Gods 030: Daddy Issues
Flying Tiger faces his most daunting foe yet on his flight West: his father.
Transcript
Welcome to the Chinese Lore Podcast, where I retell classic Chinese stories in English. This is episode 30 of Investiture of the Gods.
Last time, Flying Tiger and company ran into trouble at one of the checkpoints on their flight west. He ended up getting killed in battle, but then his long-lost son showed up, worked a little Daoist magic, brought him back to life, and killed the enemy general who had killed him, before heading off again. So now Flying Tiger and his entourage were heading toward the next checkpoint on their journey, Cloud Piercing Pass. And the commander of this checkpoint was named Chen Wu (2), and he just so happened to be the brother of the enemy general that Flying Tiger’s son had killed. Needless to say, Chen Wu was a little pissed off, and he was getting ready to round up his army and settle the score.
But then one of his officers told him, “Don’t be rash. Flying Tiger has the valor to match an army, and his followers are skilled warriors. We are outnumbered and overmatched. Valiant as your brother was, he still met his end. Listen to me. We must use guile. If we meet them head on, we will likely lose, or worse.”
“Your words are reasonable. Do you have a plan?” Chen Wu asked.
The officer whispered a few words in his ear, and Chen Wu was delighted.
Momentarily, scouts reported that Flying Tiger and company were approaching the pass. Chen Wu immediately led his officers out to meet them. As the two sides come upon each other, Flying Tiger saw that Chen Wu and his men had neither weapons nor armor. Instead, Chen Wu bowed from the saddle and said, “My lord, greetings.”
Flying Tiger returned the greeting and said, “I offended the court and have been forced to flee. Thank you for your hospitality and immense virtue! Unfortunately, your younger brother was blocking my way and we came to blows, and he was killed. If you can take pity on account of the injustice I have suffered and allow me to pass, I will never dare to forget your great kindness.”
Chen Wu replied, “I know you and your family have been loyal servants of the state for generations. Today, it is the lord who has wronged his vassal, so the crime does not lie with you. My brother Chen Tong didn’t know any better and tried to stop you. He was going against heaven’s will and deserved to die. I have prepared a meal. Please pause for a moment and accept my sincerity.”
Hearing this, one of Flying Tiger’s generals, Huang (2) Ming (2), sighed and said, “Even among children from the same womb, some are smart and some are dumb. Even among fruits from the same tree, some are sour and some are sweet. Judging from his actions, General Chen is far superior to his brother.”
So Flying Tiger’s whole entourage dismounted, and so did Chen Wu, and they all went to his residence and sat down. Chen Wu ordered the banquet be laid out, and Flying Tiger thanked him profusely once again. When they were done with the meal, Flying Tiger got up and said to Chen Wu, “General, may I trouble you to open the gates and let us through. I will never forget your kindness.”
Chen Wu smiled, bowed, and said, “I know you are heading to Western Qi to serve a wise lord. If we meet again in the future, I will help you again. Please stay and share a cup of wine with me. Don’t be suspicious. I have no ulterior motive.”
Flying Tiger was apparently not aware that when someone tells you they have no ulterior motives, they always have an ulterior motive. So he agreed to stay a while longer, and Chen Wu laid out a banquet. They drank and chatted, and before you knew it, the sun was setting in the west. Flying Tiger now got up to try to take his leave again, but Chen Wu said, “No worries, my lord. I know you have had a hard journey and must be tired. It’s late. Please stay at my humble abode tonight, and leave first thing in the morning. I have no ulterior motives.”
Flying Tiger thought to himself, “He seems sincere, but this is not a place where we can spend the night.”
But then his general Huang Ming chimed in and said, “Brother, since General Chen is so sincere, there’s no harm in waiting till morning to hit the road.”
So Flying Tiger consented, much to Chen Wu’s delight. “I should share a few more cups with you, but I worry that you are fatigued from recent days, so I dare not impose. Please rest. I will take my leave and see you off tomorrow morning.”
Flying Tiger thanked him and saw him off. He then ordered his men to bring their carriages inside the compound. They lit candles, and everyone went to sleep. They were indeed exhausted from their journey and soon everybody was passed out.
All, that is, except Flying Tiger. He alone sat up in the parlor, his mind reliving all that has happened in the last few days. He let out a long sigh and said, “Oh heaven! My family has been servants of the Shang court for seven generations. Who knew that we would become criminals today. All I have is my loyal heart; you can bear witness to that. It’s just that that degenerate king killed my wife and sister! Oh heaven, if we can find refuge and borrow an army in Western Qi, I swear I will wage war on that wicked tyrant.”
Before he knew it, 9 p.m. had rolled around. And then midnight came and went, and he still couldn’t fall asleep.
“Why can’t I sleep tonight?” he wondered. As he tossed and turned, he started getting sweaty. Just then, he heard a wind blow through the room. I t made his hair stand up on end and turned his hot sweat into cold sweat., As wind drew near, he saw a hand reach out and put out the candle, and he heard a voice crying out to him. It said, “My lord, I am no demon. I am your wife, Lady Jia (3). I have followed you all this way. You are in big trouble. Disaster is pending. Hurry up and wake your brothers. And take care of my three motherless children. Now get up! I’m going!”
Just then, Flying Tiger startled awake and saw that the candle was burning like it did before. He smacked the desk and shouted for everyone to get up. His men got their feet and asked him what was going on. He told them that the ghost of his dead wife just came to him with a warning, and one of his younger brothers, Huang Feibiao (1,1), said, “It’s better to be safe than sorry.” So they all prepared to leave right away.
There was just one problem. When the general Huang (2) Ming (2) walked over to the front door and tried to open it, he found that it had been chained and locked from the outside. Ah crap.
Two other generals grabbed their axes and chopped the door down. And there, they saw piles of firewood stacked densely all around the front of the house. The whole party left the compound and made a beeline for the gates of the pass.
No sooner had they left the house did the pass commander Chen Wu (2) show up with his own entourage, all carrying torches. But scouts told them that they were a step late. Chen Wu was pissed and told his men to give chase at once.
It didn’t take long for them to catch up to Flying Tiger’s party. Flying Tiger shouted, “Chen Wu, yesterday your sincerity flowed like water. What wrong have I done to you that you must act so dishonorably?”
Uhh, dude, you killed his brother not even two days ago, remember? Chen Wu now cursed back, “Rebel scum! I was hoping to root out your entire clan. Who knew you would be so shrewd. But even so, there’s no escape!”
He now rode straight for the general Huang Ming with spear raised. Huang Ming hoisted his battle ax to counter, and the two sides started to scrum. Flying Tiger now joined the fight against Chen Wu, and before long, Flying Tiger let out a mighty roar and pierced Chen Wu through the chest with his spear, picking him off his horse. Flying Tiger’s men now made a mess of things inside the pass, crashed through the gates, and made their way through Cloud-Piercing Pass.
As the sky lightened, Flying Tiger and his party were continuing their westward flight. Next up was another checkpoint, Border Tablet Pass, but Flying Tiger was feeling good about this. “We won’t have to fight anymore,” he told his group. “That checkpoint is commanded by my father.”
And so, they picked up the pace, and 30 miles later, Border Tablet Pass came into view. And they saw a welcoming party waiting for them, spread out in a line across the road, 3,000 strong, armed to the teeth and displaying 10 empty prisoner carts. Hmm, this is a funny looking welcome wagon.
So, the commander of Border Tablet Pass was Huang Gun (3), Flying Tiger’s own father. But when Huang Gun got word that his son had rebelled and that he had killed officers and soldiers on his flight through the previous checkpoints, Huang Gun was irate. And when scouts told him that his sons were approaching, he immediately led his army out.
On the other side, the general Huang Ming said to Flying Tiger, “I have a bad feeling about this.” But another general, Long (2) Huan (2), said, “Let’s go meet his lordship first and see how he acts.”
So Flying Tiger and a few of his men rode forward, and Flying Tiger bowed from his saddle and said, “Father, pardon your unfilial son for not kowtowing.”
“Who the hell are you?!” Huang Gun asked.
“Uhh, dad, it’s me, Flying Tiger, your eldest son? Why are you asking?”
Huang Gun now roared, “My family has received the king’s kindness for seven generations. We are part of the Shang’s royal house. There are only loyal and filial men in our clan, never anyone wicked or treasonous. In our house, no man ever breaks the law, and no woman ever remarries. Yet today, for the sake of a woman, you have turned on your lord’s kindness and abandoned not only your own position, but that of all our ancestors. You have violated the precepts of humanity and forgotten the country’s kindness to our family. You betrayed your lord in search of profit, rebelled for no reason, killed the state’s officers, stormed through the king’s checkpoints, pillaged and looted, and put civilians in harm’s way. You have brought shame to your ancestors and made your father ashamed to face the world. One must above all be loyal to his king and filial to his father. You animal! You have squandered your rank of nobility and dragged your father down with you! Alive, you should be ashamed to exist under heaven. Dead, you are an insult to your ancestors. How dare you face me?!”
That scolding from his father rendered Flying Tiger speechless. Huang Gun now said, “You animal! Do you want to be a loyal official and a filial son?!”
“What do you mean, father?” Flying Tiger asked.
“If you want to be a loyal official and filial son, then surrender right now. I will take you back to the capital. On account of my arresting my own son, the king will not harm me. I get to live, and you get to die as an official of the Shang, and I would still have had a filial son. If you don’t want to be a loyal official and filial son, then you’re halfway there. You have already rebelled and cast your king aside. So you’re already disloyal. You might as well run me through with your spear. I figure you would go to Western Qi. Kill me, and you can do whatever the hell you want, and I won’t have to see it or hear it. I’ll be dead and at peace, and you will be happy. At least it would spare me from having to be paraded through the streets in chains in my old age and be executed in public, with everyone pointing at me and saying, ‘He ended up like this because his son rebelled.”
So this master class in parental guilt-tripping was having its effect. Flying Tiger could not bear it. He shouted, “Father, you don’t need to say any more! Arrest me now and take me to the capital!”
Just as Flying Tiger was about to dismount from his cow and surrender, his general Huang Ming was like, what the hell are you doing?! “Brother, you must not surrender!” Huang Ming shouted. “King Zhou is an unjust lord who has lost his way. He thinks nothing of our loyalty. As the old saying goes, ‘When the lord treats the vassal with courtesy, the vassal serves the lord with loyalty.’ But since the king is unjust and unrest is everywhere, how can the vassal still serve him? How much hardship have we endured on this journey? We barely made it here alive. How can you throw away your life on mere words from your father? That would be a most pitiable death, and you will not be able to explain your grievances to the world!”
That gave Flying Tiger pause, and he remained in his saddle. Seeing this, Huang Gun now turned his vitriol against Huang Ming. “You scoundrels. I figure my son didn’t want to rebel. It must have been you lot! You unfilial, disloyal dishonorable, inhumane scoundrels must have talked him into it. And now, you dare to tell my son to disobey me in front of me? You’re pissing me off!”
As he spoke, Huang Gun rode straight for Huang Mind and took a swing with his saber. Huang Ming quickly parried the blow with his ax and said, “General, hear me. Flying Tiger is your son, and he’s got your grandsons here, too. So what are you doing arresting us? You’ve got the wrong notion. Even tigers would not eat their own cubs. The court has lost its way and all is in chaos. Unrest and rebellions are rising up everywhere, while heaven is sending ill omens. Your own daughter-in-law was humiliated by the king, and your daughter was thrown to her death by him. Those are most unjust deaths. Instead of avenging your family, you want to arrest your son? As the saying goes, ‘If the king is unjust, the vassal will seek out another state. If the father is uncaring, the son will oppose him.’ ”
That was NOT what Huang Gun needed to hear. “Rebel scum! How dare you mouth off? You’re pissing me off!” he scowled angrily as he took another swing at Hung Ming. Huang Ming blocked the blow again and shouted, “Old man, can’t you see the writing on the wall? How can you have been a commander all your life and not recognize which way the wind is blowing. And you just keep hacking at me. Have you not thought about the fact that my ax is blind? If I slip up and accidentally hurt you, it would destroy your reputation. How can I bear that offense?”
Huang Gun just got even angrier and again attacked Huang Ming. Seeing this, another general, Zhou (1) Ji (4), said, “My lord, pardon our offense today. It can’t be helped!” And he and two other generals now joined the fight as well.
Meanwhile, Flying Tiger was watching his four sworn brothers attack his father and thinking to himself, “How dare you scoundrels attack my father in front of me?”
Just then, though, Huang Ming shouted to him, “Brother, we’re keeping your father busy. What are you waiting for? Get the group through the pass!”
So Flying Tiger’s brothers and sons now crashed right through the pass. Seeing this, Huang Gun got so mad that he fell off his horse. And now, he played his trump card. He pulled out his sword and put it to his own neck, ready to spill his own blood in front of his son.
Seeing this, Huang Ming jumped off his own horse and put a bear hug on Huang Gun, shouting, “My lord, there’s no need for this!”
Huang Gun glowered at him and cursed, “You ignorant bandit! You’ve already let my no-good sons escape. How dare you stop me back now?”
“My lord, the injustice we have suffered is too hard to explain quickly,” Huang Ming pleaded. “I can’t tell you how much crap I’ve already had to put up with from your son. He was the one who wanted to rebel, despite my repeated pleas to the contrary. He threatened to kill the four of us at every turn. We had no choice but to comply. We were thinking that when we get here and see you, we can come up with a scheme to arrest him and take him back to the capital so that we can wash ourselves clean of this mess. I was trying to wink at you, but you were so focused on your own speech that you didn’t see it. I was afraid that if the truth got out, things would get ugly.”
“So what’s your plan?” Huang Gun asked.
“General, hurry up and get on your horse. Go catch up with Flying Tiger and tell him, ‘Huang Ming convinced me that even a tiger would not eat its own cub. Come on back to the pass, and I’ll accompany you to Western Qi.”
“Oh listen to you,” Huang Gun scoffed. “Now you’re trying to talk me into going with you?”
“General, it’s a deception,” Huang Ming said. “It’s just so you can lure him back here. Then, while you’re treating him to dinner, the four of us can prepare some ropes and hooks. You just strike your cup as a signal, and we’ll swarm in, arrest your three sons and three grandsons, put them all in the prisoner carts, and take them to the capital. I just hope you will exercise your great compassion and help the four of us save our positions. We’d be eternally grateful!”
Upon hearing this, Huang Gun somehow managed to suspend his disbelief. He sighed and told Huang Ming, “Turns out you’re a good man.”
So Huang Gun got on his horse, and caught up to Flying Tiger. He shouted, “My son, Huang Ming talked some sense into me. After thinking it through, I have decided to go to Western Qi with you!”
Flying Tiger was like, that doesn’t sound like dad at all. And one of his younger brothers said, “This must be a trap that Huang Ming is setting. Let’s turn back and see what he has in mind, and then proceed accordingly.”
So the whole party turned around, went back into the pass, and paid their respects to Huang Gun. Huang Gun then had a meal served for them and kept encouraging them to drink. Meanwhile, Huang Ming was standing to the side. Seeing him there, Huang Gun tapped his gold wine cup. It made a ding. But Huang Ming remained standing.
Uhh, that was the signal, buddy. Huang Gun thought maybe Huang Ming didn’t hear it, so he dinged his cup again, and again, and again. And yet, Huang Ming just stood there as if he didn’t hear anything. After this went on for a bit, Huang Gun called Huang Ming over to his seat and whispered to him, “Why didn’t you make your move when I struck my cup?”
“General, we haven’t gathered enough men yet, so how can we make our move?” Huang Ming explained. “If they catch on and run away, that’d be trouble.”
While this was happening, two of Flying Tiger’s other generals, Long (2) Huan (2) and Wu (2) Qian (1), had secretly loaded all of Huang Gun’s valuables onto carts, on Huang Ming’s instructions. They then set the granary on fire and stormed out of the pass.
As soon as word of this got back to Huang Gun, he rushed outside the pass and saw the debacle.
“I fell for those crooks’ scheme!” he lamented.
Huang Ming now said to him, “Old general, I’ll be straight with you: King Zhou (4) is unjust, while the Martial King is a compassionate and wise sage lord. We are going to borrow an army from him to seek revenge. If you want to come along, then do so. If you don’t, well then, your oversight allowed the granary to be burned, so your army is out of food. When this gets back to the capital, you will not be able to escape death. Why don’t you come join us and serve the Martial King together? That’s the best choice.”
Huang Gun thought it over for a long time before letting out a long sigh. “It’s not that I coddled my sons and was disloyal; it’s just that I can’t argue against them all. Alas, my family has been loyal servants for seven generations, and yet today, I have become a traitor!”
And with that, he kowtowed toward the Shang capital eight times and hung up his seal of authority in his parlor as a symbol of his resignation. He then rounded up 3,000 soldiers and about 1,000 bodyguards. They put out the fire and then left the pass, joining his sons on their flight west.
As the party traveled on, Huang Gun said to Huang Ming, “Look, I know you think you were helping my son, but you’ve actually doomed our entire family. The domain of Western Qi does lie beyond my pass, but 30 miles from here lies Sishui (4,3) Pass. The commander there is Han (2) Rong (2), and h e has an officer named Yu (2) Hua (4). He’s a sorcerer. Everyone calls him the Seven-Headed General. He is well-versed in Daoist magic and never loses a fight. He rides a fiery golden-eyed beast and wields a halberd. When we get there, we are all going to get captured for sure. If I had arrested you all and taken you back to the capital, then at least my life would be spared. But now, all will be destroyed. I must have been destined to suffer this calamity.”
As he spoke, he saw his 7-year-old grandson weeping on his horse, and Huang Gun felt a pang of sadness and couldn’t help but say to the child, “We were all dragged into this mess against our will. What crime did you commit, that you should suffer as well?”
And so Huang Gun just kept on moaning and groaning the whole way, probably making everybody regret asking him to come along. After what probably felt an interminable journey, they approached Sishui Pass and pitched camp.
Inside the pass, the commander Han Rong got word that Huang Gun had joined Flying Tiger in rebellion and that they were camped out in front of the pass. Han Rong thought to himself, “Old General Huang, you are a top commander. How can you follow your son into rebellion? This is most unbecoming.”
He then summoned all his officers and briefed them on the situation. He then sent forces to go keep watch over the key passages.
Meanwhile, in Flying Tiger’s camp, Huang Gun sat in the main tent, and as his eyes glanced over at his sons and grandsons, he muttered, “Today everybody is lined up so immaculately. Who knows who among them will be missing tomorrow.”
Oh geez dad, do you really have to keep on like this? Everybody was quite frankly getting annoyed with this old man’s incessant prophecies of doom.
The next day, the enemy officer Yu (2) Hua (4) led an army out of the pass and challenged for battle. Huang Gun asked who would go meet him, and Flying Tiger promptly volunteered. So he rode out on his magic cow. Across the line, he saw a rather eccentric looking officer, who had a golden complexion and red hair, and a pair of strange eyes.
“Who goes there?” Yu Hua shouted across the field. When Flying Tiger introduced himself, Yu Hua said, “I had not had the pleasure of meeting your lordship. You are a vassal of the Shang. The court’s prosperity all stems from your family’s contributions. What made you so dissatisfied that you decided to commit treason?”
“General, it’s a long story and hard to explain,” Flying Tiger said. “Let’s just address the rules of propriety between lord and vassal. As the old saying goes, ‘If the lord treats the vassal with courtesy, the vassal serves the lord with loyalty.’ All the realm knows that King Zhou is unjust and are ashamed to be his vassals. And now he has acted unvirtuously and abandoned rules, customs, compassion, and honor. He cares not for his officials or his people. All the nobles of the land know that the ascendant kingdom of Zhou (1) possesses two-thirds of the realm. It’s clear that they have the favor of heaven. It’s not something mortals can effect. I only ask to be allowed passage through your checkpoint. I hope you will grant it. I would be most grateful.”
Yu Hua sighed and replied, “My lord, you’re mistaken. I am stationed here to defend this pass, and I must do my duty. If you had not rebelled, then obviously I would have come out to welcome you. But since you have rebelled, we are enemies. How can I let you through? How can you not understand that? Take my advice and surrender now. My commander and I will take you back to the capital for judgment. All the officials at court will naturally petition the king on your behalf. On account of your past service, your sentence might not be a foregone conclusion. But you can forget about being allowed through this pass.”
Welp, looks like Flying Tiger will have to do this the hard way, again. To see how this showdown will go, tune in to the next episode of the Chinese Lore Podcast. Thanks for listening!
Music in This Episode
- “Sao Meo” by Doug Maxwell / Zac Zinger
- “Ravines” by Elphnt (from YouTube audio library)
- “Desert City” by Kevin MacLeod is licensed under a Creative Commons Attribution license (Source: http://incompetech.com/music/royalty-free/index.html?isrc=USUAN1100536; Artist: http://incompetech.com/)