why must you go against heaven’s will? You have long cultivated your Dao, so how can you not know the warnings that have been put out by the leaders of the Daoist sects? Right now, I am following the command of the master of the Chan sect and aiding the true lord. All I’m doing is following the cycles of heaven and earth. Even though you have notched several victories in a row, those were merely temporary lucky breaks. When the time comes, there will be someone to defeat your magic. You must not show off and create sorrow for yourself.”
To this, his opponent replied, “My name is Lü Yue, a Daoist from Nine Dragons Island. You all from the Chan sect have repeatedly mocked the members of the Jie sect, so I have sent four of my disciples to put you on notice. Today, I have come to meet you and settle the score. Your doom is near; soon it will be too late for regrets!”
But Jiang Ziya laughed and said, “Your words are just a rehash of the rhetoric of Zhao Gongming (1,2) from Mount Emei (2,2) and the ladies of Three Fairies Island. They were all vanquished in the blink of an eye. Are you not seeking your own destruction by coming here?”
Lü Yue didn’t appreciate that dig. He fumed, “Jiang Ziya, what skills do you have that you dare to speak such wicked words?!”
As he cursed, Lü Yue urged his camel forward and attacked with his sword. Jiang Ziya quickly countered, and Yang Jian darted out, wielding his recently acquired three-tipped saber and taking a swing at Lü Yue’s head. Just as Lü Yue was parrying his blows, Nezha came charging in on his hot wheels. Meanwhile, Huang Tianhua was also getting angry as he thought to himself, “Even though Su Hu released my father and me, how can we let his men show us up? With victory on the line, nothing else matters.” And so he rode into the fray as well and joined the others as they encircled Lü Yue.
From the Shang side of the field, the general Zheng Lun noticed Huang Tianhua joining the fight and was so shocked that he let out a cry and almost fell off his horse. Remember, Su Hu had released Flying Tiger and Huang Tianhua in secret, so Zheng Lun had no idea that they were no longer prisoners in the Shang camp. He now sighed and lamented, “I captured them in service to King Zhou. Who knew that my commander harbored thoughts of surrender and released them? Fine, if I catch them this time, I’m going to just kill them on the spot.”
So Zheng Lun now charged out and called out Huang Tianhua by name. Seeing that it was the guy who had captured him in their last encounter, Huang Tianhua also flew into a rage and attacked Zheng Lun. Nezha was worried that Huang Tianhua would fall victim to Zhenglun’s magic again, so he disengaged from Lü Yue and came to help attack Zheng Lun while shouting to Huang Tianhua, “You go capture Lü Yue. I’ll kill this scoundrel!”
Now, remember that Zheng Lun came away from his last fight against Nezha with some painful injuries, so he was wary of taking on Nezha again and kept a close eye out for any power moves. Meanwhile, Tuxing Sun, the short-statured, nimble-footed earth-travel specialist, joined the scrum against Lü Yue while his wife, Deng (4) Chanyu (2,4), kept watch over the troops.
Seeing more and more guys come at him, Lü Yue did a little twist, and suddenly, he had three heads and six arms. Two of his arms wielded swords, while the other four wielded special magical weapons, and his blue face now bared its fangs.
This sight struck fear into Jiang Ziya and he started to falter. Seeing this, Yang Jian quickly disengaged from the scrum and ordered his disciples, the Golden Fleece Lads, to bring him his slingshot, with which he fired a golden ball. The ball struck Lü Yue in the shoulder. Seeing this, Huang Tianhua leaped back and unleashed his Fire Dragon Javelin, which struck Lü Yue on his leg. Jiang Ziya, meanwhile, unleashed his God-Beating Staff, and it knocked Lü Yue off his camel, forcing him to flee via fast travel.
Meanwhile, Zheng Lun saw Lü Yue go down in defeat and panicked. That was all the opening Nezha needed to stab him in the shoulder, almost knocking him off his horse. Zheng Lun now also fled from the field and retreated back to camp. Jiang Ziya didn’t bother giving chase and just led his army back inside the city.
In the Shang camp, Su Hu saw that both Lü Yue and Zheng Lun were injured and defeated, and he secretly rejoiced, thinking to himself, “Serves that scoundrel right!” When Lü Yue returned to camp, he had been struck so hard by the God-Beating Staff that he was coughing up fire. His disciples came to check on him and he told them, “No worries, I can handle it.” He then took a pill from his gourd and swallowed it, which helped him recover quickly. He also gave Zheng Lun a pill to help him recover from his wound.
Lü Yue now chuckled, “Jiang Ziya, you may have won today, but your whole city is about to suffer a calamity!” He then ordered his four disciples to each take a gourd of pestilence pills and fast-travel into the city, while he himself joined them on his camel and cast handfuls of pills on the city in all four directions until midnight.
The pills made their way into the city’s water supply, and from there, they were consumed by everyone in Western Qi. Within a couple days, a haunting silence had fallen on the city. The streets were empty. There were no signs of fire or smoke anywhere in the city, and all within the palace were quiet. The only sounds were the moans and groans of the sick. Even Jiang Ziya and his Daoist comrades could not escape the plague.
The only two who remained unaffected were Nezha, thanks to his having a body reborn from lotus, and Yang Jian, supposedly because of his powers of transformation, though I don’t know what that has to do with immunity to a plague. In any case, Nezha now went to the palace to check on the Martial King, while Yang Jian remained at the prime minister’s residence to look after Jiang Ziya and company. The two also had to go keep watch atop the city walls.
Nezha fretted, “There’s only the two of us still standing in the city. If Lü Yue attacks, what then?”
“No worries,” Yang Jian said. “The Martial King is a sage lord and is very blessed. Our Daoist uncle must have been preordained to endure this calamity, but some powerful Daoist will no doubt show up to help.”
Over in the Shang camp, Lü Yue told Su Hu and company, “I have secured success for you all in the course of a day. Within six or seven days, everyone inside Western Qi will be dead, without you needing to fire a single shot. Then you all can return in victory. That will make my coming here worthwhile.”
Zheng Lun said, “We haven’t seen anyone atop the city walls in a couple days.”
“They are all sick and will die soon,” Lü Yue explained.
“Since the city’s population is beset by calamity, why don’t we send an army to charge into the city and root out all the trouble once and for all?” Zheng Lun suggested.
“That would work, too,” Lü Yue said.
So Zheng Lun requested and received Su Hu’s permission to lead an attack on the city. As they left camp, Yang Jian spotted them from atop the city wall, and Nezha asked him what they should do.
“No need to panic,” Yang Jian said. “I have a way to fend off the enemy.”
He quickly grabbed two handfuls of dirt and grass, tossed them skyward, and uttered an incantation. In the blink of an eye, the wall was filled with stout looking men, walking back and forth. When Zheng Lun got near, he saw this imposing-looking defense and did not dare to attack, so he just returned to camp, opting to let the pestilence do its work.
Even though Yang Jian’s little trick staved off the immediate crisis, the slightly less immediate crisis was no closer to resolution. Nezha was fretting about this when he suddenly heard the call of a crane from the air. He looked up and saw Yellow Dragon Immortal, one of the Chan sect’s cohort of 12 Daoist masters, descending onto the city wall atop a crane.
Nezha and Yang Jian kneeled to pay their respects. Yellow Dragon asked Yang Jian , “Has your master Jade Tripod come by yet?”
“Not yet,” Yang Jian said.
Yellow Dragon now went to check on Jiang Ziya and the Martial King, and then he returned to the top of the city walls. Just then, Master Jade Tripod showed up on a beam of golden light.
“Daoist brother, what kept you?” Yellow Dragon asked.
“I was riding on the golden light, and it wasn’t as fast as I expected,” Jade Tripod said. “Right now Lü Yue has used his strange magic to threaten the lives of everyone in the city. We must send Yang Jian to the Fire and Cloud Cavern to see three holy masters and ask them for medicine to treat this plague.”
So Yang Jian headed off right away, fast-traveling to the Fire and Cloud Cavern. The place was enveloped in clouds and mist and surrounded by exotic pines and cypress trees. Yang Jian did not dare to intrude, so he waited outside until a young acolyte came out. He went forward, bowed, and said, “Daoist brother, I am Yang Jian, a disciple of Master Jade Tripod. I have come on my master’s command to pay my respects to the three holy masters. Please announce me.”
“Do you know who the three holy men are?” the acolyte asked. “How can you call them masters?”
“I don’t know who they are,” Yang Jian replied.
“Well, I can’t blame you for not knowing. The three holies are emperors of heaven, earth, and mankind.”
Yang Jian thanked the acolyte for the enlightening introduction, and the acolyte went inside and returned momentarily to say that the three holies had summoned Yang Jian. Yang Jian entered the cave and saw the three holies. The one in the center had two horns on his head. The one on the left wore a cape of leaves on his shoulders and a tiger skin around his waist. The one on the right was dressed in the robes of an emperor.
So, let’s pause for a slightly less cryptic introduction to the three holies. The one in the center who had horns was Fuxi (2,1), one of the top deities in Chinese creations myths. He was both brother AND husband to the goddess Nüwa (3,1), the same Nüwa who got this novel going by setting in motion a plot for vengeance against King Zhou because he had written a lurid poem about her. Fuxi was depicted as having the body of a snake, the head of a crocodile, the horns of a deer, the eyes of a tiger, the scales of a red carp, the feet of a komodo dragon, the claws of a hawk, the tail of a great white shark, and the must of a fin whale. He was credited with inventing a lot of the essential aspects of civilization, such as music, hunting, fishing, cooking, domestication, marriage, writing, divination, and the eight trigram that’s so ubiquitous in Daoism.
The holy on the left wearing the cape of leaves was Shennong (2,2), whose name literally translates to the Divine Farmer. He was responsible for teaching humans the basics of agriculture, how to use the plow, and how to use marijuana, for medicinal purposes, of course. No, seriously. Shennong was said to have personally taste-tested a bazillion plants to determine their effects, both good and bad. He had a transparent abdomen so that he could see how each plant affected his innards. But eventually, he ate a particular grass that caused every segment of his intestines to rupture, resulting in what was no doubt a horribly painful death.
The holy on the right, the one dressed in emperor garb, was the Yellow Emperor, whom we have already discussed before. He was considered the father of Chinese civilization, and even to this day, Chinese people would refer to themselves as the descendants of the Yellow Emperor. He was credited with inventing things like shelters, carts, boats, clothing, the Chinese calendar, Chinese astronomy, the bow sling, and oh yeah, math. And he, along with Fuxi and Shennong, were among China’s earliest mythological rulers, who were said to have reigned over golden ages.
Anyway, back to the story. Yang Jian now bowed to these three holies and said, “I, Yang Jian, have come to see you on the command of my master, Jade Tripod. The Martial King of Western Qi is facing off against Lü (3) Yue (4), who is assisting Su Hu’s campaign. Lü Yue is using some unknown sorcery that’s making the entire city’s population bedridden and moaning nonstop from sickness. Both the Martial King and Jiang Ziya are on the brink of death. On my master’s command, I have come to beg you to exercise your compassion and save the innocent. Your virtue and kindness would be as great as the ocean.”
Fuxi said to fellow holy Shennong, “When we were rulers, all was peaceful and there was no conflict. But now, the Shang’s fortunes are declining and war is everywhere. The Martial King’s virtuous enterprise is ascendant. It is the will of heaven for the good to displace the wicked, for the Zhou to replace the Shang. But Shen (1) Gongbao (1,4) is going against heaven and helping the wicked by recruiting sorcerers. This is truly despicable. Brother, you must do what you can to help the Zhou.”
Shennong agreed and went into the back. He returned shortly and told Yang Jian, “There are three pills here. One is for saving the Martial King and everyone in the palace. One is for saving Jiang Ziya and his disciples. Dissolve the third pill in water and use a willow wisp to sprinkle the solution throughout the city, and all the sick will be healed.”
Yang Jian thanked the holies and left. But then Shennong called him back and walked out of the cave to a cliff, where he searched around for a bit and then suddenly plucked a blade of grass from the ground and handed it to Yang Jian.
“Take this treasure back to the mortal realm; it can cure illnesses,” Shennong said. “If any mortals suffer from disease, treat them with this grass first and they will recover.”
Yang Jian kneeled to receive the grass and asked, “May I ask the name of this grass, so that it can be known throughout the mortal realm?”
Shennong told him that it was called chaihu (2,2). Now, this is actually a real herb. Its scientific name is Radix Bupleuri. It has been used in traditional Chinese medicine for more than 2,000 years. It’s believed to help regulate metabolisms, disperse “evil” heat, soothe the liver, and promote the yang, or the positive essence. According to ancient Chinese medical texts, it was used mainly for treating bitter mouth, dry throat, and dazzled eyes. And in more recent times, it has been the subject of Western pharmacological research for its various potential medicinal properties, like anti-inflammatory, anticancer, or antiviral effects.
With the magic pills and the miracle herb in tow, Yang Jian now rushed back to Western Qi and told his master, Jade Tripod, what the Three Holies had said. Jade Tripod promptly applied the magic pills per Shennong’s instructions.
Meanwhile, in the Shang camp, seven or eight days after he first sent the plague into the city, Lü Yue told his disciples, “The residents of Western Qi must be dead by now.”
Su Hu was very unhappy to hear that. After a few more days, he sneaked out of camp and went to have a peek at the city. Atop the walls, he saw that the guards were patrolling like normal, and Nezha and Yang Jian were keeping watch. Now, this was still the magical mirage that Yang Jian had put on to bluff the enemy, but Su Hu didn’t know that, and he breathed a sigh of relief.
“That Lü Yue was just lying to us,” he thought to himself. “Let me tease him and take him down a peg.”
So Su Hu went back to camp and told Lü Yue, “Master, you said the people of Western Qi should all be dead. But their troops are milling around, looking really stout. So … how are you going to deal with this? Don’t tease us like you did before.”
“What?!” an incredulous Lü Yue shouted as he sprang to his feet.
“I just went and had a look for myself,” Su Hu continued to rub it in. “I won’t dare to make it up.”
So Lü Yue went and had a look for himself. He then did a little divination with his fingers and exclaimed, “Turns out Jade Tripod went to the Fire and Cloud Cavern to get medicine to save the city!”
He told his four disciples and Zheng Lun, “Send 3,000 men to attack each gate while they are still recovering. Charge into the city and slaughter everyone.”
So the four disciples each attacked a gate, while Zheng Lun prepared more troops to provide reinforcement. Atop the city wall, Nezha saw the enemy coming from all directions, so he rushed to ask Yellow Dragon, “Our city is undefended. There are only four of us who are up and about. How can we fend them off?”
Yellow Dragon said, “No problem. Yang Jian, you go open up the east gate and let the enemy in. Nezha, you do likewise at the west gate. Master Jade Tripod, you will handle the south gate, while I take the north gate. Once we lure them into the city, I’ll deal with them.”
So the four of them went to the four gates and promptly allowed the enemy to charge in. As soon as the Shang forces dashed into the city, however, the four defenders appeared and challenged them to battle. By the east gate, Yang Jian was fighting against the disciple Zhou (1) Xin (4). After a few exchanges, Yang Jian unleashed his Sky-Barking Hound, which sank its teeth into Zhou Xin’s neck. As Zhou Xin was struggling to free himself, Yang Jian brought his three-pointed saber down and cut him in half. Yang Jian then chased that detachment of Shang soldiers out of the city.
By the west gate, Nezha was fighting against Li (3) Qi (2), but Li Qi was no match for Nezha. After just a few exchanges, Nezha hurled his Universal Ring. It knocked Li Qi to the ground, and Nezha ran him through with the spear. Nezha then busied himself with killing Shang soldiers and chasing them out of the city.
Over at the north gate, Lü Yue had charged into the city with his disciple Yang (2) Wenhui (2,1), and they were fighting Yellow Dragon. Yellow Dragon began to fall back toward the center of the city, and Yang Wenhui gave chase. But then Nezha and Yang Jian showed up and joined the action. Soon, they were joined by Jade Tripod, who had used his Immortal Slaying Sword to kill the disciple Zhu Tianlin over at the south gate moments earlier. So now, it was the four Chan Daoists against just Lü Yue and his disciple Yang Wenhui in the city.
While all this was going on, Jiang Ziya and some of his Chan sect comrades were recovering at his residence when they heard the sounds of battle and the banging drums and gongs echoing across the city. No one knew what was going on, So Thunderbolt flew out and took a look. He quickly reported back that Lü Yue had charged into the city. When the other Daoist warriors heard this, they were all seething, since they had all suffered from the pestilence magic that Lü Yue and his disciples had used in battle. They all shouted, “If we don’t kill Lü Yue today, we will NOT rest!”
So Thunderbolt, Jinzha, Muzha, Dragon-Beard Tiger, Huang Tianhua, and Tuxing Sun all stomped out to join the fight, and Jiang Ziya couldn’t hold them back. They found Lü Yue in the midst of a dogged fight.
Jinzha shouted, “Don’t let him get away!” as he unleashed his Dragon-Bounding Stake. Seeing the stake come crashing down from the sky, Lü Yue slapped his golden camel and the beast started to take to the air. But before Lü Yue could get away, Muzha had sent his sword sailing through the air, and it stabbed Lü Yue in the arm. Wounded, Lü Yue quickly fled, accompanied by his disciple Yang Wenhui.
Having slayed several of their foes and sent the rest fleeing, the Chan Daoists went to see Jiang Ziya. Yellow Dragon and Jade Tripod told him, “Rest easy. That scoundrel has been defeated and will not dare to lay eyes on Western Qi again. We are going home for now. We will return to offer our congratulations when you are made commander of the army on campaign.”
Outside the city, the Shang officer Zheng Lun saw his troops come limping home in defeat. They told him that Lü Yue had fled after being defeated. Zheng Lun lowered his head in silence as he slinked back to camp and reported the defeat to Su Hu. Su Hu, of course, was secretly rejoicing and thinking, “Today showed who is destined to be the sage lord.”
Meanwhile, Lü Yue and Yang Wenhui fled in a panic until they reached a mountain. There, they dismounted and sat down to catch their breaths. Lü Yue said to his disciple, “Today’s defeat has sullied the reputation of Nine Dragons Island. Where should we go to find a Daoist friend to help me avenge this defeat?”
Just then, someone approached from behind while singing. Lü Yue turned and saw a man who looked like neither a layman nor a Daoist. He wore a soldier’s helmet but also a Daoist robe, and he carried a Demon-Taming Club.
Lü Yue asked for his name, and the man replied, “I am Wei (4) Hu (4), a disciple under the Heavenly Master of Divine Virtue. On his command, I am going to lend my Daoist uncle Jiang Ziya a hand to help him march east and extinguish the Shang. But first, I’m going to Western Qi to capture Lü Yue as an introductory gift.”
Lü Yue was irate when he heard that. “How dare you make such a boast!” he fumed as he raised his sword and attacked. Wei Hu, though, laughed and said, “What a coincidence to run into you here!”, and he raised his club to counter. After just a few exchanges, Wei Hu sent his club skyward. That club was as light as grass in his hands, but when it hit someone, it was as heavy as a mountain. And in this case, the unlucky target was Yang Wenhui, who couldn’t step out of the way in time, and his head was smashed in.
That left Lü Yue all alone. To see how he would fare in this fight, tune into the next episode of the Chinese Lore Podcast. Thanks for listening!
Music in This Episode
- “Sao Meo” by Doug Maxwell / Zac Zinger
- “Comfortable Mystery 3 – Film Noire” by Kevin MacLeod is licensed under a Creative Commons Attribution license (Source: http://incompetech.com/music/royalty-free/index.html?isrc=USUAN1100536; Artist: http://incompetech.com/)
- “Ravines” by Elphnt (from YouTube audio library)
- “Dark Toys” by SYBS (from YouTube audio library)