Gods 004: Father of the Year

With the enemy at his gates, Su Hu decides to lay the blame where it belongs — on the teenage daughter who has not even appeared in the story yet.

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Transcript

Welcome to the Chinese Lore Podcast, where I retell classic Chinese stories in English. This is episode 4 of Investiture of the Gods. 

Last time, King Zhou had sent the Grand Duke of the North, Chong (2) Houhu (2,3), to smack down the upstart marquis Su Hu for refusing to send his daughter into the imperial harem. Su Hu gave Chong Houhu a rude welcome, beating him in battle during the day and raiding his camp at night. But then, Chong Houhu’s brother, Black Tiger, showed up and, with a little Daoist magic, captured Su Hu’s son in battle.

As we return to the story, Chong Houhu was just about to have Su Hu’s son, Su Quanzhong, beheaded. But Black Tiger said, “Brother, please calm your thunderous rage. Even though Su Quanzhong deserves to be executed immediately, he and his father are both court officials who have broken the law. They should be taken to the capital for his majesty to deal with. Besides, Su Hu’s daughter is very beautiful, so his majesty will probably show clemency. If he pardons their crime, then won’t we be in trouble for executing them? And then we won’t get any credit for our victory. Besides, the Grand Duke of the West, Ji (1) Chang (1), hasn’t arrived yet. No point in the two of us shouldering all the blame. Why not lock up Su Quanzhong for now. Once we sack the city of Jizhou, we can arrest his entire family and take them all to the capital for his majesty to deal with. That’s the best plan.”

That convinced Chong Houhu, so he relented and just locked up the prisoner while he and brother feasted to celebrate their victory.

Inside the city, scouts reported to Su Hu that his son had been captured. 

“I told him!” Su Hu lamented. “He refused to listen to his father and was too full of himself. So it’s no surprise he got captured. Alas, some hero I am. My son has been captured, and the enemy is on my doorstep. Jizhou will soon belong to someone else. What should I do?”

And then, a light went on in his head and he realized the root of all his troubles.

“It’s all because I had my daughter Daji (2,3),” he thought to himself. “That corrupt king listened to the wicked and has brought calamity to my house and the people. It’s all because I fathered that unworthy girl. If the city falls, my wife and daughter will be taken to the capital and exposed for all to see. Then all the lords of the land will mock me for being a witless chum. Why don’t I kill my wife and daughter first, and then slit my own throat. That would at least be the act of a real man.”

Uhh, ok, whatever you say, “real man” who decides to lay all his troubles at the foot of his teenage daughter who hasn’t even appeared in this story yet instead of, oh, I don’t know, all the men who have been scheming and fighting so far. Anyway, thus decided, Su Hu grabbed his sword and stomped into the private quarters. There, he was met by his daughter Daji, whose face glowed and whose ruby red lips curled with a smile at the sight of him … until she saw the blade in his hand.

“Father, what are you doing here with a sword?” she asked.

Su Hu was just about to raise his sword and cut down his daughter, but then hesitated. She was his daughter after all. As he paused, tears flowed from his eyes.

“You scourge!” our father-of-the-year candidate lamented aloud. “Because of you, your brother has been captured, the city is under siege, your parents will be killed, and our ancestral temple will fall into the hands of others. Our entire clan is doomed, all because I had you!”

Geez, thanks dad. I can really feel the paternal affection here. While Su Hu was lamenting his woes, word came that Black Tiger was outside the city, challenging him to battle. So Su Hu ordered his men to prepare for a siege.

Outside the city, Black Tiger kept demanding to speak with Su Hu, but to no avail. The whole time, he was thinking to himself, “Brother Su, come out and talk with me, and then I can fall back. Why are you refusing to come out? If I don’t see you, how can we talk?” But alas, Su Hu remained behind his walls, and Black Tiger had to return to camp.

Back at camp, Chong Houhu heard from his brother that the enemy was staying in the city, so he wanted to lay siege with tall ladders. But Black Tiger told him, “No need to attack; it would just be a waste of effort. Right now, we just need to cut off their grain supply. Once their civilians can’t feed themselves, the city will collapse on its own before long. You can just rest and wait. Once the Grand Duke of the West arrives with his forces, then we can deal with them.”

So while the imperial forces waited outside the city, Su Hu fretted inside. Just then, he got word that his provisions officer, Zheng (4) Lun (2), had just arrived with a new shipment of grain. 

“[Sigh] This grain is not going to do us any good anymore,” Su Hu sighed. 

He then summoned Zheng Lun, who said, “On my way back, I heard that your lordship had rebelled against the Shang and that Chong Houhu was attacking you. I was worried and rushed back. How goes the fight?”

Su Hu brought him up to speed on the cause of all this fracas, as well as the current situation, all the way up to his plan to kill his own family and then himself.

“As for you officers, you should pack up and leave,” Su Hu said. “Go offer your service somewhere else and pursue your own success.”

At that, Su Hu started to choke up, but Zheng Lu shouted, “My lord, are you drunk, high, or just gone crazy?! Why do you say such inappropriate things?! Even if all 800 lords of the land show up here, I would think nothing of them. Why do you think so little of yourself? I have followed your lordship since my youth and you have elevated me to important ranks. I will do my utmost to serve you.”

When Su Hu heard this, his first reaction was to say to the other officers present, “That guy must have inhaled some bad air on his way here. He is speaking nonsense. Let’s not even mention the 800 lords of the land. Just that Black Tiger alone is enough. He has learned Daoist magic that can stun gods and demons. No one can match him. How can you underestimate him?”

Zheng Lun put one hand on his sword and declared, “My lord! If I do not capture Black Tiger alive, I will offer my head to you in front of all the officers here!”

Before Su Hu could even give him a command, Zheng Lun stormed out, hopped on his horse, grabbed his two Demon-Taming Staffs, and galloped out of the city with his 3,000-strong Black Raven Squadron. They lined up and marched to the front lines like a black cloud, and then Zheng Lun demanded to see Black Tiger. Black Tiger soon came out, they traded some trash talk, and quickly got down to trading blows with their weapons.

After the two of them fought for 25 bouts, or exchanges, without a winner, Zheng Lun noticed the red gourd that Black Tiger was wearing on his back. Recognizing that as a cliché calling card of anyone involved with Daoist magic, Zheng Lun thought to himself, “My lord said Black Tiger had learned unusual magic, so he must have something up his sleeve. I should stage a preemptive strike.”

So as it turns out, this Zheng Lun also knew a bit of Daoist magic. He had once studied under the Woe Evading Sage of the West Kunlun (1,2) Mountain. The sage had taught him a magic spell where he could exhale vapor and snatch the souls of enemies. Later, the sage told Zheng Lun, “I think your best career path lies in industry, not in the Daoist ivory tower.” So he sent Zheng Lun to Jizhou to pursue rank and wealth.

So anyway, back to the fight. Zheng Lun now waved his staff in the air, and his 3,000 Black Raven troops shouted in unison and lined up in a long, serpentine formation. Every one of them wielded hooks and chains and started charging forward at lightning speed. Black Tiger saw that they were charging in as if they were ready to capture someone, but he hadn’t lost the fight yet, so he was a little confused.

Just then, a sound rang out from Zheng Lun’s nostrils like that of the ringing of a bell, followed by two gushing beams of white light. Immediately, Black Tiger started feeling dizzy and his vision blurred. In the next second, he fell head first off his horse. The Black Raven troops swarmed in, and by the time Black Tiger came to, he found that he had already been bound up.

“That scoundrel really has some crafty tricks!” Black Tiger thought angrily. “How did he manage to capture me?”

While he was trying to figure that out, Zheng Lun and his men took him back into the city to report their victory.

Inside the city, Su Hu was still his usual doom-and-gloom self. When heard the drums rolling outside the city, he lamented, “Zheng Lun must be dead!”

But just then, scouts rushed in and said, “Zheng Lun has captured Black Tiger and is awaiting your command.”

Surprised and confused, Su Hu summoned Zheng Lun, who recounted how he triumphed thanks to his ability to blow glowing snot out of his nose. The soldiers then brought in the prisoner. Su Hu quickly called them off and personally untied Black Tiger. He then kneeled and said, “I have offended the realm, there is no place on earth for me. My officer Zheng Lun didn’t know any better and offended your lordship. I deserve to die for this crime!”

Black Tiger quickly replied, “You and I are sworn brothers, and I have never dared to forget your honor. I am beyond ashamed to be captured by your man. Thank you for your kindness; I am deeply grateful!”

Su Hu then asked Black Tiger to sit and told his officers to come pay their respects. Black Tiger, for his part, also praised Zheng Lun’s less-than-sanitary-but-nevertheless-amazing nasal magic. Su Hu then held a private banquet for himself and Black Tiger, and told his old friend how all this trouble got started.

Black Tiger told him, “I came in part because my brother had suffered a defeat, but also because I wanted to help get you out of trouble. Who knew that your son would be so headstrong. He refused to ask you to come out to speak with me, so I had to capture him. He is locked up back at camp. I did it for your sake.”

Su Hu thanked him profusely, and the two continued to drink and chat. Meanwhile, outside the city, Chong Houhu learned that his brother had been captured and was stunned when his men described how it happened. Just then, word came that the Grand Duke of the West, Ji (1) Chang (1), had sent an envoy. Chong Houhu was quite displeased that Ji Chang wasn’t there in person, so he summoned the envoy, who was one of Ji Chang’s ministers.

“Why has your lord disobeyed the command of the court and not mobilized his forces?” Chong Houhu asked. “It is most unbecoming of a vassal. What do you have to say?”

The minister replied, “My lord said, ‘War is a calamity, and gentlemen must treat it as a last resort. Right now, for a trifle of a thing, we have wasted money and disturbed civilians. All the towns and counties you have passed on your way are required to provide provisions, all the civilians are panic-stricken, and your soldiers have suffered. So my lord has sent me to deliver a letter to quell this strife, make Su Hu send his daughter to the court, and put an end to this war. If Su Hu refuses, then when the army arrives, all traitors will be exterminated. Then Su Hu will die without any cause for regret.”

Chong Houhu roared with laughter at this answer. “That Ji Chang knew he was going against the king’s orders, so he’s making excuses. I got here first and have lost officers and soldiers in a number of tough battles. Why would that rebel give up his daughter because of a mere letter? Fine, I’ll wait and see how you fare when you go see Su Hu. If he still refuses to comply, then let’s see how your lord will explain himself to the court. Go on.”

So the envoy rode to the foot of the city and shouted up to the top of the walls, “Tell your lord that the Grand Duke of the West has sent an envoy to deliver a letter.”

Su Hu was still drinking with Black Tiger when he got this news, and he said, “Ji Chang is a virtuous man. Hurry and invite his envoy here at once.”

Soon, the envoy came in and offered his respects. Su Hu asked him what he was doing there, and the envoy said, “I have come on the order of the Grand Duke of the West. Last month, your lordship wrote a seditious poem in a fit of anger and offended his majesty, so he ordered armies to come punish you. My lord knows that your lordship is loyal and honorable, so he hasn’t mobilized his forces against you. He has asked me to deliver this letter to you and hopes that you will proceed after careful consideration.”

The envoy then removed the letter from a silk pouch and presented it to Su Hu. It said:

“Ji Chang, Grand Duke of the West, offers his sincerest respects to Lord Su, Marquis of Jizhou. I have heard it said that ‘Everyone within the four seas are vassals to the king.’ Right now, his majesty wants to choose a concubine, and no family in the realm can dodge their duty. Your lordship has a virtuous daughter, and his majesty wishes to choose her. This is a good thing. And yet, you resist his majesty. That is you being disobedient. And what was your intent in posting that poem on the palace gates? You have committed an unpardonable offense. Your priorities are misplaced. For the love of your daughter, you have turned on your back on your duty to your lord. I have often heard of your loyalty and honor, so I could not bear to sit and watch, and therefore submit this advice to help you turn calamity into prosperity. I hope you will listen. 

“There are three advantages to sending your daughter to court. First, your daughter will enjoy the favor of the king, and you, her father, will be honored as a relative of the imperial house and enjoy the attendant riches. Second, Jizhou will remain untroubled by war, and your whole family will be safe. Third, the civilians and the army will not suffer the ravages of war. 

“But if your lordship persists on your misguided path, then you will soon suffer three calamities: First Jizhou will fall, and your ancestral land will be lost. Second, your whole family will be exterminated. Third, your soldiers and civilians will suffer disaster. A true man should forsake small concerns for matters of great importance. Do not destroy yourself like a common fool. You and I are both vassals of the Shang, and I cannot help but advise you honestly. I hope you will heed my words and make a quick decision.”

After reading this letter, Su Hu said nothing for a long time and just kept nodding as he considered Ji Chang’s words. Noting his silence, the envoy said, “My lord, you must not tarry. If you follow this advice, then one letter can end this war. If not, then when I return to my lord, he will mobilize his forces. You should obey the will of heaven, make peace with your fellow vassals, and spare your army further suffering. My lord is trying to help you. Why do you say nothing? Please issue your command so we may proceed.”

Su Hu turned to Black Tiger and said, “Brother, come take a look at this. Ji Chang’s letter is right on. He really is all about the country and the people, a truly honorable and compassionate gentleman. How can I dare to refuse?”

So, if I were Su Hu’s officers, soldiers, or family, I would be super-annoyed with him right now. I mean, this whole war started because he was so offended at the idea of his daughter being the king’s concubine that he stormed out of the palace in a huff, shouted about what an intolerable state of things it was, and declared a rebellion. It was apparently such a matter of deep conviction that he was ready to kill his wife and daughter instead of surrendering. And his officers and soldiers certainly did their part. Sure his son got captured, but on the whole, he was still coming out on top in the fighting so far. And now, because of one letter, he was like, “Oh yeah, nevermind. Just kidding, everyone.”

In any case, Su Hu treated the envoy to wine and the next day bestowed gifts upon him and asked him to go back home first to tell his lord that Su Hu would send his daughter to the Shang court shortly to repent for his offense.

While the envoy hurried back home to his lord’s territory in the Western Qi Mountains, Black Tiger told Su Hu, “Brother, since the matter is decided, you should prepare at once and send your daughter to the capital. If you delay, there might be complications. I will take my leave and go release your son back to you. My brother and I will take our forces home and report to the court to put in a good word for you. Don’t get any other ideas and cause more disasters.”

Su Hu said, “I am grateful for your affection and the virtue of the Grand Duke of the West. How can I allow my love for one daughter lead me to my doom? I will prepare without a second thought. But my only son is a prisoner in your brother’s camp. Please have him released at once, so as to put my wife at ease. I will be forever grateful!”

“No worries, brother,” Black Tiger reassured him. “I will go send him back shortly.”

The two took leave of each other. When Black Tiger returned to camp, he went to the command tent and saw his brother Chong Houhu, who complained to him, “That Grand Duke of the West Ji Chang is so despicable. He refused to mobilize his army and watched me lose. And then yesterday he sent an envoy with a letter to convince Su Hu to send his daughter to the capital. I still haven’t seen that envoy report back yet. After you were captured, I sent men out to conduct recon every day and was on pins and needles. I am ecstatic to have you back! Is Su Hu willing to apologize to the king for his offense? I’m guessing so, since you’re here.”

Black Tiger, however, shouted sternly, “Brother, we two were born from the same womb, and yet, as the old saying goes, ‘Even among the fruits on the same tree, some are sour and some are sweet. Even among the sons of the same mother, some are wise and some are dim.’ Listen to me: When Su Hu rebelled, you led your forces to attack him, and that led to your defeats and casualties. You are a grand duke after all. Instead of doing something good for the court, you keep allowing his majesty to consort with wicked officials. That’s why everyone in the realm despises you. Your 50,000 troops can’t match a single letter. Su Hu has agreed to send his daughter to the king to repent for his offense. Are you not ashamed at having lost soldiers and officers? You have dishonored our family. Once we part today, I will not bother with you anymore! Men, release Su Hu’s son!”

The soldiers did not dare to disobey Black Tiger, so they released Su Quanzhong, who thanked Black Tiger profusely. Black Tiger told him, “Please go tell your honorable father to set out for the capital at once. I will submit a memorial to the king on his behalf.”

So while Su Quanzhong headed back home to Jizhou, Black Tiger took his men and stormed off in a huff back to his home base of Caozhou (2,1). Chong Houhu, meanwhile, was shamed by his brother and could do nothing but pack up his army and go back to the capital, where he reported his less-than-successful campaign and asked for forgiveness.

Meanwhile in Jizhou, Su Hu was reunited with his son, and everyone in the family was relieved. Su Hu then told his son, “Ji Chang sent a letter yesterday and saved us all from calamity. How can I ever forget such virtue and kindness? I thought about it, and the honor between lord and vassal is paramount. If a lord declares that a vassal should die, the vassal cannot dare to live. So how can I dare to pursue a doomed course for the sake of one daughter? I can only send your sister to the capital and repent before my lord. You stay here and watch over the city. Do not disturb the civilians. I will be back soon.”

His son obeyed, and Su Hu now went to the private quarters and repeated his spiel for his wife. His wife wept aloud, and Su Hu consoled her time and again. Choking back tears, she said, “Our daughter has always been pampered. I worry she’s not going to know how to serve his majesty and will cause more trouble instead.”

“Well, there’s nothing we can do about that,” Su Hu said. “We can only obey.”

The couple passed the night in grief. The next morning, Su Hu rounded up 3,000 soldiers and 500 personal guards. He then told his daughter Daji to get ready for the trip. Daji had already gotten word on her fate, and her tears fell like rain as she took her leave of her mother and brother. With much consoling from their attendants, her mother went back into the house crying, while Daji wept while she got into her carriage. Her brother saw them off for a couple miles, and then the procession set forth with Daji’s carriage in the front, led by two pennants announcing that she was a future concubine, and Su Hu bringing up the rear.

Days passed on the road, and the journey was uneventful. One day, the procession arrived at the city of Enzhou (1,1), and there they stopped at the local government guest house. There, they were met by the station officer, and Su Hu asked him to prepare the guest house to receive the future concubine of the king.

“My lord,” the officer said, “Three years ago, a demon appeared on these premises. Ever since then, no one has stayed here. For the sake of her ladyship’s safety, may I ask you to seek lodging at the military hostel down the road?”

But Su Hu reproached him sternly. “The king’s concubine doesn’t have to worry about a mere sprite! She can only stay at guest houses. What is this nonsense about staying at a military hostel?! Go clean up the guest house at once, or you’ll be sorry!”

The station officer had no choice but to tell his men to prepare the house, lay down some beds, and light incense. Once the place was ready, Su Hu situated his daughter in a private room in the back, assigned 50 attendants in the room to serve her, and stationed his 3,000 soldiers around the outside of the house, while his 500 personal guards were placed in the entryway.

All this done, Su Hu sat down in the main hall and lit a candle. He thought to himself, “That officer mentioned there was a demon here. But this is a bustling place with lots of people. How can there be such a thing? But still, it’s better to be safe than sorry.”

So he placed a leopard-tail staff next to his desk for protection, and then to pass the time, he read military texts under candlelight. As the evening passed, he heard the watch drums in the city signal that it was now 7 p.m. Still feeling a bit uneasy, he grabbed his staff and quietly walked to the back to check on his daughter. He saw that both she and her attendants were sound asleep.

Thus reassured, Su Hu returned to the main hall and went back to his military books. Before he knew it, it was 9 p.m. 

Not long after the 11 p.m. drums finished, a sudden gale swept through the house, seemingly penetrating his skin and blowing out all the candles in the house. It made Su Hu’s hair stand up on end. At that very moment, an attendant shouted from the back, “Demon!”

Su Hu rushed toward the back room with his staff in one hand and a candle in the other. But when he walked out of the main hall, the candle was blown out by a gust of wind. He hurriedly turned back into the main hall and shouted for his men to bring light. After they lit the candle, he rushed to the back. There, he saw the attendants in a panic, all huddled around his daughter’s bed.

To see if his daughter is ok, tune into the next episode of the Chinese Lore Podcast. And again, be sure to visit chineselore.com for transcripts, supplemental materials, and links to find me on social media and to review and support the show. Thanks for listening!

Music in This Episode

• “Sao Meo” by Doug Maxwell / Zac Zinger
• “Dark Toys” by SYBS (from YouTube audio library)
• “Ravines” by Elphnt (from YouTube audio library)
• “Watercolor Lillies” by Aaron Kenny (from YouTube audio library)
• “Comfortable Mystery 3 – Film Noire” by Kevin MacLeod is licensed under a Creative Commons Attribution license (Source: http://incompetech.com/music/royalty-free/index.html?isrc=USUAN1100536; Artist: http://incompetech.com/)
• “Dark Alley Deals” by Aaron Kenny (from YouTube audio library)