Gods 042: Clutching Pearls
The body count is mounting, and so are Grand Tutor Wen’s hurt feelings.
Transcript
Welcome to the Chinese Lore Podcast, where I retell classic Chinese stories in English. This is episode 42 of Investiture of the Gods.
Last time, Jiang Ziya and his fellow Chan sect Daoists had broken four of the ten deadly formations that Grand Tutor Wen’s Jie Sect Daoist friends had set up, with casualties on both sides. As we rejoin the action, Mother Golden Light, who had just dispatched a junior Chan sect Daoist with lasers in her Golden Light formation, was squaring off against Master Grand Completion, one of the class of 12 senior Chan sect Daoists.
After trading a few blows with their swords, Mother Golden Light again retreated into her formation, and Grand Completion followed her in. She now unveiled her 21 magic mirrors again, and just like before, each shot out a beam of deadly golden light. But Grand Completion was ready. When he saw the light beams, he quickly unclasped his Daoist robe and covered himself from head to toe with it. The light beams shined on him for two hours, but could not penetrate the robe.
And now, while still taking shelter under his robe, Grand Completion took out his magical Heaven Churning Seal and hurled it at the mirrors, and within an instant, 19 of the 21 mirrors had been shattered. Mother Golden Light hurriedly picked up the last two mirrors and tried to direct their beams at Grand Completion. But while she was busy futzing with her mirrors, Grand Completion unleashed his seal again, and it struck her right on her head, smashing her so hard that her brains spilled out.
The sight of Grand Completion waltzing out of the formation once again angered Grand Tutor Wen, and shouted, “Grand Completion, don’t you go anywhere! I’m going to avenge Mother Golden Light!”
But just then, from inside the Bleeding Blood formation, the Daoist Sun Liang (2) shouted, “Brother Wen, no need for you to get angry. Let me capture him to avenge Mother Golden Light!”
This Sun Liang (2) had a face like a red date, short hair, and a tiger head coronet. As He dashed out on his deer, on the other side, Master Burning Lamp looked around for someone to send out. Just then, he saw a Daoist rushing onto the scene. This Daoist bowed to everyone and greeted them. Burning Lamp asked for his name, and he said, “I am Qiao (2) Kun (1), a hermit from the White Cloud Cave on Mount Wuyi (3,4). I heard that there was Bleeding Blood formation among the 10 deadly traps, so I’ve rushed here to help Jiang Ziya.”
Before he finished talking, they heard Sun Liang once again challenging someone to come test his formation. Qiao Kun shouted back, “I’m coming,” and went out with sword in hand. He said to Sun Liang, “Even though you all are members of the Jie (2) Sect, you are still men of religion. How can you act so wickedly and devise this deadly trap?”
“Who are you, that you dare to attack my Bleeding Blood formation?” Sun Liang scoffed. “Hurry and go on back; no point in you dying for nothing!”
Qiao Kun became irate at that slight. “Sun Liang, don’t you boast! I’m going to break your formation and take your head and display it in Western Qi.”
Sun Liang was also irate at that insolence, so the two started to follow the oh-so-familiar script. After a few exchanges with their swords, Sun Liang fell back into his formation, and Qiao Kun followed. As soon as he set foot inside the formation, he was met by a hail of basalt unleashed by Sun Liang, and they instantly reduced him to a pool of blood.
Sun Liang now went back out and shouted, “Burning Lamp, my friend, you sent a nobody to attack my formation, and he threw away his life for nothing!”
Burning Lamp was like, yeah, but you know, he was so eager and came all this way that I didn’t really want to deny him the chance to be cannon fodder. He now turned to another member of the illustrious class of 12, Fairy Primordial, and told him to go take a shot. When he saw Fairy Primordial come out, Sun Liang said, “Daoist brother, you are not the one to break my formation.”
Fairy Primordial, though, chuckled and said, “My friend, don’t boast. I’ll walk into your formation like it’s not even there.”
Sun Liang again became irate and attacked, and after a few exchanges, he again retreated into his formation. Fairy Primordial, egged on by the sound of bells from his own lines, chased him to the entrance of the formation. There, he pointed at his feet, and two green lotus flowers appeared. He stepped on them and floated into the formation. He then pointed up with his left hand, and a white beam shot out from one of his fingers. It went high into the air and formed a colorful cloud that shielded his head. When Sun Liang unleashed another hail of basalt, it disintegrated harmlessly the moment it touched the cloud. Sun Liang was fuming now, and he cast another hail of basalt, but with the same result.
Seeing that the jig was up, Sun Liang turned and fled. But Fairy Primordial now unleashed his Nine Dragon Sacred Fire Dome. It went up into the air and came down on top of Sun Liang. Fairy Primordial now tapped the dome with both hands, and nine fire dragons appeared, surrounding the dome, and unleashing their flames. Sun Liang was reduced to ashes in an instant.
Outside the formation, as Fairy Primordial headed back toward his own lines, Grand Tutor Wen once again did his “I’m going to avenge my Daoist brothers” thing. But once again, one of his Chan sect foes, this time Yellow Dragon, blocked his way and lectured him about how they had agreed to test their powers against each other through the 10 formations and that there were still four more to go.
“Go on back for now,” Yellow Dragon said. “We’ll meet you again tomorrow. There’s no need for acting up. We’ll see who’s the better man.”
So Wen Zhong stomped back to camp in a foul mood and asked his remaining four Daoist friends to join him. He wept and said to them, “I have received the benevolence of the state and hold the highest rank. So I naturally should sacrifice my life to repay the state. Yet how can I bear to watch our six friends meet with calamity today?! Please return to your island. I will fight to the death against Jiang Ziya.”
As he cried, the four Daoists consoled him and said, “This is all preordained. We can make up our own minds.” And then they went back to their respective formations.
After they left, Wen Zhong sat in his tent alone, thinking. Suddenly, he remembered a name and thought to himself, “If I can get him to come, success will be assured.”
He immediately told his disciples to watch the camp, and then he mounted his Black Qilin and rode off toward Emei (2,2) Mountain. He arrived before long, and this was another of those majestic, other-wordly peaks. He found his way to a cave and shouted, “Is anyone in?”
Moments later, a young acolyte came out. When he saw that Wen Zhong had a third eye, he knew he was talking to someone in touch with the Dao, so he asked Wen Zhong where he came from.
“Is your master in?” Wen Zhong asked.
“He is sitting in quiet meditation in the cave.”
“Please tell him that Grand Tutor Wen of the Shang is here to see him.”
The acolyte went inside, and before long, a Daoist master rushed out to greet Wen Zhong. His name was Zhao (4) Gongming (1,2).
“Brother Wen, what brings you here?” he asked with a smile. “You’ve been enjoying the wealth and prosperity of the mortal realm. You must have forgotten all about the simple life of a Daoist.”
The two now walked into the cave hand in hand and sat down. Wen Zhong said nothing and simply let out a long sigh, which prompted Zhao Gongming to ask him what’s up.
“I was commanded to wage war against the rebels of Western Qi,” Wen Zhong explained. “But Jiang Ziya, a disciple of the Chan Sect, is skilled at strategy and has assembled a gang of accomplices. I suffered one setback after another and didn’t know what to do. So I went to Golden Turtle Island and invited Qin (2) Yuan (2) and nine other Daoists to help me. They set up 10 deadly formations to capture Jiang Ziya. Yet, six of those have been broken, costing the lives of six of my Daoist friends. It’s truly despicable. I have nowhere else to turn except to come here and shamefully trouble you to lend a hand. Will you agree?”
“Why didn’t you come to me sooner?” Zhao Gongming said. “You brought this defeat upon yourself. Please go on back first, and I will be right there.”
Wen Zhong was delighted. He took his leave and set off back to camp. Meanwhile, Zhao Gongming summoned two of his disciples and told them to come with him to Western Qi. He then packed some stuff and told his young acolyte to watch the cave while they were gone. He and his two disciples then fast-traveled toward Western Qi.
Midway through their journey, they set down on top of a tall mountain with some pretty views. While Zhao Gongming was enjoying the scenery, a wild wind suddenly whipped up at the foot of the mountain, and from it emerged a ferocious tiger, charging at him. Zhao Gongming laughed and said, “I was missing a mount for the coming battle. It’d be perfect to ride a tiger.”
So as the tiger approached, Zhao Gongming stomped toward it and with just two fingers, pinned it to the ground. He then put a leash around its neck and sat on its back. He tapped the tiger on the head once and drew a charm on its head. Immediately, the tiger took the the air and landed outside the Shang camp. As Zhao Gongming dismounted, the guards were all in a panic and shouting that there was a tiger attacking the camp, before one of Zhao Gongming’s disciples reassured them that it’s all good; this is our tiger.
Once Wen Zhong welcomed Zhao Gongming in, the four remaining Daoists from Golden Turtle Island came to welcome him and to discuss military affairs. Zhao Gongming asked them, “My friends, how did you all lose six of your friends? This is truly a despicable situation.”
As he was talking, he looked up and saw all the way across the field and into the enemy’s reed pavilion, where he saw someone tied up and hanging from the rafters.
“Who is that being suspended from the rafters in the pavilion?” he asked.
The other Daoists told him that it was Zhao (4) Jiang (1), the guy who set up the Earthly Fury formation but was captured by the enemy. Zhao Gongming flew into a rage.
“How can they do such a thing?! The three schools of Daoism all descended from the same root. Such a humiliation on Zhao Jiang is a slap to the face for all of us. Let me go capture of their guys and have him hung up here, too. And then we’ll see what they think of this!”
So he stomped out, hopped on his tiger, and took his staff in hand. He rode out to the front lines and shouted, “Tell Jiang Ziya to come see me!”
On the other side, lotus boy Nezha reported to Jiang Ziya that there’s a guy on a tiger outside, looking for trouble. Burning Lamp told Jiang Ziya, “That must be Zhao Gongming from Emei Mountain. You should act as the situation dictates.”
So Jiang Ziya hopped on his ride, the Four-Not-Like, and went out with a gaggle of his Daoist warriors. Across the way, under a yellow banner, they saw this Daoist riding on a tiger.
“My Daoist friend, which famous mountain and cave do you hail from?” Jiang Ziya asked.
“I am Zhao Gongming from Emei Mountain. You and your brethren used your magic to break six of my friends’ formations and killed them, and you are hanging Zhao Jiang from your pavilion’s rafters. This is so despicable! I know you are a member of the Chan sect. I have come to see who is better!”
At that, Zhao Gongming galloped forward and attacked. Jiang Ziya quickly pulled out his sword to defend himself. After a couple exchanges, Zhao Gongming sent his staff flying into the air, where it flashed like lightning. Jiang Ziya couldn’t dodge in time and was knocked out of his saddle by the staff.
Nezha quickly charged forward to engage Zhao Gongming, while his brother Jinzha carried Jiang Ziya back to his own lines. Meanwhile, Zhao Gongming again unleashed his staff and knocked Nezha off his hot wheels. That prompted Huang Tianhua, Flying Tiger’s eldest son, to dart out on his jade qilin with his twin mallets to fight Zhao Gongming. He was accompanied by Thunderbolt and Yang Jian.
In the midst of this heated fight, Yang Jian suddenly unleashed his Sky Barking Hound. Oh yeah, by the way, Yang Jian has a semi-magical dog. The novel never mentioned that before. No wonder Zhao Gongming was caught off guard, and the hound sank its teeth into his neck, wounding him and tearing his robe. So Zhao Gongming had no choice but to turn and flee back to his own camp. Seeing him come back injured, Wen Zhong quickly went to check on him, but Zhao Gongming told him no biggie. He took out some ointment from his gourd and rubbed it on the wound, and it healed quickly.
On the other side, Jiang Ziya’s injuries were proving to be a little more labor-intensive to tend to. In fact, when he was brought back into the city, they found that lo and behold, he was dead, again. Seeing this, the Martial King Ji Fa couldn’t help but lament, “Alas, his glory and fame mean nothing now!”
Just then, Grand Completion came in to check on Jiang Ziya. Ji Fa welcomed him and said, “The Minister Father is dead. What can we do?!”
Grand Completion was like, “It’s fine. It’s preordained. Besides, it’s not like he’s DEAD dead, just Investiture of the Gods dead.”
He then asked for a bowl of water, in which he dissolved a pill and poured it down Jiang Ziya’s throat. A couple hours later, Jiang Ziya opened his eyes and went, “Ow!”
He then saw everyone else hovering over his bedside and realized, oh, it happened again, didn’t it? He tried to get up to thank Grand Completion, but Grand Completion stopped him and said, “You need to recover; don’t move. I’ll go check in at the pavilion, just in case Zhao Gongming tries to cause more trouble.”
So while Jiang Ziya rested, Grand Completion went back to the pavilion and told Master Burning Lamp, “Oh it was just a flesh wound; he’s fine and recovering in the city.”
The next day, Zhao Gongming was back, strutting around on his tiger and demanding to speak with Burning Lamp. So Burning Lamp and his fellow Chan Daoists went out. They saw Zhao Gongming looking quite fierce and most un-Daoist-like.
Burning Lamp went forward and exchanged greetings with Zhao Gongming, who then said, “Daoist brother, you and your brethren have bullied our sect too far. We both know each other’s powers. You are a disciple of the Chan sect, while I am a disciple of the Jie sect. Our masters studied under the same master and became immortals and started their own sects. Yet, by suspending Zhao Jiang from your rafters, you are showing no respect for our sect at all. By hanging him up, you are hanging yourself up, too. White shoots and green stems are parts of the same bamboo. Red flowers, white roots, and green leaves all belong to the same lotus.”
To that, though, Burning Lamp retorted, “Brother Zhao, don’t you remember the warning from your master? Why do you come here and act against heaven’s will? You’re looking for trouble. My brethren and I were fated to endure this calamity, and our fates are uncertain. Even though I have been cultivating my Dao since the beginning of time, I still cannot escape entanglements with the mortal realm. You have no such restraints, and yet you insist on vying for vain glory.”
The trash talk escalated from there, at which point Yellow Dragon Immortal from the Chan side cut in and shouted, “Zhao Gongming, since you are here, you must be destined to die here as well!”
Zhao Gongming grew angry and raised his staff to attack, and Yellow Dragon countered with his sword. But within a few bouts, Zhao Gongming unleashed his dragon-bounding cord, tied up Yellow Dragon, and took him prisoner.
Seeing this, another member of the class of 12, Pure Essence, charged out to attack. Zhao Gongming fought him for about five exchanges, and then took out a string of 24 Sea-Conquering Pearls. He hurled it skyward, where it flashed brightly and was impossible to see. It came crashing down and knocked Pure Essence to the ground.
Zhao Gongming was just about to bring his staff down on Pure Essence’s head, but Grand Completion charged out and engaged him in battle. They had barely traded blows when Zhao Gongming unleashed his pearls again, and they knocked Grand Completion to the ground. Next, came Heavenly Master of Divine Virtue, Jade Tripod, and Master Spiritual Treasure, but Zhao Gongming knocked them all down one after another.
While the five wounded Chan Daoists retreated back to their pavilion, Zhao Gongming returned to camp with Yellow Dragon in tow. Grand Tutor Wen was ecstatic. Zhao Gongming then ordered Yellow Dragon be suspended from a flag pole. He also stamped a charm on Yellow Dragon’s head to keep him from escaping. Then, he celebrated the victory with Wen Zhong and the other Jie Daoists.
On the other side of the lines, the five injured Chan Daoist masters sat around in their pavilion without a word. Burning Lamp asked them what Zhao Gongming used to defeat them. Master Spiritual Treasure said, “I just know it hurt when it hit me, but I couldn’t see clearly what it was.” And the others concurred.
Burning Lamp was quite troubled upon hearing that. He then looked up and saw that Yellow Dragon was being hung from a flagpole in the enemy camp, and that only added to his worries. All the Daoists lamented, “Our generation was destined to endure this calamity. And now Yellow Dragon is suffering thusly. How can we bear to see it? Who can save him?”
Jade Tripod said, “Don’t worry. Let’s wait till nightfall and then act.”
When evening descended, Jade Tripod summoned Yang Jian and said, “You go rescue Yellow Dragon tonight.”
So around 7 p.m. that night, Yang Jian transformed into a flying ant and flapped his way into the enemy camp. He landed next to Yellow Dragon’s ear and whispered, “Daoist uncle, it’s me, Yang Jian. I have come to release you, but how can I do it?”
“Just remove the stamp from my head, and I’ll take care of the rest,” Yellow Dragon said. So Yang Jian did as he was instructed, and sure enough, before long, Yellow Dragon was back in his pavilion, thanking Jade Tripod.
Meanwhile, in the Shang camp, Zhao Gongming was enjoying his wine when suddenly, they got word that Yellow Dragon had vanished from the flagpole. Zhao Gongming did a little divination with his fingers and realized that Yang Jian has rescued Yellow Dragon. But he just scoffed, “You may be able to escape today, but where will you run to tomorrow?” So he just resumed drinking until about 9 p.m.
The next day, Zhao Gongming again rode out on his tiger and demanded to speak with Burning Lamp. Burning Lamp told his fellow senior Chan Daoists, “There’s no need for you all to go out; let me go meet him.”
So he hopped on his deer and rode out with a bunch of junior disciples. Zhao Gongming said to him, “Yang Jian rescued Yellow Dragon. He has the power of transformation. Tell him to come see me.”
Burning Lamp laughed and said, “My friend, why are you so narrow-hearted? This wasn’t about his skills; it was due to the Martial King’s blessings and Jiang Ziya’s virtue.”
Zhao Gongming fumed, “You’re trying to sap our men’s morale with your words. How despicable!”
He then raised his staff and attacked. Burning Lamp countered with his sword. After a few bouts, Zhao Gongming again unleashed his pearls. Burning Lamp saw out of the corner of his eyes that a flashing object was coming down at him, so he turned and rode away on his deer. Instead of returning to the pavilion, he fled toward the southwest, and Zhao Gongming gave chase.
The pursuit went on for a long while, and eventually, Burning Lamp came upon a hillside, where two men were seated under a pine tree, playing chess. One was dressed in blue, and the other in red. When they heard the hooves of Burning Lamp’s deer, they turned and recognized him, and asked what’s happening. Burning Lamp recounted recent events, and the two men said, “No problem. Master, please stand aside and let us question him.”
Moments later, Zhao Gongming showed up on his tiger. As he approached the hill, he heard an odd-sounding song. So he paused and saw the two men, one in blue and one in red, one with a white face and the other a black face.
“Who are you?” Zhao Gongming demanded.
“You don’t even recognize us, and yet you call yourself an immortal?” the two chuckled. “Listen to this:
“We live in the beautiful haze,
And we grow the golden lotus.
Wine we drink in great pleasure,
Kolanut we cook with its fire.
We on a dragon tour the blue seas,
And enjoy the quiet moon at night.
“We are hermits from Wuyi (3,4) MOuntain, named Xiao (1) Sheng (1) and Cao (2) Bao (3). We were just playing chess to kill some time. But then we saw you bullying Master Burning Lamp, going against heaven’s will, and helping the wicked against the good. You don’t even know your own offense. That’s why we intervened.”
Zhao Gongming was furious when he heard this. “What skills do you have that you dare to be so insolent?!” he cursed as he raised his staff to attack. The two Daoist hermits quickly pulled out their swords to counter.
After a few bouts, Zhao Gongming unleashed his Dragon Binding Cord again to capture them. But Xiao Sheng saw it, chuckled, and said, “Ah, perfect!”
He then reached into his leopard-skin pouch and took out a gold coin. This coin had wings and was named the Treasure-Sinking Golden Coin. Xiao Sheng hurled it into the air, and the Dragon Binding Cord instantly fell to the ground with the coin, and Cao Bao quickly pounced on the cord.
Zhao Gongming was not happy about this, so he released his Sea-Conquering Pearls. Xiao Sheng, though, again unleashed his coin, and it brought the pearls down as well, and Cao Bao again grabbed that treasure.
Zhao Gongming was incensed now, so he unleashed his magic staff and hurled it into the air. Xiao Sheng again countered with his coin, but there was just one problem. This was the TREASURE Sinking Golden Coin, and apparently it was VERY particular about what kind of objects it would sink. The Dragon Binding Cord and the Sea-Conquering Pearls? Well, those were “treasures,” so the coin took them down without any problem. But this staff? Well, apparently the coin considered the staff a weapon rather than a treasure, and those were mutually exclusive categories, so it did nothing to the staff, much to Xiao Sheng’s surprise. Before he could react, the staff had struck him squarely on the head, spilling his brains and killing him instantly.
Xiao Sheng’s comrade, Cao (2) Bao (3), seethed and wanted to take revenge. Watching the action from a high perch, Burning Lamp sighed and said to himself, “These two friends were playing chess and having a good time. Who knew that they would suffer such a disaster on my account? Let me lend him a hand.”
So he unleashed his own treasure, the Universal Ruler, which sounds like a ruler that has all the different units of measurements on it. But it was also a handy weapon, as it caught Zhao Gongming off guard and struck him so hard that it nearly knocked him off his tiger. Zhao Gongming let out a cry of pain and rode off toward the South.
Burning Lamp did not give chase, and instead dismounted from his deer to thank Cao Bao, express his condolences for the loss of his friend, and ask who he was. Cao Bao introduced himself and his dead friend, and said, “We were playing chess to kill time. When we saw you, we couldn’t stand by and let an injustice happen, so we intervened. Who knew that my friend Xiao Sheng would die at Zhao Gongming’s wicked hand. So lamentable!”
Burning Lamp then asked about the two treasures that Cao Bao and his friend had seized from Zhao Gongming. Cao Bao said, “Our magic weapon is called the “Treasure Sinking Golden Coin,” and it took down two of Zhao Gongming’s treasures. But I don’t know their names.”
As he spoke, he took out the two captured prizes, and as soon as Burning Lamp saw them, he clapped and said, “Sea-Conquering Pearls! Now I can truly attain the Dao!”
Cao Bao asked what this treasure was, and Burning Lamp explained, “At the beginning of time, they shined on Mount Xuandu (2,1), but they’ve been missing ever since. I’m so relieved to see them in your hands.”
“Master, since you recognize this treasure, you must have a use for it,” Cao Bao said. “Please take it.”
“But how can I take this? I haven’t done anything to deserve them!”
“Everything has their rightful owner. Since you can use it to further your Dao, you should take it. I have no use for it anyway.”
So Burning Lamp thanked Cao Bao and the two returned to Western Qi together, where they brought everyone up to speed and showed them the pearls. To see how their next encounter against Zhao Gongming will go now that they have taken two of his secret weapons, tune in to the next episode of the Chinese Lore Podcast. Thanks for listening!
Music in This Episode
- “Sao Meo” by Doug Maxwell / Zac Zinger
- “Slow Times Over Here” by Midnight North (from YouTube audio library)
- “Ravines” by Elphnt (from YouTube audio library)
- “Dark Toys” by SYBS (from YouTube audio library)