Gods 034: Fantastic Beasts
Riding into battle on a horse is so passé.
Transcript
Welcome to the Chinese Lore Podcast, where I retell classic Chinese stories in English. This is episode 34 of Investiture of the Gods.
Last time, with the help of Nezha, Jiang Ziya temporarily fended off a siege from a Shang army led by the commander Zhang Guifang (4,1). However, Jiang Ziya figured he needed some more help, so he went to the Jade Emptiness Palace on Mount Kunlun to see his old Daoist master, Heavenly Primogenitor. But his master refused to help him, and instead gave him something called the List of Creations and told him to go build a Terrace of Creations in the Western Qi Mountain and hang the list on that terrace, and that someone was waiting for him in the East Sea District. After a little kerfuffle with his fellow apprentice Shen (1) Gongbao (1,4), who stomped off to go help King Zhou (4), Jiang Ziya continued on his way, fast-traveling toward the East Sea District.
On his way, he landed on top of a mountain. The scenery was particularly exquisite, with peaks towering amid the clouds drifting in from the nearby sea. As he took in the view, Jiang Ziya thought to himself, “If only I could sever my ties with the mortal realm and come here to sit in quiet meditation and read Daoist classics.”
Suddenly, he saw the waters of the sea churn while strong winds whipped up huge waves that roared like thunder. Everything became covered in mist and fog. Jiang Ziya was greatly alarmed. As he looked on, he saw the huge waves part, and a naked figure emerged and shouted, “Great immortal! This wandering soul has been trapped here for a thousand years and hasn’t achieved reincarnation! A few days ago, Virtue of the Pure Void told me that on this day and at this hour, a Daoist master would be passing through. He told me to wait for you. I beg you to release me from my suffering in this bitter sea. I will never forget your kindness!”
Mustering his courage, Jiang Ziya asked the figure, “Who are you? Why are you making waves here? What suffering is plaguing you? Tell me the whole story.”
“My name is Bai (3) Jian (4). I was a commander under the ancient sage king the Yellow Emperor. But when we fought against his nemesis, I was struck by a missile and sent to the bottom of the sea. I have not been reincarnated for a thousand years. I hope you can lift me out. Your kindness would be as immense as Mount Tai (4).”
“Ah, so you are Bai (3) Jian (4),” Jiang Ziya said. “By order of the Jade Emptiness Palace, you are to come with me to Western Qi and obey my instructions.”
He then raised his hand, and amid the sound of rolling thunder, he lifted Bai Jian out of the sea. Bai Jian bowed to offer his thanks, and Jiang Ziya was delighted. They then resumed their journey and traveled to the Western Qi Mountain.
As they approached the mountain, they suddenly felt a wild gale. Turns out this was the welcome wagon, consisting of the five demons that Jiang Ziya had tamed all the way back in episode 16. In exchange for sparing their lives, he had ordered them to come here to await the time when their services would be needed, and that time had come.
“Master, thank you for sparing our lives back in the capital,” the five demons shouted. “We have been waiting here. When we heard that you were coming this way, we came to welcome you.”
Jiang Ziya told them, “I am picking an auspicious date to begin construction of the Terrace of Creation. Bai Jian will supervise the work. When it’s finished, I will hang up a list. There will be a special purpose for this.”
He then told Bai Jian, “Stay here and supervise the work. Once the terrace is built, I will come hang up the list.”
With those assignments handed out, Jiang Ziya returned to the Zhou capital and went to his residence. He was greeted by Nezha and Wu (3) Ji (2), the woodcutter that he had taken in as a disciple some time back. They told him that Zhang Guifang had not come back to challenge for battle while he was gone. Jiang Ziya then went to court to see Ji Fa, the Martial King.
“Minister Father, how did things turn out on your trip to Kunlun Mountain?” Ji Fa asked.
So, while Jiang Ziya picked up a side quest from his master on his trip, he didn’t actually accomplish much toward the reason that brought him to Kunlun Mountain in the first place — to try to find some help to repel the Shang attack. So he just kind of mumbled his way through and said oh you know, it went ok.
“Minister Father, you have labored hard for me,” Ji Fa said. “It makes me feel bad.”
“It’s what I should do for the state; I have no complaints,” Jiang Ziya replied.
Ji Fa then offered him wine, and Jiang Ziya drank a few cups and then thanked the king and returned home. The next day, he assembled the officers and started handing out orders.
Meanwhile, outside the capital, the Shang commander Zhang Guifang had been recovering in his tent and waiting for reinforcements after having his arm broken by Nezha. Around 9 p.m. that night, he suddenly heard a loud explosive, followed by earth-shattering roars of battle. He hurriedly donned his armor and hopped on his horse. His vanguard general, Feng (4) Lin (2), did likewise. When they rode out of camp, they saw that they were surrounded by enemy forces whose torches lit up the night sky.
At the camp gate, Nezha was flying back and forth on his wind and fire wheels, and wielding his fiery spear, cutting through Shang soldiers like a ferocious tiger. When Zhang Guifang saw that it was Nezha, he turned and fled without even trading a blow. Meanwhile, on the left side of the camp, Feng Lin saw Flying Tiger crashing into the camp atop his magic cow.
“You rebel scum! How dare you raid our camp?! You must want to die!” Feng Lin roared angrily as he galloped toward Flying Tiger, and the two began to scrum.
While this was going on, on the right flank of the camp, the Zhou generals Xin (1) Jia (3) and Xin (1) Mian (3) led a strike force and charged in without any resistance. They wreaked havoc and fought their way to the back of the camp, where they found their captured comrades Zhou Ji (2) and Nangong Kuo in prisoner carts. They freed the two, and they quickly got their hands on some weapons and joined in the fun, turning the camp into a killing field. Soon, the ground was littered with the dead, while blood flowed in rivers. As Zhang Guifang fled, so did his men, who left everything behind and trampled each other as they ran, leaving countless dead in their wake. Satisfied with the night’s events, Jiang Ziya called back his troops and they celebrated raucously.
After fleeing through the night, Zhang Guifang fell back to Western Qi Mountain and collected the remnants of his troops. He then huddled with Feng Lin to discuss what to do.
“I had never lost since taking command,” Zhang Guifang lamented. “And yet today, I have lost so many troops. It’s most displeasing.”
He now sent an urgent dispatch to the capital, asking for reinforcements on the double. When the letter reached the capital, Grand Tutor Wen Zhong (4) was meeting with his officers. When he read the letter, Wen Zhong was shocked.
“Zhang Guifang failed to achieve victory in Western Qi and instead suffered great losses,” he said. “I must personally lead a campaign to the west. And yet, we haven’t been able to pacify the rebels in the East and South, and now there are numerous bandits springing up everywhere. What should I do? I want to go west, but then who would hold things together here? And yet, if I don’t go, we won’t be able to win in the West.”
His disciple Ji (2) Li (4) said, “Master, there is no one else at court, so how can you personally lead a campaign? Why not go ask a few of your Daoist friends to go help Zhang Guifang. That should take care of things. There’s no need for you to exert yourself and damage your health.”
That suggestion made Wen Zhong think of some of his friends, and he clapped and laughed, saying, “I’ve been so busy with work that I have forgotten about my Daoist friends. Thanks to your advice, I can see things clearly now.”
He then told Ji (2) Li (4), “ Tell the officers that there’s no need for them to come see me for the next three days. You and your fellow disciple Yu (2) Qing (4) will handle matters here for the next couple days while I’m gone.”
Wen Zhong then hopped on his ride, the Black Qilin (2,2), a magical lion-deer-dragon hybrid creature and hung his weapon — two golden staffs — from his saddle. He then patted the Qilin on its horns, and the creature took to the air at great speed. Before long, he had arrived at Nine Dragons Island in the West Sea. He landed in front of a cliff, where sat the entrance to a cave. The entrance was surrounded by exotic plants and ancient cypress trees. It looked like the abode of immortals.
Momentarily, a young acolyte came out from the cave, and Wen Zhong asked, “Are your masters home?”
“They are inside playing chess,” the boy said.
“Please tell them that Grand Tutor Wen from the Shang capital is here to pay them a visit.”
The boy went inside to relay the message, and momentarily, four Daoists emerged, laughed, and said, “Brother Wen, what brought you here?”
Wen Zhong also greeted them with a big smile. They went inside and exchanged formal greetings, and then sat down on cushions.
“Brother Wen, what are you doing here?” the four Daoists asked.
“I came specifically to pay you all a visit.”
“We have been hiding away from the world on this remote island. What made you come all this way?”
“I have received the kindness of the state and the trust of my late king,” Wen Zhong explained. “I am the top minister and oversee the important affairs of the court. Right now, in Western Qi, the Martial King’s subordinate Jiang Ziya, who is a disciple of the Chan sect on Kunlun Mountain, has been using his powers to bully me and helping Ji Fa rebel. I sent Zhang Guifang to attack them, but he could not win. And there’s chaos in the South and East as well, with nobles causing trouble. I want to go attack the West, but am afraid that would leave the kingdom unattended. I had no other options except to come here in shame to beg you all to help me by supporting the weak against strong and brutal foes. It would be my great fortune.”
The leader of the four Daoists quickly said, “Brother Wen, since you have come to ask for help, I will definitely go help Zhang Guifang, and this issue will be resolved for sure.”
The second of the Daoists chimed in and said, “If you’re going, all four of us are going. How can the rest of us stay behind while you go help out Brother Wen?”
Wen Zhong was ecstatic and said, “Thank you all for your great kindness! Please come without delay!”
“I will tell our acolyte to send our mounts ahead to Qi Mountain, and the four of us will be right behind,” the leader of the Daoists said. Wen Zhong then took his leave and rushed back to the Shang capital.
So, let’s introduce these four Daoists. Their leader was named Wang (2) Mo (1), and the other three were Yang (2) Sen (1), Gao (1) Youqian (3,2), and Li (3) Xingba (4,4). When they fast-traveled to the capital, their strange appearances gave all the residents quite a fright. Wang Mo wore a long scarf and gray robe. His face was as round as the full moon. Yang Sen (1) wore a monk’s ring around his head and a purple robe. His face was as black as the bottom of a wok, while his beard was as red as cinnabar and his eyebrows were yellow. Gao Youqian (3,2) wore his red hair in two coils and was dressed in a scarlet robe. His face was indigo, and tusks protruded from his upper and lower jaws. Li Xingba (4,4) wore a fishtail gold coronet and a light yellow robe. His face was as dark as a dried date, and he had a long beard. They were all very tall and they swaggered through the streets as the onlookers gawked.
“Where is Grand Tutor Wen’s residence?” Wang Mo (1) asked the civilians. A few among them mustered the courage to reply and pointed them in the right direction. When they arrived, Wen Zhong welcomed them in and threw a banquet in their honor.
The next day, Wen Zhong went to court and told King Zhou, “I have recruited four Daoists from Nine Dragon Island to go to Western Qi to defeat Ji Fa.”
“Why don’t you invite them here so I can meet them?” King Zhou asked.
So Wen Zhong summoned his friends, and when they came in, King Zhou was scared out of his mind by their vicious appearances. He then issued a decree for Wen Zhong to treat them to a feast in the king’s name, while the king himself retired to his palace.
After they drank a few cups, Wang Mo said to Wen Zhong, “Brother, wait till we come back in victory. And then we can drink some more. We must be off.”
And so the four Daoists took their leave, and Wen Zhong saw them out of the city. The Daoists then fast-traveled via the water element to Wester Qi Mountain. They arrived within moments and went to Zhang Guifang’s camp. Zhang Guifang and his vanguard general Feng Lin came out to welcome them. Wang Mo noticed that they were both injured and asked about it. Feng Lin then relayed how Nezha had broken both of their arms.
“Let me take a look,” Wang Mo said. He then studied the injury and said, “Ah, you were hit by the Universal Ring.” He then took out a pill, chewed it up, and smeared it on Feng Lin’s injured arm, and momentarily, the injuries were healed. Zhang Guifang quickly asked for the treatment as well, and Wang Mo did likewise with him and healed his injury.
Wang Mo now asked where Jiang Ziya was, and Zhang Guifang told him that they were about 25 miles from the Zhou capital.
“Then hurry up and march your troops there,” Wang Mo said. So Zhang Guifang did as he said and led his army charging back toward the Zhou capital city of Western Qi. When they arrived, they pitched camp out by the east gate.
Jiang Ziya was discussing military affairs with his officers when he got news that the enemy had returned. He told his men, “Zhang Guifang must have gotten reinforcements. We must all be careful.”
Outside the city, Wang Mo told Zhang Guifang, “Tomorrow, you go out to the front line and demand to speak with Jiang Ziya. We will hide under the banners. When he comes out, we’ll take care of him.”
His fellow Daoist Yang Sen (1) added, “Zhang Guifang, Feng Lin, you should put these charms on your saddles. You’ll know why.”
The two generals did as they were told, and the next day, Zhang Guifang rode out in full armor to the foot of the city and demanded to speak with Jiang Ziya. When Jiang Ziya got the news, he figured they could handle Zhang Guifang, so he led his troops outside the city.
Situated under the main canopy, Jiang Ziya rode on a blue-maned horse and carried a sword in his hand. When Zhang Guifang rode out, Jiang Ziya said, “I’ve already beaten you, so what are you doing back here again?”
“Victory and defeat are common occurrences in war; there’s nothing to be ashamed of,” Zhang Guifang shot back. “Today is not like before. Don’t you underestimate me!”
Before he finished talking, drums started to roll behind him, and where the banners parted, the four Daoists rode out on their mounts. But these were no horses. Wang Mo rode on a monster that looked like a cross between a tiger and a dragon. Yang Sen rode on a lion. Gao Youqian was seated atop a spotted leopard, and Li Xingba rode on a creature that had a single horn and multiple tails.
As soon as they charged out from the lines, Jiang Ziya and almost all of his officers fell off their horses. Their horses were not accustomed to seeing such ferocious creatures and were so scared that they literally became weak-kneed and sent their riders off their backs. The only officers still upright on the Zhou side were Nezha, who was standing on his wheels, and Flying Tiger, who was riding a magical creature himself in his multicolor cow. On the other side, the Shang army’s horses were protected by the charms that the Daoists had distributed.
Seeing Jiang Ziya look all disheveled after his fall, the four Daoists couldn’t stop laughing and shouted, “No rush! Take your time getting up!”
Jiang Ziya got to his feet, straightened up his clothing, and took a closer look at his foes. He saw four Daoists with vicious countenances, with faces that were blue, white, red, and black, and all riding atop strange beasts.
Jiang Ziya now bowed slightly and said, “Daoist brothers, which famous mountain and cave do you hail from? What business do you have here?”
Wang Mo replied, “Jiang Ziya, we are Wang Mo, Yang Sen, Gao Youqian, and Li Xingba from Nine Dragon Island. You and we are all Daoists. We are here on Grand Tutor Wen’s request. We have come for no other purpose than to help you lift this siege. I wonder if you can agree to three requests?”
“Daoist brother, please go on,” Jiang Ziya said. “I’m sure we can agree to however many requests you have. Just tell me.”
“First, the Martial King must declare himself a vassal of the Shang,” Wang Mo said.
“Brother, you’re mistaken,” Jiang Ziya said. “My lord, the Martial King, would be a vassal of the Shang even in death. He has always obeyed the laws and has never disrespected the king. So why would we not agree to that?”
Oh ok. Well, that was easy. Wang Mo now said, “Second, open your storehouses and reward our troops. And third, send Flying Tiger out so Zhang Guifang can take him back to the capital. What do you say to that?”
“Brother, I understand your conditions. Please allow me to go back to the city, and you will have my answer in three days, which you can bring back to the Shang capital.”
And with that, they exchanged greetings and bid each other good day. Well, that was a rather civil exchange. When Jiang Ziya returned to the city, he sat down in his office, and Flying Tiger came in, kneeled and said, “Prime minister, please send me and my sons to Zhang Guifang’s camp, so that we don’t burden the Martial King.”
Jiang Ziya hurriedly helped him up and said, “General Huang, I only agreed to consider their three conditions as a stall tactic. That was all. They were riding strange beasts, and our officers all fell off their horses before the fight even began. Our confidence was shaken, so I used the opportunity to stall and figure out our next move.”
Once all the officers took their leave, Jiang Ziya bathed and changed. He told Wu (3) Ji (2) and Nezha to watch over things, and then he fast-traveled via the earth element to Kunlun Mountain yet again. Once again, he went to the Jade Emptiness Palace, waited outside until the White Crane Acolyte came out, and asked him to relay to Heavenly Primogenitor that Jiang Ziya was back.
Heavenly Primogenitor summoned him in, and Jiang Ziya went in and kneeled. His master then said, “The four Daoists of Nine Dragon Island are attacking you. You don’t recognize their mounts. Those beasts were born in ancient times, when all wild beasts made obeisance to heaven. Though they were all born of the same dragon, they are different in appearance and nature. White Crane Acolyte, go to the stable in the peach garden and bring my ride here.”
The acolyte went off and soon returned with a creature called Four Not-Like, so named because it had the body parts of four animals: the head of a Qilin, the mythical lion-dragon-deer hybrid; the tail of a wolf; the body of a dragon; and hooves like a deer.
Heavenly Primogenitor told Jiang Ziya, “On account of the 40 years you have spent cultivating your Dao, and the fact that you are carrying out a mission for me, I will give you this beast as your mount. You may ride it back to Western Qi to counter your opponents’ strange beasts.”
He then asked the Immortal of the South Pole to bring out a wooden staff. It was about three-and-a-half feet long and had 21 joints. This was called the God-Beating Staff. Jiang Ziya kneeled and received the staff and then bowed again and said, “Master, I hope you will show compassion.”
“Go to the North Sea, and someone will be waiting there for you,” Heavenly Primogenitor said. “Take this magic flag to protect yourself. There is a note hidden within it. Don’t read the note until things get dire, and then all will be fine.”
Jiang Ziya kowtowed and took his leave, and Immortal of the South Pole saw him out to Unicorn Cliff. Jiang Ziya now mounted his new ride, the Four-Not-Like. He gave its horn a tap, and it immediately took the air toward Western Qi, leaving a streak of red light and the sound of its bells jingling.
In the middle of the journey, the Four-Not-Like descended onto a mountain near an island on the sea. It was a scenic mountain with ancient trees and exotic plants. And you could hear the sound of birds and the waves. As Jiang Ziya was taking in the view, he suddenly saw a strange cloud rise up from the foot of the mountain, carrying with it a strong wind. Amid the cloud and wind, he saw a strange creature. It had the head of a camel, the neck of a goose, the body of a fish, a beard like a shrimp, hands like the talons of a hawk, and a single foot like that of a tiger.
The sight of this ungainly creature scared Jiang Ziya so much that he was covered with cold sweat. The creature now shouted, “If I can eat a piece of Jiang Ziya’s flesh, I can live for an extra thousand years!”
“What? It wants to eat me?” Jiang Ziya thought to himself.
That creature now leaped over to him and said, “Jiang Ziya, I want to eat you!”
“But I haven’t done anything to you; why do you want to eat me?” Jiang Ziya asked.
“You can’t talk your way out of it!” the creature snarled.
But now, Jiang Ziya unfurled the yellow flag that his master had given him and read the note inside, and went ahhh. He now said, “You demon! Looks like I can’t avoid being eaten by you. If you can pick up this flag, then I’ll let you eat me. But if you can’t pick it up, then no dice.”
He then stuck the flag into the ground. It was about 2 feet tall, and the creature now grabbed it and pulled, but no matter how hard it tugged, the flag would not budge out of the ground. The creature now gripped it at the base of the pole and pulled with all its might, but it still won’t move.
Suddenly, Jiang Ziya raised his hand toward the sky and summoned a clash of thunder. The sound of thunder startled the creature and it tried to let go of the flag, but lo and behold, his hands were now stuck to the flagpole.
“You damn demon! Eat my sword!” Jiang Ziya shouted.
The creature now yelled, “Great immortal, please spare me! I didn’t realize the scope of your powers! It was all Shen (1) Gongbao’s (1,4) fault!”
That name made Jiang Ziya pause. “What does Shen Gongbao have to do with you wanting to eat me?” he asked.
“Great immortal, my name is Dragon Beard Tiger. I was born during the time of the ancient sage kings. I have absorbed the ether of heaven and earth and soaked up the essence of yin and yang, which have made me eternal. A few days ago, Shen Gongbao came by and told me, ‘Jiang Ziya will be passing by on this day. If you eat a piece of his flesh, you would add 10,000 years to your life.’ I was momentarily fooled into such recklessness and offended you. I didn’t realize you had such great powers. Compassion has always been the way of the Dao. Please take pity on the millenia I’ve spent cultivating my Dao. If you can spare me, I will be eternally grateful.”
Ok, so yeah Shen Gongbao was up to no good again. But if this Dragon Beard Tiger was already eternal, why would he care about adding 10,000 years to his life by cannibalizing Jiang Ziya? It doesn’t really make sense, but whatever. Jiang Ziya now said, “If you would become my disciple, then I will spare you.”
Dragon Beard Tiger immediately agreed, and Jiang Ziya told him to close his eyes. The creature did so, and then he heard the clash of thunder again. And suddenly, his hands were free. He immediately kowtowed and became Jiang Ziya’s disciple.
“Have you learned any Daoist skills in the time you’ve been here?” Jiang Ziya asked.
“I am skilled at throwing rocks. I can hurl boulders the size of millstones like a plague of locusts or a thunderstorm. It’s enough to cover the sky with dust.”
Jiang Ziyua was delighted and thought to himself, “If we have him, we can succeed in battle anywhere!”
So he brought Dragon Beard Tiger with him back to Western Qi. When they walked into Jiang Ziya’s office, all the officers came to greet them and were stunned by the sight of Dragon Beard Tiger.
“Prime Minister Jiang has brought back an evil creature!” they thought to themselves.
Jiang Ziya, though, laughed and introduced Dragon Beard Tiger as his new disciple. He then asked for an update, and Wu Ji (2) told him that there had been no movement from the enemy. And Jiang Ziya now prepared to wage war again. To see how this fight will go, tune in to the next episode of the Chinese Lore Podcast. Thanks for listening!
Music in This Episode
- “Sao Meo” by Doug Maxwell / Zac Zinger
- “Dark Toys” by SYBS (from YouTube audio library)
- “Ravines” by Elphnt (from YouTube audio library)