Journey 005: Horsing Around

A trip to Hell nets Sun Wukong a visit to Heaven.

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Welcome to the Chinese Lore Podcast, where I retell classic Chinese stories in English. This is episode 5 of Journey to the West.

Last time Sun Wukong imposed himself on the dragon king of the East Sea and ended up with an awesome magical golden rod for a weapon and a fancy suit of armor. Upon returning to Flower and Fruit Mountain with his new gear, he received even more respect and congratulations than before. He also started codifying his burgeoning governing apparatus even more. He named four old monkeys as top generals and put them in charge of setting up military camps and laying down rules for rewards and punishments. 

Having handed off the self-manufactured burdens of governance, Sun Wukong was now free to tour all corners of the realm every day, visiting other heroes and warriors, showing off his skills, and making friends. In time, he became sworn brothers with six other supernatural beings. These included the Demon Ox King, the Demon Dragon King, the Demon Garuda King, the Giant Lynx King, the Macaque King, and the Orangutan King. This band of seven brothers made merry near and far every day. So, life was good.

One day, Sun Wukong played host to his six sworn brothers. They slaughtered oxens and horses to offer sacrifices to heaven and earth, danced and sang wildly with their fellow demons, and partied until they were all nice and hammered. Once his six brothers left, Sun Wukong partied again with his own monkey troupe. At the end of the day, he was partied out. He fell asleep under the shade of a pine tree next to the steel bridge in his cave, while his four senior monkey generals and their guards quietly stood watch around him.

As he was deep in his slumber, Sun Wukong suddenly saw two figures approaching. They carried a warrant with his name on it. They came up to him, and before he said anything, they threw a rope around him and dragged his soul away. As he drunkenly stumbled and followed, they came to a walled city. By now, Sun Wukong was starting to sober up. He looked up and saw a metal placard above the gates to the city. It said: The Netherworld.

Sun Wukong snapped to his senses and said, “The Netherworld is the domain of the King of Death. What am I doing here?”

His two escorts told him, “Your allotted time in the world of the living is at an end. We have been ordered to bring you here.”

“I have transcended life and death. I am beyond the jurisdiction of the King of Death. How can you be so dimwitted that you would dare to apprehend me?!”

The two escorts were like, look, we’re just punching the clock and following orders here. They kept pulling on the rope to try to yank him into the city. That riled up Wukong. He took out the magic rod that he had shrunken and tucked inside his ear, enlarged it to its usual size, and flattened his two escorts into puddles of meat paste. He then threw off his binds and stormed into the city of the dead with rod in hand and started making a mess of things.

All the ghost lackeys ran for cover, and some dashed to the palace to report what happened. Now, instead of one King of Death, there were actually 10 Kings of Death. And if you remember from the end of Investiture of the Gods, the general Flying Tiger from that novel was put in charge of the Underworld, which made it sound like he was the only guy in charge. But in Journey to the West, he was just one member of a 10-person board. 

Anyway, these 10 Kings of the Underworld got word that havoc was being wrought by someone who looked like a furry-faced version of the God of Thunder — which by the way sounds like a reference to Thunderbolt from Investiture of the Gods. So they hurriedly came out to have a look. When they saw how vicious Sun Wukong was, they quickly lined up in order of rank and shouted, “Great immortal, please tell us your name!”

“I am Sun Wukong, a sage from the Water Curtain Cave on Flower and Fruit Mountain. Who the hell are you?!”

“We are the 10 Kings of the Netherworld.”

“Hurry up and tell me your names, and I’ll spare you a beating!”

So the 10 kings introduced themselves. Then Sun Wukong scolded them, “Since you all were made kings of this place, you must have some ounce of intelligence. How come you don’t know any better? I have cultivated my Dao and attained immortality. I am as eternal as heaven and beyond the bounds of life and death. Why did you send summoners to bring me here?”

“Great immortal, please calm down,” the kings said. “Lots of people share the same name. Maybe our summoners made a mistake?”

“Bullcrap! Bullcrap!” Wukong scoffed. “As the proverb says, ‘Officials err, clerks err, but the summoners never err.’ Bring me the registers of births and deaths so I can have a look!”

So, apparently, the Kings of the Underworld have paper ledgers with the names of every creature that has ever lived, listed with their predetermined lifespans. And with Wukong threatening them with a taste of his magic rod, they did not dare to refuse his demand. While he sat down on the throne in the palace, the 10 kings ordered the guys in charge of the registries to bring out the appropriate volumes. 

Wukong flipped through these ledgers one by one. He was not listed in the volumes for short-haired creatures, furry creatures, winged creatures, crawling creatures, or scaly creatures. As it turns out, monkeys had their own ledger, because they resembled humans and animals but did not fully belong with either. So I guess this was the ledger for the Uncanny Valley. 

After a while, Wukong found his name, listed under the heading Soul Number 1350. He was described as a heaven-born stone monkey, destined to live for 342 years before a peaceful death.

“The hell with the age number, let me just cross out my name altogether!” Wukong scoffed. “Bring me a brush!”

So the judge in charge of the books brought him a brush and personally made some ink for him on the inkstone. Wukong crossed out his name, and while he was at it, he crossed out all the other names in this ledger of monkeys. So, he just gave eternal life to every fellow member of the simian race, I guess. 

“Done! Now we’re beyond your jurisdiction!” he said as he tossed the ledger aside and stormed out of the Underworld, making another mess with his rod on the way out. As he was leaving, though, he suddenly tripped and fell, and startled awake. Turns out, it was all just a dream … or was it?

“Great king, you drank a ton and slept all night!” he heard his four senior monkey generals shout to him. “It’s time to wake up!”

Sun Wukong got up and recounted his dream, and all the monkeys in his troupe kowtowed to thank him for making them all immortal. Hey, another reason to party! And so he did, as he resumed his daily merrymaking with his monkeys and demon friends.

Meanwhile, up in the palace of heaven, the Jade Emperor was holding court one day when one of his officials reported, “Ao (4) Guang (3), the Dragon King of the East Sea, is outside seeking an audience.”

The Jade Emperor summoned him in, and the Dragon King presented a petition, which said: “Your minor dragon official of the East Sea from the world below respectfully informs your highness: Recently, a demon from the Water Curtain Cave on Flower and Fruit Mountain, Sun Wukong, bullied me and refused to leave my abode until I gave him a weapon and a suit of armor. He wounded and frightened my guards, and my brothers and I had no choice but to bow to his demands. I gave him a magic rod and a suit of armor. He then showed off his skills and was invincible. We had no way to tame him. I beg your highness to dispatch your heavenly soldiers to bring this demon to heel and restore peace to our seas.”

After reading the petition, the Jade Emperor told the dragon king, “You may return to your sea. I will send some generals to apprehend this demon.”

No sooner had the dragon king left did another official report that the leader of the 10 Kings of Death was waiting outside. When this guy was summoned in, he presented a petition that said:

“Our realm is the Underworld. Just as there are gods in heaven, there must be ghosts in the Underworld. The Yin and the Yang must each take its turn. All creatures that live must die. These cycles are the natural way of things and cannot be violated. Yet, Sun Wukong, a demon monkey from the Water Curtain Cave on Flower and Fruit Mountain, refused to obey and viciously killed our summoners, threatened the kings, caused a ruckus, and took his name off the registries of life and death. Now, all monkeys have eternal life. This is an insult to heaven. We beg you to dispatch your divine troops to arrest this demon and restore the proper order of things.”

Just like he did with the dragon king, the Jade Emperor told the King of Death that he’d take care of it. After the King of Death left, the Jade Emperor asked his court, “When was this demon monkey born? How did he attain such powers?”

Before he finished speaking, his two reconnaissance officers, Thousand-Mile Eyes and Favorable Wind Ears, stepped forth and said, “This is the stone monkey that was born of heaven some 300 years ago. We thought nothing of him at the time. But somewhere along the way, he cultivated his Dao and became a powerful immortal.”

“Which of our divine generals will go apprehend him?” the Jade Emperor asked.

But the person who answered this call was not a general, but one of his civil officials. He was known as the Spirit of the Great White Golden Star, or the Evening Star, or in some translations, Venus. I’ll call him Venus from here on. 

Venus now kneeled and said to the Jade Emperor, “In all the three regions, all creatures endowed with the nine orifices can cultivate their Dao and attain immortality. Besides, this monkey was born of heaven and earth, of the sun and the moon. He touches the sky and the earth and is nurtured by their essence. He has cultivated his Dao and attained immortality and the powers to tame dragons and tigers. How is he any different from a human being? I hope your highness will exercise compassion on all living things and issue a decree of amnesty. Summon him here to heaven and bestow upon him some minor office so that we can keep him here under our control. If he obeys your commands, then you can reward him in the future. If he disobeys, then you can capture him right here. This would save you from having to mobilize any armies and allow you to recruit an immortal into your service.”

So for those of you who listened to the podcast when we were covering the Water Margin, this strategy ought to sound familiar, since this whole amnesty thing was the same approach that the Song emperor took to solve the headaches caused by the outlaws in that novel. And we see here that the court of heaven apparently runs much like the courts of the mortal realm, and that even powerful divine beings are more than happy to resort to such underhanded tactics. The Jade Emperor agreed with Venus’s suggestion and ordered him to go deliver the decree of amnesty.

So Venus left the palace of heaven and descended down to Flower and Fruit Mountain. He made his way to the Water Curtain Cave and told the monkey lackeys, “I am an envoy from heaven, bearing a decree from the Jade Emperor inviting your king to heaven. Inform him at once!”

The message made it way through the multiple levels of monkey guards, and they told Sun Wukong, “There’s an old man outside carrying a document. He said he’s an envoy from heaven, with an imperial invitation for you.”

Wukong was delighted. “I’ve been thinking about visiting heaven recently, but now they’ve sent an envoy to invite me. Show him in!”

So he tidied up his clothes and went outside to welcome Venus. Once he entered the cave, Venus stood facing South and said, “I am the Spirit of Venus. I have come on the command of the Jade Emperor to invite you to heaven to receive an immortal appointment.”

Wukong smiled and thanked him, and then ordered his monkeys to prepare a feast. But Venus said, “I am here on business and dare not linger. Please come with me now. After you’ve received your appointment, then we can celebrate.”

Wukong agreed and told his four senior monkeys, “Keep a close eye on our little ones. I’m going to check out heaven, so that I can bring you all up there to live with me later.”

This done, Wukong and Venus took to the air and headed for heaven. Well, Wukong’s Somersault Cloud was like warp 9 compared to Venus’ quarter impulse speed, so before long, Wukong had left his companion behind. He arrived alone outside the southern gate of heaven. He was just about to show himself in when he was accosted by a squad of divine guards, led by one of the four Heavenly Kings. 

Now, these four Heavenly Kings were Devas. No, not divas as in female performers with a high opinion of themselves, but devas as in powerful celestial beings from Buddhist mythology. However, they also correspond to a set of four brothers that we met in the Investiture of the Gods. These were the Mo (1) brothers, who were Jie Sect Daoists who fought and died for the wrong side in that novel. They each had a special magical weapon — a sword, an umbrella, a pipa or lute, and a killer mink. At the end of the novel, their spirits were canonized as gods, and so, here they are, in the service of heaven. 

The guy that Sun Wukong ran into was named Virudhaka, which means growth. He and his guards brandished their weapons and refused to let this simian intruder past. 

“Damn that Venus, wiley old scoundrel,” Sun Wukong cursed. “He invited me here, and yet he also told these guys to block my way with weapons?”

Just as they were about to come to blows, Venus caught up, and Wukong gave him an earful.

“You old scoundrel, why did you lie to me?! You said the Jade Emperor issued a decree to invite me here, but then why are these guys blocking the gate and refusing to let me pass?”

Venus smiled and said, “Please calm down, great king. You’ve never been to heaven, and you didn’t announce your name. These guards don’t recognize you, so how could they let you in? Once you’ve met the Jade Emperor and received your appointment, then you can come and go at will and no one would get in your way.”

“If that’s the case, the hell with it! I’m not going in!” Wukong pouted.

But Venus stopped him from leaving and insisted that he go in. So they approached the gate, and Venus declared aloud, “Havenly guards, make way! This is an immortal from the world below. I summoned him here on a decree from the Jade Emperor!”

So the guards backed off, which convinced Wukong to listen to Venus, and the two of them walked in. As they entered, Wukong feasted his eyes on this literally heavenly realm. The whole place was enveloped in golden light and red and purple mist. The south gate was made of deep green tiles and adorned with precious jade. Celestial generals stood guard on both sides, everyone of them standing tall and erect. Around them were numerous armed gods clad in golden armor. Inside the palace were giant columns decorated with golden-scaled dragons and long bridges adorned with soaring phoenixes. The compound was made up of 33 palaces in all, which had a total of 72 large halls. There was a Longevity Star Terrace, where exotic eternal herbs and flowers thrived. Everything was gold, or jade, or some other type of precious material. Anyway, you get the picture. Heaven was a very fancy, shiny place.

Venus now led Wukong to the Treasure Hall of Divine Mists, where the Jade Emperor usually held court. They entered before they were announced. While Venus kneeled and reported to the Jade Emperor, Wukong just stood and listened. 

“Per your highness’s command,” Venus said, “I have summoned the demon immortal here.”

“Which one is the demon immortal?” the Jade Emperor asked from behind the bead curtain that obscured his revered countenance from view.

Wukong did a light bow and said, “Here I am! What’s up?”

All the hidebound officials in attendance were mortified by that response, and they scolded Wukong about the impropriety of his answer to the boss of heaven. But said bossman declared, “Sun Wukong is a demon immortal from the world below. He has only recently learned the ways of man and doesn’t understand court customs. I will pardon his offense.”

“Thank his highness!” all the bootlicking officials told Wukong in one voice. 

Thus compelled, Wukong did a deep bow. Now, the Jade Emperor commanded his officials to look into what current vacancies there were in heaven that Wukong could fill. I guess jobs don’t open up very often when everyone in the organization is a god.

One of his officials, the Martial Star Spirit, came forth with an answer. This guy, by the way, was said to have incarnated himself in such illustrious mortal being as Ji Fa the Martial King, whom we know from Investiture of the Gods, and Guan Yu, the fearsome warrior from the Three Kingdoms. He now said to the Jade Emperor, “There are no vacancies anywhere except in the Imperial Stables, which are in need of a supervisor.”

“Well then, let him be a Stable Supervisor.” the Jade Emperor commanded.

All the officials again told Wukong to thank the Jade Emperor, which he did. The Jade Emperor then commanded the Wood Star Spirit to show Wukong the way to the stables so he could assume his new office.

So let’s pause real quick and talk about this appointment that Sun Wukong just got. The Chinese name for the position is Bi (4) Ma (3) Wen (1), or literally, Ban Horse Plague. There are a couple possible explanations for this title. One is that during the Eastern Han Dynasty, which encompassed the first couple centuries AD, stablehands would keep monkeys around in the stables on the belief that they helped keep horses from getting sick. Another version of this explanation was that stablehands would mix horse feed with monkey and horse urine because they believed that helps keep horses healthy. Either way, it’s not exactly a flattering title, and in the context of the story here, it basically means something like stable monkey.

But Sun Wukong was ignorant of all this. All he knew was that the bossman of heaven had invited him to visit and bestowed upon him an ethereal appointment. So he was delighted and went to the imperial stables. There, he assembled his staff and reviewed the registry of celestial horses, which numbered in the thousands. Wukong loved the horses and made sure his staff took good care of them. He himself was so diligent that he would often forgo sleep to tend to the herd. By day, he played with them, and by night, he took good care of them. The horses, in turn, all took to him as well. And before long, they were all in top-notch condition, thanks to his supervision.

Before you knew it, half a month had passed. One day, the staff set up a belated welcome feast for their new boss. As they were toasting each other, Wukong suddenly asked, “Hey, what is this Bi Ma Wen position that I’ve been appointed to?”

“That’s the name of the position,” his staff replied.

“And what grade is this position?”

“No grade,” they answered.

“No grade? It must be because it’s such a high position that it doesn’t fall into any grades?” Wukong wondered aloud.

“Uh … no,” his staff corrected him. “It means it’s ‘unclassified’.”

“What does ‘unclassified’ mean?”

“It means it has no grade. This is the lowest and most insignificant of official appointments. You’re just tending to the emperor’s horses. Even though you’ve done such a great job since taking office, all you’ll get is an empty compliment. And if you slip up in the slightest, you’ll be scolded. And if any horses get injured, you would be punished.”

When he heard that, Sun Wukong flew into a rage. He grinded his teeth and cursed aloud, “How dare they disrespect me so?! I was a king on my mountain! How can they summon me here to raise horses for them?! This is a job fit for youngins’ and underlings, not for me! The hell with this! I quit!”

As he cursed, he pushed his table over, pulled out his magic rod, and made his usual messy exit as he stormed out through the southern gate. Ironically, the guards there, being aware that he was now an officially appointed civil servant of heaven, didn’t get in his way and just let him pass. And so, he left in a huff and headed back to Flower and Fruit Mountain.

When Sun Wukong landed back on Flower and Fruit Mountain, he saw his four senior monkeys and other demon kings leading their troops in military drills. 

“Little ones, I’m back!” Wukong shouted. 

All the monkeys kowtowed to him and welcomed him back inside his cave, where he sat down on his throne and was treated to wine.

“Great King, congratulations!” his monkeys said. “You’ve been in heaven for more than a decade. You must have returned in glory!”

“What do you mean more than a decade? I was gone for just half a month.”

“A day in heaven is a year in the mortal realm,” the monkey explained. “So, what official position did you get?”

Waving his hand dismissively, Wukong vented, “What nonsense! I’m embarrassed to even talk about it. That Jade Emperor doesn’t recognize talent. He made me a stable monkey. Turns out it’s an unclassified, lowly role, basically just raising horses for him. I didn’t realize it when I first took office. But then when I asked my staff, I found out it was such a BS position. I got pissed off, so I quit and came back.”

“That’s great!” the monkeys said. “You’re the king of this blessed place. Here you are revered and carefree. Why go be their stableboy? Here, let’s have some wine and forget about that nonsense!”

As they were drinking, word came that there were two unicorn demon kings outside. Wukong called them in, and they entered and kneeled.

“What do you want?” Wukong asked.

“We have long heard that you are recruiting talent; we just didn’t have any means of introduction. But today, we saw that you had returned in glory after receiving an appointment from heaven, so we came to present you with a yellow robe as congratulations. Please accept it and accept us so that we may render some slight service for you.”

Wukong was delighted. He put on the robe at once and appointed the two unicorn demon kings as leaders of his vanguard. After they thanked him, they asked what position he received from heaven. That prompted Wukong to vent again about the disrespect he received.

When they heard his story, the demon kings said, “You possess such powers; how can you be their stablehand? Even if you were to declare yourself ‘Great Sage, Equal to Heaven,’ it would not be too much.”

Wukong was quite fond of that branding idea. He told his four senior monkey generals, “Make me a new banner immediately. It should say, ‘Great Sage, Equal to Heaven’. Fly it high, and from now on, you can’t call me Great King anymore. You must only refer to me as ‘Great Sage, Equal to Heaven.’ And send word around to all the demon kings of the various caves so that they’re aware as well.”

And so, from that day forth, Wukong went by his new self-anointed title, and Great Sage, Equal to Heaven, or just Great Sage for short, would become one of his monikers.

While Wukong was busy with the rollout of his rebranding campaign, heaven was busy getting into a tizzy over his departure. I mean, he didn’t even submit a letter of resignation or do an exit interview! What nerve?! The Jade Emperor was not amused when he got word of this, and he declared that his generals should lead the celestial army to go inform this simian rogue that nobody “quits” the celestial civil service.

When that order went out, two familiar faces came forth and volunteered to take the lead. They were Li (3) Jing (4), the wielder of the magical pagoda, and his third son, lotus boy Nezha. As you may remember, we met these two in Investiture of the Gods, where they went through a whole family feud that started with a 7-year-old Nezha acting like a 7-year-old and quickly escalated into a war with dragon kings, ritual suicide by said 7-year-old, desecration of his temple by his own father, and a whole arc of attempted patricide that was only resolved when a Daoist master gave Li Jing a magical pagoda that he could repeatedly drop on his son until Nezha fell in line. But father and son then reconciled, teamed up to help usher in a new dynasty, and then both ascended to godhood. And now they were serving in the Jade Emperor’s army of heaven. So Nezha has basically gone from being a rebellious troublemaker to being a stooge for the Man.

Nezha and Li Jing were two of heaven’s top warriors, so the Jade Emperor was delighted to have them volunteer. He appointed Li Jing as the Demon-Taming Grand Commander and gave Nezha an equally meaningless but impressive-sounding title as well, and sent them on their campaign. To see how this battle will go, tune in to the next episode of the Chinese Lore Podcast. Thanks for listening!

Music in This Episode

• “Luỹ Tre Xanh Ngát Đầu Làng (Guzheng) – Vietnam BGM” by VPRODMUSIC_Asia_BGM
• “Comfortable Mystery 3 – Film Noire” by Kevin MacLeod is licensed under a Creative Commons Attribution license (Source: http://incompetech.com/music/royalty-free/index.html?isrc=USUAN1100536; Artist: http://incompetech.com/)
• “Ravines” by Elphnt (from YouTube audio library)