Gods 012: Sea of Trouble

A dragon king tells the neighbor’s punk kid to turn it down, with unforeseen consequences.

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Welcome to the Chinese Lore Podcast, where I retell classic Chinese stories in English. This is episode 12 of Investiture of the Gods. 

Last time, King Zhou realized he had stepped in it big time by torturing his queen to death. And he figured the best way to silence any grumblings would be to execute his four grand dukes. After much back and forth with his court ministers, he settled for Ned-Starking only two of them. A third, Ji Chang, the Grand Duke of the West, was imprisoned for a while before being allowed to go home. But before he could get far, the king was convinced by his sycophants officials to summon Ji Chang back to the capital for execution on account of some ominous divinations that Ji Chang had made about the fate of the dynasty and of the king. 

After more back and forth between the king and his court officials, this somehow turned into a debate over Ji Chang’s divination skills. So Ji Chang was ordered to predict something more immediate and maybe less incendiary than the downfall of a dynasty … and he promptly predicted that the royal ancestral temples would catch on fire at noon the next day. 

While everyone was holding their breath to see if that prediction would come true, King Zhou and his sycophants were busy rigging the test. On the advice of the sycophants, the king ordered the attendants at the ancestral temples to be extra careful and to put out all flames. They weren’t even allowed to light any incense. 

The next day, the veteran court officials who had pleaded for Ji Chang’s life gathered at the residence of their leader, Huang the Flying Tiger, to await news of Ji Chang’s prediction. When noon came, they did not see any flames coming out of the ancestral temples. They were just about to panic when suddenly, a huge thunder cracked across the sky, making the earth tremble. Within a minute, an attendant rushed in to tell them that the ancestral temples had indeed caught on fire.

Everyone rushed out of Flying Tiger’s residence to have a look, and sure enough, the ancestral temples were engulfed in dark smoke, with flames flashing like lightning, and the roar of the fire could be heard all throughout the city.

As he watched, Bi Gan the Second Minister sighed and said, “The ancestral temples are burning. The dynasty will not last long.”

When word of the fire reached the palace, King Zhou and his two sycophant officials were scared out of their minds. 

“Ji Chang’s divination came true!” the king said. “What should we do?”

The two sycophants, Fei Zhong and You (2) Hun (2), told him, “Ji Chang just got lucky. How can we allow him to return home?! If your highness is worried about the officials pushing back, then you just need to do this and this, and all will be ok in the realm. You’ll have no need to worry about the officials.”

“That’s great advice,” the king said.

Just then, the seven officials who had spoken up on Ji Chang’s behalf the previous day arrived at the palace. Bi Gan the Second Minister said, “The ancestral temples caught on fire, just as Ji Chang predicted. Please pardon him for speaking the truth.”

“Since his prediction came true, I will commute his death sentence,” King Zhou said. “But I cannot allow him to return home. He will stay in the town of Youli (2,3) for now. Once the land is at peace, only then will he be allowed to return home.”

That was good enough for the officials, so they gave their thanks and took their leave. At the palace gate, they told Ji Chang the king’s command, and he rejoiced, saying, “This is an immense kindness from the king. How would I ever dare to resist?”

Flying Tiger reassured him, “My lord, just stay there for a month or so. When we have an opportunity, we will lobby for the king to release you back to your land. We will not allow you to be kept here for long.”

So Ji Chang thanked the officials, and then bowed in the direction of the throne to thank the king. He then followed his escorts to the nearby town of Youli (2,3). His reputation was such that the residents of Youli were all kneeling on the side of the road with wine and sheep to welcome him. They all said, “To have such a sage living here is a boon to us all.” 

And as they welcomed Ji Chang into the town with nonstop cheers and music, the escorts sighed and said, “A sage’s heart is like the sun and the moon; it shines upon all the land. Judging by how the civilians are welcoming him, it’s obvious that Ji Chang is innocent.”

In any case, Ji Chang now took up residence slash house arrest in the town. He lived there peacefully, and all the people of the town tended to their professions diligently. Since he had plenty of spare time, he dedicated himself to deeper study of divinations. And the whole time, according to the book, he never harbored any ill will toward his king.

Somebody else, however, had plenty of ill will toward King Zhou. One day, an urgent military report arrived on Flying Tiger’s desk. It said that the new Grand Duke of the East, Jiang (1) Wenhuan (2,4), had risen up in rebellion since, oh yeah, the king had executed his father. Jiang Wenhuan was leading 400,000 troops and attacking the first major defensive stronghold on his path to the capital. Meanwhile, the new Grand Duke of the South, E (4) Shun (4), was doing the same with 200,000 troops from the South since, oh yeah, the king had also executed his father. And remember, all the marquises in a grand duke’s territory owe their allegiance to him. So, of the 800 marquises in the land, half of them were now in active rebellion. 

Flying Tiger lamented, “With those two regions in rebelion, the land is teetering on the brink of collapse. How can the civilians have any peace?” 

Despite his worries about the future of the dynasty, he was still a good soldier, so he hurriedly dispatched more forces to help shore up defenses.

So, the queen is dead. Two of the grand dukes are dead. Half the empire is in revolt. And the king is living in blissful and willful ignorance, partying everyday with a fox demon. So where should our narrative go next? Well, how about we hit pause and quickly go over the various schools of Daoism in this novel? And FYI, this part is not really laid out in the book, but I feel like we need to get into some of this to set the table for the rest of the story, because we are about to get knee-deep in Daoist priests, and it might be helpful to give you a general idea of who’s who and who belongs to which Daoist mafia family.

So, in the world of the novel, after the universe was created, the first immortal to come into existence was a being known as the Ancestor of the Great Balance. He then trained three disciples, who all became immortals. These three disciples are known as the Three Purities, and they are considered the three highest gods in the Daoist pantheon. Daoism considers them to be the pure manifestation of the Dao, or the Way, and the origin of all sentient beings. In the novel, they’re super-powerful Daoist masters. So let’s meet them.

The first purity is known by multiple names, among them are The Heavenly Lord of Dao and Its Virtue; as well as The Supreme Venerable Sovereign. But we know him as Laozi (2,3), who is, in the real world, considered the founder of Daoism.

The second purity is named the Heavenly Primogenitor, and he founded a sect of Daosim known as the Chan (2). Many of the Daoist masters we’ll meet in this novel belong to this sect. That includes three priests we have already met — Master of the Clouds, who unsuccessfully tried to rid the king of the fox demon; and Grand Completion and Pure Essence, the two guys who rescued the two princes from their executions. They were among the Heavenly Primogenitor’s first 12 disciples, all of whom had become powerful practitioners of the Dao.

The third purity is known as The Grandmaster of Heaven, and he created a Daoist sect known as the Jie (2). Now, my impression from the novel is that the Chan (2) sect of Daoism was a relatively selective school, while the Jie (2) sect seemed more like a big-tent kind of school that welcomed humans, creatures, and inanimate objects alike. It’s the largest clan in the novel.

Now, outside of this three-headed monster of Daoism, we’ll also meet some free agents, as it were — guys who are immortals but don’t necessarily belong to any of these sects. As battle lines get drawn, we’ll see alliances between various parties across this landscape.

Alright, that’s enough table-setting for now. As I go along, I will try to note which character belongs to which sect and try to help you keep them all straight.

So, after laying that groundwork, I am, of course, going to pick up the story not with any Daoist priests, but with a government official. We’re skipping over to Chentang (2,2) Pass. This is a fictional place located to the south of the Shang capital. It’s a defensive outpost overseen by an officer named Li (3) Jing (4). This Li Jing began studying Daoism from his youth, and at one point, he became a disciple of the Woe Evading Sage on the Western Kunlun (1,2) Mountain. He is actually the second disciple of the Woe Evading Sage that we have met, the first one being Zheng (4) Lun (2), the provisions officer from Jizhou (4,1) who could capture people’s souls by shooting beams of light out of his nose. And this Woe Evading Sage, by the way, is one of those free agents on the Daoist scene that I just mentioned. He doesn’t belong to any of the sects, but he was definitely a powerful and venerable figure who had a number of disciples of his own.

So Li Jing studied Daoism under the Woe Evading Sage for a while, and he picked up a few Daoist magic tricks, such as the ability to travel quickly by riding on the five elements — wood, fire, earth, gold, and water. But the path to immortality proved to be too hard. Seeing that Li Jing was not destined for immortality, the Woe Evading Sage told him to leave the mountain and go into industry, aka government service, and reap all the wealth and rewards that came with it. So Li Jing became an officer for the Shang and was assigned to oversee Chentang (2,2) Pass. 

As we meet him, Li Jing was father to two sons, with a third kid on the way. There was just one hiccup: His wife’s latest pregnancy had already lasted three years and six months, and still there was no sign of labor. 

This extended wait was quite irksome to Li Jing. One day, he pointed to her belly and said, “This pregnancy has lasted three-plus years. This child must be a demon of some sort.”

His wife was also annoyed, probably because she was, you know, the one who actually had to deal with being pregnant for three-plus years. “This pregnancy is not a good omen,” she told her husband. “It makes me worry day and night.” And that did not improve Li Jing’s mood.

That night, around midnight, Li Jing’s wife was sound asleep when suddenly, she was roused by a Daoist priest who had his hair tied up in two buns and wore a Daoist robe. The priest had casually strolled into her room.

“Don’t you know any better?” she scolded the priest. “This is my private chamber; how can you storm in here? How despicable!”

The priest, however, just said, “Madame, hurry and receive this excellent child!”

Before Li Jing’s wife could answer, the priest had shoved something into her arms. In that moment, she startled awake and found herself covered with cold sweat. She quickly woke her husband and told him about her dream. But before she finished speaking, she suddenly felt pain in her belly. Could it be?

Seeing that his wife might be going into labor, Li Jing sprang into action. He hurriedly got up … and left the room. He sat down in the main parlor and waited while his wife did whatever women did during labor. 

As he sat pondering whether this was a good omen or not, Li Jing was interrupted by two attendants who rushed out from the inner quarters and told him, “Your lordship, the lady has given birth to a demon!”

Li Jing rushed into the bedroom with sword in hand. He was greeted with a room filled with a red light and a strange fragrance. But on the floor, he saw a ball of flesh rolling around. Shocked, he brought his sword down on the ball. With a loud sound, the ball split in two, and out sprang a baby boy. Amid the red light, Li Jing saw that the baby had a white, beautiful face. On his right wrist, he wore a gold bracelet. And his belly was covered by a piece of red silk that shined with golden light.

Uhh … what the heck?!

Now, Li Jing was understandably freaked out by what just transpired. But he stepped forward and took the baby into his arms. He was immediately enchanted with the child and could not bear to kill him as if he were a demon. When he showed the baby to his wife, she too fell in love with the boy.

The next morning, many of Li Jing’s officials came to offer their congratulations. No sooner had they departed did one of his officers come in and say, “My lord, there is a Daoist priest outside to see you.”

Having spent a lot of time studying Daoism, Li Jing was naturally inclined to receive a fellow practitioner. So he invited the priest in and offered him a seat, which the priest promptly took.

“Master, may I ask which famous mountain and which cave do you hail from? And what brings you here?” Li Jing asked.

The priest replied, “I am the Fairy Primordial from the Golden Light Cave on Qianyuan (2,2) Mountain. I heard that you just had a son, so I came to offer my congratulations. May I have a glimpse of your child?”

Li Jing told his attendants to bring out the baby. The priest held the boy in his arms, took a look, and asked, “What time was this child born?”

“About 2 a.m. last night.”

“Oh, that’s not good,” the priest said.

“Do you mean this child won’t live long?” a worried Li Jing asked.

“It’s not that,” the Fairy Primordial replied. “His hour of birth means he is destined to break the prohibition on killing.”

And then, the priest asked, “Does he have a name yet?”

When Li Jing said not yet, the priest asked, “Will you allow me to give him a name and take him in as a disciple?”

Li Jing consented, and the Fairy Primordial asked, “How many sons do you have?”

“I have three. The eldest is named Jinzha, and he is a disciple under Master Wenzhu (2,1) on Five Dragon Mountain. My second son is named Muzha, and his master is Immortal Universal Virtue on the Nine Palace Mountain. Master, since  you would like to have this child as your disciple, please give him a name, and you shall be his teacher.”

“He is  your third son, so let’s call him Ne (2) Zha (1),” the priest suggested.

Li Jing thanked him profusely and offered him a vegetarian feast, but the Fairy Primordial declined, insisting that he had business back on his mountain. So Li Jing saw him out. The priest went on his way, and Li Jing turned his attention back to his new son.

Work, however, soon became busier. One day, word came that half the realm had risen up in revolt due to some unpleasantness involving some Game of Thrones-esque shenanigans in the capital. Li Jing hurriedly ordered his army to pick up its training and to keep a tight watch over the surrounding area, in case the rebels came this way. Before you knew it, seven years had passed. Li Jing was busy training his men to defend against the rebellious new Grand Duke of the East, the son of the executed former grand duke. Meanwhile, Li Jing’s third son, Nezha, had grown into a tall boy. 

One day in the fifth month that year, the weather was scorching hot. Nezha was rather irritated with the heat, so he went to see his mother and said, “I would like to go play outside the city for a bit, but I dare not go before informing you.”

His mother said, “My child, you may go play outside the pass if you wish. Just bring a bodyguard with you. Don’t forget the time. Come back soon, before your father returns from military drills.”

Nezha promised he would, and then left with a bodyguard. After leaving the pass and walking for less than a mile, he was already soaked through with sweat. He told his guard, “Go see if those trees up ahead are a good place to find some shade.”

The bodyguard went on ahead and found the area under the trees to be shady and breezy. He then hurried  back and told Nezha, “Master, it’s really cool over there.”

Nezha was delighted and hurried into the woods. He undid his belt and stripped to the waist to cool off. Just then, he saw a blue stream nearby, with its ripples sparkling as the waters ran between the boulders on both banks. Nezha walked over to the stream and told the guard, “We just left the pass and it’s already ridiculously hot. I’m soaked through with sweat. I’m going to take a bath on this boulder.”

“Be careful, master,” the guard said. “His lordship might be coming home soon. We should go home.”

“It’s alright,” Nezha reassured him. He then stripped off the rest of his clothes, sat down on a boulder, dipped the seven-foot-long piece of silk that he was born with into the water, and used it to wash himself.

Now, this was no ordinary piece of fabric. This was a magical item called the Sky Muddling Damask. It was a treasure from the Golden Light Cave, the abode of Nezha’s Daoist master, the Fairy Primordial. And as Nezha swished it in the stream, it literally made waves.

That stream, as it turns out, was called the Nine Bends River, and it flowed right into the Eastern Sea. And the shockwaves from Nezha’s magic damask soon reached the sea, and ripples turned to waves that shook the sea.

Now, just about every body of water large or small was overseen by a dragon king of some sort, and I mean a literal dragon king, like a magical dragon. These guys are typically portrayed as having the body of a human and the head of a dragon, but their true form was that of a Chinese dragon, a long serpentine creature with antlers, teeth, and claws. This particular sea was overseen by a dragon king named Ao (2) Guang (1). He was the most powerful of the dragon kings and had himself a nice crystal palace at the bottom of the sea. That day, his palace suddenly started shaking, and he asked his attendants, “The earth shouldn’t be shaking, so why is the palace swaying?”

He then dispatched one of his yakshas, or nature spirits, to go to the mouth of the river and see what was going on. This yaksha arrived at the Nine Bends River and took a look. He saw red light filling the water, and seated by the water’s edge was a young boy using a piece of red damask to wash himself.

The yaksha parted the waters and emerged from the river, shouting to Nezha, “Hey boy! What the hell do you have there that can turn the water red and make our underwater palace shake?”

Nezha turned and saw this ax-wielding creature with a blue face, red hair, a huge mouth, and long protruding tusks. 

“What the hell are you, creature?!” Nezha scoffed. “You can talk?”

The yaksha took offense to that. “I am a yaksha who patrols the sea on my lord’s command,” he said. “How dare you call me a creature?!”

As he spoke, he leapt onto shore and swung his ax toward Nezha’s neck. Nezha, still naked, sprang to his feet, dodged the fearsome blow, and in motion, removed the golden bracelet from his right wrist and hurled it at the yaksha. Just like the red damask, this golden bracelet was also a treasure from the Fairy Primordial’s stash. It was called the Universal Ring. It sailed through the air and hit the yaksha square in his head. The next thing you know, the yaksha lay dead on the bank, with his brains spilling out of his split-open skull.

Our lovable 7-year-old killer of magical sea creatures chuckled at this sight and said, “Now my bracelet is dirty.”

He now sat back down on the boulder and started washing his bracelet in the water, which sent another shockwave into the sea. This time, the dragon king’s palace nearly collapsed.

“The yaksha hasn’t come back yet, and now we have a second wave,” the dragon king Ao (2) Guang (1) said with alarm. Just then, some of his soldiers rushed in with an urgent report: The yaksha he sent was killed on land by a child.”

“But that yaksha was appointed to his post by the Jade Emperor of Heaven himself,” a stunned Ao Guang said. “Who would dare to kill him?”

He then ordered his men to round up an army as he prepared to go have a look for himself. His third son Ao (2) Bing (3) asked him why he was so worked up. When Ao Guang told him what happened, Ao Bing said, “Father, rest easy. Just let me go capture that boy for you.”

So Ao Bing rounded up some troops, hopped on his ride, the Water-Parting Beast, grabbed his trident, and left the palace. He glided through the water, parting the waves as he traveled. As h e surfaced, he stirred up huge waves. 

This caught Nezha’s attention, and he stood up and admired the waves. Just then, he saw Ao Bing approach on his ride, dressed in armor and wielding a trident.

“Who killed my yaksha?!” Ao Bing shouted.

“I did!” Nezha shot back.

“Who the hell are you?” Ao Bing demanded.

“I am Nezha, the third son of Li Jing, the commander of Chentang Pass. My father is lord of the city. I was just taking a bath to escape the heat when that creature appeared and cursed me for no reason. So I killed him. What’s the big deal?!”

Ao Bing was taken aback. “You scoundrel! That yaksha was appointed by the Jade Emperor himself. You’ve got some gall to kill him, and you still dare to spout nonsense?!”

As he spoke, Ao Bing stabbed at Nezha with his trident. Nezha had no weapons in hand, so he quickly grabbed hold of the trident and said, “Hold on, who are you? Let me know your name first.”

“I am Ao Bing, the third son of the Dragon King of the Eastern Sea.”

“Ah, so you are Ao Guang’s son,” Nezha said with a laugh. “Don’t get too arrogant. If you piss me off, I’ll go capture that old eel and skin him.”

“How dare you?!” Ao Bing shouted in anger as he stabbed again. Nezha quickly slinged his red damask through the air. It came down on Ao Bing like a thousand fireballs, knocking him off his ride. Before Ao Bing could get up, Nezha stomped forward, stepped on his neck, raised his golden bracelet and struck Ao Bing on his head. The blow was so powerful that it forced Ao Bing out of the humanoid form he had assumed as he reverted to his true dragon form and lay limp on the bank. 

“Ah, so I’ve beaten you back into your real form,” Nezha said. “I’m going to rip out your spine and give it to my father for a belt.”

A while later, Nezha showed up back at Chentang Pass, with a magical creature’s spine in hand and a pale-white bodyguard following behind. He got cleaned up and went to see his mother.

“My son, where did you go? Why are you home so late?” she asked.

“Oh I was just walking around outside the pass and lost track of the time,” Nezha said.

Suspecting nothing, his mother said ok, and Nezha went to play in the back garden.

Later that day, Li Jing came home after a long day of military drills. He dismissed his attendants, changed, and sat alone in his private quarters, troubled by thoughts of the rebellions that have sprung up because of the king’s errant ways. Just then, his guards came in and said there was a scholar outside to him, saying his name was Ao Guang and that he was an old friend of Li Jing’s.

Now, Li Jing and Ao Guang were indeed acquaintances, since they both ran in those magical circles. So Li Jing was excited by this news. “I haven’t seen my friend in many years,” he said. “What good fortune that he is here today.”

He quickly tidied up and invited Ao Guang to the parlor. But he immediately noticed the pissed-off look on Ao Guang’s face.

Before Li Jing could ask what was wrong, Ao Guang said, “Brother Li, what a good son you have raised!”

Li Jing smiled and said, “Brother, we haven’t met for many years. What great luck it is to meet again today. Why do you speak thus? I only have three sons, and they are all disciples under famous Daoist masters. Even though their studies haven’t yielded great results, they are also not the lazy sort. Don’t be mistaken.”

“Brother, you’re the one who’s mistaken!” Ao Guang said. “Your son was taking a bath in the Nine Bends River. I don’t know what magic he was using, but he damn near knocked over my palace. I sent a yaksha to investigate, and your son killed my yaksha. Then my third son went to take a look, and your son killed him too and even ripped out his spinal cord! How can you claim to not know anything about it?!”

Uhh, oh boy. Just what Li Jing needed at the end of a long day at work — a pissed-off dragon king demanding justice for his dead and literally spineless son. To see what the fallout will be, tune in to the next episode of the Chinese Lore Podcast. Thanks for listening!

Music in This Episode

• “Sao Meo” by Doug Maxwell / Zac Zinger
• “The Quiet Aftermath by Sir Cubworth (from YouTube audio library)
• “Dark Toys” by SYBS (from YouTube audio library)
• “Ravines” by Elphnt (from YouTube audio library)
• “Slow Times Over Here” by Midnight North (from YouTube audio library)
• “Day of Recon” by Max Surla/Media Right Productions (from YouTube audio library)