Journey 018: Going Hog Wild
The pilgrims spend the night with a family experiencing major buyer’s remorse about their son-in-law.
Transcript
Welcome to the Chinese Lore Podcast, where I retell classic Chinese stories in English. This is episode 18 of Journey to the West.
Last time, we left off with San Zang and Sun Wukong coming across a village estate on their journey. They headed over to ask for lodging for the night and ran into a young man coming out. Wukong grabbed the guy as they passed each other and asked for the name of the place. The young man was in no mood to play around, though, and quickly lost his temper. He twisted left and right, but could not break loose of Wukong’s iron grasp.
Now thoroughly flummoxed, the young man tossed his bundle and umbrella to the ground, and tried to grab Wukong. But Wukong held him in one hand while still carrying his master’s luggage in the other. The young man could not reach Wukong or break loose, and he was so angry that he was about to blow his lid.
San Zang now intervened and said, “Wukong, don’t you see other people over there? Why don’t you just ask them? Why are you holding onto him?”
Wukong chuckled, “Master, you don’t understand. It’s no fun asking someone else. I have to ask him.”
Finally relenting, the young man said, “This is part of the territory of the Wu (1) Si (1) Chang (2) Kingdom. It’s called Old Gao (1) Village. Most of the people here have the last name Gao, hence its name. Now let me go!”
But Wukong asked another question. “You look like you’re dressed for a long trip. Tell me the truth: Where are you going? What business do you have? Then I’ll release you.”
Again, the young man had no choice but to tell him, “I am an attendant to Old Mr. Gao. My name is Gao Cai (2). My master has a daughter. She’s 20 and not yet married. Three years ago, a demon took her. So for three years, that demon has been my master’s son-in-law. My master is not happy. He said, ‘This cannot go on. It’s a disgrace to the clan, and we have no in-laws.’ So he wanted to have the marriage annulled, but that demon refused and instead locked my master’s daughter in the rear quarters. It’s been half a year and she hasn’t been allowed to see her family. So my master gave me a few taels of silver and told me to go find an exorcist to capture that demon. I’ve been running around nonstop. I’ve recruited three or four people, but they’re all useless monks and Daoist priests who could do nothing to tame that demon. Just now, my master scolded me and said I was incompetent. He then gave me five taels of silver for travel money and sent me out to find a good exorcist. Who knew I would run into a troublemaker like you, accosting me and delaying my travels. That’s why I was pissed and got into it with you. And who knew that you would have some skills. I can’t beat you, so I can only tell you the truth. Now, let me go!”
But Wukong told him, “You’ve got good luck, and I’ve got business. What a match made in heaven! No need for you to go anywhere or waste your money. We’re not useless monks or priests. We have real skills and are adept at capturing demons. As the saying goes, ‘You not only have a caring physician now, but you’ve also cured your eyes as well!’ May I trouble you to go announce us to your master as the sage monk, the imperial brother of the emperor of the East, and the pilgrim heading West to fetch sacred scriptures. And tell him that we are adept at taming demons.”
Gao Cai was skeptical though. “Don’t you mess with me; I’m already pissed,” he said. “If you’re lying and don’t have any skills to capture that demon, you’re going to earn me another scolding.”
“I promise I won’t fail you. Now, lead us to your home.”
It’s not like Gao Cai had a whole lot of options here. So he turned around and led the pilgrims to his master’s estate. He told them, “Elders, please rest against the hitching post for a minute while I go announce you to my master.”
Only now did Wukong let him go. While the pilgrims waited by the door, Gao Cai rushed in and ran into his master, Old Mr. Gao, in the main parlor. As soon as they crossed paths, Mr. Gao scolded his servant, “You disobedient animal! What are you doing back here instead of going to look for an exorcist?!”
Gao Cai put down his bundle and umbrella and said, “Master, please hear me. I had just gone to the end of the street when I ran into two monks, one on horseback and the other carrying a load of luggage. One of them grabbed me and refused to let go until I told them where I was headed. I refused at first, but he won’t let me go. So I told him about your situation. He was delighted and offered to help us capture that demon.”
“Where are they from?” Mr. Gao asked.
“They said they’re sage monks and imperial brothers sent by the emperor of the East, and that they’re heading West to see the Buddha and request scriptures.”
“Since they’re monks from afar, maybe they really do have some skills. Where are they now?”
Gao Cai told his master that the monks were right outside, so Mr. Gao hurriedly changed into some nice clothes and headed out with Gao Cai to greet his visitors. San Zang heard him call out and quickly turned to see him. The old man wore a black silk wrap, a white silk brocade robe, a pair of rough steer hide boots, and a dark green belt. He approached his visitors with a big smile and bowed to San Zang, saying, “Elders, welcome!”
While San Zang bowed to return his greetings, Wukong just stood still. Upon seeing his ferocious face, Old Mr. Gao was too afraid to bow to him.
“Hey, why aren’t you welcoming ME?!” Wukong demanded.
The old man was scared. He called Gao Cai over and scolded him, “Are you trying to kill me, you idiot?! We already have an ugly son-in-law that we can’t get rid off. Why did you bring this monster to harm me?!”
“Hey, old man, considering your age, how come you don’t know any better?!” Wukong scoffed. “You’re wrong to judge people by their looks. Yeah, I may not be easy on the eyes, but I have skills. I can capture your demon for you. I can tame your son-in-law and return your daughter to you. Isn’t that a good thing? Why must you comment on my looks?!”
Old Mr. Gao was trembling, but he had no choice but to summon his courage and invite both monks into his home. Invitation acknowledged, Wukong now led the horse and told Gao Cai to carry the luggage as they accompanied San Zang into the estate. He didn’t stand on ceremony either. He hitched the horse to a pillar in the parlor and pulled over a faded lacquered chair for his master to sit down in. He himself then pulled over another chair and sat down next to San Zang.
“This little monk really knows how to make himself at home,” Mr. Gao commented.
“If you’re willing to let me stay here for half a year, THEN I’ll be at home,” Wukong joked.
Once they sat down, Mr. Gao said, “My servant tells me that you two elders are from the East?”
“Indeed,” San Zang replied. “I am heading West on my emperor’s decree to see the Buddha and request sacred scripture. We were passing through your honorable estate and would like to ask for lodging for tonight. We’ll leave tomorrow morning.”
“Oh, so you two were seeking lodging. How come my servant said you can capture demons?” Mr. Gao asked, not too pleased at this turn of events.
But Wukong cut in. “We ARE seeking lodging, but while we’re at it, we can catch a few demons for fun. How many demons do y’all have in your home?”
“Oh god! How many can we stand?!” Mr. Gao exclaimed in exasperation. “Just this one demon son-in-law has made us suffer enough!”
“Tell me everything about that demon’s origins and powers,” Wukong said. “Then I can help you capture him.”
So Old Mr. Gao launched into his exposition.
“Our estate had never been haunted by any ghosts or demons in its history. I had three daughters but no sons. The two older daughters had already been married off to families in the village. The youngest one was named Cuilan (4,2) — which by the way means Green Orchid — was still home. I wanted to find a son-in-law who would stay at our home, help take care of us in our old age, and help with the housework.
“Three years ago, a man showed up. He was decent looking. He said he was from a nearby mountain and that his last name was Zhu — which by the way meant pig. He said he had no family and was willing to be my son-in-law. I saw that he was a man without roots, so I married my daughter to him. When he first joined us, he was quite diligent. When he tilled the fields, he didn’t need oxen or plow. When he harvested wheat, he didn’t need sickles. He rose early and came home late. It was all good, except for one thing. His face started to change.”
“How so?” Wukong asked.
“When he first got here, he was a swarthy fat man,” Mr. Gao explained. “But later, he became an idiot with a long snout and big ears. And he had a streak of mane running down the back of his head. His body was terrifyingly coarse. He looked like a pig. And he had a huge appetite. He could eat five ladles of rice at every meal. And for breakfast, he required 110 buns. It’s a good thing he prefers vegetarian meals. If he ate meat or drank wine, he would have eaten me out of house and home within half a year.”
San Zang chimed in, “Maybe he eats so much because he works so much.”
“His appetite is just a minor issue,” Mr. Gao said. “The bigger problem is that he can control the wind and comes and goes enveloped in mist and clouds, sending pebbles and sand swirling everywhere. My family and our neighbors are all scared and have no peace. And he’s locked my daughter in our back building. We haven’t seen her in half a year. We don’t even know if she’s dead or alive. That’s how we know he’s a demon and want to find an exorcist to make him go away.”
“That’s not so hard,” Wukong said. “Old man, don’t worry. I’ll catch him tonight and make him write an annulment letter to return your daughter. How does that sound?”
“My having made him my son-in-law has ruined my reputation and alienated me from my relatives, but none of that matters,” Mr. Gao said. “If you can catch him, who cares about an annulment letter? Just get rid of him for me.”
“No problem at all,” Wukong reassured him. “Once night falls, you’ll see.”
Mr. Gao was delighted. He immediately told his servants to set the table and prepare a meal. After the meal, night was approaching. He now asked, “What kind of weapons do you need? How many people do you want to accompany you? Let’s get everything ready.”
“I’ve got my own weapon,” Wukong said.
“But you two only have your Buddhist staff. How can that be used against a demon?”
Wukong now took out a needle from his ear, gave it a swoosh through the air, and it turned into his golden rod.
“So you’re set on weapons; what about men to help you?” Mr. Gao asked.
“No need. Just have a few old men keep my master company and shoot the breeze, so that I can leave him here. When I bring that demon to you, we’ll sort it out and rid you of your troubles.”
So Mr. Gao sent someone to invite a few of his old friends over. They soon arrived. After they were introduced, Wukong told San Zang, “Master, just sit and take it easy. I’m off.”
He then pulled Mr. Gao aside and said, “Take me to the back building so I can have a look at where that demon is staying.”
When they arrived at the door of the back building, Wukong said to his host, “Go get the key.”
“Listen to you,” Mr. Gao scoffed. “If I could open it with a key, then why would I need you?”
Wukong chuckled, “Oh you old man. I was just teasing, but you took it seriously.”
He now approached the door and felt the lock. Its keyhole had been filled in with melted bronze. But that was nothing his golden rod couldn’t take care of. A second later, the lock was busted, and the door was open. But it was pitch black inside.
“Old man, go call out to your daughter and see if she’s inside,” Wukong instructed.
Mr. Gao worked up his courage and called out, “Daughter?”
From the shadows came a feeble voice, “Papa, I’m here.”
Wukong directed his fiery golden gaze toward the darkness. He saw a young woman with disheveled hair and unwashed face. Mr. Gao rushed over, held his daughter Cuilan, and cried aloud. But Wukong said, “Don’t cry, don’t cry. Tell me, where is the demon?”
The daughter said, “I don’t know. Recently, he’s been leaving at dawn and coming back at night. He’s always enshrouded in fog and mist. I don’t know where he’s coming from. He knows my father wants to annul the marriage, so he’s always on guard. That’s why he’s leaving at dawn and only coming back at dusk.”
“Alright, Mr. Gao, take your daughter to the front building and take your time catching up,” Wukong said. “I will wait here for the demon. If he doesn’t show up, then don’t blame me. But if he comes, I will rid you of your trouble.”
Mr. Gao was delighted and took his daughter back into their home. Wukong, meanwhile, gave his body a twist and transformed into the daughter’s likeness. He then sat down in the room and waited.
Before long, a strong gale blew through the estate, whipping up sand and pebbles. When it ceased, a demon appeared in the sky. He was indeed ugly, with a dark face covered with stubby hair, a long snout, and huge ears. He wore an off-color blue-green cotton tunic, and had a spotted cotton handkerchief tied around his head.
“Heh, this thing, huh?” Wukong secretly chuckled under his breath.
Instead of getting up to greet him, Wukong just lay down in bed, pretended to be sick, and moaned nonstop. The demon was not aware of the ruse. He walked into the room, grabbed hold of his … umm … darling, and wanted a kiss.
Wukong was like oh boy, I didn’t sign up for this. So he grabbed the demon’s long snout and gave him a shove, sending him tumbling backward off the bed.
Scrambling to his feet and propping himself against the edge of the bed, the demon said, “Honey, are you mad at me today? Was I late?”
“No, I’m not mad,” his … umm … honey replied.
“Then why did you push me?”
“You’re such a boor; as soon as you came in, you wanted to smooch. I’m not feeling well tonight. Otherwise I would’ve opened the door for you. Oh well, you can disrobe and come to bed.”
The demon said ok and started to undress. While he was doing that, Wukong hopped out of the bed and perched on top of the chamber pot. When the demon got back on the bed, he groped around in the dark but couldn’t find his honey.
“Baby, where did you go? You should disrobe and come to bed, too.”
“Oh you go on and sleep; I need to relieve myself,” Wukong replied.
So the demon indeed lay down in bed. Wukong, meanwhile, sighed and muttered, “What rotten luck.”
The demon heard this and asked, “What’s bothering you? Why are you complaining about rotten luck? Since I came to your home, even though I have eaten a lot of food, I didn’t eat for free. I’ve helped your family sweep, clean out ditches, move bricks, carry tiles, transport earth, build walls, plow fields, till the earth, sow wheat, and plant rice, and I made your family prosperous. Right now you’re wearing brocade and gold, and enjoy delicious fruits and vegetables all year round. What could you be so unhappy about that you have to sigh and lament your rotten luck?!”
“You don’t understand. Today my parents were cursing me from the other side of the wall.”
“What did they say?”
“They said that you may be their son-in-law, but you show no propriety at all. You’re so ugly. They can’t meet their in-laws, and they’re shunned by their own relatives. And you’re always coming and going amid clouds and mist. Who knows where you come from. They said you’re ruining their reputation. That’s why they were scolding me, and that’s why I’m irritated.”
“Look, I may be a bit homely, but if you want me to be handsome, that’s not a problem. I had already gone over the whole looks thing with them when I first came here. That’s why they were willing to have me as their son-in-law. So why are they complaining about that now? And I live in the Cloud Stack Cave on Fortune Hill Mountain. I look like a pig, so I took the character Zhu, or pig, as my last name. My name is Zhu Ganglie (1,4). If they ever ask you about that again, just tell them that.”
And by the way, the demon’s first name, Ganglie, means Stiff Bristles. Anyway, Wukong was secretly delighted. While he listened, he thought to himself, “This demon is actually pretty honest. He’s telling me everything without me having to beat it out of him. Since I have his name and the location of his home, I’ll capture him for sure.”
Wukong now said, “My parents are hiring an exorcist to apprehend you.”
The demon laughed, “Come sleep! Nevermind them! With my powers of transformation and my nine-toothed rake, what fear do I have of exorcists, monks, or priests? Even if your father invited the Monster-Taming Patriarch from heaven, he and I are acquaintances, and he won’t dare touch me.”
“But my dad said he’s invited the Great Sage Equal to Heaven, some guy named Sun who caused a ruckus in heaven 500 years ago.”
When that name got tossed around, the demon froze and said wearily, “If that’s the case, I’ve gotta go. We can’t be together anymore.”
“Why?”
“You don’t understand, that troublesome stable monkey has some skills. I might not be a match for him, and then my reputation would be sullied. It won’t look good.”
As he spoke, the demon put his clothes back on, opened the door, and started to head out. But Wukong grabbed him, turned back into his own form, and shouted, “Demon, where are you going?! Take a look at who I am!”
The demon turned around, saw Wukong’s fiery golden eyes, pointy head, and hairy face, and he was so scared that he became numb and weak. With a loud ripping sound, he tore his clothes, got loose, and fled in a swirling gale. Wukong pulled out his golden rod and swung through the wind, but the demon had already turned into a flaming light and was fleeing back toward his own mountain hideout. Wukong flew behind him and shouted, “Where are you going to run to? If you go up to the heavens, I will chase you to the Palace of the Polestar. If you flee into the earth, I will pursue you to hell!”
And so the chase went on, until suddenly, a tall mountain came into view. The demon now morphed back into his true form, rushed into his cave, retrieved a nine-tooth rake, and came out to face Wukong. Wukong shouted, “Damn demon, what kind of devil are you? How do you know my name? What skills do you have? Tell me the truth, and I’ll spare your life!”
“Ha! Not even you are aware of my powers. Steady yourself, and I’ll tell you,” the demon retorted. And then he launched into a LONG poem recounting his past. I’m not going to recite the whole thing. Basically, this demon was a dim, lazy youth until he met an immortal who set him straight and steered him down the right path. After much laboring, he became a god and ascended to heaven, where the Jade Emperor made him the Marshal of the Celestial Stream, putting him in command of the heavenly navy. So this was a real feel-good story, until one day, the Jade Emperor’s queen held one of her famous peach parties. This guy got totally hammered at the feast, and then we’ll let him tell the next part of the story, in verse:
My mind turned hazy for I got dead drunk,
A shameless rowdy reeling left and right.
Boldly I barged into Vast Cold Palace
Where the charming fairy received me.
When I saw her face that would snare one’s soul,
My carnal itch of old could not be stopped!
Without regard for manners or for rank,
I grabbed Miss Chang’e asking her to bed.
Three or four times she rejected me:
Hiding east and west, she was sorely annoyed.
My passion sky-high, I roared like thunder,
Almost toppling the arch of Heaven’s gate.
So this Chang’e the demon mentioned was the Moon Goddess. She was a mortal who ascended to heaven after taking magical elixirs. She chose the moon as her abode, and it’s pretty well understood among the gods that she should be left to her solitude there in the Vast Cold Palace. Welp, this Marshal of the Celestial Stream was too drunk to remember the memo, and sexual harassment was sexual harassment, even when recounted in semi-poetic verse.
So there was bound to be some fallout from this, and fall out he did. The Marshal was seized by a gaggle of other gods and dragged in front of the Jade Emperor to await his punishment. Remember, the Jade Emperor was the guy who was going to execute the Little White Dragon, aka San Zang’s new horse, for accidentally burning a magic pearl. You can only imagine what he had in store for this guy. But thanks to some intervention by Venus, the Marshal’s sentence was reduced. In the end, he received a caning of 2,000 strokes with a mallet, which left his skin split and his bones nearly shattered. And then he was literally cast out of heaven, to be reincarnated into the mortal realm. So, heaven’s HR department apparently does NOT play around when it comes to MeToo scandals. Good for them.
And to add insult to injury, as he was hurled from heaven, the Marshal landed in the wrong womb. Instead of a human, he was cast into the womb of a pig, and so he ended up as this half-pig, half-man creature.
When the demon got to this part of his story, Wukong cut in and said, “So, you were the Marshal of the Celestial Stream. No wonder you recognized my name.”
“You damn stable monkey! Do you know how much trouble you caused for us back in the day? And now you’re picking on me again! Have a taste of my rake!”
And so the two went at it, engaging in a fierce fight on the mountain in the dark. They fought from about 9 p.m. to dawn. By now, the demon was faltering, so he turned into a wild wind again and fled back inside his cave, shut the door tightly behind him, and refused to come out.
Wukong thought to himself, “I best not keep my master waiting too long. Let me go see him first, and then come back to capture this demon.”
So he flew back to the Gao Village. There, he found San Zang still chatting with the old men from the village. In fact, they had stayed up all night talking and waiting. Suddenly, Wukong descended from the sky, put away his rod, tidied up his outfit, and came in to pay his respects to his master. All the old men bowed to thank him for his efforts, and San Zang asked him how things went.
Wukong recounted the demon’s backstory and the events of the night. At this point, Old Mr. Gao kneeled and said, “Elder, I have no choice. You may have chased the demon away, but he’ll be back as soon as you leave. Please help me catch him and eliminate our worries for good. I would naturally thank you immensely. I’ll have my friends and relatives serve as guarantors and sign over half of my land to you, just so long as you pull out the weed by the root so that our family’s pure virtue would not be violated.”
But Wukong chuckled. “Old man, you really don’t know any better. That demon told me that even though he has a huge appetite and ate a lot of your food, he did do a lot of good work for you. All the extra money your family made these past few years was thanks to him. Since he didn’t eat your stuff without repayment, how can you justify dumping him? He’s a god who has come down from heaven to work for you. And he hasn’t mistreated your daughter. As a son-in-law, he’s a pretty good match for you, so he couldn’t have damaged your reputation or stained your virtue that much. You should just keep him.”
“Master, even though he hasn’t acted immorally, this whole thing still gives us a bad name,” Old Mr. Gao pleaded. “People are always saying how our family took in a demon for a son-in-law. How can we live with that?”
San Zang now chimed in, “Wukong, since you’re helping him, then you should help him all the way.”
“Oh I was just having a little fun with him. This time, I’ll go capture that demon for sure and bring him back to y’all. No worries. Hey, old man, keep taking good care of my master. I’m off!”
And so, Wukong took to the sky again. To see how he will tame this demon, tune in to the next episode of the Chinese Lore Podcast. Thanks for listening!
Music in This Episode
- “Luỹ Tre Xanh Ngát Đầu Làng (Guzheng) – Vietnam BGM” by VPRODMUSIC_Asia_BGM
- “Day of Recon” by Max Surla/Media Right Productions (from YouTube audio library)