Gods 044: Mad Women
Zhao Gongming’s sisters show up on the battlefield demanding some answers.
Transcript
Welcome to the Chinese Lore Podcast, where I retell classic Chinese stories in English. This is episode 44 of Investiture of the Gods.
Last time, the Chan sect Daoists gave their Jie sect rivals a taste of their own medicine, as they used a little voodoo magic to sap the life of their most formidable foe, Zhao (4) Gongming (1,2). As Zhao Gongming lay on the brink of death, one of the other Jie Daoists, Wang (2) Bian (4), stormed out and challenged the Chan Daoists to attack his Red Water formation.
His challenge was met by Cao (2) Bao (3), a hermit who had joined the ranks of the Chan clan. The traded a few blows with swords, and then Wang Bian retreated into his formation. When Cao Bao followed him in, Wang Bian went up to his terrace and hurled a gourd filled with water to the ground below. The gourd shattered, and a tidal wave of red water flooded the formation. As soon as the first drop made contact with Cao Bao, it started to melt his flesh. In the blink of an eye, only Cao Bao’s clothes remained, as his whole body was disintegrated.
Wang Bian now did what his vanquished friends did. He went back out and shouted toward Master Burning Lamp, the leader of the Chan Daoists, “How can you send an innocent hermit to his death?! Your sect has many well-known practitioners. Who among them would dare to attack my formation?”
Burning Lamp now sent out Virtue of the Pure Void, a member of the cohort of 12. Virtue of the Pure Void went out and told Wang Bian, “You all refuse to heed heaven’s will and instead act against it. All you’re doing is dooming yourselves. Most of your 10 formations have been broken. Yet you show no remorse and insist on acting recklessly!”
Wang Bian didn’t appreciate that, so out came the swords. Before long, he once again retreated into his formation, and when Virtue of the Pure Void followed him in, Wang Bian again chucked a gourd to the ground, unleashing a tidal wave of red water. But Virtue of the Pure Void shook his sleeve and a lotus flower fell out. He stepped on the flower with both feet, and it kept him safely out of reach of the roaring red tides underneath.
Wang Bian now hurled another gourd at him, but Virtue of the Pure Void unleashed a cloud from his head, which shielded him from above and kept him dry. This went on for two hours, and by now Wang Bian knew he wasn’t going to get the upper hand here, so he tried to run. But now, Virtue of the Pure Void took out a magic fan.
This was called the Five Fire and Seven Fowl Fan. It could produce five kinds of fire — from air, stone, wood, earth, and man — and was made from the wings of seven types of birds, including the phoenix, the green phoenix, the roc, the peacock, the crane, the wild swan, and the owl. Virtue of the Pure Void waved the fan in the direction of Wang Bian, and instantly, Wang Bian let out a painful cry as he was reduced to a pile of red ash.
When word of yet another Daoist friend’s demise reached Wen Zhong, it only added to his melancholy as he watched Zhao Gongming’s condition continue to deteriorate. As Wen Zhong sat by his friend’s bedside, Zhao Gongming looked up at him and said, “Brother, we have to bid each other farewell. My life will be forfeit by noon tomorrow.”
Wen Zhong wept and said, “It’s all my fault, bringing this trouble upon you. I feel like my heart is being stabbed by a dagger!”
Meanwhile on Qi Mountain, Jiang Ziya had been carrying out his daily voodoo hex on Zhao Gongming as instructed, and on the 21st day, Lu (4) Ya (1), the Daoist who gave him those instructions, showed up. Jiang Ziya welcomed him in and they sat down.
“Congratulations!” Lu Ya said. “Zhao Gongming will die today! And we also broke their Red Water formation. The good news just keeps coming!”
“If not for your boundless powers, Daoist brother, how can we have killed Zhao Gongming?” Jiang Ziya said as he thanked Lu Ya effusively.
Lu Ya now smiled and opened his flower basket, from which he took out a miniature bow with three little arrows. He handed them to Jiang Ziya and said, “At noon today, shoot the effigy with these arrows.”
So they waited till noon, and then Jiang Ziya washed his hands and took up the bow and arrows.
“Aim for the left eye first,” Lu Ya said.
Jiang Ziya did as instructed and fired an arrow straight into the left eye of the effigy. At that very moment, in the Shang camp, Zhao Gongming let out a blood-curdling cry and shut his left eye. This brought Wen Zhong to tears once more and he pulled Zhao Gongming into his arms and wept bitterly.
Back on Qi Mountain, Jiang Ziya fired the second arrow into the effigy’s right eye and the third arrow into its heart. And in the Shang camp, Wen Zhong felt Zhao Gongming go limp in his arms. When he looked, he saw that his friend’s eyes were tightly shut, and he drew breath no more.
Weeping bitterly, Wen Zhong had Zhao Gongming’s body placed in a coffin in the rear camp. His officers were all stunned, thinking to themselves, “The Zhou has such powerful people on their side. How can we defeat them?” All throughout the Shang camp, the troop’s morale sank ever lower.
On the Zhou side, Jiang Ziya and Lu Ya returned to the reed pavilion and told all the other Chan Daoists that they had just finished off Zhao Gongming. As they were rejoicing, they suddenly heard a series of bell chimes coming from the enemy’s side of the field. The last remaining Jie Daoist from Golden Turtle Island, Zhang Jie (2), had deployed his Red Sand formation and was demanding combat.
Master Burning Lamp said to Jiang Ziya, “That Red Sand formation is dangerous. We must have a truly blessed individual to go attack it. Otherwise, it would end badly.”
“Which blessed individual do you have in mind?” Jiang Ziya asked.
“Your sage lord,” Burning Lamp said. “No one else would do.”
Uhh … really? I mean, you’ve seen what these formations do to mortal men, right?
Jiang Ziya, understandably dubious about this, said, “My sage lord is as humane and virtuous as his father, so he is not well versed in military matters. How can he break this formation?”
But Burning Lamp insisted. “There’s no time to waste. Hurry and invite the Martial King here. I have a plan.”
Well, half the guys that Burning Lamp has sent into these formations have made it back alive. Gotta love those odds, right? Jiang Ziya now invited the Martial King Ji Fa to the pavilion, and all the Daoists bowed to pay their respects.
“Masters, what can I do for you?” Ji Fa asked.
Burning Lamp replied, “Nine of the 10 formations have been broken. Only the Red Sand formation remains. We must trouble you to personally go break it. Only you can do so safely. But I don’t know if you’re willing.”
“Masters, all of you have come here and endured such trouble because of my kingdom’s unrest,” Ji Fa said without hesitation. “Since you need me, how can I dare to refuse?”
Burning Lamp was delighted. He now asked Ji Fa to remove his robe, which Ji Fa promptly did. Burning Lamp then used his finger to trace a charm on his chest and his back. He then asked Ji Fa to put his robe back on, and drew another charm on his crown. This done, Burning Lamp ordered Nezha and Thunderbolt to accompany Ji Fa out to the front lines.
Across the way, they saw Zhang Jie standing in the Red Sand formation. He had a bluish-green face, a red beard, and a fishtail coronet on his head. He carried two swords and shouted, “Who from the Chan sect is coming to my formation?!”
In the distance, he saw Nezha coming on his fire wheels, followed by Thunderbolt, who escorted a man wearing a dragon crown and a yellow robe.
“Who is that?” Zhang Jie asked.
“This is our lord, the Martial King!” Nezha shot back.
When Ji Fa saw how ferocious Zhang Jie looked, he was taken aback and could barely stay in his saddle. Zhang Jie now galloped out on his deer and attacked. Nezha quickly took him on. After a few bouts, Zhang Jie retreated into his formation. Nezha, Thunderbolt, and Ji Fa followed him in.
When he saw them enter, Zhang Jie quickly climbed up to his terrace, grabbed a handful of red sand, and chucked it in their direction. Ji Fa was struck in the chest by the sand, and both he and his horse were knocked into a deep pit. Nezha took to the air on his wheels, but was brought down by another handful of red sand. Thunderbolt unfurled his wings and tried to fly away as well, but was also taken down by a hail of sand. All three of them were now trapped inside the pit.
Meanwhile, on the other side of the lines, Burning Lamp and company saw a gust of black smoke rise up from inside the Red Sand formation. Uhh, that … can’t be good.
“Although the Martial King is in trouble, it will be resolved in a hundred days,” Burning Lamp muttered to himself.
Jiang Ziya, looking around, asked, “Why hasn’t the Martial King come back out yet?”
Burning Lamp told him, “The Martial King, Thunderbolt, and Nezha were destined to be trapped in this formation.”
Umm, and you didn’t think to mention this beforehand? Jiang Ziya now asked when they might come back, and when Burning Lamp told him oh, not long, just 100 days, Jiang Ziya stamped his foot and lamented, “The Martial King is a kind and virtuous lord. How can he endure such suffering for 100 days? What if something goes wrong?”
“No worries,” Burning Lamp said. “Heaven has ordained that the lord of the Zhou will be blessed, and no harm will come to him. There’s no need to panic. Let’s go back to the pavilion for now and wait.”
So Jiang Ziya returned to the capital and sent word into the palace that umm, the king is temporarily indisposed inside a deadly enemy formation and won’t be back for a hundred days. This prompted the two queen dowagers to send Ji Fa’s 90-some brothers to the prime minister’s office to ask for a bit more detail. Jiang Ziya reassured them that all will be fine in a hundred days, and then he rejoined his Daoist friends at the pavilion, probably so that he doesn’t have to answer more questions.
Meanwhile, in the Shang camp, Zhang Jie reported his success to Wen Zhong. Wen Zhong said the right congratulatory things, but in his heart, he was still preoccupied with Zhao Gongming’s death. But in the meantime, Zhang Jie amused himself daily by hurling more sand onto Ji Fa, and each handful of sand felt like knives slicing against his skin. But fortunately, the charms that Burning Lamp had drawn on his body protected him from harm.
While this was going on, Shen (1) Gongbao (1,4), the Chan sect traitor who had been stirring up trouble against Jiang Ziya, was up to his old tricks. He rode a tiger to Three Fairy Island and asked to see Zhao Gongming’s three sisters, High Firmament, Green Firmament, and Jade Firmament. They invited him in, and High Firmament asked the reason for his visit.
Chuckling, Shen Gongbao said, “Brother Zhao has been hexxed to death by Jiang Ziya. And you’re still in the dark?”
When they heard this, the two younger sisters stamped their feet and wailed for their brother. Shen Gongbao now added, “He borrowed your Golden Dragon Scissors, and yet before he had managed to achieve any success, he was killed. When he was on his deathbed, he told Grand Tutor Wen, ‘After I die, my sisters will no doubt come for the scissors. You must tell them: I sincerely regret not listening to High Firmament’s advice and bringing this doom upon myself. When they see my Daoist robe, it would be like seeing my body.’
“Oh it’s so heartbreaking,” Shen Gongbao went on. “Pity that he spent millennia cultivating his Dao, only to succumb to such underhanded tactics! So despicable!”
High Firmament said, “Our master warned our sect members that we must not leave our caves, or we would meet with disaster. This was all preordained. My brother refused to listen to our master’s warning. That’s why he succumbed to this calamity.”
But Jade Firmament reproached her, saying, “Sister, how can you be so unfeeling? You are trying to justify not helping our brother! Even if we are destined to die, I must go see our brother’s remains. We are family, after all!”
So the two younger sisters now stormed out in a huff and took to the air. High Firmament thought to herself, “They are no doubt going to use our Golden Universe Muddling Dipper to attack the Chan sect. It could get ugly. What if something goes wrong? Let me go with them, so that I can at least keep an eye on them.”
So High Firmament rushed out of her cave and saw her sisters taking to the air. She shouted for them to wait up. They turned and said, “Sister, where are you going?”
“I was worried that you might cause more trouble, so I’m going with you. We will act as the situation dictates. Do not act rashly!”
So the three of them flew toward Western Qi. On the way, they suddenly heard someone shouting from behind, “Sisters, wait up! I’m coming, too!”
They turned and saw that it was Celestial Lotus, another Jie sect Daoist that we’ve met a couple times in recent episodes. She explained that she was coming with them, much to their delight. Just then, another female Daoist caught up to them. This was Colorful Cloud, and she bowed and said, “You all are heading to Western Qi? I just ran into Shen Gongbao, and he invited me to come along. Let’s all travel together.”
So the five female Daoists resumed their journey and soon arrived at the Shang camp. Wen Zhong went out to welcome them personally, and they sat down in the main tent.
High Firmament now said, “My brother came here on your invitation. But who knew that he would die at Jiang Ziya’s hand. We have come to collect his remains. Where are they? Please point us in that direction.”
Choking on his tears, Wen Zhong sobbed and said, “Brother Zhao unfortunately lost his Sea-Calming Pearls to two hermits. So he went to you all to borrow your Golden Dragon Scissors to fight Burning Lamp. He used the scissors to cut Burning Lamp’s deer in two, but Burning Lamp managed to escape. Then the next day, some hermit named Lu (4) Ya (1) came to fight Brother Zhao. He used the scissors again, and Lu Ya turned into a rainbow and got away. After that, the enemy didn’t come to fight again. But after a few days, Jiang Ziya started carrying out voodoo rituals on Qi Mountain to curse Brother Zhao. I found it out through divination and sent Brother Zhao’s two disciples to go steal his effigy, but Nezha killed them. Brother Zhao told me, ‘I regret not listening to my sister High Firmament, and now I have indeed doomed myself.’ He told me to wrap up the scissors with his robe and said that to see his clothing is to see him.”
When he finished relaying the story, Wen Zhong covered his face and wept aloud, and the five female Daoists also wailed. Wen Zhong now presented the bundle of Zhao Gongming’s robe with the magic scissors wrapped inside. When they saw this, his three sisters wailed even harder. The middle sister, Jade Firmament, was so enraged that she ground her teeth, her face turned red, and her third eye opened.
“Where is our brother’s body?” Green Firmament asked.
When Wen Zhong told them that Zhao Gongming’s remains were in the rear camp, Jade Firmament insisted on going to see it. High Firmament tried to talk her out of it, but to no avail. So the two younger sisters stomped off toward the back of the camp, followed by High Firmament.
When they opened the coffin, they saw that Zhao Gongming was bleeding from his eyes and his chest. Jade Firmament let out an anguished cry and almost passed out from rage. Green Firmament tried to console her, telling her, “Sister, no need to get worked up. Let’s catch Jiang Ziya and put three arrows in HIM, so as to avenge our brother.”
High Firmament, though, said, “Forget Jiang Ziya. This is the sorcery of that Lu Ya. Let’s catch him and put three arrows in him, and then the score will be settled.”
Zhang Jie, the Daoist who laid out the Red Sand formation, now came to pay his respects to the female Daoists, and Wen Zhong threw a banquet for everyone. The next day, the five female Daoists went out to face the enemy, with Wen Zhong and his generals providing backup.
Approaching the reed pavilion, High Firmament shouted, “Tell Lu Ya to come see me at once!”
Attendants quickly brought word to the Chan Daoists that five female Daoists were demanding to speak to Lu Ya. Lu Ya got up and said, “I’ll go take a look.” He then took his sword in hand and strolled out to the front. When his foes saw him, they noticed that despite his rough appearance, he had some semblance of immortal in him.
High Firmament said to her sisters, “This man is known as a hermit. He must have some skills. Let’s see what he says when he faces us, and we’ll know how much knowledge he has.”
Meanwhile, Lu Ya came forward, sang a little song, and bowed toward High Firmament. Jade Firmament asked if he was Lu Ya, and he answered in teh affirmative.
“Why did you kill our brother Zhao Gongming?” Jade Firmament asked.
“My Daoist friends, if you’d allow me to explain, then I shall,” Lu Ya said. “But if not, then I’ll let you do as you please.”
“Then speak,” High Firmament told him.
“Achieving enlightenment is the only proper path to follow the Dao,” Lu Ya said. “Immortals are those who follow the proper way. I achieved enlightenment in the epoch at the beginning of time, and I have witnessed the enlightenment of many with my own eyes. Only those who act with virtue progress spiritually. Who knew that Zhao Gongming would violate this tenet, siding with a corrupt, debauched tyrant to slaughter innocent civilians, drawing the ire of both heaven and man. He only knew of his own powers but did not know that others had powers, too. This is going against heaven, and those who do so always perish. So it was heaven that dispatched me to kill this rebel, so why are you blaming me? My friends, this is no place to linger. This is a battlefield. How can you remain here? If you linger, you might lose your way. I must risk offending you to make you aware of this.”
When she heard this speech, High Firmament fell into a prolonged silence. But her younger sister Jade Firmament shouted, “You scoundrel! How dare you spew such nonsense?! You killed my brother, and yet you are here wagging your tongue. You must have meager powers.”
As she cursed, Jade Firmament pulled out her sword and attacked, and Lu Ya answered with his own sword. After a few exchanges, the other sister, Green Firmament, unleashed their magic dipper. When Lu Ya saw it fly into the air, he tried to turn and flee, but the dipper had already grabbed him with its tractor beam and dropped him so hard in the Shang camp that he passed out.
Green Firmament now personally tied him up and put a seal on his head to keep him from escaping. She then hung him from a flag pole and told Grand Tutor Wen, “He shot my brother with arrows, and now I’m going to return the favor.”
So she summoned 500 archers and commanded them to riddle Lu Ya with arrows. In an instant, a shower of arrows besieged Lu Ya, but as soon as they touched his body, the arrows disintegrated into dust, leaving all the soldiers shocked and even alarming Wen Zhong.
Green Firmament now said, “What kind of sorcery is this?” She now pulled out the Golden Dragon Scissors. But as soon as Lu Ya saw her doing that, he shouted, “So long, suckers!”, turned into a rainbow, and got away.
When he returned to the pavilion, Lu Ya was greeted by the other Chan Daoists, and Burning Lamp asked how he managed to escape.
“Oh they tried to shoot me with arrows to avenge their brother,” Lu Ya. “But they didn’t know my powers. The arrows turned to dust as soon as they touched me. Then, when they tried to unleash their Golden Dragon Scissors, I left.”
“Sir, your powers are truly amazing!” Burning Lamp said.
Lu Ya then told everyone, “I’m going to take my leave of you for now. We will meet again soon.” And then he left, presumably because he’s so powerful that keeping him around would basically render the rest of the plot moot.
The next day, the five female Daoists on the Shang side demanded to speak with Jiang Ziya. He came out with his entourage, riding on his Four Not Like. He went forward and greeted the five ladies. High Firmament said, “Jiang Ziya, we lead a reclusive life on Three Fairy Island and do not concern ourselves with the conflicts of the mortal realm. But you cursed our brother Zhao Gongming and killed him. What did he ever do to you, that you must go so far? This was truly despicable! Even though you were put up to it by Lu Ya, you still killed our brother, and vengeance must be satisfied. So we have no choice but to punish you. You have meager powers. Even Burning Lamp gives us a wide berth.”
Jiang Ziya replied, “My Daoist friend, you are in error. We didn’t go stirring up trouble. Your brother brought trouble on himself. His fate was preordained by heaven and could not be dodged. Your brother went against his master’s command and insisted on coming to Western Qi, where he doomed himself.”
Jade Firmament had heard enough. She fumed, “You killed my brother, and yet you dare to call it heaven’s will?! How can you try to talk your way out of it?! Don’t run; here’s a taste of my sword!”
As she spoke, she darted forth on her mount, which was a great bird, and stabbed at Jiang Ziya. He quickly defended himself with his sword, while his warriors Huang Tianhua and Yang Jian galloped out to join the fight. This infuriated the youngest sister, Green Firmament, who also flew out on her bird, followed by the eldest sister, High Firmament.
Meanwhile, Colorful Cloud took out her Eye-Blinding Pearl and chucked it at Huang Tianhua. Now this pearl specialized in poking out eyes, and Huang Tianhua was caught off guard and got hit in both eyes, which sent him tumbling out of his saddle. Fortunately, Jinzha rushed out and rescued him.
Jiang Ziya now unleashed his God-Beating Staff, and it struck High Firmament and knocked her off her bird. When Green Firmament tried to come rescue her, Yang Jian let loose his Sky Barking Hound, which bit Green Firmament on the shoulder, taking off a chunk of clothing and skin.
Seeing the fight turn against them, one of the ladies, Celestial Lotus pulled out her wind bag and unleashed a wild gale. Just as he was trying to see clearly amid this wind, Jiang Ziya was struck by Colorful Cloud’s Eye-Blinding Pearl and almost fell off his ride. Jade Firmament now charged forward again with sword in hand. Fortunately for Jiang Ziya, Yang Jian was there to rescue him and protected him as they retreated back to the safety of their lines.
When he returned to the reed pavilion, Jiang Ziya couldn’t open his eyes. Burning Lamp took a look and recognized that he had been wounded by the Eye-Blinding Pearl. But no worries. Burning Lamp administered a pill, and Jiang Ziya and Huang Tianhua both regained their sight a short while later. But Huang Tianhua was seething and obsessed with getting revenge.
Huang Tianhua wasn’t the only one pissed off after that day’s battle. On the other side, High Firmament and Green Firmament were both wounded, and High Firmament said, “I didn’t want to hurt them, and yet they injured me! Fine! Sisters, everything is out the window now. Even if they were from our sect, we must avenge this, nevermind that they are from the Chan sect!”
After taking a get-well-soon magic pill, High Firmament told Wen Zhong, “Choose 600 stout men and assign them to me. I’ll have a use for them.”
Wen Zhong did as she asked, and soon 600 stout soldiers reported for duty. The five ladies now went to the back of the camp with their men. Two weeks later, High Firmament came back and told Wen Zhong, “We have set up a formation. Come watch us take on the disciples of the Chan sect.”
Now Wen Zhong must be thinking to himself, “Oh, great! Another formation. The other nine had worked SOOOO well.” But nonetheless, he asked, “What kind of secret does this formation hold?”
“It’s based on the principles behind heaven, earth, and man,” High Firmament explained. “Within it, there are pills to stun immortals and spells to confine them. It will take away their spirits, their souls, and their energy, and destroy their bodies. An immortal will degenerate into a mortal, and a mortal will lose his life. It contains the secret of secrets, the miracle of miracles. Even the heads of the three schools of religion cannot escape their fates inside.”
Wen Zhong, apparently not learning his lesson from the previous nine formations, was delighted and immediately ordered his army to line up for battle. To see if this formation will fare any better than the others, tune in to the next episode of the Chinese Lore Podcast. Thanks for listening!
Music in This Episode
- “Sao Meo” by Doug Maxwell / Zac Zinger
- “Ravines” by Elphnt (from YouTube audio library)
- “Slow Times Over Here” by Midnight North (from YouTube audio library)
- “Dark Toys” by SYBS (from YouTube audio library)